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bluntforcetrauma
03-19-2008, 02:15 PM
I feel so unnecessary

MacAllister
03-19-2008, 02:16 PM
So do I, most times, to be honest. So don't feel alone.

eldragon
03-19-2008, 02:17 PM
It's hard not to feel that way at 5:15 am. I do, too.

Unfortunately, instead of going back to bed, like I'd like .......I have to go to work.

GRR.

Hang in there.

KTC
03-19-2008, 02:18 PM
Who would have written that post? You have to make yourself count. Nobody else can do that for you. Get yourself into a positive pattern and you will forget to take stock in yourself. I do it all the time. You are definitely not alone.

sunna
03-19-2008, 02:33 PM
"Every thread in the weave is necessary."
-me mum, who always knew how to get me out of bed in the morning :)



You're definitely not alone.

JJ Cooper
03-19-2008, 02:54 PM
I used to feel like that. We all have our ups and downs. I hardly get any rep points anymore.

JJ

dpaterso
03-19-2008, 02:56 PM
Everyone has me on ignore, I'm a message board ghost.

-Derek

KTC
03-19-2008, 02:57 PM
Everyone has me on ignore, I'm a message board ghost.

-Derek

I would never ignore a shiny happy Jesus.

dpaterso
03-19-2008, 02:58 PM
KTC, you saw my post! I didn't think that was technically possible! Bless you for replying!

-Derek

KTC
03-19-2008, 03:00 PM
KTC, you saw my post! I didn't think that was technically possible! Bless you for replying!

-Derek


Every Wednesday morning I delete my ignore list for 1 hour. It's your lucky Wednesday, Jesus.

Bmwhtly
03-19-2008, 03:03 PM
I would never ignore a shiny happy Jesus.I believe the technical term is "Buddy Christ"

Off of Dogma.

JJ Cooper
03-19-2008, 03:07 PM
Should we be worried about the OP? I hope it's a board mini-flounce and not a life one.

JJ

Kerr
03-19-2008, 03:23 PM
Well, BFT, we loves ya. Some people have to know who else needs them besides themselves. I'm like that. It gets confusing because I end up losing myself in the process, then need to sit back and pull the ends in together to remember that's a big part of who I am, the people who love me/need me. For instance, there's this job we've been slowly finishing all winter. We're changing windows and doors, for goodness sake. It shouldn't take forever. This, on the tail end of rain damage renovation from an alcoholic roofer. The family went different directions moving out for a while, kids 20, 21 quickly losing track of their stroke handicapped father, except to drop in once or twice a week. We make sure we do at least half a day several times a week. lol But I see him getting out of bed. I see him taking showers. I see him smiling again. I'm getting old, my kids have left and I can't do even half what I used to do. But it makes me happy that I am still being led to places where being there makes a difference to someone's life--mine included. But I have to take stock occasionally when I begin to feel like a pauper. Money is necessary, not the thing that makes me happy.

Mumut
03-19-2008, 03:59 PM
With a wife and seven kids - you can't possibly be unnecessary. Maybe the way to go, is to challenge yourself with what you're writing. I'm just going through a change of medication and it's not working. I've been booked into hospital for 26 days next month and for some strange reason I've been feeling down. So I've given myself a challenge to make the start of my WIP - the third of a series - as snappy as possible. And it's working. I hope something starts working for you, BFT, I really do.

writin52
03-19-2008, 04:02 PM
No one is unecessary all the time, as you can see from the replies, everyone feels that way sometimes. We need you, if only to point out feelings we all have but may have not mentioned yet.

Appalachian Writer
03-19-2008, 04:03 PM
I feel so unnecessary

BFT, no one is UNNECESSARY! Least of all, you. In times past, I used to say that I wanted to be a hermit and go live in the caves of Crete. I didn't. I waited, and now, my granddaughter lives with me. I'm necessary again, really necessary.

tjwriter
03-19-2008, 05:36 PM
I feel that way a lot, too. For whatever reason. Lately, it's because I'm in a slump with a lot of stress, and I'm reaching my maximum limit. Hopefully, things will turn around soon.

III
03-19-2008, 06:07 PM
I feel so unnecessary

Dude, seriously? You're one of my favorite people on AW! Plus you have totally bitchin' hair. And you're a musician. And you're a kind-hearted brother in Christ with loads of insight. And you're an experienced father and husband. And you're part of this family. And you've got a wickedcool username.

I know you're going through a really tough time, but there are a lot of folks on AW who are going through and have been through the same thing; and a lot of folks who will go through it in the future and will look back on your posts and say "If BFT got through it, I can too."

So take your coat back off and throw it on the floor. You're home.

Unique
03-19-2008, 06:29 PM
I feel so unnecessary

You're cute, I'm bored, c'mon over. :)

Oh, wait. Wife and 7 kids?
Nevermind...............

Give your oldest kid a long piece of clothesline. Tell him to play 'Roundup' with the younger kids. Describe the results. Submit.

maestrowork
03-19-2008, 06:36 PM
You feel unnecessary? Try this:

I AM unnecessary.

Hope my own impediment makes you feel a tad better.

;)

Cheers.

C.bronco
03-19-2008, 06:38 PM
Everyone has me on ignore, I'm a message board ghost.

-Derek
I don't have anyone on ignore. I'm omniscient! :D

quickWit
03-19-2008, 06:40 PM
No father is unnecessary.

Meerkat
03-19-2008, 06:41 PM
BluntForceTrauma, you have a big family, so if you think you are unneccessary, picture just how neccessary you are from each of their perspectives.

Underappreciated, of course--it's the lot of all of us parents! Misunderstood, of course--it's the lot of all of us writers, until we find the right voice. Unneccessary, never.

Take stock in what things you do that matter to others. Now up the ante. It's about the others, man. You'll find your troubles don't matter when you make others matter.

Finally, make more frequent contact with your friends in actual meatspace, stay online with us, and let us know how you're doing day to day, right here in this thread.

Peace.

Jean Marie
03-19-2008, 06:44 PM
I feel so unnecessary
I can understand, 'cause I feel the same, too.

WerenCole
03-19-2008, 07:44 PM
I am trying to figure out if that was a flounce. . . but it can't be because I know that BFT would flourish the dramatic cattle prod if he was going to flounce us and be outtie 5000.


Though, if it was a flounce, I think you need a little work at it.

That being said, in the chain of inter-connectedness, there are really no unnecessary components. Just some components that are temporarily without service as they redefine their roles. Just changed the key a little bit, their is a lock for you somewhere.

MoonWriter
03-19-2008, 08:08 PM
I'd like to be blunt, but that name's been taken.

Sorry for your loss, Meerkat.

Blunt, I came close to taking the same road out as Meerkat's brother. Years back, I was working as a physical scientist for the Navy, out in the Pacific, or as Maestro likes to call it, "the Pacific Between." Got a disturbing telegram. Walked out on deck and put my hands on the railing. Got lucky. When my knee hit the top of the railing, an image of my mother at my funeral flashed in my head. Couldn't do it. Put my problems and my life in God's hands. I still don't see how my life is significant or meaningful when I compare it to others, so I try not to. It may be that my role is to help and support others, like yourself, who are doing something significant - like raising seven children.

Jean Marie
03-19-2008, 09:44 PM
So do I, most times, to be honest. So don't feel alone.
FWIW, you aren't. I don't know how much weight that carries coming from me, Mac.

rhymegirl
03-20-2008, 12:58 AM
I do hope that BFT is okay. I took what he said very seriously. I recall that he told us he has been on medication for depression.

Please check back in with us to tell us you are okay. I worry about people.

Cat Scratch
03-20-2008, 01:29 AM
Hey, blunt, is this a board thing or a life thing? It's easy to feel lost on a messageboard as big as this one (heck, I haven't even stopped by in months and I don't really expect anyone to remember me, but here I am typing away!), so you just have to dive in.

If it's a life thing, I've been there, and I really hope that you seek outside help. I don't know you, but if you're really a father than you are ABSOLUTELY necessary, no question about it. At the risk of sounding Polly-Anna-ish, everyone is important.

Medievalist
03-20-2008, 07:27 AM
KTC, you saw my post! I didn't think that was technically possible! Bless you for replying!

-Derek

Well, no, actually, all we know is he saw a "shiny happy Jesus."

That could mean ... well, any number of things ... :D

Soccer Mom
03-20-2008, 07:32 AM
BFT, please, if you're lurking at all, let us know you're okay. We're worried.

JJ Cooper
03-20-2008, 08:37 AM
BFT, please, if you're lurking at all, let us know you're okay. We're worried.

Yep. I can see you're lurking on the board somewhere, BFT. So how about it?

JJ

bluntforcetrauma
03-20-2008, 09:05 AM
I'm trying. And I love you all.

writerterri
03-20-2008, 10:00 AM
I'm trying. And I love you all.

You better not go away! Are you taking that medication? What's really going on. Are you... you know... feeling very down?

MoonWriter
03-20-2008, 10:02 AM
I'm glad you're trying, blunt. Please don't stop. And back at ya with the mushy love stuff! Your post made my night.

Tim

Cassiopeia
03-20-2008, 11:23 AM
I used to feel that way, right up until three years ago. My children and I went through a very difficult time with my daughter. Every year on the anniversary of her being clean from Crystal Meth she goes to each of us and tells us how she wouldn't have made it through it with out us.

She sits with me for an entire night. We stay up all night and celebrate just how much we mean to each other and how I wouldn't be who I am today without her.

Your family loves you.

We have come to love you too.

Please come talk to us. :Hug2:

John Paton
03-20-2008, 11:35 AM
It is at moments like this when I think of that scene from Airplane.

The newsreader's are giving their reports and one newsreader says "Let them die. They knew what they were getting into."

Well guess what Blunt. When you first came into this forum I was scared shitless of your username. And I am 6'2'' and 240 pounds (mostly muscle I like to think). Bluntforcetrauma is a pretty freaky name from where I come from......But

You have a caring positive attitude and I was wrong.

So get up off the floor and look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself -

"I CAN do this. Life actually is easy. The only person stopping me is ME. People love me and rely on me and if I do something really dumb then the people I really love will NEVER get over it. They LOVE me too much"

Just DO something!!

JJ Cooper
03-20-2008, 12:47 PM
I'm trying. And I love you all.

Great to hear from you, mate.

I don't pretend to know or understand your personal circumstances, however a lot of us here have seen some tough times too. And come out the other side. Feel free to drop me a PM anytime.

Stay safe.

JJ

bluntforcetrauma
03-20-2008, 12:48 PM
I'm sorry for the uproar I've caused. I can't explain. I just feel naked all of a sudden. It's like I need asylum-a safe hiding place. Everything just peeled away and I'm laid bare. You people are so kind.

JJ Cooper
03-20-2008, 01:09 PM
No uproar here, mate. Just people lending an ear.

JJ

Shweta
03-20-2008, 01:09 PM
You don't need to explain, really. We're just letting you know that we care about you, and you're not unnecessary, even if you sometimes feel that way :Hug2:

III
03-20-2008, 05:47 PM
I'm praying for you, buddy. There's nothing to be embarassed about. You're among family here.

Yeshanu
03-20-2008, 06:20 PM
I'm sorry for the uproar I've caused. I can't explain. I just feel naked all of a sudden. It's like I need asylum-a safe hiding place. Everything just peeled away and I'm laid bare. You people are so kind.

bft, I was kind of feeling that way a year ago, and asked my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist. Instead she sat me down for a 45 minute "chat," and after telling her about my year, I realized that I wasn't depressed for "no reason," but that I'd had a really difficult year. Oddly enough, I felt better almost immediately. I wasn't crazy anymore, I was a person who was going through a rough time.

I guess what I'm saying is: If you have a doctor or other professional you can talk to, go for it. They don't have to tell you to do anything. They just have to listen.

And if that doesn't work, do what I did when I was small--take your favourite stuffed animal, and find a comfy closet to hide in for a few days. :)

Cranky
03-20-2008, 06:22 PM
Just keep on keepin' on, BFT. We're here, holler if you need us.

Seriously. Do it.

bluntforcetrauma
03-20-2008, 08:07 PM
And if that doesn't work, do what I did when I was small--take your favourite stuffed animal, and find a comfy closet to hide in for a few days. :)

I used to do the same for ten years. Only my teddy bear was named Captain Morgan. No one had a clue I was drunk. My wife knew. She never badgered me, but loved me out of it. I can't remember alot about those years, obviously.

Everyone- I'm too tired to answer individually. Here's my situation in a nutshell. My dear wife noticed my behavior had changed (I didn't even know it did). She sat down and talked me into calling for help. I did. Now I'm afraid and even more naked than before. Hopefully this is a good thing. Doesn't feel so good.

I was scared to death (and still am) that I've alienated everyone for coming clean. I had another shrink and lied to her about how I really felt. How odd is that? Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open. I just hope it ain't hunting season.

In the words of Terri, you're the dorkiest bunch.

Rick

maestrowork
03-20-2008, 08:10 PM
Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open.

You'll have to flush it all out so you can get rid of the shit.ake mushroom. -- Confucius

III
03-20-2008, 08:15 PM
You'll have to flush it all out so you can get rid of the shit.ake mushroom. -- Confucius

That's what my fortune cookie said the other day.

Rick, you're going down the right path and showing real courage. It's worth the cold and worth the risk. Like Kevin said, the right meds can make all the difference in the world. Keep on walking. You can do it.

Angelinity
03-20-2008, 08:18 PM
bft -- bare-nekkid is good.

hey, want some chocolate?

rhymegirl
03-20-2008, 08:22 PM
Everyone- I'm too tired to answer individually. Here's my situation in a nutshell. My dear wife noticed my behavior had changed (I didn't even know it did). She sat down and talked me into calling for help. I did. Now I'm afraid and even more naked than before. Hopefully this is a good thing. Doesn't feel so good.

I was scared to death (and still am) that I've alienated everyone for coming clean. I had another shrink and lied to her about how I really felt. How odd is that? Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open.Rick

I think you'd be surprised how many people suffer from depression. Some people are going through it, but don't talk about it, don't admit it. Others are probably experiencing it, but don't even realize it. Some haven't been diagnosed as such.

I think writers in general are very sensitive people who are very affected by things that happen in life. I know that I have been suffering from mood swings for the past six months or so. It makes life difficult for the people I live with.

But you should not worry about alienating people by telling them how you feel. There is nothing wrong with being honest and it is actually very helpful to come out and talk about how you feel. If you need help, you should ask for help. There are many people here who will be glad to listen and help in any way they can.

nerds
03-20-2008, 09:22 PM
So do I, most times, to be honest. So don't feel alone.


Now, see, I'm somebody whose life has been changed by what Jenna started and Mac continues here. It doesn't show yet - I can't post that I have an agent, nor a deal, nor any other visible thing, because I'm like Bill Slowsky the DSL turtle, it's taking me a while. But I do have tools, education, friends and clarity which I would never have had otherwise. I've never seen such a competent balance between expression of thought and courtesy toward other people. I wish I'd had this in high school debating classes. This place is a necessary thing. Therefore those who created it and run it are necessary. No doubt they're necessary in their real lives as well.

Technically speaking none of us are necessary, and humans do have a way of farking up. But we're still capable of fine things.

Sometimes the highest point of my day is the briefest of exchanges with a stranger. Is that in fact a low measure, or a high one? To me it's a high water mark. I know I sometimes feel unnecessary because nearly all the markers of my life are gone. Parents, best friends, closest family, the squares in my quilt of memory, are gone to death or illness of the mind. I have a shortage of shared memory; I can't reminisce with my best friend because he has died. To me friends and family are like mirrors, and when they darken you can lose sight of yourself. And that's a dangerous place.

It could be argued that everyone is necessary, or no one is necessary. The glass half full beats the empty every time, it does. We're here. Some feel that the answer to why we're here is clear, some don't, but the fact remains that we are here, and in the end life is valuable.

shakeysix
03-20-2008, 09:33 PM
"no man is an island but each a part of the promontory ... therefore, send not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee"-- probably don't have it exactly --from a rock song by that archaic brit rock group-- john donne and the metaphysical boys. think keith richards helped on the melody.--s6

nerds
03-20-2008, 09:38 PM
"no man is an island but each a part of the promontory ... therefore, send not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee"-- probably don't have it exactly --from a rock song by that archaic brit rock group-- john donne and the metaphysical boys. think keith richards helped on the melody.--s6



Shakey! Jeez Cheez Whiz, miss ya. Hope you are well.

James81
03-20-2008, 09:38 PM
Sometimes the highest point of my day is the briefest of exchanges with a stranger. Is that in fact a low measure, or a high one? To me it's a high water mark. I know I sometimes feel unnecessary because nearly all the markers of my life are gone. Parents, best friends, closest family, the squares in my quilt of memory, are gone to death or illness of the mind. I have a shortage of shared memory; I can't reminisce with my best friend because he has died. To me friends and family are like mirrors, and when they darken you can lose sight of yourself. And that's a dangerous place.



See, now I think that we all need to be striving to define ourselves in our own way. It's the reason we exist. The reason we are all thrown together on this little blue-green ball. Friends and Family are guides and starting points in our life's journy to discover ourselves and who we are so that at some point we stop defining ourselves by where we've come from and start defining ourselves by who we are.

James, not maryn, wonders if the real reason we exist is to create plastic. (5)

shakeysix
03-20-2008, 09:42 PM
BFT--plant something. really--it helps--s6

Cat Scratch
03-20-2008, 10:07 PM
I think what you're feeling is good, b. You're on the verge of a breakthrough, in a good way. Don't run from it: embrace it.

nerds
03-20-2008, 10:11 PM
See, now I think that we all need to be striving to define ourselves in our own way. It's the reason we exist. The reason we are all thrown together on this little blue-green ball. Friends and Family are guides and starting points in our life's journy to discover ourselves and who we are so that at some point we stop defining ourselves by where we've come from and start defining ourselves by who we are.


Okay. Check back in with this when you're around sixty-five years old. :) Because "who we are" doesn't self-generate out of nowhere. It's layers and layers of who we are ourselves, and whom we've been around over time. I would never want to be such an island as to be strictly "myself". I'm "myself". But I'm also parts of those I've known, and that's what keeps me connected.

:)

Cassiopeia
03-20-2008, 10:20 PM
I used to do the same for ten years. Only my teddy bear was named Captain Morgan. No one had a clue I was drunk. My wife knew. She never badgered me, but loved me out of it. I can't remember alot about those years, obviously.

Everyone- I'm too tired to answer individually. Here's my situation in a nutshell. My dear wife noticed my behavior had changed (I didn't even know it did). She sat down and talked me into calling for help. I did. Now I'm afraid and even more naked than before. Hopefully this is a good thing. Doesn't feel so good.

I was scared to death (and still am) that I've alienated everyone for coming clean. I had another shrink and lied to her about how I really felt. How odd is that? Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open. I just hope it ain't hunting season.

In the words of Terri, you're the dorkiest bunch.

Rick Here in Utah we have a mountain called Timpanogas. It's actually a glacier I believe and there are caverns and such. Long ago, students from BYU (they might still do it) would hike up the mountain and visit the caverns. Once inside the cavern that was lit by artificial light, the teacher would instruct them to all hold hands and then the lights would go out. It was so pitch black that they couldn't see the hand in front of their face. All they had was the hand of another student and the voice of the teacher to lead them out of the dark. Many were terrified in the dark. I know I would have been so I never went on that trip. The path was narrow and dangerous. It was extremely important that they hang on to each other and follow the teacher's lead.

In the end when they all got to the other side, the lights were turned on and the bond they felt for one another was profound. Each student knew more than ever that while we walk by faith sometimes in this life, to us is given each other that we will not walk that path alone.

So it is with you, sweetie. It doesn't matter where you've been or what you've done because you are important to your family and you are important to us. Believe it or not your words here, have touched so many of us and without knowing, you have encouraged and inspired. I know that I am inspired by your courage to reach out to us.

I know you can do this. It's a lot easier if you learn to keep talking and keep trusting in those around you. Feeling naked is a part of that journey in which we really find ourselves because you've stripped away everything that was to find your way home. It's a new beginning. You will find the home which is inside of you.

When you can't reason for yourself, talk to your wife and children. There's wisdom in the hearts of our families. I promise you, as a husband and father you are most certainly necessary. You don't have to be perfect sweetie.

I'd like you to consider that none of us are perfect and as I have told my children and in particular my daughter who feels she can't forgive herself for the pain and worry she put me through;

Family is where we get to make mistakes, we are forgiven and we get to forgive.

James81
03-20-2008, 10:21 PM
Okay. Check back in with this when you're around sixty-five years old. :) Because "who we are" doesn't self-generate out of nowhere. It's layers and layers of who we are ourselves, and whom we've been around over time. I would never want to be such an island as to be strictly "myself". I'm "myself". But I'm also parts of those I've known, and that's what keeps me connected.

:)

that was kind of my point though.

I wasn't suggesting to be an "island". I was just suggesting that we are all individuals and as such we shouldn't be DEFINED by others, but rather only enriched by others.

James, not maryn, has a new appreciation for maryn now. Thank god this is the last one.(10)

nerds
03-20-2008, 10:37 PM
that was kind of my point though.
I wasn't suggesting to be an "island". I was just suggesting that we are all individuals and as such we shouldn't be DEFINED by others, but rather only enriched by others.


Yes, okay, agree, :) and pertinent to the o.p., if that has been ruptured in some way, if there is a disconnect which leads to ideas of being unnecessary, it's worth recalling that we've all been connected in some fashion and have connected ourselves. That we might be missed. That we have value. And that there are future connections of value to be made. There always are.

:)

Shadow_Ferret
03-20-2008, 10:43 PM
I feel so unnecessaryYou feel unnecessary? I don't even write any more.

What the hell am I doing on a writing board?

Cassiopeia
03-20-2008, 10:45 PM
You feel unnecessary? I don't even write any more.

What the hell am I doing on a writing board?Entertaining me. ;)

Yeshanu
03-20-2008, 11:05 PM
You feel unnecessary? I don't even write any more.

What the hell am I doing on a writing board?

Because, in some weird and twisted way, you belong to this odd group of people.


Rick,

Your wife sounds like a keeper--a very smart and caring person. And don't let the polished exteriors of everyone else make you think you're any worse than we are. Beneath mine, for example, is a woman with two master's degrees, and two minimum-wage jobs, someone whose younger sister killed herself, someone with a disabled son who will never be independent enough to live alone or take a normal job. Sometimes I feel lost myself, and yes talking to someone else makes you feel naked and afraid. But it helps, it really does.

I'm glad you're getting help. :Hug2:

James81
03-20-2008, 11:09 PM
Your wife sounds like a keeper--a very smart and caring person. And don't let the polished exteriors of everyone else make you think you're any worse than we are. Beneath mine, for example, is a woman with two master's degrees, and two minimum-wage jobs, someone whose younger sister killed herself, someone with a disabled son who will never be independent enough to live alone or take a normal job. Sometimes I feel lost myself, and yes talking to someone else makes you feel naked and afraid. But it helps, it really does.

:e2grouphu

The interesting thing about it is, we all have these types of back stories. But my guess is that those with the "polished exteriors" are polished BECAUSE of these situations. They are people who realize that life is hard and that success is the building built on top of a foundation of failure.

ChunkyC
03-21-2008, 12:08 AM
I used to do the same for ten years. Only my teddy bear was named Captain Morgan. No one had a clue I was drunk. My wife knew. She never badgered me, but loved me out of it. I can't remember alot about those years, obviously.

Everyone- I'm too tired to answer individually. Here's my situation in a nutshell. My dear wife noticed my behavior had changed (I didn't even know it did). She sat down and talked me into calling for help. I did. Now I'm afraid and even more naked than before. Hopefully this is a good thing. Doesn't feel so good.

I was scared to death (and still am) that I've alienated everyone for coming clean. I had another shrink and lied to her about how I really felt. How odd is that? Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open. I just hope it ain't hunting season.

In the words of Terri, you're the dorkiest bunch.

Rick


I think what you're feeling is good, b. You're on the verge of a breakthrough, in a good way. Don't run from it: embrace it.
I think Cat is right. Feeling naked means you're not hiding anymore, from others and from yourself. That is a good thing, and a big step in the right direction. Sending big brotherly hugs your way, Rick.

JJ Cooper
03-21-2008, 03:32 PM
I want to keep this one open.

How you doing, mate?

JJ

Shweta
03-21-2008, 04:17 PM
I've missed the last three years of my life, pretty much, from being sick all. the. time. I've made almost no progress on my dissertation. I've had trouble in my marriage entirely because I can't pull my wait and I blame me for it. He doesn't but I do and I get to wondering why he sticks with me because I feel so useless. Sometimes I feel like giving up is the only thing I can do.

But since I found AW, this group has helped me stagger forward, the days I can move at all. So everybody here is important to me, anyway. None of you are unnecessary.

And yeah, it's hard to feel naked like that. Maybe we can all do it together (AW: emotional nudist camp?)

JJ's onions must be strong, I can smell them all the way over here...

HeronW
03-21-2008, 04:59 PM
We all want to be recognized and loved and appreciated and damnit, sometimes the right people, even when they say so, aren't the ones we want to hear. In these black hours we hear only the snide clips, the crappy responses and the plain old ignore signals.

We're too 'fill in the blank', Not enough 'fill in the blank' We do/don't 'fill in the blank', per our inner critic who ALWAYS agrees with the negative stuff...

OR

We can tell those f*cking voices to piss off and listen to what's true, what's real, what's positive. That's hard to do isn't it? Because that's against our programming. Only bad news gets ratings, not the good.

Come on, make a list, start with 10 things YOU LOVE
1. I love the scent of sweet pea flowers--just takes me away.
2. I love holding the ones I care about and I give good hugs.
3. I love my small hands.
4. I love it when I laugh so hard I'm falling over.
5. I love kicking through fallen leaves
6. I love searching for shells on the beach
7. I love the way I've made a difference for a few people who matter.
8. I love banter and good-natured teasing.
9. I love to watch people who do what they enjoy: repairing a wall, cooking, gardening etc.
10. I love headbutts from my cats.
Make your list to 20, 30, 50! Add to it often, post it at home, at work, carry it in your wallet!

K1P1
03-21-2008, 05:47 PM
Now I have no place to hide, for the first time in my life I've been flushed out in the open. I just hope it ain't hunting season.

Honesty is a very scary thing. And yet, we all have to face it privately, even if we don't share it with anyone. You've already been courageous enough to tell people, so you've taken the first, hardest step. Nobody is gunning for you--we're on your side.

Yeshanu
03-21-2008, 08:03 PM
I know that not everyone here is a Christian, but today is Good Friday, and our bulletin in church this morning had a very appropriate liturgy. The parts in blue are what I was thinking as we read this:

All people, all living things suffer.
And all people, all living things, die. (even mice, Perks)
Jesus, being one of us, suffered.
His great, compassionate love led him to the cross
And a violent, painful death.
Why then do we focus on this?
We'd rather get on with Easter. (Chocolate and happy feelings. Don't the ads tell us that we have to be this way all the time?)
But Easter is meaningless, hollow, without Good Friday. A great mystery of our faith is that new life, new hope, new creation, emerge out of suffering and even death. (It's not just a mystery of our faith, but a mystery of life. Spring follows winter, and forest fires are necessary for the renewal of the forest. We eat dead animals or plants--we are able to live only because something else died.)
So let us not shrink from the painful side of life.
Let us rejoice when it is time to rejoice, and cry when it is time to cry. (Do I really need to say anything else?)



So I have found in my life. Life follows death, renewal follows dark times. Hang in there Rick.

astonwest
03-22-2008, 01:25 AM
Depression, feeling useless, and the like seem to be common frames of mind for writers and other artistic types. Many of us have been there, and many more will follow behind.

When I start to feel useless, when it seems like no one cares, I just remember that at least my characters need me. That seems to help, at least for a little while.


I had another shrink and lied to her about how I really felt. How odd is that?

Not terribly odd. Shrinks don't work for me, because I already know how they're going to react to what I say and adjust my answers accordingly.

bluntforcetrauma
03-22-2008, 02:46 AM
Can't reply to all this minute...but i'm feeling fantastic today. thanks to all who thought or said a kind word...

the Gift of Good Friday is still alive and well.

Rolling Thunder
03-22-2008, 03:11 AM
Glad to hear that. :)

lfraser
03-22-2008, 05:19 AM
To the OP -- you've got a lot of courage even making that original post. Glad you're feeling better.

Michael Parks
03-22-2008, 06:03 AM
Remember that a boatload of our heaviest emotions/moods are the result of chemical conditions in our brain. Life complications make them feel worse, and the chemicals respond in kind. Vicious circle.

Knowing this can be a thin tool, when trying to get through it, but know beyond the moment, beyond the dip in the trend, you are priceless. Never let a mood define who you are. Check my profile, for my "Best Advice" entry. Hang in there.

*edit: w00t! Glad you are feeling better BFT. :Thumbs:

stormie
03-22-2008, 06:17 AM
Can't reply to all this minute...but i'm feeling fantastic today. thanks to all who thought or said a kind word...

the Gift of Good Friday is still alive and well.
Yess! Keep that feeling with you, Rick! Carry it around. You can. I know you can.

Yeshanu
03-22-2008, 06:17 PM
Smile. It's sunny out today. And have lots of chocolate tomorrow!