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aspier
04-02-2005, 11:10 AM
This blind man with his dog went into Harrods Fashion shop. He went up to the first floor and all of a sudden he grab his dog and held it ubove his head pointing it in all directions. The Floor manager came up to him and ask him if anything was wrong, if he could help. Said the blind man, no thank you, I am just browsing.

I hope this joke works.

CACTUSWENDY
04-02-2005, 11:19 AM
:Smack: .....................THAT IS GREAT.......:Clap: :hooray: :hooray: :hooray: :Jump: :hooray: :hooray:

Fractured_Chaos
04-02-2005, 11:47 AM
:ROFL:

arrowqueen
04-03-2005, 02:04 AM
Somebody bought Stevie Wonder a cheese-grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

allion
04-03-2005, 03:45 AM
Ouch!

Karen

CaoPaux
04-03-2005, 03:53 AM
Somebody bought Stevie Wonder a cheese-grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
:Smack:

CACTUSWENDY
04-03-2005, 05:07 AM
:faint: ......that is funnnnnyyyyy...........:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

Hermit
04-03-2005, 05:21 AM
Cute but the jokes on you....especially in a writing D-Board. My best friend is totally blind and he would really laugh at your joke BUT he would be offended by your spelling and punctuation! Blind is blind but spelling & grammar mistakes on a 'writing' D-Board is not excusable!:guns:

aspier
04-03-2005, 10:44 AM
Yes I know Hermit! I am the only one on this board who cannot use English correct and its no joke! Its a handicap in communication and in this way yes, the joke is on me. English is my third language (I have a ghostwriter and a corrector - see my work at http://users.skynet.be/spier/ done by them). I am basically on this board to 'improve' it ... but seeing your remark, oh no, I don't seem to make any progress. I have anyway decided NOT to post in Office anymore. I just don't have the knack!

Tnx for the comment. Its like a stern teacher pipping one off.

aspier

MacAllister
04-03-2005, 11:06 AM
Argo, your English is just fine! I think you're improving daily! Please don't stop posting in Office, or anywhere else you want to post. :)

Hermit is a good guy--he just had a snarky moment. Shame, Hermit, shame!

Practice will only make your skills that much stronger, but you already communicate quite beautifully, and we'll miss you if you go. :(

Dawno
04-03-2005, 11:28 AM
<deleted a portion I felt was unfair to another member of the board>

We all make mistakes and I bet you'd find some in the posts of the best writers on this board. Uncle Jim made a typo or two in his "Learn Writing" thread (although for over 600 posts that's darn good).

adding: That said, we should all strive to do our best when we represent ourselves in public as writers. Truly said above, this is a writing forum. I respect how the majority of the posts on this forum are literate and use excellent spelling and grammar. When I come to the Coffee Break, however, I lower my expectations considerably since this is the place to have fun and blow off steam. OK, off my http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteSoapbox.gif now. Hermit, I apologize for last night's post.

Don't go Aspier!

aspier
04-03-2005, 05:31 PM
Mmm two more posts ... clearvoyant posters!

Hermit, you are ok! Oh you are stern and use a lot of points between words but no sweat, ok. I fully understand your remark. Was actually a good one, no? 'joke on you'. Chapeau! (hats off for your 'touche' = touch with the sharpend end of a sword). You know when I came here I was quite surprised how such a bigggg board had only American posters. Its of course a problem when somebody starts posting in foreign languages. Jenna and her AKA Erasers wouldn't have any control. And of course there is a kind of 'threatening' going out from that but wouldn't this so-called 'globe thing' of the web only come true really when people from different nationalities post on the same board. Have you ever met a Chinese or Geisha (mmmm) from Japan anywhere on the web? I haven't! And I would love to! See, the thing with Ez-boarding (D-board?) is imo that people seem to 'tele-transport' real-life community forming relationships into the cyberness of web posting. That's a holder back. A kind of 'us' against a 'them' creeps in. Anyway, I'm jabbing too much and that's how I don't pass tests! All I just don't want to feel is as welcome as a fart in an astronout suit!

Macallis + Dawno tnx for your posts. Maybe I stay some more, ok?

as

CACTUSWENDY
04-03-2005, 07:13 PM
:Huh: ...you post to your hearts content...and have a good time. If you can't pass gas at home where can ya? :snoopy:

ritinrider
04-03-2005, 07:29 PM
Aspier, my cousin is blind and I can't wait to share the joke with her. She will fall down laughing. Also, please don't stop posting, I didn't even realize English wasn't your first language until you posted that. Just figured you were like me, wrote what you were thinking and sometimes made typos, sometimes made grammar errors. Hey, we aren't trying to sell these posts, we're just talking to friends.


Nita

aspier
04-03-2005, 09:24 PM
Tnx ritinrider ... fanclub's growing ha ha! That too, I am like that (as you post) to, more interested in communicating than editing. Most of the things I post here I have to edit several times. Actually I don't even know what I am writing most of the time. All you got to see is nice edits. But its the same with my work. I don't really know what I am doing most of the time + etc such you know?

ritinrider
04-03-2005, 09:36 PM
this might scare you aspier, it would for sure if you knew me, but I understood perfectly what you mean. Maybe I should try editing my words before posting. *thinks about it for a second, since that's as long as my attention span is* Nope, I'll just type, post, and hope for the best.


Nita

aspier
04-03-2005, 09:55 PM
Yessss! Hit it Nita! There's this saying 'With one press of a button one can ventilate yourself into an aries (= nice word in Belgium for 'ar se') + yes that span of intelligence ... terrible! What were you saying again? Whoosh! Posted is this one too. Once again 'aries'

Kudra
04-03-2005, 10:56 PM
Aspien, English is my second (or is it third?) language, too and I know how hard it can be to be the "foreigner." I think it's awfully gutsy of you to jump in and be yourself. You have my vote. :Thumbs:

Welcome! And I hope you'll continue to stay on. :hi:

aspier
04-03-2005, 11:09 PM
Hug hug! The two foreigners (stooges?) have found each other! And as the story goes ... they immediately fell in love.

Marry me! Wink!

Tnx for the encouragement. Soon I'll be President if it goes like this but then again ... I don't like to wear suites! From now on I vote for you too whatever you post, ok!

aspier
04-03-2005, 11:13 PM
Pssst! Kitkat here's my fanclub http://users.skynet.be/spier/fanclub.htm its a blind page and there's mostly rubbish on it! If you get as far as the walking footprints.

ritinrider
04-04-2005, 01:31 AM
Kit, take Aspier up on the marriage proposal. He told me in another post he can cook! If I remember correctly your mother is still holding out hope you will learn to cook. See, marry Aspier, no problem. :Coffee:

Nita

arrowqueen
04-04-2005, 02:02 AM
We all make the occasional mistake, Hermit.

If I were going to be pernickity, I'd point out that it should really be: 'the joke's on you' (with an apostrophe) and 'spelling and grammar mistakes...ARE inexcusable' - but I won't.

:D

aq

ritinrider
04-04-2005, 02:15 AM
AQ -:Thumbs:

aspier
04-04-2005, 11:24 AM
Oh my god, Hermit! Soon both us will have to run ... leave town without a trace!

Kudra
04-04-2005, 05:09 PM
Aspien, let me get this straight-- you're a foreigner (man, I'm sure I'll love your accent, too), you're going to be President one day and you know how to cook? :heart::heart::heart:

Heck, the boyfriend can wait. I'm all yours! LOL.

Nita, my mom is STILL not giving up on the dragging to the kitchen routine! I mean, how many things do I have to burn before she finally learns that I'm not cut out for the stuff? :Shrug:

JenNipps
04-04-2005, 06:33 PM
OK, now.... since the topic here is "blind" and I am legally blind (yes, it's true), I will go on the record saying that I don't really like blind jokes all that well. But there are a couple that I really do like. Such as....

What's the worst gift you can give a blind person?






















A paint-by-numbers set.

What's the worst gift a blind person could give?






















The painting.

SRHowen
04-04-2005, 09:14 PM
I'm just dyslexic---

aka eraser
04-04-2005, 09:58 PM
I'm glad you decided to stick around aspier. You often marry words together in a way that may not be grammatically correct but is delightful nonetheless.

We all make errors (except Reph and Medievalist ;)). I can almost hear their barely-suppressed moans of horror at my whimsical placement of commas, semicolons, and hyphens. But they manage to not point out faults, knowing that posting on an internet forum is not the same thing as writing for publication.

The only time I, or most anyone else on this board, tend to point out typoes or grammatical errors is when the poster of those "sins" commits them while bragging about their own writing prowess, or denigrating someone else's.

aspier
04-04-2005, 11:22 PM
Write! Tnx Aka Eraser yes that's the thing! Those two posters you mentioned, oh boy and so on, yes, I know. But in all fairness we all have to admit its really Hermit who fired off this thread! Help sometimes comes out of strange corners. There's nothing bummer than a thread with two posts only (both posted by yourself!) and kept on pulling no fish till it drops off the page. I had a couple of those and boy, when the thread reaches the bottom one feels like that dog in the air above blind guy's head ... you are looking into all directions just to save face.

Check out this one = 1 week on and zero posts http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10029

JennaGlatzer
04-05-2005, 09:49 AM
Jen! :roll:


Oh, wait... if you're blind, how do you read the 'net-- with a voice program? If so, what does it do with smileys? If it didn't register, that was a smiley of me rolling on the floor laughing.

Know what's cool about boards like this? That you never know how many people here are blind, deaf, in a wheelchair, gay, straight, black, white, 90, famous, etc. unless they tell you.

Fractured_Chaos
04-05-2005, 09:59 AM
Jen! :roll:


Oh, wait... if you're blind, how do you read the 'net-- with a voice program? If so, what does it do with smileys? If it didn't register, that was a smiley of me rolling on the floor laughing.

Know what's cool about boards like this? That you never know how many people here are blind, deaf, in a wheelchair, gay, straight, black, white, 90, famous, etc. unless they tell you.

Okay, I've got a confession to make.

I'm really an orange tri-sexual with 6 legs.

MacAllister
04-05-2005, 10:11 AM
Now I'm fretting that I was too snarky with Hermit, and scared him away...

Hermit--if you're out there lurking and read this--come home, I didn't mean to be cross...:)

aspier
04-05-2005, 12:14 PM
Don't Macallis and no you haven't! And he will tell you that when he feels like posting.

Jenna, posting blind's maybe the in thing that'll give vision to Write! Why don't we all try it! Open 'Office Party', switch off the computer screen and start posting. Maybe the viewer can do the same? Open + switch off and start reading. And we all just 'batting' happily through Cyber giving each other compliments and encouragement.

'Oh, that's a great post! I cant read it! Nice + Congrats'

No more e-flares anymore, no more posts whooshes to back allies, no cleaning up of forums, no bad vibes ... just peacefull board! Also when you get bills ... click, off screen!

aspier
04-05-2005, 12:46 PM
Okay, I've got a confession to make.

I'm really an orange tri-sexual with 6 legs.


Oh I love orange! I even dyed my hair orange once (and boy, had I complaints from my wife and daughter ... jealousy you see? I had to cut it skinhead) and I do my nails (theirs as well ... shall I do yours?). Oh and I love red shoes! Saw my site? http://users.skynet.be/spier/

Hey, anybody got pics of red shoes? If they are nice, I'll put them on my site with your name and page link to it! Nice deal, no?

Spookster
04-05-2005, 04:07 PM
KitKat, my mom still cooks and she's been burning food for thirty-some years. That generation just can't seem to grasp the concept of take-out food.

Is "thirty-some" supposed to be hyphenated? See, English is my first (well, only) language and I still have to ask sometimes. Actually, since I grew up in the south, proper English is my second language. ;)

ritinrider
04-05-2005, 04:13 PM
No Spookster, proper english is your third language. Southern is our first, understandable by yanks is our second and proper is our third. Not raised in the south myself, not in the north either thank goodness, but by dyed in the wool southerners.

Oh, what was that crack about not understanding the concept of take-out. I'll have you know I learned about take-out before there was take-out, my mom couldn't cook, at all. In fact she was famous (in our family anyway) for her hard-as-rock rolls and green, greasy dressing (yuk). She also made, one time, blackened shrimp, before "blackened" was a popular food dish. Problem was her 'blackened' and good 'blackened' are worlds apart. I just don't use take out much mainly because it's a thirty minute drive for me to go get 'take out'. And there's the money thing-they charge for that stuff.

Kit - try burning something simple 'anybody' can cook, maybe she'll see the light.

Nita

Kudra
04-05-2005, 05:49 PM
KitKat, my mom still cooks and she's been burning food for thirty-some years. That generation just can't seem to grasp the concept of take-out food.

Spook, I'm Indian. We as a country don't understand the concept of take-out food. :Ssh:



Kit - try burning something simple 'anybody' can cook, maybe she'll see the light. Nita

What? And incur her wrath for as long as I live? Don't you know the foreign mom math?

1 Indian Mom = 1 American Mom x 17.

:roll:

JenNipps
04-05-2005, 06:02 PM
Oh, wait... if you're blind, how do you read the 'net-- with a voice program? If so, what does it do with smileys? If it didn't register, that was a smiley of me rolling on the floor laughing.

Know what's cool about boards like this? That you never know how many people here are blind, deaf, in a wheelchair, gay, straight, black, white, 90, famous, etc. unless they tell you.

Not totally blind, just half-way. ;)

I had a doctor explain it like this: Someone who is fully sighted would have to close one eye, squint the other, and have someone shake the page they're trying to read. :shrug: I don't know how accurate a description that is, though.

I do have a voice program that I could use if I needed it. The thing that's made the biggest difference for me on the computer is ZoomText software and the accessibility settings on the computer itself.

aspier
04-05-2005, 06:17 PM
Yessss! I agree to everything KitKat has posted! It is the best post this far in this blind bat shopping mall. (Wink Kitcatty! Smile!) You know I had a lovely affair with an Indian girl some years ago ... well affair, we held hands and such. And one day I invited her for a super meal in a velly expencive restaurant. We ordered prawns and rice. And then it happened! She blushed and ask me if it was ok if she won't use a fork when she eats the rice. I had to come into that but like you, she was lovely and super too, and it was ok by me! But you should have seen the reaction of the rest of the restaurant ... my god, a thing like that's not done type of thing, etc. Oee they stared at us because I also have tried it and wasn't so handy as she. The whole table was spilled with rice (by me!) Foreign nations new concepts! In France they eat a banana with a knife and fork and in Belgium we put mayonaise on French fries. Mmmm yummy!

Oh food! I can eat blind! Indian cully and lice is also lovely, no? What is curry made of, by the way? What's the difference between the many curries? Shall we kick this thread and go for a meal?

MacAllister
04-05-2005, 07:05 PM
Somebody feed poor Argo some breakfast before he starts gnawing on his fingers... ;)

aspier
04-05-2005, 07:46 PM
I'm not poor Macalis! I just came from a restaurant with KitKat! You didn't SEE us? Oh!

Spookster
04-05-2005, 07:57 PM
ritinrider, I have no idea what I am. I live in FL, so I'm not really a southerner, not really a yank... I'm a hodge-podge.

I had to lay into my son the other day, cause he called us "crackers". Apperently, his teacher told the class that anybody born in FL was a native reffered to as a "cracker", which I believe is true, but danged if I'll ever let somebody call me a cracker. Grr. Them thar's fightin' wards!

Argo and Kitkat, hope yall enjoy the Indian cuisine. It's a tad to spicey for me. :) Think I'll just stick to my corned-beef & cabbage, lightly salted. Yum!

MacAllister
04-05-2005, 08:02 PM
mmmmmmmm...chapatis with curry and rice and yogurt...Now I'm hungry, too.

aspier
04-05-2005, 08:07 PM
No, with lice ... cully and lice! And a banana ... a yellow one.

MacAllister
04-05-2005, 08:22 PM
Argo, I think you mentioned something about writing without the monitor, didn't you? They are doing exactly that (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7960), in the Games room...

aspier
04-05-2005, 09:13 PM
My god, really! Hey, too much. I like it. Tnx for the link ... boy there's always someone faster than you. Blind typing, really!