I am at a very difficult point in my life right now and I would appreciate advice from writers who have faced similar situations.
A short while ago I lost my first and only child. I will not go into details, you all understand. Two days later I found out that my third book had been accepted. It was hard to feel any joy about it.
Exactly a week after my loss I found out that I had been granted a one year writing grant - something I have fantasized about but never thought was possible and only applied for last fall for fun. But I actually got it. It gives me the amazing opportunity to focus solely on my writing for a full year.
And now I wonder - how can I go on writing after this? First of all, it feels like a betrayal to my child to continue something as meaningless as writing. Second of all, I am afraid that sitting at home alone for a year writing will not help me but might plunge me into depression. I'll be alone with my thoughts and writing is such a self-absorbed activity.
And thirdly, how can I focus on writing in the face of this loss? Should I even try or just give up the grant and get a job so I'm out among people?
Are there other writers out there who have struggled with grief and guilt and being creative? Am I making any sense here at all? If not, please ignore these ramblings but thank you for letting me pour out my heart a little.
A short while ago I lost my first and only child. I will not go into details, you all understand. Two days later I found out that my third book had been accepted. It was hard to feel any joy about it.
Exactly a week after my loss I found out that I had been granted a one year writing grant - something I have fantasized about but never thought was possible and only applied for last fall for fun. But I actually got it. It gives me the amazing opportunity to focus solely on my writing for a full year.
And now I wonder - how can I go on writing after this? First of all, it feels like a betrayal to my child to continue something as meaningless as writing. Second of all, I am afraid that sitting at home alone for a year writing will not help me but might plunge me into depression. I'll be alone with my thoughts and writing is such a self-absorbed activity.
And thirdly, how can I focus on writing in the face of this loss? Should I even try or just give up the grant and get a job so I'm out among people?
Are there other writers out there who have struggled with grief and guilt and being creative? Am I making any sense here at all? If not, please ignore these ramblings but thank you for letting me pour out my heart a little.