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Birol
04-02-2008, 02:06 AM
Srsly, what's the worst idea for a novel that you've ever heard or ever had? Give it to me with both barrels. Don't pull your punches. Let 'er rip.

Phaeal
04-02-2008, 02:14 AM
Somebody sulks and grumps around for three hundred pages. Neither he nor anybody else changes, and nothing much happens, and now I'm depressed just thinking about it.

Birol
04-02-2008, 02:16 AM
Ain't that literature?

Phaeal
04-02-2008, 02:19 AM
No, wait! Clouds and Shrouds, the proem novel that makes Lois Cook famous in The Fountainhead. It's supposedly about Cook's travels in Europe but consists mostly of passages in which she brushes her teeth.

Oh, then there's Cook's follow-up novel, The Gallant Gallstone! This one does have a plot, to wit:

An arrogant gallstone thinks he's the king of the Gallbladder, ruler of all he surveys. But then the person in whom he lives takes a laxative and, um, discharges the Gallant Gallstone in a singularly unpleasant manner graphically described. Flush.

lute
04-02-2008, 02:20 AM
Somebody sulks and grumps around for three hundred pages. Neither he nor anybody else changes, and nothing much happens, and now I'm depressed just thinking about it.

Are you talking about Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer?:roll:

In all seriousness, though, characters who don't grow make for one awful story. I'm going to have to think about this a bit more to see if I can think of any personal story ideas I had that were atrocious; I can guarentee having a number of them.

Birol
04-02-2008, 02:22 AM
I'm thinking of Honeybea's l33t speak novel. I mean, c'mon. What kind of trite, hackneyed shit is that?

Sonneillon
04-02-2008, 02:30 AM
I'm thinking of Honeybea's l33t speak novel. I mean, c'mon. What kind of trite, hackneyed shit is that?

Rob, I'm pretty sure honeybea and D.R.Agony are an April Fool's Joke. Maybe you should try not to get so worked up about them until a day or two goes by and we know for sure?

Not to mention at least three books for YA written in chatspeak have already been published.

Birol
04-02-2008, 02:37 AM
Yeah. Whatever.

yappo
04-02-2008, 02:39 AM
Has to be the novelization of the phone book.

Sten

lute
04-02-2008, 02:49 AM
Has to be the novelization of the phone book.

Sten

Yikes.

Cranky
04-02-2008, 02:51 AM
Lord have mercy. Someone would deserve an ass-kicking for that.

Will Lavender
04-02-2008, 02:55 AM
I'm still waiting for that wingdings novel that guy promised to write.

And there are some ridiculous ideas that turn into killer novels. Winkie, for instance.

Best story about ideas? Robert Coover's "Beginnings."

thethinker42
04-02-2008, 02:57 AM
Srsly, what's the worst idea for a novel that you've ever heard or ever had? Give it to me with both barrels. Don't pull your punches. Let 'er rip.

Some stupid story about da Vinci putting some code in his paintings that revealed previously unknown stuff about the Bible, and the Knights Templar, etc. But it was so full of deux en machina and stupidly convenient solutions to problems that I abandoned it.

I tried to find those notes a while back, but they all seem to be missing...

IceCreamEmpress
04-02-2008, 04:19 AM
Has to be the novelization of the phone book.


Hey, it may not be much on plot, but whatta cast of characters!

TypoSlayer
04-02-2008, 04:39 AM
I had an idea a very long time ago that I was very excited about at the time. Can't remember most of it (I'm sure I have it stuck in some dark crevice nearby.) but it involved a teenage boy, an ogre (or a troll.) and a very graphic description of what the ogre (or troll) was threatening to do to the boy's entrails. Or something to that effect. Anyway it was the worst piece of crap I've ever come up with, and I seriously hope I don't come within three feet of it ever again.

icerose
04-02-2008, 04:56 AM
I'm thinking of Honeybea's l33t speak novel. I mean, c'mon. What kind of trite, hackneyed shit is that?

I know you're a mod and all and I'm probably picking a fight but I think this goes against the respect your fellow writers rule. Wouldn't it be better to just say "Leet speak novels"? She isn't the first and she won't be the last.

As for ideas that really sucked it's hard to say. A lot of good ideas are wasted with poor execution and a lot of bad ideas are made decent with great executions. I'll try to think of an example and get back with you.

Jenifer
04-02-2008, 05:38 AM
I'm a little bitter about my idea to give zombies a rub against mutants... sigh... leaving them enough presence of mind to demand equal rights, housing and to use zombie attack terriers as front-men.

:(

choppersmom
04-02-2008, 05:48 AM
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n21/n107581.jpg

Terran
04-02-2008, 06:00 AM
I know you're a mod and all and I'm probably picking a fight but I think this goes against the respect your fellow writers rule. Wouldn't it be better to just say "Leet speak novels"? She isn't the first and she won't be the last.

As for ideas that really sucked it's hard to say. A lot of good ideas are wasted with poor execution and a lot of bad ideas are made decent with great executions. I'll try to think of an example and get back with you.

I second.

Cranky
04-02-2008, 06:06 AM
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n21/n107581.jpg

LOCK THREAD.

Hollan
04-02-2008, 06:19 AM
Some stupid story about da Vinci putting some code in his paintings that revealed previously unknown stuff about the Bible, and the Knights Templar, etc. But it was so full of deux en machina and stupidly convenient solutions to problems that I abandoned it.

Hahaha. I second that.

Birol
04-02-2008, 08:27 AM
April Fool's.

I appreciate those of you who (seemed to have) sincerely called me to task for being snarky with new members. You're part of what makes AW special, but this thread, and my attitudes expressed in it, were part of AW's annual April Fool's Day festivities. (Those of you who know the routine and went along with it and those are pretty special, too, as are those of you who were suckered in and choose not to take it out on me later.)

I hope you all enjoyed the day. Tomorrow, it's back to business as normal.