Has the fun gone out of doing a line-by-line on Bobby Fletcher's drivel? It has not!
We like to work with pleasant people in a professional manner.
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So do we all.
We are absolutely committed to a professional relationship and professional
communications; as you may have noticed, we have included that as one of our
top four signature items.
And no time like the present to start, eh?
We sincerely ask that you take the same
professional attitude in our communications as well.
As in "Don't laugh out loud at our ridiculous assertions"? Or "Don't ask us what we've sold"?
If we make a mistake,
or if you don't like the way we do things, you DO NOT have permission to
flame me or anyone in the company.
I don't recall asking your permission, Bobby. Incidentally -- who's in the company besides you and your pseudonyms?
People describe me as 'laid back - with
attitude'.
Actually, people describe you as an "ex-con" and a "scammer."
Any snippiness on your part and I have the full support of my
management to fire you on the spot,
"Snippiness" meaning asking "what have you sold, ever, to anyone?" Note: Agents cannot fire writers. Writers do not work for agents -- it's the other way around. Writers can -- and do -- fire agents.
This does illuminate what Bobby meant when he said, way back when:
"The negative comments on the web are from 1) people we didn't accept, 2) people we fired, 3) people that don't understand the real ins and outs of running a Literary Agency that will even work with brand new, unpublished authors."
At the time I thought that "people we fired" meant agents who had worked in his agency who he had let go. Now I see he meant "authors who asked questions." I hadn't even considered "people we fired" might mean "authors we'd formerly represented" because -- that's turning the world on its head.
and I will, and it's irrevocable.
For which you should thank your lucky stars. (Actually, if you want them to take you on again, just resubmit the same material from a different email address. They don't read what you submit; you'll get a brand-new acceptance.)
I'm
sorry for the hard line, but we've been around the block enough to try and
get rid of the bad apples as early in the process as we can.
"Bad apples" being those writers who expect agents who act like agents, who know what agents do, who have the slightest modicum of savvy.
We very much
look forward to a great relationship, over the long term.
As long as your checkbook holds out.
Thank you for
understanding;
Bobby, you're slipping! The line is "seeking to understand," isn't it?
we hope you feel the same way.
Oh, I do. I do.
Life's just too short for mean
people or drama.
It's also too short to waste time on seeing whether a leopard has changed his spots.
B) At some time and some place, we have to trust each other.
And if that line doesn't convince you you're in a bunco game, nothing will.
We believe that
this is where it has to start.
They don't have time to waste on people who aren't going to pay ... and pay.
Not risk: Payment. Loss.
Our risk is that our
internal cost of our time with you at our hourly rate is easily greater than
that amount.
It costs that much to have an autoresponder send a form letter?
Incidentally, agents don't get paid by the hour. They don't
have an "hourly rate."
(And you never pay us for that time, we don't charge any fees
as we've mentioned earlier).
No one, ever, anywhere, pays an agent for his or her time. Agents get a percentage of the sale, and they make exactly the same on a deal that they make in five minutes as they do on a deal that takes them five months. (And Bobby doesn't charge any fees -- he just sends you over to another company that's just him with a different email address that
does charge fees.)
So, we'll spend the time to work with you if
you'll do your part to make sure your work is the best it can be.
I already did, Chuckles, before I sent it out.
Unless the
critique points out the need for substantial rework, there shouldn't be any
more fees.
But the critique
will point out the need for substantial rework, and there
will be more fees. Payable to another company ... that just happens to be Fletcher at a different email address.
That's why we require an independent 3rd party for the critique.
From an independent company that we happen to own. Notice that no legitimate agency requires this.
This protects YOU from an unscrupulous agent, and it protects US from
egocentric writers.
This is total nonsense. Think about it. How can paying money to someone protect anyone from an unscrupulous agent? And how can your paying money protect an agent from an egocentric writer? And why would an agent be interested in being protected from writers at all?
There are too many things wrong with that sentence for me to parse them all. It's twisted in a Bizarro World way.
See also:
The Literary Agency Group Tentacles thread.
By the way, Bobby, what have you sold? Ever? To anyone?