How do you do it?!

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StoryG27

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***Ahh, crap, that is supposed to say, "How do you do it?!" See, I'm too brainmushed to even write a simple question!!!***

How do you balance work, family, and writing?

I can't seem to do it all. My work has picked up, which is good because I'm paid on commission, but I've been pouring so much of myself into my work that I have no time or energy for writing, and when I'm not at work, I'm going to my kids' school functions or soccer practices or games.

I know there are some people here who do it all. But when I get in work mode, my creative flow locks up tight. When I'm focused on writing, my work suffers. Maybe I'm just not the type who can do it all. Maybe some can and some can't.

Here's a typical day:
5 am - 6 am ~ wake up and work out (health reasons, has to be done)
6 -7 ~ hopefully squeeze in a load of laundry so we'll have clothes to wear and maybe some dishes before waking kids (about 6:30) and getting them some breakfast
7-8 ~ still getting kids ready, signing school notes, getting lunches ready, have another kid dropped off that I watch, finally manage to get daughter to stop re-doing hair and changing outfits and get all of them on bus
8-5 ~ work
5-7:30 ~ kids' soccer practices
7:30- 9 ~ quick dinner, dinner clean up, kids to bed
9 on ~ zone for a few minutes, too tired to think, fall asleep in front of computer answering work emails or trying to write, brain shuts down completely, turn on tv and eventually move to bed, and finally sleep for the night

And, then when I do have those few precious moments to write, (like now) I feel totally stuck, like my brain isn't working in that mode anymore. I know I can fix it with just doing it, but by the time I get going, I have a place I have to be, a kid to pick up, or one to drop off.

And often, I'm in the office on weekends and late nights. Sometimes I feel like I need to choose between a job and writing. I just don't know how some of you manage high-stress and demanding jobs, kids, all the house and lawn care chores, and writing. Do you think there's a trick to it? Or do some people just not need sleep?
 
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KTC

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There is always time, SG. I get up at around 4:30 every day and write for an hour or so. I also get an hour or so done in the evening. But, yes, the kids' sports and stuff take their toll. My son's hockey season just ended a couple of weeks ago and he started his 3-on-3 season just last Thursday... that will take us through to mid-summer. It's always something. But you have to grab and squeeze even a half hour somewhere out of your schedule and bookmark it for writing EVERY DAY... like you have to do it. I have to take my son to hockey Thursday at 6. I have to write Monday-Sunday 4:30-5:00am. If it's on the schedule as one of the necessities, then you will be more inclined to stick to it. Make it a mandatory commitment. Give it the respect it deserves in your schedule. I'm sure your friends and family won't begrudge 1/2 hour a day that you mark for WRITING.
 

Brutal Mustang

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I know how you feel! I get up early (4:50 am) to run 3 miles, also for health reasons. And then I have a long work day, which involves lifting a lot of steel. Afterwards I have horses to care for. When I get home, all I can do is sit in front of the computer and surf the internet in a comatose state. LOL!

I've learned to write on my lunch break at work. Then as I'm in lying in bed, about to turn off the lights, I review what I have written. This usually gives me a few more ideas to write down before I fall asleep. On the weekends, I can do a little more.
 

maestrowork

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5 am - 6 am ~ wake up and work out (health reasons, has to be done)
...
9 on ~ zone for a few minutes, too tired to think, fall asleep in front of computer answering work emails or trying to write, brain shuts down completely, turn on tv and eventually move to bed, and finally sleep for the night

Go to bed at 9 and wake up at 4. You have 7 hours right there. Wake up earlier if you need less. Write for an hour before everyone else wakes up and before you plunge into work/life mode. There, you have five extra hours during the work week. On the weekends, carve out a few hours just for yourself. Use a babysitter or keep your kids at a friend's place or something but give yourself at least two hours of "me" time to write.

I know it sounds cliched, and it is easier said than done but it's all about prioritizing. Since you're brain-dead by 9 p.m. anyway, go to bed early. Or work out at night and use the 5-6 a.m. for writing... or take an hour lunch break to write (if you're not too much in the "work" mode already)... whatever suits your style better.

When I was working/traveling I worked 60 hours a week, by 9 p.m. I was brain-dead. I went to bed early and set my alarm clock to 1 a.m. then I wrote from 1 to 3, and went back to bed. That was how I got The Pacific Between done.
 
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gettingby

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Here's a little trick I used to do when life got really crazy. I do not use a tape recorder for interviews, but I have been known to keep on close by. In the car, I would record myself talking (or verbal writing). No, it is not a final draft, but it can help and sometimes you might say some pretty good and usable things for your book. Just an idea. Maybe it sounds a little silly.
Everyone feels like they are juggling a lot at times. I hope things get easier for you. Good luck.
 

JeanneTGC

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Have you tried keeping a notebook and pen/pencil with you at all times? You might be able to jot some stuff down while sitting at the soccer practice (unless you're the coach). Maybe you can do a little writing during lunch break, etc. Pretend you're a smoker at work -- go out for a "cigarette" break, only take your notebook and have a creativity break instead. (Point of fact -- if someone is allowed to go out to smoke, the non-smokers should be allowed to go out and do something else. If you smoke, great, still bring along the notebook.) Even a few minutes a day can add up to a lot of words. Then, when you finally have time to be at the computer, transcribe what you handwrote onto the computer. You might find that doing so puts your mind into the creative swing and you can write some more.
 

dark_opus

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Balancing the demands never ends. So like others are suggesting and what you've already figured out is it's all a matter of trade-offs. Some come at more cost than others, and in my case, an example of that is willingness on occasion to sacrifice a chunk of sleep when the muse is on a tear. Yeah, the following day can be a bit crummy, but I can be sufficiently productive and functional and will survive as long as I don't go multiple, successive nights short-changing the sandman. Sorry, muse. You don't get two nights.

Some trade-offs aren't as bad, like devoting a lunch hour at work to your personal WIP. Or writing during the commute (on mass transit only, please--although I knew a writer who liked to dictate to a recorder during his drive, just to get the ideas captured for later transcribing). During the chillin's practice sessions turned out to work for me in our rec league basketball seasons.

And I've also done the early bed / early rise routine too, though sometimes the muse seems to need a little more encouragement to fire up that early. Exercising first helped, though in that case the body needed a lot of encouragement to lead the way.

Besides the wealth of other ideas I expect you'll get on this thread, my best recommendation would be to carry implements of some kind or at least have them reasonably handy so that you're always prepared to write. PDA, laptop, notepad, napkins, grocery lists, whatever it takes. Opportunities seem to knock at the strangest of times and places and being opportunistic is the name of the game.

Best of luck, storygirl. Be patient, persistent, and not too hard on yourself, and the writing will happen.
 

Writer2011

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Well storygirl...sounds like your day is totally packed. And like a lot of working people out there, well there aren't many free hours in the day. You need your sleep--it keeps you healthier. I should talk :) Right now I'm not working (LONG STORY) but I stay up pretty late and sleep late too. I don't have a routine per se.

As for prioritizing, well you've got kids, husband, their homework, ect. And I'm sure it's not easy. And by the end of the day you're exhausted.

How do I do it? Well as I said, i'm not working..but when I was i'd write for maybe an hour or two at night and that's it.

Sometimes you have to decide which is more important...writing or work? It might come down to that and you'll be faced with it.

But you'll figure it out, I know you will :)
 

JamieFord

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For the last few years my vacations have all been spent writing. A good friend near Seattle would put me up for a week and I'd be away from the kids and the phone and have nothing to do but edit (or write).

Also, I've said it before, but kill your TV and you'll be amazed at the time you have.
 

Polenth

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I'd assume during the weekends, the kids don't need to get up at 6:30? Wake them a bit later, and you could have weekend writing time.
 

ishtar'sgate

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When my kids were small I needed some cooperation from my husband. We both had pretty demanding jobs and so took turns with bath time and whatnot. When it was his turn I disappeared into a little room under the stairs and wrote in privacy. I also got up at 4:00am and wrote until the kids got up. At work, I'd write on my lunch hours when I could. Most of us have to learn to write around families and jobs and I guess it's a matter of figuring out where you can steal some time and just do it. It's also possible you may have to put it aside for awhile so you don't burn yourself out. One summer I worked seven days a week until l0:00 every night and I couldn't write, I was just too tired. I don't know how you''re fixed financially but it might be worthwhile to hire out some of the things you don't need to do yourself. Hire someone to cut the lawn, take a Saturday and have someone else look after the kids. Even a housekeeper once a week can make a huge difference. Maybe try a carpool so you don't have to do all the driving all the time. And learn to say NO. Sometimes we take on way too many things. Oh, and guess what? The kids actually DO grow up and drive themselves places. Ah, bliss...:)
Linnea
 

Daehota

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I take care of my elderly mom so I'm on call pretty much 24/7. Usually if I get up early I can sneak some time then (coffee at hand) before the demands of the day begin.

If I'm not too tired from getting up early I can squeeze some more time in the afternoon while she's resting. I can never get too comfortable, though, because that damn bell could ring at any time. Still, I want to write and so I find the time.

Crockpots and frozen leftovers help, btw.
 

Phaeal

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Yikes, that's a hell of a schedule. It looks like you could scrounge in an hour very early if you're able to get to sleep at 9 pm. Then try for two hours a day on the weekend.

My own solution was to accept a life of poverty early on, so I could work part-time, then write to my heart's content. Not having kids or pets helps a lot, too, but few want to go that route, so time-scrounging comes into play.

If you're serious about writing in spite of your schedule, be ruthless with those hours once you've arranged 'em!
 

Zelenka

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My advice would be totally worthless, as I've go no family to balance, and my work involves long periods of hanging around waiting for other people to set things up, so I sneak in some plotting and writing in that time. Only thing that really cuts into my writing time is my university work. Haven't done a thing on my WIPs over the past week as I've been trying to polish a 5,000 word essay that's due tomorrow. Only thing I can think of that might be helpful is to echo what was said about keeping a notebook handy at all times, and use any boring moments you get - waiting for a bus or train even can be a good place to think about ideas, and it makes the time pass quicker!
Good luck :D
 

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Right now, my writing is on the backburner. I usually manage to steal half an hour at school on the one day per four-day cycle I stay over lunch. Other than that, my energy is going toward school.

I could make time, maybe, but because of illness, my brain has limited juice. And that juice pretty much has to go to my correspondence courses right now. Trying to edit without being lucid doesn't really work.

So right now, I'm jealous of those who are making it work. I suppose if I wanted it badly enough, I could figure out something . . . but right now, I don't have the energy to care that much. And I suppose I could work instead of coming on AW, but like I said, my brain loses juice. Reading, not that hard. Writing? Not going to happen.

So, uh, don't use me as an example.
 

Christine N.

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I set aside Sunday afternoons for myself and writing. Not this weekend, because I have three papers due in two weeks, but usually. Sometimes at work I'm able to do some writing longhand, and always have my notebook with me. So when I get 'my' time, I'm able to just type and let my mind write along the paths I've made during the week. Usually I get a couple of thousand words done.
 

JoNightshade

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I feel underqualified to respond to this thread, mainly because I don't have kids, but I used to feel like you did when I was working full time, keeping house, cooking, doing church events, hanging out with friends, etc. My full time job was also writing (nonfic) so by the time I got home I couldn't physically type anymore anyway, let alone have any more creative juices to write my own stories. I felt so frustrated!!!

Ultimately, my husband and I talked about this for a few months and finally decided that I would quit my job and write novels. (Actually the way it worked out, they retained me to work one day a week, so I'm not totally unemployed.)

Yes, it meant cutting out a third of our income. Yes, it means it will be a few more years before we even think about buying a house or having a kid. Yes, it means having only one car and one bedroom and no cable TV and some other extra stuff.

Do either of us regret it? Not a bit. I am SO MUCH happier, and so is my husband. Not only do I get to spend most of my time writing, I have time to cook and to keep the house clean, which means he's happy and relaxed when he comes home from work. We no longer have arguments about sharing responsibility around the house (most of it's mine, since I'm at home, and if I need him to do something, I ask), I get all of the errands done while he's at work... so when he is home, we're having quality time.

I know it's not a decision everyone can make, but if you can afford to cut your work down to even part time, I totally recommend it. :)
 

kikazaru

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I know exactly how you feel but I've come to the realization that I really cannot do it all, so my priority is family clean and fed, dog walked and the housework can go to hell til the weekend and sometimes it's the weekend after that.

I don't know how you or your kids feel about this but how about writing when your kids are at soccer? 5 - 730 is a big chunk of time that could be used for "you." I've often just driven mine to the field and then sat in the car in the parking lot with my pen and paper. Of course this means I have reams of paper and no time to edit but I've gotten it down.
 

maestrowork

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That's a good advice. Use that time when the kids are at practice, etc. If your kids are old enough, they wouldn't care if you were actually there. You can go somewhere quiet and write for an hour or two, then pick them up when they're done.

Basically, if you really want to write, you will find the time somewhere.
 

CaroGirl

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My situation right now is similar to yours. I have yet to work out a solid writing schedule because I've been working full time for only a month, but I'm hoping to carve out time when things have settled down.

For you, you could arrange a carpool with other soccer moms so you have to actually go to practise only every couple of weeks instead of twice a week (or however often you're going now). I like the idea of writing at soccer practise and writing during lunch. I don't take a v. long lunch right now because I want to leave early to be with my kids, but it's a good option.

My kids have an early schedule: school is 8 to 2:30, so I get them in bed by 8 every night. After cleaning up and making lunches, I usually finish by 9, watch an hour of tv and collapse into a 7-hour coma. I plan to convert the hour of tv into writing time, no matter how tired I am.

Great good luck to both of us. This phase won't last forever, and we'll miss it when it goes.
 

Keyboard Hound

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My work is seasonal and spring is the time of year I'm run ragged. I work at least ten hours a day six days a week, often twelve hours, and eight hours a day each Sunday. That crazy schedule goes on for three months. Yet somehow I find time to do a little writing.

I do not have young kids, so that makes a difference, but I do have an almost 100 year old mom-in-law still living at home who requires a lot of attention. I manage to write a few articles each month (had two come out in April) and get some work done on my novels and short stories during those months--in spite of the work schedule.

During working hours, I'm around people a lot, so I'm always making notes on napkins, backs of bills, my wrist, the palm of my hand--anywhere I can lay hands on, when ideas strike or when someone utters a line of dialog that resounds with me, or when someone tells a crazy tale that sparks a story within me. I'll jot enough down to help me remember the idea until I can get to a computer.

I guess I'm saying that you should take advantage of whatever circumstances you have. If you can't write, prepare to write. Get ideas in order if your mind is not totally connected to your work. I'm lucky there, I have some moments I can think, even when I'm busy working.

I guess with me, writing is not something I want do do, it's something I have to do to get rid of the words swirling in my brain.
 

Memnon624

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I don't have a job, a family, friends, pets, or houseplants. That's how I manage it.

I have friends, but they're low maintenance. Otherwise, ditto what Kullervo said.

I tried the whole balancing act for 11 years -- wife, pets, job (sometimes 2), social life -- and was frustrated by my inability to get any substantial writing done. In 2000, my wife and I divorced, she took the pets (and my movie collection), I quit my job, and my social life dried up . . . and since I've wrote and sold two books with four more under contract. I don't know if cause and effect are at work here, or if I just finally reached the point where something had to give and writing won, but I have since kept my life extremely simple just in case.

I don't advocate this route for anyone, especially those of you who have kids. I greatly admire writers who can achieve balance -- who can write in a meaningful way while still being productive members of society. I couldn't do it.

Good luck to you, storygirl!

Scott
 

willietheshakes

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I neglect my family.

And get up every morning at 3.45. (Well, weekends I sleep in - sad when 5 am feels like/counts as sleeping in...)
 
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