Blue Bird

editing_for_authors
Editing for authors: because every writer needs a good editor.

Red Bird

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Catchy, don't 'cha think?

So, this is where Bluegate and I will gab. Join in if you'd like, or not : )
 

Red Bird

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Please let me borrow some of your enthusiasm. : )

I mean, I know you love color. Ha. But since I named the thread, I get to pick the theme, so birds it is.

I'm excited. I found the perfect place to put Mitch, who had been edited out temporarily, which was breaking my heart. So, he is back in and fits snuggle like in a place that breaks up all the shifting I've been doing. Now I just have to do some transitioning and shift one more patient. I'm getting there : )
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
I thought it was a great name. I also like the Red and Blue thread name. Either way I'm good.
I'm glad you are finding homes for all your wayward persons.
I seem to have hit a tired wall all of a sudden. Must have been outside too long. And I still have a wheel-barrel full of bulbs to plant.

I am working on the crit edits. I may just need to fix a latte' pretty soon.
 

Red Bird

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Yep, I thought you'd get a kick out of it. We are easily amused. Well, I'm taping the parts I just moved around and edited to make sure they all transition in well. Dang, this is a lot of work. I only have one more piece I have to move around. Happy now : ) : )

If you get your piece up tonight, I'll crit it for you.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
I am pretty blasted sure that I am not going to get my thing done tonight. Then again you guys didn't give me that hard of a time. Being nice to the new kid, how sweet.
I am taking cues from what you said and really rewriting those bits and as you know it can be a tiny thing or rearrange your entire outlook on life and the state of the universe. But who knows, maybe I get lucky and hit some ice to skate on and I will have something to look at.

Are you moving stuff --because why again??
 

Red Bird

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I had to move some of the flashbacks because it was too confusing. It's all early childhhod stuff that was so confusing chronologically. We moved a lot when I was a kid. Back and forth between Mom and Dad. It was a freakin nightmare to remember where I lived and when. So, when I started the synopsis, and hit a wall, I went back to the ms to identify each chapter's primary focus. That's when I realized there were things out of order and that's why I was struggling with the synopsis.

All in a days pay. Oh, I forgot, I'm not getting paid for this.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
Oh I understand that very well. I had a lot of moving around also and it is a freaking nightmare to keep things in order. Nothing up my sleeve--Presto! PowerPoint calendars! It was the only way I could keep it straight. hehe

Is there a non critted piece that you would like me to take a look at? I fell behind while I was writing Detour and you were posting like crazy and making me look bad. Glad to help if I can and you think it might.
 

Red Bird

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Sure. The last piece-skin continuation. It's short : )
 

Red Bird

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Not laughing at all. I love it when I get even a great sentence down. Isn't it funny how you know when you've written something just the way you wanted to. Ah, but then you post it for critique and someone says-close, but no cigar. Ha.

Being stuck in the house this much is making me feel worse. Uugh.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
I just finished -close but no cigar-ing your piece. Nice timing.
You're right of course the glory is short lived. Heck, I can go back now and look at those paras and think they stink but, in the moment they were glorious.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
Now I'm not so sure they're all that pretty, but you know, a mothers love...

I guess I could just stick them here right?
Oh, and look I came back and edited them in. I have no shame and no self respect. sigh.
-----

The bar was new but it had already changed hands a few times, they were rough hands, the kind that always leave their mark on young new things. The current owner was trying for a better more sophisticated clientele. One more fitting than those who had been so liberal with wanton disregard for things which did not belong to them.
The battered mahogany bar top had been given a thorough scrubbing to smooth and ease out the deeper scars. A fresh coat of stain and high gloss finish aimed at lending an air of fashionable edgy character but only served as a frozen witness to darker times.

The presentation, expertly designed to give the posh crowd a sense of rough urban danger with the easy assurance of absolute safety was awash in sincere lies. Synthetically aged leathers covered the booths and barstools while manufactured biker gang jackets clung menacingly to freshly antiqued walls. Hubcaps and hood ornaments that had never seen the open road boasted grease and dirt faithfully shellacked into place and precision lighting highlighted it all to its best advantage. The illusion was complete and it almost worked—if you didn’t look to close.
 
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Red Bird

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Now you went and distracted me. I was about to say thank you and all sorts of good stuff I forgot once I started reading your paragraphs. Ha.

The truth seems to be that I can't string anything together right now. I've been editing/writing for 10 hours and I have a million words all jumbled up in my head.

But, let me quote this here, and I will try. If it doesn't make any sense we'll just laugh about it in the morning.
 

Red Bird

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Now I'm not so sure they're all that pretty, but you know, a mothers love...

I guess I could just stick them here right?
Oh, and look I came back and edited them in. I have no shame and no self respect. sigh.
-----

The bar was new but it had already changed hands a few times, they were rough hands, the kind that always leave their mark on young new things. love this The current owner was trying for a better not sure about this, maybe a different word choice or , or leave out better-hmm-i warned you i wasn't firing right- more sophisticated clientele. One more fitting than those who had been so liberal with wanton disregard for things which did not belong to them. i like where your going with this, but i think it's an incomplete sentence?
The battered mahogany bar top had been given had been given=passive construct= a thorough scrubbing to smooth and ease out the deeper scars. A fresh coat of stain and high gloss finish aimed at lending an air of fashionable edgy character but only served as a frozen witness to darker times. A fresh coat of stain and high gloss finish meant to add an edgy character, but only served as a frozen withness to darker times. Love the last part of this sentence, but I'm not sure about the aimed at lending-

Dang girl, this could be freaking brilliant and I wouldn't know it right now. I'm going to stop hacking your work 'cause I'm batty eyed. My impression is that you've used too many words in your description, and usually I could tell you why I think that, but not tonight. Toast, call me toast.

The presentation, expertly designed to give the posh crowd a sense of rough urban danger and an easy assurance of absolute safety was awash in sincere lies. Synthetically aged leathers covered the booths and barstools while manufactured biker gang jackets clung menacingly to freshly antiqued walls. Hubcaps and hood ornaments that had never seen the open road boasted grease and dirt faithfully shellacked into place and precision lighting highlighted it all to its best advantage. The illusion was complete and it almost worked—if you didn’t look to close.

I will look at this again in the morning: )
Red
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
Red, just a note to say you were right, because I know how much those three little words mean to you; rewriting/editing this piece about a night that was little more than a speed bump in my life is fascinating because of the incredible detail that comes back. I can still clearly see the messages, names and, images carved into that bar top and how odd it looked to me to see them underneath so much shellack. Just interesting, these little mushy hard-drives we call our brains.
 

Red Bird

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Yep. Ten hours. I figure I have until Tuesday to get the pieces put back in place. I can tell you it totally sucks to have to move things around in a book length wip. It makes me feel totally nervous. Like I'm screwing up something that I created and loved, you know, before light of day hits and you see the flaws. Once I get it back together, I will be happy. This I know because each time I've restructured something, I've loved the results. Then I can go in with my happy pen and bridge the new constructs. Oh happy day that will be. Right now though, not so much.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
Ok, I see you are off to rest now. You need it. Thank you for taking that time with my little pieces here. I actually agreed with you on all the points and for the same reasons. I just had not gone back to fix them. Not sure how yet or I guess I wouldn't have done it to begin with. I did like your point about it being brilliant though. I thought you were spot on with that. heheh
Get some rest. You will feel a lot better tomorrow. This will pass. Eventually.
 
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Red Bird

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A good point you raise here. Now that you word it that way-I can see it better, too. That's the way you want to write it. Tell me about the names, numbers, under the shellack. That would be odd. Tell me that you thought they were trying to cover up the history of the place where you had been? Obviously, it impacted you. Why? What piece of you was missing after the shellac-that's what will draw me to the place and to you. But, you have to try to do it with a few words. The hard part is knowing which things you can spend your words on. This may be one of them, but not if I don't learn something about you in the process. Does that make sense? You're writing memoir, so you have to try to make every scene reveal something. Sometimes it's impossible. Sometimes your just going from one spot to the next.
 

Red Bird

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I almost missed it. You said I was right again, didn't you? Bold that sucker next time when it's this late. Ha.
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
I promise to bold Red Bird is Right everytime I am forced to say it. LOL

I have a fear of making my sentences to long. I have issues. Currently I am working your suggestions into those weasely little paragraphs. You made some really good suggestions. Thanks!
 

Red Bird

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Now that's what I'm talking about. Oh, my if I didn't have the laughs we share at night, especially now, I think it would be bad. To sleep with me. I'll hit it again tomorrow.

We are two determined women!
 

Bluegate

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What is this? Some kind of stalker question?
Since I am stupid tired I thought it would be a very smart idea to post my tiny rewrite. I just love it when I make smart decisions.
------

The bar was new but it had already changed hands several times, they were rough hands, the kind that always leave their mark on young new things. The current owner was trying for a more sophisticated clientele, the kind who would not be so liberal with wanton disregard for things which did not belong to them. The battered mahogany bar top received a thorough scrubbing to smooth out the deeper scars and sported a fresh coat of stain with a high gloss finish. The end result was not the fashionable air of edgy character intended but rather, a frozen witness to darker times.

An exercise in deception, the bar was designed to give a sense of rough urban danger with none of the risk. Synthetically aged leathers covered barstools, manufactured biker-gang jackets clung to freshly antiqued walls, while hubcaps having never seen the open road boasted greasy dirt faithfully shellacked into place. With the stagecraft of precision lighting the illusion of a reckless road house for Yuppies was complete and it nearly worked—if you didn’t look too close.
 
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