Hello! I'm looking for feedback on my current novel. It's a paranormal mystery with horror elements. The version I'm looking for feedback on is 89k words. Here's my current query to give an idea what the book is about:
When Darina freed an ensnared silver-eyed raven, it granted her deepest wish: a body that matched her gender identity. Now, she’s a journalism student tackling her first big story. People are dying on Aprilla’s nature trail, their bodies covered in red snail carcasses. The experts don’t recognize the species but Dari does. And given where they come from, she fears it’s all her fault.
By interviewing locals, Dari learns all the victims suffered bigotry, abuse, or ongoing trauma. When her investigation triggers memories of her own abusive father, the town peels away like brittle wallpaper and she falls into another place. Buildings are replaced by fleshy trees covered in snails and a canvas of veiny skin overtakes the sky. In the town of Aprilla, with enough suffering, at the right places, you might cross over into the Old Kingdom. Dari has been here before. The day her father discovered she was trans and threatened to kill her.
On that day, Dari freed the silver-eyed raven and was rewarded. A dream come true… if not for the trauma survivors so similar to her, dying where she crossed over last time. Blaming herself, she delves into the Kingdom to uncover the cause — or the killer — and stop these deaths. She has a keen eye and tremendous empathy that might prove vital in a realm influenced by emotions. But she is utterly out of her depth, and while she focuses on her investigation, a certain raven’s eyes are focused on her.
Eyes of Silver (89,000 words) is a paranormal mystery with horror elements, about a journalism student who stirred something better left alone… and who vows to undo her mistake.
Here's a link to the first chapter, posted in SYW: Here!
Content warnings:
Mild violence and language (PG-13, I'd say), with references to abuse, bullying and bigotry. Very little of this is depicted on-page.
Feedback:
I'm mainly looking for "finishing touches"; any moments of awkward pacing within a scene, things that are confusing, awkwardly written, etc. I am hoping to polish this MS up and start querying in/before October.
Swaps:
I'm open to swapping, though I admit I am a very finicky reader. I prefer SF/F, but I'll consider most genres. That said, I'm not the best fit for historical, romance genre, or middle-grade.
Time-frame:
On my end, I finish most reads within two weeks, though I like to reserve a full month in case life gets in the way.
When Darina freed an ensnared silver-eyed raven, it granted her deepest wish: a body that matched her gender identity. Now, she’s a journalism student tackling her first big story. People are dying on Aprilla’s nature trail, their bodies covered in red snail carcasses. The experts don’t recognize the species but Dari does. And given where they come from, she fears it’s all her fault.
By interviewing locals, Dari learns all the victims suffered bigotry, abuse, or ongoing trauma. When her investigation triggers memories of her own abusive father, the town peels away like brittle wallpaper and she falls into another place. Buildings are replaced by fleshy trees covered in snails and a canvas of veiny skin overtakes the sky. In the town of Aprilla, with enough suffering, at the right places, you might cross over into the Old Kingdom. Dari has been here before. The day her father discovered she was trans and threatened to kill her.
On that day, Dari freed the silver-eyed raven and was rewarded. A dream come true… if not for the trauma survivors so similar to her, dying where she crossed over last time. Blaming herself, she delves into the Kingdom to uncover the cause — or the killer — and stop these deaths. She has a keen eye and tremendous empathy that might prove vital in a realm influenced by emotions. But she is utterly out of her depth, and while she focuses on her investigation, a certain raven’s eyes are focused on her.
Eyes of Silver (89,000 words) is a paranormal mystery with horror elements, about a journalism student who stirred something better left alone… and who vows to undo her mistake.
Here's a link to the first chapter, posted in SYW: Here!
Content warnings:
Mild violence and language (PG-13, I'd say), with references to abuse, bullying and bigotry. Very little of this is depicted on-page.
Feedback:
I'm mainly looking for "finishing touches"; any moments of awkward pacing within a scene, things that are confusing, awkwardly written, etc. I am hoping to polish this MS up and start querying in/before October.
Swaps:
I'm open to swapping, though I admit I am a very finicky reader. I prefer SF/F, but I'll consider most genres. That said, I'm not the best fit for historical, romance genre, or middle-grade.
Time-frame:
On my end, I finish most reads within two weeks, though I like to reserve a full month in case life gets in the way.
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