I know what you mean, Will. The bio is hard when you don't have anything to put in it! I have no publications or writing credentials, not a student, don't have a job out of the home, have nothing that qualifies me to write this particular story. So, I feel your pain as I'm currently struggling through this myself!
I read in an interview with an agent or editor (and, I apologize, I can't recall who it was) that they like to see the bio paragraph even from those who don't have any publications because it helps them distinguish the serious writer from the weekend hobbyist, those writers who think that anyone can scribble off a novel and get published. That agent/editor wanted to see that the person querying was committed to grow and develop as a writer and had what it took to stay with it for the long haul. So, memberships in national/international writing-related organizations (RWA, HNS, etc.), memberships in writing groups or critique groups, attendance at conferences, writing classes, retreats, etc. It's hard, though, because you don't want to stretch something that really isn't there.
I skipped the bio paragraph in the first round of queries that I sent out, and I'm trying to tell myself that was why I didn't get any nibbles.