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View Full Version : Anyone else passing a kidney stone? Wanna race?



William Haskins
04-07-2008, 09:49 PM
but i have to warn you. i've run a water hose from the sink straight down my throat and i'm having mrs. haskins punch me in the bladder every ten minutes.

so, yeah, i'm a pro.

JoeEkaitis
04-07-2008, 09:52 PM
. . . he said, setting off the TMI alarm.

kristie911
04-07-2008, 09:57 PM
i've run a water hose from the sink straight down my throat and i'm having mrs. haskins punch me in the bladder every ten minutes.


If Mrs. Haskins gets tired, I'm guessing there are a lot of people here that would line up for her job.

The line to punch william in the bladder starts here ---->

bluntforcetrauma
04-07-2008, 09:57 PM
William, I've never had one, and I hope it passes quickly. And may you have loads of morphine.

Cranky
04-07-2008, 10:42 PM
Mr. Cranky has had these before. It was brutal. My condolences, and I hope it passes quickly.

III
04-07-2008, 10:44 PM
Had 'em a few years ago. You have my deepest sympathies. Get some rope to bite down on.

KTC
04-07-2008, 10:44 PM
I think you have the hose in the wrong orifice?

Haggis
04-07-2008, 10:45 PM
I wonder what that stone would pull in an AW auction?

C.bronco
04-07-2008, 10:45 PM
Ouch Haskins! I hope it passes quickly, and I recommend Motrin.

KTC
04-07-2008, 11:01 PM
I wonder what that stone would pull in an AW auction?

We could always find out.

sunna
04-07-2008, 11:03 PM
Yeeouch! I salute you, sir. And if my husband gets one of these I'm making him read this.


Hope it's over with quickly, and don't be shy about the painkillers.

MidnightMuse
04-07-2008, 11:05 PM
I'll take you on. My longest took 2.5 weeks to pass after getting stuck, my fastest time is 30 minutes just last week.

brokenfingers
04-07-2008, 11:20 PM
Hey Hask, is there anywhere we can place bets?

III
04-07-2008, 11:24 PM
We could always find out.

The Haskins Pet Rock? Is the world ready for that?

heyjude
04-07-2008, 11:28 PM
The Haskins Pet Rock? Is the world ready for that?

No, no it is not.

Thinking about you, William. Hope it is quick.

Haggis
04-07-2008, 11:31 PM
Surely one of our talented members could transform it into a lovely tie pin, or affix a gold chain and create a beautiful neck pendent.

Jcomp
04-07-2008, 11:54 PM
How has medical science not found a better means of extracting kidney stones? That's what I want to know. It's the 21st Century damn it!

quickWit
04-07-2008, 11:57 PM
I feel like I'm passing a stone. Anyone else watching the ORPCC exchange between BFT and LG? :D

Carry on.

writerterri
04-08-2008, 12:27 AM
You're lucky. Mine don't pass. They just stay put and grow, then I have to have them blasted to sand by electric shock. The next day I feel as if I've been run over by a steam roller and I feel that way for about 4 days. I can't even lift my head off the pillow. It's miserable.

Good luck passing! Hope it goes well. Take lots of pain killers with your water.

Gary
04-08-2008, 01:35 AM
How has medical science not found a better means of extracting kidney stones? That's what I want to know. It's the 21st Century damn it!

I passed one the usual way, and now I understand the agony of childbirth.

The second time, when it got stuck, they blasted it into smaller pieces. That's the only way to go.

astonwest
04-08-2008, 01:37 AM
but i have to warn you. i've run a water hose from the sink straight down my throat and i'm having mrs. haskins punch me in the bladder every ten minutes.

so, yeah, i'm a pro.I'll take you on...

Have gone in for lithrotripsies around 10 times in the last 9 years. In the last six months, I've had two emergency room visits...

During my last ER visit (last month), the stone popped out as they were getting ready to wheel me down to surgery. The nurse was mystified that I didn't pass out.

During my last lithrotripsy, the urologist didn't even bother putting in a stent like he normally does...

Another pain flared up in my right kidney Sunday morning...so it's only a matter of time.

bluntforcetrauma
04-08-2008, 01:40 AM
This reminds me of the time Katie Couric televised the cam up the rectum thing. Haskins could do a kidney stone cam.

Perks
04-08-2008, 02:07 AM
I passed one the usual way, and now I understand the agony of childbirth.

No, no, no, no, NO! A woman' body is designed to accommodate a newborn's passing. A baby's edges, well, aren't. They're round and smooshy and yielding. Yes, they're big and yes, it's uncomfortable, but it's not a disorder. Plus, there aren't many nerve endings in the vaginal walls, quite unlike the web of firey torture that is an abraded urethra.

So, as long as the infant's head and shoulders aren't covered in razor-sharp crystals or it doesn't have shark teeth and is trying to chew its way out, childbirth is nothing like passing a kidney stone.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
04-08-2008, 02:11 AM
How has medical science not found a better means of extracting kidney stones? That's what I want to know. It's the 21st Century damn it!

Hey, thank your lucky stars they do it the way they do it now. Back in the day, they went after my brother-in-law's stones with a little basket on the end of a stick.

Rolling Thunder
04-08-2008, 02:17 AM
Hark! What is this blood-curdling scream I hear from yon southern borders?

Hang in there William. When Obama is elected president, this pain, for you at least, will seem like a blessing. ;)

William Haskins
04-08-2008, 02:41 AM
Hey, thank your lucky stars they do it the way they do it now. Back in the day, they went after my brother-in-law's stones with a little basket on the end of a stick.

yeah i had a chance to enjoy the basket when i was 18.



I'll take you on...

Have gone in for lithrotripsies around 10 times in the last 9 years. In the last six months, I've had two emergency room visits...

During my last ER visit (last month), the stone popped out as they were getting ready to wheel me down to surgery. The nurse was mystified that I didn't pass out.

During my last lithrotripsy, the urologist didn't even bother putting in a stent like he normally does...

Another pain flared up in my right kidney Sunday morning...so it's only a matter of time.

you have my sympathy, sir. i've been chronic since my teens and get blessed on average 3 or 4 times a year.

it doesn't tickle, that's for goddamn sure.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
04-08-2008, 03:09 AM
yeah i had a chance to enjoy the basket when i was 18.

you have my sympathy, sir. i've been chronic since my teens and get blessed on average 3 or 4 times a year.

it doesn't tickle, that's for goddamn sure.

Oh, William! That does suck. Hope it's the easiest passage this time that it's ever been.

rtilryarms
04-08-2008, 03:58 AM
Whoa! I saw this in passing and only stopped by to say good luck.

But quit whining and smile through the process. As a Poet Lariat you should be a whole bunch tougher than a tiny little grain-sized inconvenience. What's the big deal. Drink beer

Unless your wife is punching you because she is very aware that the passage is way too small and just taking this opportunity to reek revenge on you. And you know that there are some people on this very board that wish you great pain and suffering because they hate your guts!

But you are right here in our hearts and I pray that things go well for you.
Good luck Pal!

Your Friend,

Mike

poetinahat
04-08-2008, 04:09 AM
I can't even imagine.

I'm sorry it has to happen to you - or anyone. Here's hoping it's over soon, and with a minimum of pain.

William Haskins
04-08-2008, 04:10 AM
And you know that there are some people on this very board that wish you great pain and suffering because they hate your guts!

you always know the right thing to say, mike. that's what will keep me going.

poetinahat
04-08-2008, 04:13 AM
Too bad you can't fire those suckers; they could be a part of the weirdest hold-up spree ever.

SpookyWriter
04-08-2008, 04:43 AM
you always know the right thing to say, mike. that's what will keep me going.Keep the juices flowing.

Don Allen
04-08-2008, 05:04 AM
I don't hate you Haskins, but now I understand why you're a grouchy, mean, son-of-a bitch. A little something to help you out.... when that little bugger is just about to pop out of the tip... and you'd rather being sitting in Sir Lawrence's dentist chair from the "Marathon Man" watching re-runs of the "Donnie and Marie variety" show while that little midget doll "Chucky naws a whole in your leg,,,, I want you to know that I'l be sitting on the couch having a beer completly oblivious to the pain and suffering you're enduring.. be good...

SpookyWriter
04-08-2008, 05:07 AM
I don't hate you Haskins, but now I understand why you're a grouchy, mean, son-of-a bitch. A little something to help you out.... when that little bugger is just about to pop out of the tip... and you'd rather being sitting in Sir Lawrence's dentist chair from the "Marathon Man" watching re-runs of the "Donnie and Marie variety" show while that little midget doll "Chucky naws a whole in your leg,,,, I want you to know that I'l be sitting on the couch having a beer completly oblivious to the pain and suffering you're enduring.. be good...Now that's the love we're talking about.

Sarita
04-08-2008, 05:18 AM
Hope you feel better soon, Will.

Le Mot Juste
04-08-2008, 05:33 AM
[quote=Gary;2241588]I passed one the usual way, and now I understand the agony of childbirth.

Speaking as one who has had a baby, I would honestly rather have FIVE MORE KIDS than ever have another kidney stone. I had my son naturally but when I had the stone I was BEGGING for drugs like a 60s rock band! I truly wish you a speedy recovery....

paprikapink
04-08-2008, 05:43 AM
So sorry, William. I hope it's over soon and that this is your last.

bluntforcetrauma
04-08-2008, 05:49 AM
Why isn't this thread in current events? Anyway, two old friends of Haskins said to pass along this message:

Hey, Hoser, that kidney stone's a beauty, eh? All things must pass, eh?http://blog.ezods.com/Image/mckenzie.jpg

Soccer Mom
04-08-2008, 05:57 AM
Yes, kidney stones are nothing like childbirth. They give you good drugs for childbirth.

Feel better soon, William.

Cranky
04-08-2008, 06:05 AM
Yes, kidney stones are nothing like childbirth. They give you good drugs for childbirth.

Feel better soon, William.

No kidding. Plus, at least you get a baby for your efforts! A kidney stone...not so cute.

maestrowork
04-08-2008, 06:11 AM
I'm passing gas.

SpookyWriter
04-08-2008, 06:12 AM
Keeping walking then.

rtilryarms
04-08-2008, 06:20 AM
you always know the right thing to say, mike. that's what will keep me going.

You know that I am here for you buddy. Anywhere, any time, any place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyz4pwUGbD0



Buwahahahah!

Bravo
04-08-2008, 06:24 AM
i told you long ago to stop eating the bones of little kittens haskins. the bones are full of calcium and i heard that too much calcium can lead to stones.

just stick to the flesh and vital organs.

and good luck!

reigningcatsndogs
04-08-2008, 06:36 AM
I don't know why this made me think of you, Haskins. You might have to turn up the volume to hear it properly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv5LqvJUouc

Feel better soon.

joyce
04-08-2008, 06:49 AM
Hope you get better soon. I've only ever had one and I told the E.R. nurses I was going to kill myself if they didn't give me something for the pain. They told me they tell the men who have them this is what childbirth feels like. I don't think so! I'd rather give birth to ten 12lb babies in the middle of a freeway while sticking pencils in my eyes, than go through a kidney stone again. Good luck with the passing.

Haggis
04-08-2008, 07:39 AM
This too shall pass.

Rolling Thunder
04-08-2008, 02:58 PM
I hear drinking the blood of red-eyed chihuahuas makes kidney stones pass like eggs through a goose.

Smiling Ted
04-08-2008, 03:15 PM
Sweet Jaysus. Good luck, Haskins.

NeuroFizz
04-08-2008, 04:39 PM
the proposition of micturition,
its sealed fate of calcium oxylate,
gives a new definition
with new dentition
to a pee shiver



hope it passes quickly, william

astonwest
04-09-2008, 03:16 AM
you have my sympathy, sir. i've been chronic since my teens and get blessed on average 3 or 4 times a year.

it doesn't tickle, that's for goddamn sure.
Thankfully, I didn't start having them chronically until I was in my 20s. Most of mine have grown too large to come out on their own, but in the last few years, they've upped my medication, and all it seems to do is make them fragment more frequently. Not sure that's an advantage...

It's bad when you can tell how close you are to passing one from the location and severity of the pain.

What really gets me is that if I had acidic stones like my dad, I'd have a better chance of ridding myself of them. At least, he hasn't had any for over 10 years since taking sodium bicarbonate...

Calcium stones suck.

robeiae
04-09-2008, 03:19 AM
This is what they look like--after the pointy tips have broken off in the walls of your urinal tract:

http://www.herringlab.com/photos/8-M98-P2.jpg

Hope that helps.

William Haskins
04-09-2008, 03:27 AM
when you said you wanted to take nude photos of me, i only agreed because you promised not to use the high-powered lens...

KTC
04-09-2008, 03:29 AM
Jesus!

Cranky
04-09-2008, 03:29 AM
Holy God. Those look like aliens! :eek:

William Haskins
04-09-2008, 03:31 AM
they're great crumbled on salads.

Cranky
04-09-2008, 03:35 AM
they're great crumbled on salads.

That's nasty. *shudder* Not as nasty as actually passing the damned things, though, I would expect. *doubleshudder*

Jaycinth
04-09-2008, 05:10 AM
i love you, william



i also love toothpaste.....

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 05:15 AM
I just had a big bowel movement.

Not that it's anything close to passing a stone, but I did break a sweat and it made this horrendous thunking sound as it made its way down the PVC into the septic system.

Haggis
04-09-2008, 05:19 AM
This is what they look like--after the pointy tips have broken off in the walls of your urinal tract:

http://www.herringlab.com/photos/8-M98-P2.jpg

Hope that helps.

The one at the bottom looks likeCthulhu.

Jaycinth
04-09-2008, 06:08 AM
The one at the bottom looks likeCthulhu.

Dagon......you're dreaming.

Haggis
04-09-2008, 06:14 AM
Dagon......you're dreaming.

Actually, the one at the upper left looks a little like Rolling Thunder.

Don Allen
04-09-2008, 06:20 AM
You know Haskins, I think we might have a business opportunity here! If we can get you to produce enough of these things we could market them as "NATURALLY OCCURING ORGANIC JACKS" You know, the kind that kids use to play with, all we got to do is get Michael to produce some nice round turds and we could clean up, I'l be your guys manager... We need a great name......

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 06:26 AM
If you're using my production line, it would have to be jacks for very large children.

I was thinking that they looked more like ninja caltrops. Maybe you could get distribution through Century Martial Arts and then take out some classified ads in the back of Black Belt Magazine.

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 06:26 AM
You know Haskins, I think we might have a business opportunity here! If we can get you to produce enough of these things we could market them as "NATURALLY OCCURING ORGANIC JACKS" You know, the kind that kids use to play with, all we got to do is get Michael to produce some nice round turds and we could clean up, I'l be your guys manager... We need a great name......Brown Boot Jacks.

Don Allen
04-09-2008, 06:30 AM
Brown Boot Jacks.



SPOOKY!!!!!!! We'll have to get Haskins permission, but I think you just landed the PR job...... Nicely done.....

Don Allen
04-09-2008, 06:32 AM
If you're using my production line, it would have to be jacks for very large children.

I was thinking that they looked more like ninja caltrops. Maybe you could get distribution through Century Martial Arts and then take out some classified ads in the back of Black Belt Magazine.

Sounds good , but you got to run it past the new PR guy.....

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 06:42 AM
If you're using my production line, it would have to be jacks for very large children.

I was thinking that they looked more like ninja caltrops. Maybe you could get distribution through Century Martial Arts and then take out some classified ads in the back of Black Belt Magazine.We should inquire as to Jet Li's availability.

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 06:43 AM
As long as he can get Chuck Norris for a photo op we're good to go.


ETA: Jet Li is good. Jet Li is no Chuck Norris.

astonwest
04-09-2008, 06:46 AM
This is what they look like--after the pointy tips have broken off in the walls of your urinal tract:
If I'd known we were going to have show-and-tell, I would have pulled out my jar of stones...

Don Allen
04-09-2008, 06:49 AM
If I'd known we were going to have show-and-tell, I would have pulled out my jar of stones...

Look at this,,, we already have a back-up to Haskins who you know will take forever to produce each stone,,,excuse me, New Product.....

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 06:51 AM
Look at this,,, we already have a back-up to Haskins who you know will take forever to produce each stone,,,excuse me, New Product.....Haggis jelly beans. We can call them "Chew wawa's"

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 07:00 AM
Haggis jelly beans. We can call them "Chew wawa's"

Great minds think alike. You beat me to the post.

I was thinking along the lines of a crunchy snack.

Cajun flavored? Maybe get Haskins to eat some gumbo next time so they pass as a pre-flavored treat.

How long does it take to get to the center of a nacho-flavored chunk of calcium anyway?

paprikapink
04-09-2008, 07:20 AM
Whoa, I hadn't realized this had become the all-animal[e]s thread. Zkyooz me, I'll be moseyin' on.

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 07:22 AM
Whoa, I hadn't realized this had become the all-animal[e]s thread. Zkyooz me, I'll be mooseyin' on.You're a kunucik?

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 07:27 AM
Whoa, I hadn't realized this had become the all-animal[e]s thread. Zkyooz me, I'll be moseyin' on.

Well... the Renaissance Festival thread is this way... http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44734&page=991

You can practice your Myddle Englysh there.

I'm just trying to get to 50 posts so I can change my avatar.

Williebee
04-09-2008, 07:30 AM
First, the lady doctor who celebrated the passing of my last kidney stone with me, told me that a kidney stone is as close as a guy can get to understanding childbirth. I think that proves that guys are smarter than women. No guy who goes through that will ever, EVER, volunteer to go through it again.

Second, I didn't know what was wrong with me with my first kidney stone. I just thought I was going to die. The emergency room knocked me out. When I woke up the local coroner had his hands on my balls. Turns out he had emergency room duty that weekend. (It's a small town.) But for a moment or two there, I'd decided I'd picked a helluva time to be right about something.

Mr. Haskins, I feel your pain, and wish you a painless passage this time out.

MichaelDeVere
04-09-2008, 07:33 AM
... When I woke up the local coroner had his hands on my balls. ...


"Okay, okay. We can all stop laughing now and just get on with the rest of our lives."

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 07:42 AM
"Okay, okay. We can all stop laughing now and just get on with the rest of our lives."My boys are my life. Gwad have mercy on the poor soul caught clutching them when I's wakes up.

mscelina
04-09-2008, 07:44 AM
blech.

Seriously, though, doesn't the underwater ultrasound thingie treatment work for some kidney stones? I recollect some male in my family (I believe it was my ex) undergoing that.

I, on the other hand, did not have such options. I actually passed mine at the intermission of a show I was performing in the nineties.

SpookyWriter
04-09-2008, 07:49 AM
I actually passed mine at the intermission of a show I was performing in the nineties.The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Smiling Ted
04-09-2008, 09:32 AM
William-

If you're Catholic, you're in luck - you can offer a prayer to St. Liborius, patron against kidney stones.