Phrases you never thought you'd hear yourself say

auntybug · Feb 22, 2008

One of my cats was driving me nuts meowing & circling my feet... I couldn't figure out what her problem was. I checked the food - it was fine. I finally discovered the water was empty & hollered:

"Damnit! Learn to drink out of the toilet like a normal cat!" Hubby about died laughing...

That rates right up there with:

" HON!!! Help me move the refrigerator! Gil (the fish) is stuck on it between it & the counter!" (don't ask

)

You? Pet or not pet related.

Gravity · Feb 22, 2008

The first time I ever said "back when I was a kid" to my son, I knew I'd officially entered geezerhood. And you know something? It ain't bad! Fifty-six years old and still rockin'...

Silver King · Feb 22, 2008

I find myself recycling phrases my parents used while I was growing up. I disliked them at the time but understand their significance now. Like when I grounded my son recently, and he was very angry, I said, "Hate me today, love me tomorrow."

I expect he'll appreciate that statement when he's older. Or maybe not.

Bmwhtly · Feb 22, 2008

A year or so ago, my sister called me to ask my advice. She was playing Grand Theft Auto and kept getting killed.

The three people nearest me heard me tell her:
"I don't care how many hookers are chasing you! I'm at work"

davids · Feb 22, 2008

CHASTIZIPATING THE BOY WHO IS NOW A MAN-IF YOU EVER GROW UP JUNIOR COME AND GET ME WILL YA? HE UNDERSTOOD THAT HIS DAD WAS NOT MUCH OF A GROWN UP-SO IT MADE SENSE TO HIM. AUNTY THE CAT LINE IS FOR THE AGES-LOVE DAVE

maxmordon · Feb 22, 2008

"and that is the real reality"

sheadakota · Feb 22, 2008

Get your finger out of your sisters nose!

joyce · Feb 22, 2008

Silver King said:
I find myself recycling phrases my parents used while I was growing up. I disliked them at the time but understand their significance now. Like when I grounded my son recently, and he was very angry, I said, "Hate me today, love me tomorrow."

I expect he'll appreciate that statement when he's older. Or maybe not.

Same here. Oh how I swore I would not be like them when I was a teen, but now I'm them. My dad use to tell us when we complained about being cold waiting for the bus (Fl maybe 40's) that he had to walk a mile to school in the snow that was up to his knees. I use to tell my daughter when she complained that I remember walking a mile to school in the sand that was up to my knees. I used my dad's statement just revised it to Florida.

Oh my, I've turned into my parents.

maxmordon · Feb 22, 2008

"I swear I thought it was vanilla ice cream"

CaroGirl · Feb 22, 2008

Almost everything I've ever said to my kids. From "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it," to "Stop shoving cheese in your sister's ear."

Maryn · Feb 22, 2008

We all become our parents, I think. In a way, it makes me miss them less--I am them. As in when I user "family language" nonsense or favorite words like gok, doctor (which doesn't mean doctor), or switcher, or family silliness like calling one another by almost any name except the correct one. (I'm Mim, mostly. Our daughter, currently the Grumkin, is working on her PhD and will one day be Dr. Um, while our son has enough names to fill the page, from Waldemyr to Wobbert the Bruise to Tomato-head.)

So I guess I never thought I'd pick up the phone and say, "Um, it's Mim. I'm thinking Wobbert needs goks. Want to come over and help, or are you too doctor?"

Maryn, to whom that makes perfect sense

JoNightshade · Feb 22, 2008

"Rise and shine!"

Oh man, how I always wanted to kill my mom when she said that. Now I do it to my husband.

Oberon · Feb 22, 2008

joyce said:
Same here. Oh how I swore I would not be like them when I was a teen, but now I'm them. My dad use to tell us when we complained about being cold waiting for the bus (Fl maybe 40's) that he had to walk a mile to school in the snow that was up to his knees. I use to tell my daughter when she complained that I remember walking a mile to school in the sand that was up to my knees. I used my dad's statement just revised it to Florida. Oh my, I've turned into my parents.

I actually, in truth, for a fact, did walk over a mile through snow up to my knees (Jackson, Wyoming, check it out), occasionally my father and another adult breaking trail for the kids in the neighborhood. And back home for lunch, back to school, back home after school. We didn't think anything about it. Nobody was driven to school except the "ranch kids" who came in on a bus. I can't say anything about it, I get "Oh no, not again." So I try not to mention it when the subject comes up (except here).

kellytijer · Feb 22, 2008

To my three year old son:

"Putting that DVD in my butt will not make the movie play out of my mouth."

Voyager · Feb 22, 2008

Why don't you just do drugs like normal children?

BenPanced · Feb 22, 2008

"20 years ago..." or "25 years ago..." or even the dreaded "30 years ago..."

They're playing the songs I listened to as a teenager on the oldies stations!

jannawrites · Feb 22, 2008

"Stop that, or I'll jerk a knot in your tail!" My mom always said that to my sister and me, and now I say it to my own two girls. Criminy.

CurtisCandy · Feb 22, 2008

kellytijer said:
To my three year old son:

"Putting that DVD in my butt will not make the movie play out of my mouth."

All right!

There's one potentially painful experience I can cross off my list of things to try out on myself!

...A few of these others still have me worried, though...

Joycecwilliams · Feb 23, 2008

Well this made my kids laugh.

Don't talk with your mouth opened..

Patrick L · Feb 23, 2008

Not tonight.

Joycecwilliams · Feb 23, 2008

Patrick L said:
Not tonight.

Guess that's why you're looking for a home..

Ol' Fashioned Girl · Feb 23, 2008

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall... I AM my mother, after all!"

BenPanced said:
"20 years ago..." or "25 years ago..." or even the dreaded "30 years ago..."

They're playing the songs I listened to as a teenager on the oldies stations!

Yeah, well, just wait'll you can say '40 years ago...'

And then you'll notice that they're not only playing your songs on oldies stations, they've turned them into elevator muzak!

nerds · Feb 23, 2008

As with most of the above, all from my parents, once I became one myself -

It's your funeral. Prior to some risky undertaking by son and buddies, such as climbing 80' Douglas firs or BMXing airborne off homemade ramps.

I'll leave you to your own devices. Applicable to the above.

Think of the starving children in ____________. Fill in country of one's choice, used nightly at suppertime when son confronted vegetables on plate.

I'm going to stop this car right here and you'll be walking home.

TrainofThought · Feb 23, 2008

To my boss: “Since I’m not in the mood to work, can I just go home?”

Co-Worker: “Why did you get a tattoo?”
Me: “So my mom can identify my body.”

Co-Worker: “What happened? You used to be thin.”
Me: “It’s called Life. Why don’t you get one.”

Guy in bar: “Why aren’t you married?”
Me: “I didn’t think the blood test was worth it.”

Talking to my niece and nephew: "When I was young..."

Kerr · Feb 23, 2008

"I hope you have a teenager someday just like you!"
My oldest still has nightmares over that one. heehe

Phrases you never thought you'd hear yourself say

teh other evil broad

Seen 'em come, seen 'em go

Megalops Erectus

Yes, I'm back.

Penúltimo

part of the human equation

I'm really shy...

Penúltimo

Living the dream

Baaa!

has finally arrived

What the hell is going on?!

Ribbed for your pleasure.

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

no, really

looking for a home

Hand? What hand?

of all the gin joints

A flowering bud of bitchiness

I vant to bite you