1-800-BeWitch (373 Words)

editing_for_authors
Editing for authors: because every writer needs a good editor.

Gunpowder Nash

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
108
Reaction score
20
Location
Maryland
"Good morning. This is the Bewitching Hotline, how may I help you today?"

"Bewitching what? I was calling Ben the Plumber. Is this 800-236-4824?"


"No, you dialed a 9 instead of the 6. This is the Bewitching Hotline."

"Oh, sorry, um, what exactly is a Bewitching Hotline anyway?"

"We specialize in spellcasting second level, but we can do a few third level spells as well.
It will cost you extra though."


"Spells, you mean you sell people spells to put on other people?"

"Oh, no, we can't just give out a spell and expect a mere mortal to be able to cast it.
We send a true witch out to do the casting of course."


"Wait a minute…a real witch! Why, there is no such thing. What are you trying to pull?"

"Well, I beg to differ, sir. I am in constant contact with genuine witches every day.
It is just as well that most people do not believe though. Imagine how busy we would
be if spell casting was believed by the general public!"


"So, what kind of spells do you cast?"

"Regrettably, mostly spells of misfortune or bad luck. It seems most people are trying to get
back at someone, or seek revenge in some way, and they turn to us as a result.
We also do good fortune spells, but they are not as frequently requested."


"Can you cast spells on things, and not just people?"

"Oh, yes. We have cast spells to make lawn mowers and tractors work again, make metal detectors
hone in on valuables, and even clean filthy swimming pools when they are opened
in the spring."

"So, you think one of your spells could clear a clogged drain?"

"Oh, sure. I don't see why not."

"Hmm, so, how much do you charge for spells like that, anyway?"

"Well, for something like that, generally about one hundred dollars."

"One hundred dollars! That's less then Ben the Plumber would charge. How soon can I get
someone out here?"


"Oh, we could be there within the hour... transportation spells are cheap, you know."

"Great, I'll be on the lookout."

"Thank you, and have a great day. Be sure to call the Bewitching Hotline for any of your future
needs."



 

Gunpowder Nash

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
108
Reaction score
20
Location
Maryland
I should have probably mentioned that this was written as a phone conversation.
 

Hedwig

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2017
Messages
218
Reaction score
73
Location
Pennsylvania
Website
www.katherinetweedle.com
I liked this! I enjoyed the customer-friendly voice of the representative for the Bewitching Hotline.

My only critique would be that I think you could end it on "So, you think one of your spells could clear a clogged drain?"

If you could work the price discussion in a little earlier, I think that would be gold. I laughed at that line and thought it would work really well as the last line.
 

Gunpowder Nash

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
108
Reaction score
20
Location
Maryland
I liked this! I enjoyed the customer-friendly voice of the representative for the Bewitching Hotline.

My only critique would be that I think you could end it on "So, you think one of your spells could clear a clogged drain?"

If you could work the price discussion in a little earlier, I think that would be gold. I laughed at that line and thought it would work really well as the last line.

I like that thought of ending with a punchline. Does this look too wordy for the end?
"One hundred dollars! That's less then Ben the Plumber would charge. So, you think one of your spells could clear a clogged drain?"
 
Last edited:

Hedwig

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jul 5, 2017
Messages
218
Reaction score
73
Location
Pennsylvania
Website
www.katherinetweedle.com
I like that thought of ending with a punchline. Does this look too wordy for the end?
"One hundred dollars! That's less then Ben the Plumber would charge. So, you think one of your spells could clear a clogged drain?"

Great idea working the price in with the question. It may be just a tad long for the punchline. How about "Forget Ben the Plumber!" for your second sentence?
 

TexasPoet

When Is It Dark Enough?
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
11,478
Reaction score
930
Website
www.TerryJudeMiller.com
I enjoyed this. I felt the end petered out a bit....I was hoping it would be a big bang "turn you ex-boyfriend into a toad for free"...something crazy.

tp
 

Elizabeth George's book Write Away