However, and I do so apologize for this, it isn’t going to be here.
A few of my ‘meatspace’ friends/acquaintances fill their lives with such drama on a daily basis, that I can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, in the middle of a meeting I get an urgent page. So I excuse myself and call back, expecting to find out friend X fell off a ladder and was in intensicve care.
No. Acquaintance Y is upset that friend X has not paid the final $300.00 of February’s rent. So Acquaintance Y wanted me to leave work and help put all of ‘X’s stuff by the curb to show her that she was serious.
And, of course, by the time I got home it had escalated to the point where Friend Z and acquaintance Q are fighting over Q lending X money to pay the rent and Y doesn’t want to take the money because that would mean she’s compromised. Y wants proof that X actually earned it because now X has become a dead beat, and I am somehow at fault for no leaving work to play ringmistress to this ‘logic challenged’ circus?
No, this deserves a flounce. This deserves a MAGNIFICENT FLOUNCE. The only regret I have is that I actually have to ‘flounce’ each of these individuals and I cannot mass flounce them, because that would involve the internet and this is a true ‘meatspace’ flounce:
"[NAME], I’ve had enough of your constant negativity, not to mention whining. While you may think of yourself as a normal human, in reality you are just a lame excuse for a jack-booted nazi. This constant drama ceased to be amusing in 1998, and recently, when I haven’t just been bored to tears by your asinine diatribes, I’ve used the sound of your voice not only as a laxative, but to hide those noises laxatives traditionally induce.
You obviously do not appreciate my writing. Your refusal to even read one paragraph of a PUBLISHED flash fiction story underscores that fact. Well that and the off chance that you never learned how to read.
I cannot be around you any more; your face makes baby kittens cry.
Therefore I have decided to hang out exclusively with my new friends on line. The people at AW love me. They are a wonderful group of highly intelligent writers and artists who appreciate me for who and what I am. Even Haskins. They are all better humans than you can ever hope to be, poser.
So, therefore, good bye. I am off to hang with my virtual friends, who, by the way, can all spell the basic profanities better than you ever will.”
I want to thank everyone at AW for making this flounce possible, I will try to be around more often.
A few of my ‘meatspace’ friends/acquaintances fill their lives with such drama on a daily basis, that I can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, in the middle of a meeting I get an urgent page. So I excuse myself and call back, expecting to find out friend X fell off a ladder and was in intensicve care.
No. Acquaintance Y is upset that friend X has not paid the final $300.00 of February’s rent. So Acquaintance Y wanted me to leave work and help put all of ‘X’s stuff by the curb to show her that she was serious.
And, of course, by the time I got home it had escalated to the point where Friend Z and acquaintance Q are fighting over Q lending X money to pay the rent and Y doesn’t want to take the money because that would mean she’s compromised. Y wants proof that X actually earned it because now X has become a dead beat, and I am somehow at fault for no leaving work to play ringmistress to this ‘logic challenged’ circus?
No, this deserves a flounce. This deserves a MAGNIFICENT FLOUNCE. The only regret I have is that I actually have to ‘flounce’ each of these individuals and I cannot mass flounce them, because that would involve the internet and this is a true ‘meatspace’ flounce:
"[NAME], I’ve had enough of your constant negativity, not to mention whining. While you may think of yourself as a normal human, in reality you are just a lame excuse for a jack-booted nazi. This constant drama ceased to be amusing in 1998, and recently, when I haven’t just been bored to tears by your asinine diatribes, I’ve used the sound of your voice not only as a laxative, but to hide those noises laxatives traditionally induce.
You obviously do not appreciate my writing. Your refusal to even read one paragraph of a PUBLISHED flash fiction story underscores that fact. Well that and the off chance that you never learned how to read.
I cannot be around you any more; your face makes baby kittens cry.
Therefore I have decided to hang out exclusively with my new friends on line. The people at AW love me. They are a wonderful group of highly intelligent writers and artists who appreciate me for who and what I am. Even Haskins. They are all better humans than you can ever hope to be, poser.
So, therefore, good bye. I am off to hang with my virtual friends, who, by the way, can all spell the basic profanities better than you ever will.”
I want to thank everyone at AW for making this flounce possible, I will try to be around more often.