When Your Mother is Too Helpful

SPMiller · Apr 9, 2008

So I've been keeping my mother updated about my progress on my first novel.

As I finished the draft, I told her I was starting a search for potential sources of criticism--with AW, of course, being one. It being my first real attempt at long fiction, I needed some sort of external assistance to ensure I've written something not only readable but saleable. I'm still looking, but that's not the point.

You see, my mother works as a librarian at a certain university. She offered to take my work to some of her friends in the English department, several of which are published authors.

I quickly declined. I refuse to impose myself on them by taking advantage of my mother's professional relationship. I know if I were in their place, I'd much rather not look at some unproven newbie's gibberish.

Now I need a pat on the back for being a good person and doing the right thing. Begin.

Anthony Matias · Apr 9, 2008

Uhhh. Personally, I would have taken her up on it, but that's just me.

geardrops · Apr 9, 2008

I think it was nice of you to pass. I'm also with you on the not wanting to impose.

Though if you were to ask for contact information and open a dialog between yourself and one of the authors who might be writing in/near your genre, that wouldn't be a bad idea, or imposing. You could just get a feel for how they are about critting work.

Jenan Mac · Apr 9, 2008

SPMiller said:
You see, my mother works as a librarian at a certain university. She offered to take my work to some of her friends in the English department, several of which are published authors.

I quickly declined. I refuse to impose myself on them by taking advantage of my mother's professional relationship. I know if I were in their place, I'd much rather not look at some unproven newbie's gibberish.

Now I need a pat on the back for being a good person and doing the right thing. Begin.

I think you made a good call. If your novel is fabulous, and they help you out, Mum would never let you hear the end of it. And if it sucked and embarassed her, she'd never let you hear the end of it plus you'd be mortified.

Plus the fact that, while they may be published, they still may not be familiar with your genre.

Judg · Apr 9, 2008

It does sound like an uncomfortable imposition to me too.

On the other hand, if she chatted about it and they offered...

But first, I'd read their books. You could very well decide you wouldn't want their advice anyway. Or at least you'd know how to weight it, knowing that they wrote beautiful, lyrical prose, for example, but had poor pacing. Or whatever. There's a lot of published stuff that isn't that great, including that done by English professors.

BlueTexas · Apr 9, 2008

I just finished reading the how-to The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman. He complains about scholarly writing, and manuscripts subbed by professors. I'd see what they've written before I considered the offer, mother-situation aside. If they're writing fiction, I'd consider talking to them about my ms. If not, well, not.

But if one of them had, I might drop them an email with a built-in out to get around the favor to mom problem: My mother said you'd take a look, I'd love it, but if you're too busy, etc. That way, if they have no interest at all, they can choose the busy option, no hard feelings. Who knows, you might get great advice, can't hurt to try.

paprikapink · Apr 9, 2008

Yeah, I love my mom, but the less she has to do with my writing, the better. YMMV, ovbiously.

William Haskins · Apr 9, 2008

Judg said:
But first, I'd read their books. You could very well decide you wouldn't want their advice anyway. Or at least you'd know how to weight it, knowing that they wrote beautiful, lyrical prose, for example, but had poor pacing. Or whatever. There's a lot of published stuff that isn't that great, including that done by English professors.

this is rock solid advice from a rock solid mind.

take it and run.

JoNightshade · Apr 9, 2008

If I were you, I'd be concerned that they'd just tell you it's "good" because they didn't want to hurt your mother's feelings by actually giving a critique. Others have given good advice about reading their work first, but I would also say that if you decide you want to approach any of them, do it without your mother as the intermediary. Have her get an email address and suggest that you might be contacting them, but then have her get the heck out of there so they don't feel pressured. And make it clear that you're looking for a real, honest critique.

On the other hand, many professors are just itching to rip innocent new writers apart. So beware.

Will Lavender · Apr 9, 2008

JoNightshade said:
On the other hand, many professors are just itching to rip innocent new writers apart. So beware.

They certainly are.

There's no more surly, nasty, wretched, hard to please, cynical human being when it comes to the written word than a professor.

And I say that as a former professor.

(I have to say that I was the opposite of cynical. In fact I think I was too easy. A lot of stuff impresses the hell out of me. It's a personality flaw, I think.)

choppersmom · Apr 9, 2008

My mom would hate every word I write. Too many naked people having relations without benefit of clergy. So I just don't show her anything, or talk to her about it at all.

Matera the Mad · Apr 9, 2008

Will Lavender said:
There's no more surly, nasty, wretched, hard to please, cynical human being when it comes to the written word than a professor.

For a minute there, I thought you were talking about my mother, but I never told her about my writing.

Lyra Jean · Apr 9, 2008

I tell my mom about my writing. She gives me pretty honest critiques she doesn't just tell me it's good to make feel good but she doesn't rip out my spleen and eat it for lunch either.

We mostly talk about our ideas together. I finally got tired of all the ideas she was giving me because they just didn't go with the story I had in mind although a few did. I told her she needs to write a story too and she is. Too my shame she is farther on her story than I am on mine.

Most moms only mean the best.

chevbrock · Apr 9, 2008

I think SP made a good choice. It saves everyone from getting in a nasty situation. Maybe said professors know some people in the publishing world that could help, no? I guess that would all come down to whether they write in the same genre as SP.

gettingby · Apr 10, 2008

Who you know really helps (even if it is you your mom knows). I would reconsider if I were you. Really, I don't think you have anything to lose, and depending on where she works or who she gives it to, it could really help.

NicoleMD · Apr 10, 2008

If it's a first draft, then you did the right thing. Why waste an opportunity on something that's not your best work? Take a few months (or more) to get it polished up, run it through Share Your Work, then take your mom up on her offer. I'd only offer the first couple chapters, though. At the least, you might make some good contacts, and you might even get some good advice or even find a mentor.

Just my two cents.

Nicole

dirtsider · Apr 10, 2008

You should meet with the professors first before showing them anything. Build up a relationship with them outside you simply being your mother's child. Even if you don't show them your ms, they might be a good source of information later on for another story.

My opinion, of course.

Phaeal · Apr 10, 2008

Will Lavender said:
They certainly are.

There's no more surly, nasty, wretched, hard to please, cynical human being when it comes to the written word than a professor.

And I say that as a former professor.

(I have to say that I was the opposite of cynical. In fact I think I was too easy. A lot of stuff impresses the hell out of me. It's a personality flaw, I think.)

You must have been a professor of Anglo-Saxon or possibly Nordic lit. Every university I've ever been to, these guys are by far the most cheerful and down-to-earth profs, and everything in Beowulf impresses the hell out of them, and some of them make killer mead.

But back to topic: I, too, would have been wary of having Mom attack the profs with my work, for all the reasons given above. If you did find the work of one of them appealing, if you thought he or she might enjoy your style or genre, you might have Mom arrange for you to meet the prof, just to chat, no threatening MSS in hand.

When Your Mother is Too Helpful

SPMiller

Prodigiously Hanged

Anthony Matias

geardrops

Good thing I like my day job

Jenan Mac

The Deadliest Bunny

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

BlueTexas

Back from self-exile land.

paprikapink

Bored fanatic

William Haskins

poet

JoNightshade

has finally arrived

Will Lavender

Everything is what it seems.

choppersmom

---

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Lyra Jean

Two years old now.

chevbrock

gettingby

NicoleMD

Onomatopotamus

dirtsider

Not so new, really

Phaeal

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.