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bluntforcetrauma

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I'm scared. I don't know what they plan on doing to me for a month. I'll probably be screwed over so bad I won't even know myself anymore. Can't anybody here come up with some idea so I can stay home? I've got kids and a wife. I can't leave them that long. I have to be ready to go by 7:30 am. My wife can't even come in with me. I get dumped off like a freaking dog. I hope they won't tie me down. I'm very claustrophobic. I'm scared all to hell. She keeps telling me this is because she loves me. I can't believe that. Who would do that to another human being? Been messing with my head for weeks to trap me.

My brother is here. My wife and the babysitter are awake. To think they all conspired to take me down. I got a strange call from my brother this evening. He never calls. Said my aunt had been taken to a mental hospital for help. He kept saying how good that would be for her. I agreed like a fool! It was done to soften the blow when they thought the shit would hit the fan. I was very nice about it. Well, it ain't 7:30 yet. That's when it hits the fan. I'll tear hell itself a new asshole if it means not going. I almost resigned myself to it. Be damned if I do! My fight is coming back and it'd take an army to get me to the bughouse.

All I gotta do is wait it out. I'll pretend to be asleep. When they doze off, I'll make like a nut and bolt. I'll be gone before they even know I'm not here. Nobody's tying me down any damn place. This is my funeral home! I paid for it. You guys are writers. write me out of this mess, for fuck sake! If ya got any good ideas, PM me. I'll be checking in. It's 4:42 in the morning. Less than three hours. You people need to get with it. I'd do it for you and you know damned good and well I would.
 

Lyxdeslic

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Inky, read his other recently started thread, then, please, come back and amend for that post. Believe me, it isn't helping his situation.

Blunt, and this is coming from someone extremely anti-establishment: go with it. Use it as a time to "Defrag". I don't know the severity of your issue/issues, but I suspect, deep down, you do and have been unwilling to face it. Well, from what I see in your posts, brother, it's time to deal.

And lose the shame that might be hindering your acceptance. There's NO shame in accepting you need to take a long reprieve and work out your issues. If doctors help, great. If meds help, awesome. If you don't wish to go down either of those paths, don't; you don't have to take the meds or talk to the doctors. But use the time. If you do that, guaranteed, good will come of it.

God, I wish you the best of luck, Blunt. I do. I've climbed out of many-a-hole, finally to realize it wasn't nearly as deep as I'd built it up to be, and, too, I'm the one who put myself there in the first place.

Let them help, man. That's all they're trying to do. Trust me. Trust them. Trust that voice inside that you keep arguing against.

Lyx
 
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JJ Cooper

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We all make choices in life that defines who we are. In the context of living, what is most important to you. Think about what the top couple of things in life that are most important to you. Now, you gotta believe that what you're doing is for those top couple of things. Think of the consequences for those couple of things if you don't take accountability for your actions. You can deny, avoid, quit and justify, but these are negative beliefs that don't involve accountability for your actions.

You have absolute control of your actions. If you believe you can not achieve something - you will never get past that barrier. If you believe you cannot do something then your behaviour and actions will reflect this. On the flip side, if you believe you can - your behaviours and actions will help you strive for your goals.

Now, think of those couple of things in life that are important to you. And if one of them is family or friends, ask yourself - how will your actions affect them?

I also suspect that you are in your families list of the top couple of things most important to them. And I also suspect that they are striving to protect what they care most about - you.

JJ
 

sunna

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Be brave, BFT. Listen to Lyx. And to your wife, who, it sounds like, loves you very much and is doing her utmost to help. Trust your family. It's understandable that you're scared -letting others in and letting them help when something has gotten past what you can deal with on your own is scary. And often necessary.

Go with it, please. Use this time. Make it your own.


We'll be here, and thinking of you.

:Hug2:
 

Devil Ledbetter

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Listen to Lyx. Be peaceful. Go with it. Take this time for yourself. We'll be here when you get back, and you'll still be you.
 

KTC

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Go with the flow, Blunt. We always resist help and are so thankful once we get it. I've been where you're going... it's not that bad. The very worst part of it is the resistance. Give in to it and you will be fine. They know what they're doing.
 

Mr Flibble

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble
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I checked out your other post too BFT. From the sounds of it, your wife loves you, but she can't watch you doing this to yourself any more. It's hurting you, and it's hurting her. Try it, at least. Please?

I'll give you a big huggle when you get back.
 

Rolling Thunder

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Rick,

You have a lot of life in front of you; some good, some not so good. This is what living is all about: to understand mortality and learn about the afterlife. But the good parts, like your family, are the most important aspects of this life. They want you to be around for as long as possible and they want you healthy, and -happy-.

They aren't kicking you to the curb, dude. They're trying to pull you back so that speeding bus called Death doesn't hit you early. You've tried to catch it three times now, and it's shown it's not ready to pick you up. That tells me you have a lot to do here yet, on this plain of existence, before you move on. Some people say life ends at death, like a light switch being flicked. Some say there's a heaven for the good and a hell for the bad.

Maybe.

But, I see it this way: mortal life is a short but significant event. The universe is billions of years old and you could rationalize that we are a small speck on its ass. But, everything serves a purpose; a balance; a mathematical equation that adds up to the parts being greater than their sum. That's what all beings are; elegant spirits exploring a path of understanding. All are given burdens to bear to test our limits, hopefully leading to the understanding of why life is so delicate and, at times, seemingly unfair. When we finally move on to another plain of existence we take some things with us and leave others behind. If you leave before you're true time comes, you're cheating yourself out of a very special gift.

So give your family the chance to help. You at least owe them that. You owe -yourself- that, to learn more about what you're made of. It's not going to be easy, I won't lie about that to you, but you can do this and come out on top.

Good luck to you, man. We're in your corner and we're pulling for ya, too.
 
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Shwebb

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I second/third/fourth/fifth that, Rick. I know that by now you won't be able to read this, but I hope it's because you've chosen to get help instead of running.

Given our conversations the last few weeks, I have faith you made the right choice. And if you remembered I gave you my number, I hope you took it with you.

We are, all of us, pulling for you.
 

sheadakota

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Rick I know we only just met, but I still consider you a friend and feel your pain- you have more going for you than most people- you have a family that loves you enough to make sure you get help- Please know that you have a family here too-

you say you are afraid you will lose yourself- I think thats already happened- maybe they will hep you find yourself again-

Thinking of you- Annie
 

Perks

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We're here when you get back.

Some things turn on a dime. Twenty-eight days is much more substantial than a little chip of silvery Roosevelt. Expect big things. And a big lightening of your burden.

See you soon.
 
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Kerr

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Rick, I can only say that back in my own days of breaking down, I dragged my husband to a councilor and she wanted me to return. ME! The one who I thought was fighting to hold things together. ME!

I walked out and didn't return. I wish I had. It would probably have meant a difference of years that it took me on my own to rebuild emotionally. Whatever the problem is in your case, they can help. You can't see it when you're in the middle. You only see later, looking back. Hold your wife's hand and go talk to these people. You're not alone.

OOXX
 

Elaine Margarett

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It's a conspiracy of love and concern.

Take care, BFT. You aren't crazy and you're not bad!!! My dh and two daughters suffer from depression and they are the sanest, most caring and compassionate people I know. Me, I'm too shallow to be depressed (sad but true). Going away will help sort things out for you, put things in perspective and help you find a path that works for you.

Wishing you only the best~
EM
 
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DWSTXS

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Go with it and let them help you. Just give in and try it their way. All your friends here will be here when you get back, and believe us when we say we're expecting you to get back here safe and sound and rearing to go.
You've got books to write too, keep that in mind.
 

Soccer Mom

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Rick, we will be here when you get back. Your family will be waiting when you get back. I hope you are taking the offered help. The world would be a much sadder place without you.
 

maestrowork

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Go with it, bro, and treat it like an experience you will never forget.

Your wife loves you. And that's why she's doing this WITH you.

She will be there. And we'll be here.

Get well.
 
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NeuroFizz

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Find solace in the motivation of love. Find healing in the isolation. During quiet times, look for your personal strength. Cherish this as a path back to your family.
 
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