A Magnificent Flounce

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Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
However, and I do so apologize for this, it isn’t going to be here.


A few of my ‘meatspace’ friends/acquaintances fill their lives with such drama on a daily basis, that I can’t take it anymore.


Yesterday, in the middle of a meeting I get an urgent page. So I excuse myself and call back, expecting to find out friend X fell off a ladder and was in intensicve care.


No. Acquaintance Y is upset that friend X has not paid the final $300.00 of February’s rent. So Acquaintance Y wanted me to leave work and help put all of ‘X’s stuff by the curb to show her that she was serious.


And, of course, by the time I got home it had escalated to the point where Friend Z and acquaintance Q are fighting over Q lending X money to pay the rent and Y doesn’t want to take the money because that would mean she’s compromised. Y wants proof that X actually earned it because now X has become a dead beat, and I am somehow at fault for no leaving work to play ringmistress to this ‘logic challenged’ circus?


No, this deserves a flounce. This deserves a MAGNIFICENT FLOUNCE. The only regret I have is that I actually have to ‘flounce’ each of these individuals and I cannot mass flounce them, because that would involve the internet and this is a true ‘meatspace’ flounce:


"[NAME], I’ve had enough of your constant negativity, not to mention whining. While you may think of yourself as a normal human, in reality you are just a lame excuse for a jack-booted nazi. This constant drama ceased to be amusing in 1998, and recently, when I haven’t just been bored to tears by your asinine diatribes, I’ve used the sound of your voice not only as a laxative, but to hide those noises laxatives traditionally induce.


You obviously do not appreciate my writing. Your refusal to even read one paragraph of a PUBLISHED flash fiction story underscores that fact. Well that and the off chance that you never learned how to read.


I cannot be around you any more; your face makes baby kittens cry.


Therefore I have decided to hang out exclusively with my new friends on line. The people at AW love me. They are a wonderful group of highly intelligent writers and artists who appreciate me for who and what I am. Even Haskins. They are all better humans than you can ever hope to be, poser.


So, therefore, good bye. I am off to hang with my virtual friends, who, by the way, can all spell the basic profanities better than you ever will.”


I want to thank everyone at AW for making this flounce possible, I will try to be around more often.
 

cray

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a) your friends have funny names.

b) i'm not real

III) is a jerkhead

4)the people at aw do love you. now we have to find out which ones are people.

vI) let me know if there's anything i can do. just tell me where and when and how many hamsters to bring. i'll do it. i'm in.
 

Stew21

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I think I will be using your flounce as a template for my own meatspace flounces from now on.
I have only had two magnificent flounces: 1) I divorced the bastard and moved 500 miles away to prove it. 2) a friend who deserved it may still be waiting for me to call her back and say all is forgiven. She will have to continue to wait. III) what cray said.
 

davids

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Why this flounce is almost Bombeckian-flounce submission may indeed be called for here-if not interventionary flounce group should be sought out and constipated!
 

Haggis

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30 minutes. That's all it would have taken you. 30 minutes.

Is that too much to ask after all I've done for you?
 

KTC

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Dammit all to hell! I thought you were leaving. )-;


**Picks up tinfoil hat that he threw in the air like Mary Tyler Moore when he thought it was a real flounce, and places it back upon his head**
 

sassandgroove

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I’ve used the sound of your voice not only as a laxative, but to hide those noises laxatives traditionally induce.
Excellent.

Yes...yes...some meatspace peoples need to go.

I let myself get triangulated in highschool and ended up missing a whole summer with one best friend because of the other. Another time, I had two girl friends who were dating the same guy. Said guy was my friend. He didn't know I was friends with both girls, because I only socialised with one of them. The other one sat next to me in a class and we talked a lot. I confronted said guy and told him "You tell them or I will." The stupid girls got mad at each other instead of the two timing loser. Never again.

I had a 'friend' flounce last year. It really hurt my feelings. Hard to explain, but my husband's best friend is married to my best friend. My husband was friends with his best friend's ex girlfriend before they were a couple, so he's tried to remain friends with her since they broke up. But naturally she isn't going to be included in group outings anymore, since Best friend trumps, you know. When I got engaged to Mr. Groove, she reached out to be my friend. I was wary because she was my best friend's fiance's ex, but she seemed nice and Mr. Groove was still her friend. She even did our flowers at our wedding. Well, her new husband got sick and we called her and told her we were here if she needed anything, and we sent flowers. I told another friend of ours about it, as well. One day shortly after, we get a nasty email telling us we're not true friends because we didn't go see her husband in the hospital. Um...he didn't recognize her at first, I really don't think he needed strangers hanging around. And the other girl she emailed had been out of town and only knew what was going on because I told her. I was floored. I had taken a risk to be her friend given the situation. I wrote a nasty email back, but didn't send it. Instead I blocked her email. Recently she has been trying to be friends with us again. I asked Mr. Groove how I am supposed to feel? Do I just act like nothing happened? He said do what ever I think best. I've decided when she emails wanting to have lunch, I will go, but I am not playing her games anymore. Mr. groove said she probably burned all her bridges and found that she is lonely on her island. She works in the same building now as Mr. Groove's best friend, and is even trying to be friendly with him. It is weird. I keep waiting for her to melt down again. This time I will just shrug it off.
 

BenPanced

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Z? X? Y? Q? Is this a James Bond movie or an algebra lesson?

Seriously, though. I know it hurts but you need to let go and take care of yourself in these situations and to save the kittens. WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY EVER THINK OF THE KITTENS?!

Okay, okay. I'm probably not making things any better, but I hope you're doing okay. Take a deep breath, settle down, and we'll be here when you're ready.

So, therefore, good bye. I am off to hang with my virtual friends, who, by the way, can all spell the basic profanities better than you ever will.
th'phuque?
 

writerterri

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Note to self:

Bring Pretty Princess Teaparty dishes to Jay's sandbox from now on.

Leave Drama Barbie and her boob growing sister at home.


Glad we could help!
 

Sarita

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Sorry to tell you, Jay: My face makes teh kittens cry, too. You might want to unflounce.

(We *so* luv you!)
 

Jaycinth

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Sorry to tell you, Jay: My face makes teh kittens cry, too. You might want to unflounce.

(We *so* luv you!)

NO!!!! NO!!! You misunderstand. I just flounced 'out' of my regular life to AW.

I'm not going to leave here....those 'meat sacks' you see wandering around the malls are dangerous crazy.

....and I believe they like kittens less than KTC does.


Note: Message on my cell phone. Now the sherriff is out there. Where is Dr. Phil? Where is 'Sally Jesse'? Why can't I open the window and toss out my cell phone?
 

Jaycinth

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I normally use lime to eliminate 'friends'.

Guess how many messages I got NOW????

I'm stayin' here where people who are capable of thinking thoughts congregate to think them.
 

C.bronco

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I feel warm and fuzzy after reading your flounce!

I also love how you seemlessly wove in "jack-booted nazi." Classic! You might tell those ninnies (how old are they?!) that you have been immortalized in fiction. Here is the excerpt from Capon Frank:

Billy-Ray MacHaggis III settled into his chair and passed her a cup of black currant tea. "It all started when I was twelve," he said. "I was at the salon getting my hair styled when the report came in on the radio: Death Chickens had taken over my neighborhood. I ran home to find my parents huddled behind a vat of hollandaise -they were in the egg industry- and our entire house was flattened. The neighbors didn't get away that easy. That was when I knew what I had to do..."

"Where was that?"

"Marsala County." he said. She was shocked. She had heard of that massacre. "I can still hear the drum sticks' rhythm as the local police tried to stop them. It was horrible. I guess that's why I went wild on Marsala the next few years. My parents finally sent me to a juvie camp, Soccer Mom's Black Angus Ranch in Texas. That was bad news. The place was surrounded by hell-hounds. I found Jaycinth then, devious seductress like a blackened grill. She showed me how to tie a roaster, and how to tie a lot of other things. What a riding crop can do! I tell you. She went through me like a chicken tender, and broke my heart. Sometimes, at night,I can still hear the crack of a whip and see the red eyes of a mutant chihuahua piercing through me."
 

III

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I was told there'd be nobody making fun of me from now on. Of course I can always burn AW to the ground.

milton.gif
 

K1P1

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I'd turn off the phone, if I were you.
 

tjwriter

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:roll:

Sorry, Jay. I completely understand though. I started cutting people who were too much emotional debt for their fair market value as well.

When I was pregnant (read: pyschotic hormonal), we were supposed to attend this birthday party for some friends' little boy. There was a really nasty storm, but it was over before party time. We get there, having driven 20 minutes to get there, and there's not a soul in sight. We *finally* track down one of the friend's parents to learn that the party was canceled because of the bad weather and rescheduled for another day. I blew a gasket. When confronted with the fact that no one told us, the response was that we should have known because of the bad weather.

*Headdesk*
 

sassandgroove

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Oy, TJ. What jerks.

I love the line in the BNL Song, You Can Be My Yoko Ono. "If there is someone you can live without, then do so." Amen to that!
 

Sarita

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So, my sister said to me on Saturday, "Why is my life so full of drama?" And I was like, "Dude? It's your friends drama, not yours. They're dragging you down."

Can I send her your meat-flounce? She might find it helpful in cutting out the crazy people...
 

Jaycinth

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I think all AWers should periodically flounce from 'Meatspace' and stay here where they can be both understood and misunderstood by people who actually have measurable IQ's.
 
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