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View Full Version : Adding color, or Showing NOT Telling....



She_wulf
02-29-2008, 03:55 AM
Just an idea for a prompt. There always is that dull sentence that sits there and does nothing...Or perfectly good sentences lost in your manuscript lacking color.

Example.

(I pulled this out of a published novel...) It looked like a brawl had taken place.

Good sentence, but could it be more?

Here's my bent on it.
There was glass strewn from one end of the room to the other. It was embedded in the carpet along with broken splinters of my dining room set and the formerly matching chairs. Bob lay in the middle of the mayhem, one hand resting on his chest. He was panting but not bleeding.

OK, next person do something with this line:

Immediately, Carlyle became a lot calmer.

Komnena
02-29-2008, 06:17 AM
The psychiatric staff grabbed Carlyle. One stuck a needle into his arm and he stopped struggling. A glassy smile replaced his rage and he let the staff lead him away.

Autodidact
03-01-2008, 12:19 AM
The party was rather dull.

Rodlen
03-01-2008, 01:27 AM
Grey walls, no food, and a lack of light made the party rather dull; I wonder why I went.