- Joined
- Sep 19, 2006
- Messages
- 1,146
- Reaction score
- 103
Hi. I've just finished a fantasy/romance short story and would love some opinions on it. Its my first short story (and try at romance!) so I'm eager for critiques. I'm in the middle of taking a break from a finished novel. This story, Deep Embrace, is set in the same universe, but with different characters, thousands of years before. It shares the same basic plot line (gods and goddesses finding their soul mates) and was written to hopefully entice people into wanting to read my larger novel if it gets published. The plot line for Deep Embrace is this:
Helios, the God of the Rising Sun, has been kidnapped plunging the world into endless darkness allowing Nyx and Erebus, the God and Goddess of Darkness, to rise up from the ocean and wage war on the Gods of the Light. Nyx and Erebus cannot walk in the sun. If they do they turn into stone so they live underwater. Helios cannot stand the touch of water. If he is exposed to a single drop it burns him like acid. So Nyx and Erebus take him to their underwater lair to hold him prisoner the only place he could never escape from. So in desperation he begins calling out telepathically for someone to help him. He accidentally brushes minds with his soul mate, Perse, a sea goddess. Neither of them have met before. Perse decides to rush off to help him so she sneaks into Nyx and Erebus's lair and breaks him free. She defeats Nyx and Erebus then takes Helios up to the surface of the ocean. He "rises" up and becomes the sun itself. Since Perse is a mermaid and cannot follow, she sinks beneath the waves and vanishes. Hours later, at dusk, when Helios sinks back down towards the sea, she pulls him beneath the waves. Helios can only survive the touch of the ocean in her arms because she is his soul mate. The two of them swim off together. So basically its a love story between the ocean and the rising/setting sun.
I'm determined to see it published in a magazine. I will do whatever it takes to make it fit for publication.
Helios, the God of the Rising Sun, has been kidnapped plunging the world into endless darkness allowing Nyx and Erebus, the God and Goddess of Darkness, to rise up from the ocean and wage war on the Gods of the Light. Nyx and Erebus cannot walk in the sun. If they do they turn into stone so they live underwater. Helios cannot stand the touch of water. If he is exposed to a single drop it burns him like acid. So Nyx and Erebus take him to their underwater lair to hold him prisoner the only place he could never escape from. So in desperation he begins calling out telepathically for someone to help him. He accidentally brushes minds with his soul mate, Perse, a sea goddess. Neither of them have met before. Perse decides to rush off to help him so she sneaks into Nyx and Erebus's lair and breaks him free. She defeats Nyx and Erebus then takes Helios up to the surface of the ocean. He "rises" up and becomes the sun itself. Since Perse is a mermaid and cannot follow, she sinks beneath the waves and vanishes. Hours later, at dusk, when Helios sinks back down towards the sea, she pulls him beneath the waves. Helios can only survive the touch of the ocean in her arms because she is his soul mate. The two of them swim off together. So basically its a love story between the ocean and the rising/setting sun.
I'm determined to see it published in a magazine. I will do whatever it takes to make it fit for publication.