A variation of beauty and the beast

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asianforrestgump

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I'm new here. Am I posting on a wrong board again? Anyway, I write as a hobby and as a means to let pressure out. I think I can relate my relationship with SO with the movie beauty and the beast I just saw yesterday and it inspired me to write my variation of the story. I initially wrote this for her because I think it'd be something touchy and sweet, but I share with you guys because I also want to know how am I doing with my hobby >.<' I'm looking forward to reading your comments.

Hear goes...

Once upon a time there was a ferocious beast who had never known love. He was cursed and his life force had been kept flowing by mere petals of a rose. Days and days had gone by, petals after petals decayed. He knew no love because he had none, and for that, he would forever be the beast.

Belle, a smart girl, came by. She decided to lock herself with the beast in exchange for what she had valued the most, “love.” Tiny amount of love diffused into the beast as he continued to mistreat her, coerce and act like he owned her. Without his knowing, he hurt her. But as their days grew into weeks, months and years, his feelings for her grew too. Though misbehaving, love culminated inside. A tiny droplet of light had begun to form.

At first, there was darkness. And god said “let’s there be light.” Then, there was silent, but tiny particles began to gather. More and more became bounded by gravity of one another. In the dark amongst the stars was merely a dim purple luminescent not larger that a tiny dust in black sky clumping together. A baby star was born.

Like the star, love in a beast so ferocious was kept well out of sight, but it was there, and it was growing. It had great potential because he valued love so much.

Despite the growing light, the beast kept Belle in his castle. But no cage was built to forever last. Belle, one day, escaped. The beast was overwhelmed with flashes of memories, good and bad, that came crashing into his heart. The castle began to crumble as the earth began to tremble. West wing altar, in which the rose was placed, was torn apart. The petals of the rose began to fall down as his moment of realization became more apparent. Only then, he realized, “I was truly a beast.”

He leapt forth after Belle. He thought he saw three wolves after her, but there was none… Wolves are for fairy tale. Those were merely the shadow of the three pillars of despair: It was zero self-esteem, it was anxiety, and it was thought distortion. Situated on top of a high tower unbeknownst to any dweller of that magical realm, its power over the land were never brought to light… not until Belle left and shook the land so violently the pillars fell down to the ground.

But that was too little, too late... Belle had left and never would come back. The last petal was dangling there by a mere thread of fiber holding it from the stalk. It was a fight between the gravity and the new born star. Gravity pulled the petal down mercilessly as the star of love was growing.

The beast had consigned his heart to Belle. He later let her go because he had great feelings for her and didn’t want to hurt her again. Nonetheless, he knew all too well that he had to go after her because his time was almost over. The dangling petal wouldn’t hold for a moment longer.

“A beasty life isn’t bothering me”, said the beast to himself. “I’m so accustomed to being myself anyway. There’ll always another female werewolf for me, but what about my core? There sit a prince!” The beast loved his prince wholeheartedly, because it was the prince that had always committed to the culmination of his feelings for Belle. The prince became his value… his goal.

Reluctantly at first, the beast traveled quite a distance from home. He had learned love through reading and therapy. A belligerent, combative werewolf of the past… strived thwart peace, understanding, good will and unity. He became a tender prince whose appearance was still a beast.

The prince was so afraid to get close to Belle, because he didn’t want to scare her. He looked to her from afar for that which would signify that Belle might see past through his beasty skin and furry appearance into his mind. That she might… just might have a change of heart, not to love him, but to not get scared by his appearance.

The beast was merely a shell, but of course, as much as my promises don’t matter, exuberant coating of fur and thick long horn don’t easily make way for soft and fleshy skin. The paths that lay before the prince interweave and lead to many unforseeable unfolding futures. Before his eyes are unknown territory... mystery of life. The ending of our story seems endless, as there are endless possibilities to grow as we venture into another uncharted area of life.

The past is merely a reminiscent of who I was… imprints of chaotic footsteps. It does not resonate with the picture of who I am, nor represent my goal. The future remains uncertain, but there is a saying “A man’s future picture may be a better predictor of his future attainment than his past performance.” I didn't have much a picture of my future 2 months ago, but now I do and I am determined to live by it.
 

porlock

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a variation of beauty and the beast

Too much tell and no show, plus the story didn't hold my interest. Really, even in flash fiction, I expect to have some reaction, positive or negative. The story didn't to me show any spark of life, nothing or no one to really care about. Sorry to be so harsh, you just need more writing and reading experience. Also, was the last paragraph part of the story? If not, don't include it.
 

chimneyswift

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This is old, but I hope it is not bad form for me to comment on it.

The last paragraph is supposed to be a twist. Basically it was the beast narrating the story the entire time.

The story reads like religious text. This happened, then this happened, this happened... and god was pleased with what he saw. Although I think that was the point of the piece, I don't think it works well.

Why should we care about the characters? How are we supposed to invest ourselves in your story?

There is a trick to religious texts and that is they purport to be truth or a higher/divine truth. They offer something in the way of salvation or redemption. Your story does not, so it is difficult to read.
 
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jorlando

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I agree that this story was a little difficult and confusing to read, but I still enjoyed it. I think it can be edited in such a way that clarity can give it some readability, but I think you have something here.
 

Krampus Nacht

St. Nicholas and Krampus