YA horror; target length < 3,000 words
Lucy was a serial girlfriend. Naturally, for she had the most unnaturally bewitching body of all the sophomore girls at Feringwood High. Neither chocolate, nor cheese, nor that most dastardly of all evils—carbs—could ever inflate the perfectly sculpted abs that peeked out from under her über-cute crop tops.
Doesn't really grab me. I wasn't 100% sure what serial girlfriend entailed. The "naturally" feels a little weird, and not just because it's paired with unnaturally. And the third sentence feels off (and not just because sculpted abs are an odd feature for guys to fixate on -- a thin waist, sure, but sculpting?)
I'm also not entirely sure who the POV is, although it probably comes in after the first three sentences.