How to vary the beginnings of sentences?

Put the prepositional phrase first. e.g. "After an early lunch, he ran to his hoard of secret cheeseburgers."

The dependent clause can come first. e.g. "Because the cheeseburger fairy came late, Earl was in a state of panic."

hdawg06 said:

It seems that over half my sentences seem to start with either "he/she/it", what "he/she/it's name is", or "the". How can I overcome this problem?

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Is it a problem? Or is it your voice?

I mean, look at Hemingway. Pretty much every sentence he writes begins with "The {something} was {something}," or "He took a {something} out of the {something}," or similar.

hdawg06 said:

It's not a huge problem, but I just feel that it gets rather repetitive.

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When you read it out loud, does it seem boring? Or just simple?

"Simple" is good.

I'd much prefer a story written in direct Subject-Verb-Object sentences than the dangling participles so many people seem to use:

Running down the street, Tom saw the Dalai Lama surrounded by a group of acolytes. GAH! FLAIL!

Grab a few good books and study how the writers vary sentence structure. A basic English grammar could also be helpful -- it will give you examples of all the possibilities.

You should grab a few books to study how the writers vary sentence structure.

To study how writers vary sentence structure, grab a few good books.

If you want to study how writers vary sentence structure, you could grab a few good books.

Want to study how writers vary sentence structure? Grab a few good books!

Aaaaaaah! I was studying how to vary sentence structure when a few good books grabbed me!

Phaeal said:

Grab a few good books and study how the writers vary sentence structure. A basic English grammar could also be helpful -- it will give you examples of all the possibilities.

You should grab a few books to study how the writers vary sentence structure.

To study how writers vary sentence structure, grab a few good books.

If you want to study how writers vary sentence structure, you could grab a few good books.

Want to study how writers vary sentence structure? Grab a few good books!

Aaaaaaah! I was studying how to vary sentence structure when a few good books grabbed me!

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So, what are you trying to say here?

IceCreamEmpress said:

When you read it out loud, does it seem boring? Or just simple?

"Simple" is good.

I'd much prefer a story written in direct Subject-Verb-Object sentences than the dangling participles so many people seem to use:

Running down the street, Tom saw the Dalai Lama surrounded by a group of acolytes. GAH! FLAIL!

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This isn't a dangling participle if it's Tom who's running, which it must be, since the Dalai Lama never runs.

Here's a real dangler:

Running down the street, a tree fell on my head. (That couldn't have been a tree, it must have been an Ent! A clumsy Ent!)

Can you show me how you write your sentences? I don't think I understand.

Phaeal said:

This isn't a dangling participle if it's Tom who's running, which it must be, since the Dalai Lama never runs.

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You are correct. I was failed in writing as badly as I wanted to, thanks to years of training.

I hate the undangling participles, too, but what I actually meant to write was "Running down the street, the Dalai Lama and a crowd of acolytes captured Tom's attention" where it was, indeed, Tom who was running.

Here's a real dangler:

Running down the street, a tree fell on my head. (That couldn't have been a tree, it must have been an Ent! A clumsy Ent!)

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Clumsy Ents are the very worst kind.

IceCreamEmpress said:

You are correct. I was failed in writing as badly as I wanted to, thanks to years of training.

I hate the undangling participles, too, but what I actually meant to write was "Running down the street, the Dalai Lama and a crowd of acolytes captured Tom's attention" where it was, indeed, Tom who was running.



Clumsy Ents are the very worst kind.

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I know what you mean. I always have to think about how to write dangling participles these days. All those years of wearing a dangler-detecting zap collar* have paid off.

* available at fine intellectual pet shops everywhere. Don't pay more than 20 bucks -- you're likely to destroy a few collars with frenzied clawing before you undangle yourself.

Dangling or no, participles should know their place. <argh>Beginning</argh> sentences with them for the sake of "variety" can get you into worse trouble than you thought you were in. I've seen so many flaming amateurs ing-ing their little hearts out, nose-to-tail ing-ers, two or three to a paragraph, worse than a plague of as-splices.

Grammar is the skeleton of language. You can't throw in a hip-bone just any old place for decoration and end up with a healthy body of words.

Grabbing a few good books would teach you how writers vary sentence structure.

I had to!


In all seriousness, I would like to hear more of these participles, aye, so I would.

Are they the new adverb?

Should "Tom was running down the street" just be "Tom ran down the street" ??
I know which one I like better.

Constantine K said:

Should "Tom was running down the street" just be "Tom ran down the street" ??
I know which one I like better.

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In what situations would you prefer "Tom was running down the street"?

In what situations would you prefer "Tom ran down the street"?

Though each refers to some specific moment in the past, the two versions have slightly different effects. The first version has Tom in the middle of running as of that specific moment, and the second has him done running as of that moment.

When would you want each effect? You might use "was running" if your next sentence shows something else that happened while Tom was running. You might use "ran" if your next sentence is about what happened after Tom ran down the street.

For me, rules of style always come back to:

• What effect does each style have on the reader?
• What effect do I want to create?

Dale

Fantastic, Dale. Makes perfect sense when you say it that way.

Sometimes my mind is so wrapped up in things that I fail to see the obvious.

There are many ways to start a sentence, but to me, using a participial or prepositional clause, etc. only for variation's sake is just a crutch.

Learn to create interesting sentences instead of simply "he did this, he did that." The idea is in variation, pacing, rhythm, and complex vs. simple sentences. Practice using nouns instead of pronouns or name. Instead of:

"He climbed over the wall."

...how about:

"The wall loomed over him as he began his climb."

..or

"Walls were made for climbing and that was exactly what he did."

Or something like that. You get the idea. Make your prose interesting, and the rest will follow.

Should "Tom was running down the street" just be "Tom ran down the street" ??
I know which one I like better.

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You should try to use simple past as much as you can unless there's a reason to use continuous, usually in the sense that something happens while something else is happening:

"Tom was running down the street when the siren blasted."

If there's not a secondary/simultaneous action, use simple past instead:

"Tom ran down the street. The siren blasted."

Without reading your actual work, it's hard to say, but your problem might be that you need more description and/or internal dialogue, rather than just actions.

You might also consider combining sentences. "He went to the store. He got some eggs, some milk and a loaf of bread. He paid the cashier" becomes "He went to the store, got some eggs, milk and bread, and paid the cashier."

hdawg06 said:

P.S. Please inform me more on this dangling participial, for I do not know exactly what it is.

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Join the club, hdawg. I didn't know either, it just sounded rude and/or painful.

See the participles, dangling or not thread and all will be revealed. It's an error you wouldn't want to make anyway, but I'm not sure it matters what it's called.

http://www.bartleby.com/141/

I've found this ebook on Strunk & White's Elements of Style helpful

qwerty said:

Join the club, hdawg. I didn't know either, it just sounded rude and/or painful.

See the participles, dangling or not thread and all will be revealed. It's an error you wouldn't want to make anyway, but I'm not sure it matters what it's called.

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Here's the thread discussing dangling participles.

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=99167

Sadly, poor old Tom had done far too much running around, the shock of the siren blasting so close to him was the last straw. A crowd of AW writers crowded around as he collapsed, hoping for a good storyline. Gleefully they watched as he was scooped up and rushed to hosptal with a suspected coronary!

Pinkfox said:

Sadly, poor old Tom had done far too much running around, the shock of the siren blasting so close to him was the last straw. A crowd of AW writers crowded around as he collpased, hoping for a good storyline. Gleefully they watched as he was scooped up and rushed to hosptal with a suspected coronary!

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Nice job!

As foir the strunk and white, I'm going to grab it and take a look now.

When I first started doing editing of my manuscript I asked a writer friend of mine how he dealt with style. He said that there was only one principle he tried to keep in mind; "Wherever you can't be entertaining, be brief."

maestrowork said:

There are many ways to start a sentence, but to me, using a participial or prepositional clause, etc. only for variation's sake is just a crutch.

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very nice, and great explanation. Thanks!