freaking out here

I posted my child's manuscript for the easy reader 3-5th grade catagory and NOBODY would leave a comment. Come on guys if it really sucks just think what a favor you would be doing me and the time you would be saving if someone would just step up to the plate and say so. I can take it....really. I grew up the youngest of 6 girls I've been told I sucked more than once in my life and they are all still living. So I'll try it again here.
MISFIT FACTORY


Chapter One



Billy glanced into the store windows as he plodded along. With the sun beating down on his head, he was hot and bored until he came to the toy store. Sitting in a red rocking chair was a brown teddy bear. Billy wouldn’t have even noticed him except for what happened next. The bear motioned him to come inside the store.

“Hey, you, can you hear me?” Billy said, poking the bear’s chest.

“Yes, I can and I’d very much appreciate it if you you’d quit poking the stuffing out of me.” He gruffed, smoothing his chest with his paw. “I saw you walking by. You look like just the boy I need.” Gus looked pleased as he folded his paws across his round fur belly. “What’s your name boy? You can call me Gus.”

“I’m Billy, but what do you need me for?” Billy was becoming more confused by the minute.

“For a home, boy. It just would not do for you not to have a home. No sir, that just wouldn’t do at all. Well, speak up son. Have ya got a home or not?” He asked frowning, and began to rock harder in his chair.

“W..w..well, yes, I’ve got a home.” This was the most unusual conversation Billy had ever had. “But what does that have to do with anything?” Billy asked, still confused.

“Boy, for such a bright looking lad you sure are slow to catch on. Did ya get dropped on your head when you was little or something?” Gus squinted his eyes and tilted his head to one side to get a better look at him.

Billy ignored the insult and asked, “What do you need me for?”

“I need your help. I have a friend that is in big trouble and if I don’t help her…….well, I don’t want to think about that. We just have to help her.” Gus said pleaded.

Billy thought for a minute and then said,” what can I do to help?”
“You have to buy me,” Gus said.

“Buy you? With what? I’m broke.” Billy responded turning his pockets inside out to show Gus.

Gus thought for a few minutes then brightened. “Parents! All boys have parents. Ask your dad for money.”

“Not all boys,” Billy said softly, sadly looking down at his scuffed shoes.

“Whatcha mean boy? I’ve heard all about it from the other toys. Parent’s come in here all the time and buy stuff for their kids.” Gus said, not believing his ears.

“I only have a mom..ok? She works really hard and we don’t have very much money. I deliver papers and do odd jobs to help her out. I don’t have money to waste on some stupid toy anyway.” Billy said angrily and stomped away.

He got teased a lot at school about not wearing the expensive brands of clothes or shoes. It was bad enough taking guff from the other kids but he certainly didn’t have to take it from a toy.











Sitting in school, the next day Billy couldn’t stop thinking about Gus. Hard as he tried, he couldn’t forget the desperate look on Gus’s face. He wondered how a stuffed bear could have a friend in trouble? His hand went to feel the small wad of bills in his right pocket. He had taken five dollars that he had saved out of odd jobs and put it in his pocket this morning. He had planned to spend that money on a skateboard, but had decided last night that maybe Gus needed it more. “A talking stuffed bear, how crazy could I get,” he thought.

Right after school was out, he went back to the store. When he looked into the window, Gus was gone! Praying he wasn’t too late he ran inside to find him. Standing at the checkout lane was his best friend’s grandmother. She was getting ready to buy Gus. Billy felt the cold sweat of dread break out on his forehead as he tried to think of what he should do.

“Hello, Mrs. Nelson. What you were going to do with that bear your holding?” Billy knew that he was going to have to think fast. Suddenly Billy felt as if a light had just come on inside of his head.

“I’m planning to give it to Sally for her birthday.” Billy reached out, took Gus out of her hands, then looked at him with a frown.

“I guess if you want to give her an old stuffed bear when you could give her something a lot better,” he said with a fake innocent look.

“Do you have something in mind?” she asked.

“Oh yea….all the girls at school are getting these cool doll houses.” Looking around Billy’s eye quickly spotted exactly what he needed. “Like that one,” He said, happily pointing to a beautiful dollhouse sitting on a near by table.

“It is a very pretty house,” she said, sitting Gus down on the counter so she could look at the house closer.

“I’ll just put that back,” Billy said. Billy grabbed Gus and made a dash for the counter. He wanted to pay for Gus before anything else happened.




.

“Hey, not so hard son, you’re squishing my stuffing out,” Gus complained trying to free himself from Billy’s excited hug once they were home.

“I’m sorry, that was close wasn’t it!” Billy laughed, setting Gus down on the bed.

“A little too close for my tastes,” Gus gruffed, trying to smooth down his ruffled fur. “What took you so long anyway?”
“Sorry about that Gus. I’ve never heard a stuff animal talk before. I thought maybe I was going a little….you know…nuts or something.” Billy apologized.

“You’re not nuts. We’re not supposed to talk to humans, it’s a toy vow they make ya take,” waving his hand about in the air like that should explain everything,” it doesn’t matter, this was an emergency. I need your help.”

“Why? What do need help with?” Billy asked.

“Now, that is going to take a bit longer to explain.” Gus waited for Billy to sit down on the bed then continued. “While I was at the factory, I was waiting for my turn in the finishing room. That’s where they do the painting, put on the hair, ribbons, dresses,….you know what I mean,” after Billy nodded he continued. “The toys that don’t come out perfect, get tossed into the misfit box. They stay there until they’re destroyed. While I was waiting for my turn in the detail room, I became friends with Babs, a Baby Freckles doll.

To make a long story short, our day to be finished finally came. As soon as I was done, I kept looking for Babs. I knew that she would be happy to have finally gotten her freckles. I looked, but I couldn’t find her. I finally asked the other dolls if they had seen her. One of the model dolls said that she had seen Babs in the misfit box! They threw her into the misfit box.” Gus said, his voice gruff with pain. “I knew I couldn’t get her out by myself. That’s why I need your help. You will help me find her, won’t you?” Gus said his eyes looked hopeful as he placed his paw into Billy’s hand.

“Well, I’d like to help you but how can I?” Billy asked.

“All you have to do is get me to that factory. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.” Gus said.

“OK, I’ll help you find her, but what then?” Billy asked.

“Then we bring her back with us to live here. This is a big room.” Gus said.

“She can’t live in my room!” Billy yelped surprised.

“Why not? Is it because she isn’t perfect?” Gus said puffing out his chest, becoming angry.

“No, Gus, it’s not that. She’s a doll. Dolls are for girls.” Billy even knew it was a poor excuse.

“Billy,” Gus sadly shook his head. “You have so much to learn. Babs isn’t just a doll. She’s my friend. You don’t have so many friends that you can’t use one more?”

“But Gus, the other kids will make fun of me!” Billy cried out, thinking about how badly he got teased already.

“Sooooooooo are you saying you won’t help me rescue Sally because she’s a doll and you’re afraid of being teased,” Gus said heavy with sarcasm. He was letting Billy know that he was not happy.

“It’s not that. Gus…you don’t understand. You just don’t know what it’s like getting teased at school all the time cause you only have one parent. They tease me all the time because we can’t afford the brand name clothes and new shoes, you just don’t know what it’s like.” Billy finished, his voice trailed off in embarrassment.

“So, you don’t think I know what is like not feeling liked because I’m not good enough or cute enough?” Gus said, angry. “Well, I have some news for you, buddy-boy. I do know what its like to be poked and prodded and then have the other toys taken home because they are cuter than you. I’m just an ordinary old brown stuffed bear. Who would want to take me home? Do you have any idea how long I sat in that window trying to figure out how I was going to find someone to help me rescue Babs? The longer I sat there, time was running out for her. I picked you because you may not think your special, but I did. It’s just like getting teased about not having money or not having the coolest clothes. Would you trade the life you have here with your mom just so you wouldn’t get teased?” he asked.

“Of course not! I love my mom.” Billy yelled, he was mad now.

“That’s why I chose you Billy. You love your mom and you wouldn’t give her up for all the coolest clothes in the world. I love Bab’s. She’s my best friend. I don’t care if she is a doll. I was hoping you wouldn’t care either.” Gus said his voice heavy with disappointment.

Billy sighed and said. “Your right Gus, I guess I just wasn’t thinking.”







That night Billy quickly got dressed for the trip to the factory. He picked up Gus, then the flashlight, and started towards the door.

“Oh, I almost forgot we’re going to definitely need these.” He said as he picked up a booklet of postage stamps on the way out.

Billy had never ridden his bike so late at night before and would have been scared if Gus hadn’t been with him.

“Gus, how are we going to get in?” Billy whispered.

“No problem, remember me telling you about Eddy the pickpocket doll? I told him about my plans to rescue Babs. Eddy was able to steal a key to the factory.” Gus said holding up a key.

Billy hid the bike, tucked Gus under his arm, and crept quietly up to the door. His hand was shaking so bad that it took several tries before he could finally open the lock.

“Where is she?” Billy whispered.

“In there,” Gus pointed to a large door. When Billy turned on the light, he saw some large boxes labeled MISFITS. In the box were toys with missing ears, noses, or other things that had gone wrong. It was sad to see so many toys who would never find a home.

“How are we going to find her Gus?” Billy asked.

“Babs can you hear me?” Gus called out into the room.

“Gus, is that you?” A muffled voice came from one of the boxes.

“We found her!” Billy ran over to the box and opened it.

“Oh Gus, I’m so glad to see you. I was so afraid. How did you know where to find me?” The doll asked.

Gus told her that he would explain everything later. Before leaving, there was one more thing they needed to do. Billy took out the postage stamps and a pen. He then addressed all the misfit boxes to be shipped to a near by orphanage. They found the mailroom where they left the boxes. The girls and boys at the orphanage would be happy to have the new toys to play with.

Chapter 5

The next morning when Billy’s mom came in to wake him, she noticed Gus and Bab’s laying on the foot of his bed. Holding them in her hand, she gently shook Billy’s shoulder to wake him.

“Billy….Billy, wake up.” She said shaking his shoulder.

“Argargmmhm, I don’t have school today mom,” Billy grumbled still trying to sleep waving her away with his hand.

“Billy, wake up, I’m not kidding,” his mom continued shaking him a little more forcibly now. “Where did you get these?”

“Get what? I’m trying to sleep here mom,” Billy griped but finally opened his eyes to look at her. When he saw what she was holding he instantly became wide-awake.

“These,” she said showing him the toys, “where did you get these Billy? You didn’t take them did you? Please tell me you didn’t…..I can’t even say the word.” Her worried voice trailed off as tears filled her eyes.

“Mom, you don’t think I stole those do you?” Billy said not believing what he was hearing.

“Umm..well….I don’t know Billy. I know you would never do such a thing. It’s just that I know you’ve been having hard time at school, and with your dad gone, and everything…..” she continued before Billy stopped her by holding up his hand.

“Stop, mom. I know how much you worry about me, but I haven’t done anything wrong,” he said reaching out to give her a hug.

“I’m so sorry Billy. I just saw these on your bed and I wasn’t sure what to think. You usually always tell me before you buy something,” she said, with a huge sigh of relief. She smiled as she looked more closely at the toys she was holding in her hands. “They are awful cute.”

“The bear’s name is Gus. The doll’s name is Bab’s. She’s supposed to be a baby freckles doll, but she’s missing a few freckles.” He said, showing her Bab’s face.

“Oh I see. Well, I can fix that right up. I think I have that exact color of nail polish on my dresser. Why don’t I go get it, and then you can explain how you came across these two over breakfast,” she said.



Billy’s mind raced as he was getting dressed for breakfast trying to come up with an idea of what he should tell his mom. She was great, but even she wasn’t going to swallow a story about a talking bear and doll.

By the time Billy reached the table in the kitchen, his mom was had just put the finishing touches to Bab’s freckles.

“Mom, I thought you said you believed me when I told you I didn’t steal them?” Billy asked. His heart felt like it had dropped into his shoes when he saw fresh tears on his mother’s face.

She looked up at smiling radiantly through her tears.

“It’s not that honey. I was just thinking about the doll I had as a girl. She looked a lot like this one. I thought she was the beautiful doll I had ever seen when my mom gave her to me.” She said wiping at her tears with a paper towel.

Billy suddenly figured out what he could tell her. “I saw it and I thought you might like her. I bought Gus with the money I’ve been saving from my odd jobs.” It may not have been the WHOLE truth but it wasn’t a lie either.

“Oh honey, you are so sweet,” she said holding out her arms for a big hug.

Billy hugged his mother tightly as he told her, “I love you so much mom. I don’t care if the kids at school never stop teasing me. I’d much rather have you than all the new shoes in the world.”



Kay: I may have taken an easy out in the end but I was really getting worried about the word count that ended up around approx.2800 Thank you, thank you for helping me (if your brave enough to leave a comment that is)