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View Full Version : Best one-liner archive - NOMINATIONS thread!



Stew21
03-30-2008, 10:48 PM
You've all seen the one-liner post that in or out of context is the funniest thing you saw that day. Post the link to the AW thread with the best one-liner you can remember on AW.
Besides the link also snip the text and quote for us, if you could.

Nominate your favorite for the one-liner thread in the archive!

Stew21
03-30-2008, 11:14 PM
my first nomination:

TrumanCoyote on the most important meal of the day:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1459782&postcount=3

Breakfast for me is punching people in the face to keep myself awake until lunch, the new breakfast.

Stew21
03-30-2008, 11:39 PM
My second nomination.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2139060&postcount=2

William Haskins on guilty pleasures:


I read to deaf people

Bravo
03-30-2008, 11:49 PM
i'm sure there will be some pearls here.

ColoradoGuy
03-30-2008, 11:53 PM
i'm sure there will be some pearls here.
and some swine

Bravo
03-30-2008, 11:55 PM
"humans often look like pathetic insects to a diety descending from olympics" - haskins

Stew21
03-30-2008, 11:58 PM
i'm sure there will be some pearls here.


I think we will be absent the pearls.

Shame, Unique would have gotten a huge kick out of it.

Stew21
03-31-2008, 12:11 AM
DPaterso:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2094112&postcount=7


Guys think it's mega-cool when chicks strike a match on their own chins.

mscelina
03-31-2008, 12:31 AM
Here's a quick compilation of fang relief nominations:


Orginally posted by Macalister (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1437214&postcount=111)I've gone quite mad, you know.

Somehow the moderators don't seem to have noticed, yet.--this was when the fangsters got Hello Kittied...and much fear and shame flourished in our midst.

and then there'sthis one from lostgirl:

originally posted by lostgirl (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1447968&postcount=285)
I think he gave the whale indigestion? Or was he the one who was a wooden boy and set the fire inside the whale to make the whale cough him out? I get Disney and the Bible confused sometimes.

I think I've done it. I'm actually going to go to hell for this. LOL

This from Soccer Mom after a rejection:


originally posted by Soccer`Mom (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1494837&postcount=363)--
Time to send the story back out. Sometimes I feel like a story pimp. I just keep sending them out to make me a buck. Ten dollar? Twenty? My story love you long time. Gimme five.

and this from our beloved BenPanced, who always finds a way to make a pithy post :


originally posted by BenPanced (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1503790&postcount=442)--Hi. I want to write a novel, but I don't want to use words. They just get in the way. And I can't draw, either, so what should I do?

And those are just from the first 500 posts. I'll post more later.

Stew21
03-31-2008, 01:55 AM
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2212210&postcount=30

:roll:

mscelina
03-31-2008, 10:04 AM
now THAT one was funny. Haskins is just a well of smartass. He could probably donate pints of it every week and auction them off to help Dave countersue PA. :D

Soccer Mom
04-01-2008, 01:49 AM
Here is a classic Mscelina line regarding Hello Kitty:


two days ago my youngest daughter turned eighteen. I have survived Barney, Elmo, Barbie, Pokemon, Hello Kitty, The Simpsons and South Park. Please forgive me if Hello Kitty makes we want to saw through my wrist with a rusty tin can top.

Haggis
04-02-2008, 05:20 PM
Not a one liner at all, nor a slew of one liners. But somehow we've got to honor Maryn's noteworthy way of signing her messages.

Haggis, who's not clever enough to think of anything to say here

Stew21
04-02-2008, 06:18 PM
I'd like to add Spinal Tapestry's - "Poetry is as serious as a roundhouse" to this thread.

Ozzfan1317
05-28-2008, 01:53 AM
my first nomination:

TrumanCoyote on the most important meal of the day:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1459782&postcount=3

Lol...this one was my favorite..:)

Chase
06-06-2008, 11:55 PM
My second nomination.

William Haskins on guilty pleasures:
"I read to deaf people."

Chase on smug hearie jokes about deafies:

"I sign ASL to audist asses."

Ken
06-07-2008, 12:04 AM
Not a one liner at all, nor a slew of one liners. But somehow we've got to honor Maryn's noteworthy way of signing her messages.


I 2nd that,
though I'm loathe to admit it :rant:

III
06-07-2008, 12:11 AM
I don't think any quote could ever knock my favorite Crayism from its pedestal:



Up you're's

Maryn
06-07-2008, 01:54 AM
So does this mean my suckerific query letter will win agents' hearts and minds if I come up with a really good closing to add after my name?

Maryn, reminding you all that Hope is the last to die

Pagey's_Girl
08-19-2008, 05:01 AM
Ben's post (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=113117) in this thread is classic...

Stew21
08-19-2008, 05:07 AM
I'd also recommend Perks for this:

after she stubbed her toe and talked about it being worse than child birth:

hold on...finding link

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2649223&postcount=44


"I am just incapable of being philosophical about my toes."

bergalia
11-13-2008, 02:29 AM
Two actually: "The day that you die is the same as any other day - only shorter..." Samuel Beckett.

And a line from Jimmy McGovern's TV series 'Cracker' (UK version - not the pallid US version). Cracker has just witnessed the birth of his son - and like any proud father is boasting: "He's got a huge willie..."
Female witness response" "Well never mind - at least he's got your eyes..."