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Melisande
03-12-2008, 03:57 AM
F f-ing self-righteousness

F belief-related word of 'comfort'

F bloody empty phrases

F damned prayers, and

F empty 'sympathy" phrases without empathy

AND

F life for hurting this way!!!!!!!!!!!!

otterman
03-12-2008, 04:05 AM
Definitely not another Victor Borge quote.

escritora
03-12-2008, 04:24 AM
F empty 'sympathy" phrases without empathy


Sympathy. It's a wasted emotion.

Ziljon
03-12-2008, 05:24 AM
F sleezy Tel-evangelists 'healing' people and selling 'burlap, oil, and wine' packages.

Mel
03-12-2008, 05:36 AM
My mom to my daughter, "If you're looking for sympathy it's in the dictionary between sex and syphilis."

IceCreamEmpress
03-12-2008, 05:44 AM
There's something so odd about people who take the opportunity of other people's bereavement to lecture them about spiritual matters.

How would they like it if, upon their bereavement, atheist/non-theist/materialist people came up to them and said 'SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE! YOU KNOW, HE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE AN AFTERLIFE! YEP, NO HAPPY REUNION ON THE 'OTHER SIDE' FOR YOU! I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS HE'S NOT BURNING IN EVERLASTING TORMENT, BECAUSE THERE'S NO SUCH THING!'

I think people would be (justly) shocked and appalled. But it seems to be considered perfectly OK for believers to lecture non-believers in what is really an analogous way in their times of grief. :(

(Note: I am actually a religious person myself, but unless I know for sure I'm talking to someone else who is religious, I find that "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" and "You and your family are in my thoughts" are really the most appropriate sentiments to express. And I am sorry to hear about your loss, Melisande. For what that's worth.)

Shadow_Ferret
03-12-2008, 07:00 AM
Someone's filled with anger.

benbradley
03-12-2008, 07:08 AM
Someone's filled with anger.
Not that there's anything wrong with that...




"dubious luxury" my ass...

JennaGlatzer
03-12-2008, 11:55 AM
Melisande, seriously: you okay?

I have some extra hugs, should you need them.

StephanieFox
03-12-2008, 08:44 PM
I am not sure how to respond to this. Perhaps a cup of tea or a glass of nice wine with a friend will help. If this were the dog message board I frequent, I'd say, "Go cuddle with your puppy." If you have a dog, that's always a comfort.

Sarpedon
03-12-2008, 11:07 PM
someone needs a hug!

((((Melisande))))

Eat some chocolate, watch the Matrix.

Sarpedon
03-13-2008, 07:15 PM
Does anyone know Melisande in real life?

On another forum I was on, we had problems like this crop up from time to time. Sometimes we could help, sometimes we couldnt.

We're here for you Meli, if you want to talk about something. I know that doesn't count for much, but its yours.

Melisande
03-24-2008, 10:24 PM
I am sorry I behaved that way.
Got message that my older brother has Leukemia. My family had waited over a week to tell me. I was quite upset, sad and felt like an outsider.
They claimed that the reason for not telling me was out of consideration.
I am really sorry.

Melisande

matt_the_cook
03-24-2008, 11:37 PM
I remember when we found out my father-in-law had Leukemia. They waited three years to tell us for the same reason.

Mel
03-24-2008, 11:51 PM
Melisande, you have no reason to apologize, and every right to be upset. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. AW is a very good place to vent when one needs to.

JennaGlatzer
03-25-2008, 12:53 AM
Damn, Melisande. I've had things like that happen, too. People think they're protecting you, but it's just the opposite. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and about the way your family handled it. They should have told you right away.

No apologies needed. Hope you're feeling better.

Dave.C.Robinson
03-25-2008, 01:54 AM
Yeah, it's not fun at all.

I had a case where my father took ill overseas and they called everyone personally including the travel agent-- except me.

I hope he goes into remission.

benbradley
03-25-2008, 07:09 AM
I am sorry I behaved that way.
Got message that my older brother has Leukemia. My family had waited over a week to tell me. I was quite upset, sad and felt like an outsider.
They claimed that the reason for not telling me was out of consideration.
Oh my goodness, now you REALLY need a hug!
((((((Melisande))))))

I am really sorry.

Melisande
It's quite alright to be upset over something like this (both your brother's condition and your family not immediately telling you), and I think we can all understand your rant now. Sometimes life just sucks. Hope you're feeling better, and wishing the best for your brother.

Melisande
03-26-2008, 07:43 AM
I thank you all for your generous understanding and your kind words.

My brother is going through the hellish treatments right now, but the doctors seem to have good hope that he will be able to beat this, though it will take some time.

I have accepted the fact that my family most likely wanted to protect me, being on the other side of the planet from them as I am, and I guess that I also accept the fact that I have little to do over there right now. My brother's struggle is his own, and he is too weak to entertain visitors anyway.

bluntforcetrauma
03-26-2008, 07:44 AM
I was last to know when my Father passed away. It was inexcusable, but I've gotten past it.


EDIT: I just couldn't let it go without saying my Father had a heart attack and was in hospital for two days first and no one bothered to call. I lived just down the street. Everyone got to see him before he went, but me. He was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man who ever lived.

Sury
03-27-2008, 07:52 PM
Sending a stack of good luck vibes your and your brother's way, Meli. :)

Melisande
07-20-2008, 10:31 AM
Thought I'd share with you the developement of this whole thing.

Now, earlier this year my brother's doctors in Sweden were all gung-ho about how they could cure him "in a jiffy". Very optimistic they seemed about his odds ('bout 80-85% to complete recovery). Turned out that my brother belongs to the other 15-20%.

SO, I received a phonecall from my brother, where he asked me if I would find it within myself to donate bone-marrow, IF I was found compatible. Sure; he is my brother, and even though it goes against everything I believe in I would do it. At least, to my comfort, we're talking about stuff coming OUT of my body - not going into it.

I was told that I would receive a letter very shortly with the proper referrals and whatnots about blood-typing to evaluate whether I might be a compatible donor. This was in mid May. Time went by and no letter from Sweden. My brother called every day, and I got more and more agitated, having planned my vacation since January. Well, the day came for my Beloved Hubby and I to leave town (end of June) for a trip on the Harley (going from New Mexico to Mississippi - not a short trip by any means), and still no letter. Spoke with my brother and he understood.

Eleven days later we come back home (with butt-sores from hell -2567 miles there and back), and I find the belated, but highly anticipated, letter in the mail. First we had to bring everything from the trip inside, have a shower and -YES, I admit it, a couple of drinks (it was actually quite late at night). Finally there was time to open the mail and what do I find?????

A handwritten note, on an otherwise blank sheet of copy paper - IN SWEDISH! No referral, no letterhead, no doctor's stamp or signature - NOTHING of value! Signed by a nurse's assistant, no less!

The worry I had felt for my brother all throughout the trip, not to mention the trip itself that had been scary enough in parts, got the better of me and with no heed to cost - or common sense - I called the Swedish hospital and raised hell, calling everyone FUCKING idiots!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry about the language!)

Well, I guess that the hospital in Sweden, once they had gotten over the NERVE of my reaction, finally saw the error of their ways and decided to send me a new letter about the blood-typing they needed.

This time it only took five days; the letter included cover-letters (two) written in English, and; lo and behold - a referral! - but in Swedish and without any kind of notification as to whom should bare the cost. Off I went to my doctor, he wrote the necessary referrals and I could finally get the tests done. Shipped them to Sweden and started to wait for some kind of notification.

In the beginning of May my other two brothers had already given their blood for typing. (They live in Sweden as well.) The hospital, however, refused to give any kind of notice whether either of them was compatible until they had the results from my blood test. So it has been nerve-wrecking on both ends.

Meanwhile my poor brother has suffered two major blood-poisonings and one severe pneumonia-attack. He is getting weaker by the day, but do they care over there? No, because it just so happens that the doctors are on vacation.

Yesterday! my brother called me and told me that one of my other brothers is the most suitable donor. Now, I can not even begin to tell you all how happy that makes me, though I also feel that this is something the hospital could have figured out at least six weeks ago (if not longer), saving him - and the rest of the family - a lot of agony.

SO - once again;

F it all!

Unique
07-20-2008, 09:20 PM
Melisande - I am so sorry you are going through this.

What on earth would be the reason for this:
The hospital, however, refused to give any kind of notice whether either of them was compatible until they had the results from my blood test. So it has been nerve-wrecking on both ends.


Makes no sense - unless he was 'good' and they wanted to see if yours were 'better' -

still, with the distance involved. <sigh> humanity. it's overrated.

Wishing your brother the very best.

(((hugs to you)))

Melisande
07-30-2008, 06:05 AM
Spoke with my brother today - My youngest brother is, and has been from the start, their choice. The whole matter was a mistake, and I bloody hate them for having put us all through this ordeal!!!!!!