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View Full Version : I am the new spokesperson for Arby's! (Apparently)



clockwork
04-01-2008, 08:48 PM
From AP, 12 minutes ago.


A British tourist has been snapped up by Arby's Restaurant as a spokesperson and media representative for their new "Popcorn Chicken Shakers" menu item.

28 year old Chris was vacationing in the Fort Myers area of West Florida when an unplanned visit to the Cape Coral Arby's restaurant changed his life forever.

Purchasing the recently released, Popcorn Chicken Shaker meal, Chris was, at first, stymied by the product.

"You get this paper cup with the chicken inside and then you dump in a load of sauce, put the lid on and shake the thing until it coats the chicken. To be honest, it seemed like a lot of hard work for not very much food."

But the hard work paid off. Arby's regional manager Dwight Todhunter happened to see the young man in action and what he saw caught his attention.

"He was shaking that chicken like a son of a bitch."

Realising the potential, Todhunter contacted Chris and coordinated a meet with Arby's director of spontaneous marketing decisions, Nina Paulik who quickly flew down to offer him a job.

"Recent marketing research shows that people get hungry and when they get hungry, they want food. How they get that food has always been an arduous ordeal. What we're doing with Chris is turning it into an Arby-uous ordeal. If you see what I mean."

The British chicken shaker is set to appear as the key image in a nation-wide print and televised media campaign with an estimated $200 million dollars' worth of funding at its stern. He will also receive as many complimentary ketchup packets as he can carry.

Added Paulik, "We're thinking cool. We're thinking comedy and fun. And we're definitely thinking of some sort of pre-fabbed chicken suit."

Commented Chris, "She kept talking about 'paradigms' and 'customer centre-bases.' This was all in the restaurant that afternoon. I mean, she was nice enough but I didn't even get to finish the damn chicken."

Whatever the resulting campaign, Paulik is confident this new one will succeed where others have failed.

"People are crying out for more focused human interaction these days. Preferably with people. But if they can't find that hands on interaction through their family and friends, they can turn to Arby's for the kickin-est, shakin-est, fantast-tastiest popcorn chicken around! Shake it baby!" Paulik added.

As for Chris, the news certainly came as a shock but with his life quickly becoming exciting and more than a little chicken-flavoured, the future is looking very bright indeed.

"I haven't signed anything yet," Chris commented. "To be honest, I go home on Friday and I've got work the following Monday. And I've just used up all my sick days and lieu days so I don't know if I can really devote a lot of time to this."

Added Chris, "Normally I go to Wendy's."

dpaterso
04-01-2008, 10:16 PM
Being a suspicious meddling type, I phoned them (http://www.google.com/search?&q=Cape+Coral+Arby%27s+restaurant) and asked if this was true, they confirmed some crazy Brit guy was shot in the ass when he attempted to run out the restaurant carrying thousands of complimentary ketchup packets.

-Derek

ReneC
04-01-2008, 11:05 PM
I heard about this! But what I'd heard is they are going to put the spokesperson inside a giant chicken shaker and launch it off of London Bridge with a bungee cord, then over Niagara Falls, and then into a football (soccer) match covered with inflammatory remarks about the home team, all to demonstrate that vigourous shaking is the key to enjoying the new chicken shakers. That's going to be you?!?

Wow, you're braver than I am.

sassandgroove
04-02-2008, 01:03 AM
Chris, how saucy of you. ;)

xiaotien
04-02-2008, 01:32 AM
:PartySmil:PartySmil

i can't resist a guy who can shake
it like a son of a bitch.

haha! this is fantastic! ;*)

who's gonna hire me for my
spontaneous donut eating???

III
04-02-2008, 01:35 AM
*sigh*

astonwest
04-02-2008, 03:07 AM
Everybody knows you're only supposed to run out with the Arby's and Horsey Sauce packets...

Sheesh!


Being a suspicious meddling type, I phoned them (http://www.google.com/search?&q=Cape+Coral+Arby%27s+restaurant) and asked if this was true, they confirmed some crazy Brit guy was shot in the ass when he attempted to run out the restaurant carrying thousands of complimentary ketchup packets.

-Derek

Ginosion
04-03-2008, 09:37 AM
Lul, i work for arby's.