Your first time - women's views please

I think she'd probably hate herself, and the guy. Especially if her confidence was already wanting. She'd feel used, and worthless. She'd also question if she'd "done" it properly and whether she'd ever want to experience "it" again. JMO.

I don't think 15 year old girl would refer to it as getting laid- Unless this girl is already extremely jaded at this point this might be a hard sell.

Girls tend to romantize 'it' . If her only motivation was to get it over with- maybe- but she would still hate herself afterwards and feel cheap- even if she said otherwise- she would have self doubts. She might not love the boy, but she might not love herself very much afterwards either- I can only go by my feelings- but girls don't think of sex as another notch in the belt type of thing- If she didn't love, or think she loved the boy to begin with, she is going to feel worthless, cheap and used when it is over- not confident. Just my opinion.

I completely agree with the first two responses. I don't see how this could be a confidence booster. Teenage girls are notoriously self-conscious and doubt themselves. And if a girl was already this jaded, she'd probably already have had sex by then, so, no, still not believing it.

I don't see this being a 'confidence booster' at all. For her to even do this one night stand quickie, she'd have to have the emotional state of someone who's seen this as 'normal' all her life. If this 'right of passage' were normal to the women she'd grown up around, and one of them said something like 'welcome to the club'... I dunno. Seems to be a sad scenario... for her to be happy about it and have it give her more confidence would make it even more so.

For any teenage girl, getting laid the first time, is something she has always thought would be a good and romantic thing and probably hopes that the bloke is going to love her forever. It's not something any girl does to get it out of the way.
The first time may not always be pleasurable, I know I laid there thinking, I could do better myself, but it's still something that a girl always wants to think of as worth it if she had the choice.


Elodie

Elodie-Caroline said:

The first time may not always be pleasurable, I know I laid there thinking, I could do better myself, but it's still something that a girl always wants to think of as worth it if she had the choice.


Elodie

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SNORT!

EM

I have known girls who reported that 'I am woman' confidence after their first time. BUT all of those girls were in relationships, they loved and trusted the guys, and felt reasonably secure that the relationship wouldn't disappear along with the virginity. I have no problem believing the 'I am woman' confidence, but as a result of a one-night stand...I don't know if I find it implausible, but I think it says something very particular about that character.

I grew up in a very rough area, and many of the girls I knew were very circumspect about losing their virginity. They didn't romanticize the act, and quite a few were relieved that they "had gotten it over with." I didn't see a confidence boost, so much as a sense of relief that it had, at least, been with someone of their own choosing. Please note that I am saying "many", not "all."

The other way to handle this would be the girl who has friends who talk about sex all the time.

Once she's done it, she can say, I fit in now, even if she finds out later the truth of it all, that it was really stupid, etc. A woman in this situation might not feel bad about it, or pine over the guy, just be glad to have gotten it over with and out of the way.

Even at fifteen or sixteen.

Sure it is realistic. Sounds like my first time. lol. I wanted to do it, enjoyed it, no regrets. Although, I was older than 15. I felt ready.
So if you want to make it seem realistic- perhaps show that she is very emotionally mature for her age?

Yep, I think it's definitely plausible. My first time was no one I was dating, no one I would ever think of dating. We were good friends, we were both curious, we did it, that was that. It made the friendship a bit strange from time to time, but that was due to outside circumstances (imagine "the jock" and "the fat girl" losing their virginity to each other).

I had no regrets at the time, I didn't look out my window at night wishing he would see me, etc.

Elodie-Caroline said:

The first time may not always be pleasurable, I know I laid there thinking, I could do better myself

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You have totally shattered my faith in Jean Reno. I thought he was more the sensitive type!

I agree with the first two posters. Your take on it is probably the opposite of what would happen.

She would feel ashamed and used. She would not consider this experience as a way to 'become a women.' She might not have even enjoyed all of the physical sex. Most 15 year old girls are curious, but they don't have the same kind of reaction as a 15 year old boy (SCORE!). It's not a game to her.

Hope this helps!

I was just shy of 16, and honestly, felt neither used nor ashamed. Mostly I remember thinking "sheesh, that was IT?"

Jenan Mac: In this story, the guy leaves – he wasn't a friend or a boyfriend. Do you think you'd feel the same? Or would that make any difference?

Hahaha I know he would never disappoint me! At my age, you're not afraid to tell a man what you want from him

Prawn said:

You have totally shattered my faith in Jean Reno. I thought he was more the sensitive type!

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Um, yeah, I lost my virginity on a one-night stand when I was 17, and that was exactly what I wanted. I didn't really want to deal with a big emotional thing, I didn't have a boyfriend and didn't particularly want one. I had never fantasized about having this beautiful romantic first time--I fantasized about just getting it over with so I knew what it was all about, and I always (from the age of 12 or so) liked the idea of it being a one-night stand so nobody would know about it unless I wanted to tell people. The thought of someone being all lovey about it creeped me out.

In retrospect I see where all of that came from, and part of me does regret it. But at the time I thought it was great. I didn't feel proud that "I'm a woman now" but I was proud not to be a virgin anymore and glad I'd done it.

StephanieFox said:

Jenan Mac: In this story, the guy leaves – he wasn't a friend or a boyfriend. Do you think you'd feel the same? Or would that make any difference?

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Unless it's rape or outright coercion, I think so.
And I second whomever mentioned the "well, now that's over with", sort of ticking things off on a list, feeling. Unless there's a strong religious background, I don't really see teenaged girls valuing virginity any more strongly than teenaged boys. There's the romance factor, but only up to a point-- a lot of girls don't necessarily connect the two.
I think ultimately you'll have to look to your character's backstory to see how this one would go. There's a wide variation out there, depending on SES, family expectations, peers, culture, and self-image. Khadijah from a strict Muslim family will react differently from Ashleigh from Columbine High or Erykah from a strong Southern black AME family. Have you asked your MC about it?

Jenan Mac said:

I was just shy of 16, and honestly, felt neither used nor ashamed. Mostly I remember thinking "sheesh, that was IT?"

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Same here. I didn't especially care about the guy. We got on well, he turned me on, I turned him on (that was unexpected for me ). I've always been overweight and although my self-esteem is pretty good, being sexually desired made a difference. It doesn't matter that it wasn't romantic and didn't lead anywhere. It was fun and SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS HOT! Heheh, it boosted my confidence. *shrug*

Teens nowadays are not like in the past, they're more and more practical about such things