Copywriters: Critique?

Editing for authors: because every writer needs a good editor.

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I just revised my book page for Make a Real Living as a Freelance Writer based on the suggestions of Craig Garber, a wonderful direct-response copywriter. He had looked at only the first couple of paragraphs, though, and I made some big changes to the headline and throughout. Would any copywriters care to take a look at my new page and tell me if you think it's effective?



Excelent job explaining why your book is so critical. Great job bringing your own experiences in, although perhaps a few more instances of personal history would help. Your book is remarkable because it feels so inclusive, and because you've lived the dream for the rest of us hacks: those are extremely salient selling points.

It's got a good beat, I can dance to it, I'll give it an 8.5 (it would be a 9.5, but the book didn't immediately get me out of the cube).



Hi Jenna,

First let me say congrats on your new book! I've been checking the shelves at B&N and Borders locally to see if it has appeared yet...still waiting. I don't do much magazine writing/querying, else I'd have it in my collection already. I probably should get my copy soon, tho, 'cuz ya never know!

Anyway, re: your web page promoting the book. I really like your casual, friendly wording. It's easy to read and makes me see that while you are obviously doing quite well as a freelancer and enjoy being able to pay the bills, you also truly enjoy writing and are excited about it. It's inspiring!

Since you asked for it, :b I do have a few suggestions:

1. The heading would stand out even more if you keep the initial line, "Worker Tells Boss..." (great line, btw), in its presently colored, big, bold font. This captures my attention immediately. But it would be good to have the following lines appear in slightly smaller font (a couple of point sizes) so that they don't compete with the real (semi-shocking) attention grabber. Right now everything kind of runs together; it's a lot to look at initially.

2. A lot of scrolling is involved on this page. Reformatting somewhat could help shorten it. Maybe taking the testimonials at the end and adding them in a new right-hand column, similar to the left-hand column, would keep the reader from having to scroll quite so much. (Excessive scrolling is often advised against in web writing.)

3. To me, some of the links don't stand out...even the ones that say "click me." Instead I see a new heading, in a new color and font, but I don't initially think, "Hey! That's a link! I'd better click it and see what happens." How about losing the "click me" reference and placing the "How do I order?" text in a different color--preferably the same color as other links on your page (white)--than the rest of the heading? Similarly, you could do the same in, "Ok, hurry up and get to the part about HOW I CAN ORDER!" (caps indicate linked text) Folks who use the web regularly (and if they're writers I'm guessing they do use the web often!) will know what to do. Especially if all link references are consistent.

4. The ordering info at the bottom of the page could be simplified. You already have a heading that reads, "So, how do I get this book?" I would loose the repetitive "ORDER HERE from..." and just list the sites: straight from the publisher,, Barnes and Noble, etc.

5. Don't underline the second referecnce to your book at the bottom of the page. Underlined text can potentially be confused with links...earlier in the page the title appeared in bold. That would be fine here, to keep references consistent.

That's just my 2 cents (or is it 5 cents?)'s really more web style guidelines than anything else. Feel free to use (or lose!) these suggestions as you see fit.

Best of luck with your book...and thanks for sharing your enthusiasm, work ethic, and advice!!:thumbs

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