This might be of interest to other mom writers...

Thanks for sharing that. It puts into words exactly how it was for me before I went back to work. Now my cracks seem even smaller.

She summed it up perfectly.

And that's the story of my writing life. She put it into words beautifully. Thanks for sharing this.

Well, if that isn't accuracy, I don't know what is.

That was simply brilliant. It feels good to know that I'm part of a sisterhood of women wedging art into the gaps of my life and trying to pry them a bit wider.

Thank you for that, Wendy!

What a wonderful article. I haven't actually finished it because I have a meeting to get to, but I'm printing it as I type this and will finish and reread it later because I love what I've read so far. I guess as well as writing between the cracks, I read there too.

Eloquently put. My only real difference is that I can't stay awake after the kids go to bed. I'm out! Otherwise, I relate so well...

Wow. So good! And how true it rings!

Thanks so much for sharing this, Wendy.

That was a great article. And she's a great writer. Obviously her determination pays off. I wish I was a bit more like that.

True.True.True.True......

Great quote from one of the most prolific writers of our time at the top of the article: "... and somehow the activity of writing makes everything better." Let's see a mom who writes dare to disagree with that.

Thanks for sharing. I thoroughly enjoyed (and related) to the entire article.

Thanks so much for posting that. I didn't start writing until after my son was born and I could relate to so much of that essay.

Bizarrely I feel quite out of sympathy with the article although I did write all through my children's childhood. I am a writer mainly because it fits in with being a Mum and I found the article cloying, self congratulatory and self aggrandising.

It is a privilege to be able to spend time with your kids, thinking about something else the whole time you are doing it seems rather pointless. YMMV

timewaster said:

It is a privilege to be able to spend time with your kids, thinking about something else the whole time you are doing it seems rather pointless. YMMV

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Of course it's a privilege to spend time with your kids. We all know that. But the writer is hardly thinking about something else the whole time. The whole point of the article is that she's a mother first and a writer second, using up what little spare time she has to fulfill her other interest - writing.

And isn't that what all we mothers are doing?

You'll have to forgive me. I'm a grump and I have a real problem with the tone of her piece. It irritated me to the extent that I did rather skim it.
It may be the UK/US cultural divide.

Writing is something Mum's (and Dad's) and some people who do paid work outside the home fit in around busy lives. It doesn't have a more elevated status than other forms of home working or even sneaking in quick cappucino, reading the paper, playing the piano or managing a quick meeting with friends. TBH I would feel more inclined to write a eulogy to 80% chocolate than work, but that's just me. I am always irritated by writing that makes a fuss about writing as if it were in some way a 'special' activity.

Timewaster, you need to understand something about Americans.

Our work is who we are. If you don't work, or have something that qualifies as work, you are not anyone in American society.

Notice what we ask at parties: not "where do you work" (as I seem to recall they do in the UK), but "what do you do". Anything outside of your work and your career doesn't count.

So elevating the process of sneaking in writing, something that qualifies as a career, between the cracks in your life as a wife and mother (which, thanks to the women's liberation movement, does not qualify as a job or career) is critical to the American psyche.

The UK tends to be more about community. Who you are is largely who your friends are, so the company you keep is much more critical. Americans can fraternise with anyone, provided we have sufficiently good jobs.

But I'm newly unemployed, so I'm nobody. Feel free to ignore me.

Mandy-Jane said:

Of course it's a privilege to spend time with your kids. We all know that. But the writer is hardly thinking about something else the whole time. The whole point of the article is that she's a mother first and a writer second, using up what little spare time she has to fulfill her other interest - writing.

And isn't that what all we mothers are doing?

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That's a great point. I look at it this way: writers *can* fit in their career around parenting, whereas a waitress or lawyer or whatever has to fit parenting around their career. Because the latter seems backwards to me, writing fits in nicely with the grand scheme of things in this household . . . though it may not in other households. It's all about personal goals, beliefs, and whatnot. Not everyone is always going to see eye to eye or approach situations (particulary that of a career, or an opinion about a career) in the same way.

CDarklock said:

Our work is who we are. If you don't work, or have something that qualifies as work, you are not anyone in American society.

Notice what we ask at parties: not "where do you work" (as I seem to recall they do in the UK), but "what do you do". Anything outside of your work and your career doesn't count.

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I don't know about all of America, but this certainly applies to myself, my circle, and the area I live in.

Having said that, there are quite few things in the article that I disagree with. Most of it boils down to the fact that I fundamentally disagree with subsuming your life to the needs of the family, and then complaining about how little time you get for 'you'. I think it is important for children to see mom setting aside time for herself. If they don't grow up thinking it is important, then they won't practice it themselves, and another cycle starts. Yes, with toddlers it can be difficult, but kids are pretty resilient, and they learn and adapt fast.
Blah...in reality I am a feminist and so the whole tone of the article is specifically NOT directed at me, nor can I really sympathize with her. Personally, this past summer that I took off to spend time with my step kids was fantastic. I have never written so much in my life, and I still managed to play, hang out, travel, cook a little dinner, and even fold some laundry now and then.

omfg - it is driving me nuts. Isn't it a dowsing rod, or divining stick, and NOT a dowager's stick?

Well I have been guilty of the same thing. I have avoided the term 'house wife' like the plague.
I think it is more than that. I think sometimes 'writing' is given special status because it is seen as artistic and creative and so somehow more important than cleaning the kitchen, or doing the garden. This seems to be associated with the delusion that those people who engage in it are somehow more soullful, sensitive creatures than the rest of humanity for whom the humdrum daily round is probably good enough.

That attitude really annoys me and I felt it was somehow implicit in the tone of the article.

(I hope you find a new job soon, if that is what you are looking for.)

timewaster said:

I think sometimes 'writing' is given special status because it is seen as artistic and creative and so somehow more important than cleaning the kitchen, or doing the garden. This seems to be associated with the delusion that those people who engage in it are somehow more soullful, sensitive creatures than the rest of humanity for whom the humdrum daily round is probably good enough.

That attitude really annoys me and I felt it was somehow implicit in the tone of the article.

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I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you on that point.

I've also just re-read the article and I can see where you're coming from. But I think she paints an accurate picture of what it's like to be a stay at home mum who writes. I also think I'm insanely jealous because I have the same kinds of commitments that she has, and I don't have anywhere near that level of determination!

I'm a feminist too and I think it is OK to be a 'stay at home Mom' and do a good job of raising a family. I think that is an option. I think it is work that is seriously undervalued. Some people are ill suited to it and it does make sustained thought and sometimes even complete sentences difficult to accomplish. I also think its Ok to be a 'stay at home Dad' too.
I went back to work after my first and have technically 'worked at home' as a writer since the second ( I have four) I don't actually remember when I worked when they were small. I have only the haziest memory of that sleep deprived period. It was fun and full on and I'm not sure I ever did finish a complete sentence for several years. I did work a bit and had eight books for young children published, but they were all very short to match my attention span.

I don't object to the fact that the writer put her kids first. I object to the fact that she felt she had to make such a fuss about it, but that's writers for you it's all memememe : )

timewaster said:

I'm a feminist too and I think it is OK to be a 'stay at home Mom' and do a good job of raising a family.

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I didn't mean to imply that being a stay at home mom was somehow objectionable because I am a feminist. Complaining about a choice you made as a woman and mother, and the limitations that the choice has imposed on you without doing anything to change it, is objectionable to me as a feminist. As is the implication that to be a good mother you have to ONLY be a good mother. I might be mom, but I was Lauran first and will be Lauran long after my children no longer need me (as much).
Different strokes and all that... but I firmly believe that we do a disservice to our children by not demonstrating how important pursuing a dream/passion is. Whether it is boating, hunting, race car driving, being a lawyer, or writing.

WittyandorIronic said:

I didn't mean to imply that being a stay at home mom was somehow objectionable because I am a feminist. Complaining about a choice you made as a woman and mother, and the limitations that the choice has imposed on you without doing anything to change it, is objectionable to me as a feminist. As is the implication that to be a good mother you have to ONLY be a good mother. I might be mom, but I was Lauran first and will be Lauran long after my children no longer need me (as much).

Different strokes and all that... but I firmly believe that we do a disservice to our children by not demonstrating how important pursuing a dream/passion is. Whether it is boating, hunting, race car driving, being a lawyer, or writing.

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I didn't interpret the article as a complaint, either. She's putting her kids first, which is the right thing to do ... yet as writers often do, her subconscious is working while she is on auto-pilot with the mundane household tasks, as moms often are. Her whole point was how she is making the time to do both. And how writing keeps her sane.

Where in her essay do you see her doing a disservice to her kids? Is it because she takes care of their needs first, and then squeezes in time for herself? I'm just curious.