I realize that the typical representation of the alpha male is a fantasy fulfillment type thing, because, considering the above, there can only be so many bosses to go around, if indeed, the order givers are the sought-after figures. What I have a problem with, and just a single man's opinion, is when this selective feeling involves or approaches masochism, it's gone too far for me. Twilight and 50 Shades left me with a disturbing feeling. Such a woman, to me, is too simplified, too easy, uniformed, unmotivated, and totally lacking self-confidence. She's about as sexy as a wet sponge, having little or no pride or decision-making capability. These women are ripe for being stepped on by the WRONG guy. I think most men like a woman that can hold their own in the intelligence department and demonstrate individualism.
I think one issue is that the cultural concept or meme of an "alpha male," ... is ... more a personification of toxic maleness. The societal perception of an alpha male represents the futile posturings of someone who is deeply insecure, both in his maleness and in his own competence and appeal, so he attempts to aggressively control those around him.
Exactly. This posturing, being a loudmouth and trying to throw one's weight around, is the exact opposite of how real alpha males act. An alpha male, meaning someone who is an obvious leader to most of the people around him, tends to be quiet and someone who listens, as tricererops said. Often he waits until he's heard everyone's opinions, thought about them, and discovered just what everyone should do. Then he says what it is, and a confusing and fluid situation immediately changes into clarity and action goes into high gear.
Or such has been my experience working in military and high-tech fields where I met and observed many of these impressive men.
In fact, according to some, aggressive and controlling individuals are actually lacking in status, self esteem or confidence.
IThe alpha male is a man’s, man.
An interesting article in today's Washington Post: How 'traditional masculinity' hurts the men who believe in it most
YES! I am not the only one who thinks a man can be strong without being abusive and jealous. In my book, I am on a mission to create an alpha male who is actually a good person. Not perfect but caring, thoughtful, not over jealous, and actually trying to make the world a better place. What are we teaching women about what constitutes romance? I want the man to be dangerous but still ask me what I think, and trust that I am capable of taking care of myself. That's what I want in a romance.
I gave up on reading m/f shifters because of the number of stories which started with the man's inner wolf or bear getting one sniff of the heroine and recognizing her as his soulmate, bondmate or packmate. After that, control and jealousy and moodiness are only to be expected, because how else can his wolf or bear react?
Not sure if you're into fantasy at all, but have you read Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series? The lead couple is a great example of a strong, healthy relationship between a masculine man and a feminine woman, both of whom are strong-willed, intellectual equals, and hold great respect for each other. I strive to depict that kind of romance in my own writing.
That, IMO, is a large part (no pun intended) of the appeal of romances like the one I referenced. Much as I hated the "hero", I have to admit, the author knows how to write sex scenes. I keep a couple of her other books, ones with slightly less psychopathic male leads, for reference.
YES! I am not the only one who thinks a man can be strong without being abusive and jealous. In my book, I am on a mission to create an alpha male who is actually a good person. Not perfect but caring, thoughtful, not over jealous, and actually trying to make the world a better place. What are we teaching women about what constitutes romance? I want the man to be dangerous but still ask me what I think, and trust that I am capable of taking care of myself. That's what I want in a romance.
Hey, who is that author if I may ask. I'm trying to learn how to write good sex scenes but there isn't a lot on the subject.
I also recommend Stacia Kane's how-to book Be A Sex-Writing Strumpet.
Wow.. thank you...i put the how to book in a kindle search and it spat out like 10 different books on the subjectThe author is Anne Stuart. I also recommend Stacia Kane's how-to book Be A Sex-Writing Strumpet.
I don't think many romance readers want to read stories with protagonists--male or female--who are spineless dishrags. But there are many ways a guy can be strong besides the traditional alpha route. I'm sort of a sucker for nerdy scholar characters who find love with each other.
I like Brian Sanderson but that is something i didn't like about the way of kings. It's isnt romance so it's alright. He is a great fantasy writer.Brandon Sanderson's "Well of Ascension"--two scholar characters fall in love with each other. Though one's a eunuch, so if you're into sex scenes, well...
I'm posting this blog because it's exactly how I feel about so many of these novels that have the alpha male, yet to me the alpha male should not be an abusive dick wad. I'm sad to see so many of these novels with men who in real life would be flagged as abusive and women should run the other way from.
Quote from the blog.
"The alpha male is confident. Brave. Fierce. Unwavering. Protective. He’s a sexual powerhouse. Sometimes cocky and his ego can get the better of him. He’s in great physical shape. He’s a natural leader, and someone people find themselves drawn to. When he tells you he loves you, he means it. The alpha male is a man’s, man. He probably eats a shit load of steak and loves beer, scotch and whiskey. The alpha male has purpose and drive. He has values, he knows how to treat a woman and above all else – he is true to himself no matter what because he knows who he is. He’s the kind of guy that most often gets described as smelling like tobacco and cologne, or smoke and spice or…whatever bonkers but super masculine scent combination us writers like to come up with."
Here's what he's become.
Quote from blog
"Moody and brooding almost 70% of the time. Hyper jealous, insanely possessive and controlling. Complete assholes…oh, to make up for some traumatic event in their life most likely. They disappear only to reappear and the woman takes them back…because he’s just an alpha and that’s what they do. Ego’s bigger than Texas, and acting like overgrown babies when another man even dares to speak to “their woman.” I’m surprised some of them didn’t toss the heroine over their shoulder cave-man style and carry them back to their lair so they can have over the top sex, and she doesn’t complain because he’s just so darn irresistible."
https://alynehart.com/2017/08/06/the-problem-with-the-alpha-male/
It's just something that is driving me crazy in the genre. And what is even more disheartening is sometimes I'm blindsided by it mid novel after enjoying the book and then half way through the guy I really like turns into a possessive creep.
So if any of you have read some great alpha male romance novels where he isn't an asshole and doesn't treat the woman like a child I would love to gather a list so I don't waste any more of my precious reading time on losers.
Ok vent over.
The awful- and scary- thing about this is that when young women grow up reading about these toxic heroes, they sometimes end up thinking it's the norm. That it's okay to be treated that way. I actually wasn't aware that I'd been influenced that way myself until I wrote a werewolf novel and posted it on Wattpad. The comments from readers snapped me back to reality and I spent the rest of the sequel trying to educate my readers on toxic behavior and how it ISN'T romantic. We all have our hang ups and past trauma, it doesn't mean we can go around mistreating others. Hopefully I can write a better male lead the next time around.I'm posting this blog because it's exactly how I feel about so many of these novels that have the alpha male, yet to me the alpha male should not be an abusive dick wad. I'm sad to see so many of these novels with men who in real life would be flagged as abusive and women should run the other way from.
Quote from the blog.
"The alpha male is confident. Brave. Fierce. Unwavering. Protective. He’s a sexual powerhouse. Sometimes cocky and his ego can get the better of him. He’s in great physical shape. He’s a natural leader, and someone people find themselves drawn to. When he tells you he loves you, he means it. The alpha male is a man’s, man. He probably eats a shit load of steak and loves beer, scotch and whiskey. The alpha male has purpose and drive. He has values, he knows how to treat a woman and above all else – he is true to himself no matter what because he knows who he is. He’s the kind of guy that most often gets described as smelling like tobacco and cologne, or smoke and spice or…whatever bonkers but super masculine scent combination us writers like to come up with."
Here's what he's become.
Quote from blog
"Moody and brooding almost 70% of the time. Hyper jealous, insanely possessive and controlling. Complete assholes…oh, to make up for some traumatic event in their life most likely. They disappear only to reappear and the woman takes them back…because he’s just an alpha and that’s what they do. Ego’s bigger than Texas, and acting like overgrown babies when another man even dares to speak to “their woman.” I’m surprised some of them didn’t toss the heroine over their shoulder cave-man style and carry them back to their lair so they can have over the top sex, and she doesn’t complain because he’s just so darn irresistible."
https://alynehart.com/2017/08/06/the-problem-with-the-alpha-male/
It's just something that is driving me crazy in the genre. And what is even more disheartening is sometimes I'm blindsided by it mid novel after enjoying the book and then half way through the guy I really like turns into a possessive creep.
So if any of you have read some great alpha male romance novels where he isn't an asshole and doesn't treat the woman like a child I would love to gather a list so I don't waste any more of my precious reading time on losers.
Ok vent over.