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View Full Version : A Question, an Open Letter, and a Proverbial Headdesk



Riley
02-24-2008, 09:03 AM
I try to stay out of this board, but I had to put this here because I'm going nuts. (If you don't want to read the letter and just go to the question, scroll to the very bottom of the post, please.)



Dear Policeman,

You drive car 9, I think. It's hard to tell while I'm driving because I'm too busy trying to avoid taking out any more Dish Network vans. But, sometimes, when Mom is driving and I'm tuning out her constant complaining, I see you slip from the Drag On Motors parking lot and tail drivers. It's eerie how you manage to move that squad car so smoothly into traffic. It's as if you were a predatory fish darting for your prey.

And what is your prey? Butts.

Why, why, why do you tail people down the road? Do you think they're going to speed up and make an easy ticket for you? Do you have this fascination with bumper stickers or license plates? What is it? I'm going nuts here! I could understand if you were sidling up to female drivers and watching their boobies bounce or something, but the end of the vehicle?

I think you suffer daily from what I believe is called a Freudian slip. You like butts. You're ashamed to admit it. Yet, there's a subconscious part of you that pursues butts. Lately, you seem to have taken a liking to SUV butts, which means Mom and I see you in the rearview quite often now.

I believe in assisting police officers whenever possible, so here's what I am going to do. The next time I see you tailing me, I will sneakily unbuckle my seat belt, climb to the very back of the SUV, then pop the hatch. I'm going to wave at you, Mr. Policeman, so you can see me.

Then I am going to moon you.

I hope, by doing this, you will get your fix of butts and ticket-writing. I imagine the ticket would be quite an expensive one. It won't make Mom happy, but if it gets you to stop tailing people, it'll all be worth it.

Sincerely,

Riley L. E.




I don't understand why a policeman would tail drivers so much. Isn't that harrassment? Do I have legitimate grounds for complaint for this behavior? Is this standard? I haven't seen this in the few big cities I've been to, so I don't see why it'd be in a small, spit town. . .

Devil Ledbetter
02-24-2008, 05:39 PM
A Freudian slip is when someone accidentally says what they really feel, without even being aware they've done so. For example, if I'm going to take my kids to the pediatrician, but I say to you that I'm taking them to the vet, it could be considered a Freudian slip indicating I think they are little animals.

What the cop has is a butt fixation. My guess is cops tail you because of that Krispy Kreme cologne you're wearing.

At any rate, I've enjoyed the little missives you've posted here. Why do you avoid this forum? Is it Ray's chocolate pants?

bluntforcetrauma
02-24-2008, 05:56 PM
I don't understand why a policeman would tail drivers so much. Isn't that harrassment? Do I have legitimate grounds for complaint for this behavior? Is this standard? I haven't seen this in the few big cities I've been to, so I don't see why it'd be in a small, spit town. . .

It happens in all small towns. Hey, it's easier to harass innocent citizens than to arrest drug traffickers and perverts. Have yer mom follow a cop for awhile.

benbradley
02-24-2008, 06:49 PM
I can only wonder about accidents and car insurance for the police department. If someone doesn't see the cop tailgating (or even if they do) and suddenly puts on brakes (a child chasing a ball runs into the road), the cop is going to rear-end the driver. The accident would clearly be the cop's fault, but I wouldn't trust a judge in a small town to rule against his cousin on the police force...

It happens in all small towns. Hey, it's easier to harass innocent citizens than to arrest drug traffickers and perverts.
Yes, easier and much safer, too (for both the cops and the criminals). But it's too bad the cop doesn't see the dangers of tailgating.

Have yer mom follow a cop for awhile.
When an "ordinary citizen" does it, it's tailgating, a ticketable offense, and as I said can cause an accident in which the tailgater is at fault. I'd suggest not doing it.

Riley
02-24-2008, 10:07 PM
Thanks for the input everyone. I guess I'm just going to have to put up with it (or detour). Mom and I have considered tailing a cop, but we're afraid we'll get arrested for stalking or something. That's something I'd like to explain to the judge: "Well, see, judge, the cop was tailing me and I just thought he deserved a taste of his own medicine. . ."

Anyway, to answer your question, Devil, I avoid this forum because it intimidates me. All the posts have so many answers to them! It feels chaotic to me. I guess I'll get used to it as I relax and blend in with the scenery. (Oh, and thanks for explaining the Freudian Slip concept to me. I've never completely understood it 'til now.)

Devil Ledbetter
02-24-2008, 10:46 PM
Anyway, to answer your question, Devil, I avoid this forum because it intimidates me. All the posts have so many answers to them! It feels chaotic to me. I guess I'll get used to it as I relax and blend in with the scenery. (Oh, and thanks for explaining the Freudian Slip concept to me. I've never completely understood it 'til now.)With the larger threads, the trick is just choose one or two to inhabit until you get the hang of it. It is not at all necessary to read every post (or even the first post) in the monster threads. Just join in the ongoing discussion. Each has it's own mini-culture and frequent posters. I recommend Ray's House of Love Party (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2091985#post2091985). Although some people suspect it's a clique, in my experience everyone there has been unfailingly friendly to newcomers - but you have to join in there to find out just how inviting that hottub really is.

Really all you need to get by in Office Party is a sense of humor, and you do have one of those.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
02-25-2008, 03:05 AM
If the House of Love isn't to your liking, we're even sillier in 'This Thread Shall Die... But Not Today'. You don't even have to make sense there.

... Well... come to think of it... you don't really have to make sense anywhere around here, either.

Come on over! Trust me... there's absolutely NO good reason to be intimidated by anything or anyone around this joint.

Disclaimer: (Except maybe Haskins or Robeieeiooioio (I didn't even approximate that spelling, did I?))

HeronW
02-25-2008, 03:33 AM
...I don't understand why a policeman would tail drivers so much. Isn't that harrassment? Do I have legitimate grounds for complaint for this behavior? Is this standard? I haven't seen this in the few big cities I've been to, so I don't see why it'd be in a small, spit town. . .

Take the cop's license #, note the street/s, time of day, weather, speed limit posted, length of tailgating, estimated distance between your vehicles. If possible get a descriptiion or better yet, a celltel pix of the cop, or buy one of these 5$ cameras and take a few pix of him. Call the police station--or drive there and post a complaint if it's the same yahoo that's doing it repeatedly, or is it a policy of the town?

Post a complaint to the local newspaper, local tv news, etc.