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View Full Version : Mums, why is it so hard to leave your kids .... even just for one night?



Mandy-Jane
02-22-2008, 02:32 PM
Or is it just me?

Once a year, all the adult girls in our family have a weekend get-together. No kids, no men, just the girls. We talk and drink, laugh and drink, play games and ..... drink. It's a great weekend. This is our 9th year now, and it's always the best fun. I'm heading off tomorrow, only for one night, but I've just told my little girls that I'm going to be away for one night. Oh, the tears! "I will miss you Mummy." It's almost enough to make me cancel. But I know I'll have a great time.

So what do I do? Their daddy will be looking after them and I know they'll be perfectly okay and happy. We've all heard about how important it is to spend time away from the littlies, but when it comes to it, it's not always easy.

I think I just need someone to tell me not to worry about them, and go!

Someone ..... please?

Mumut
02-22-2008, 02:38 PM
Why not have Daddy plan a night camping out - in the living room? They could make tents with blankets between chairs, cook breakfast on the barbecue etc. Make it fun for them so they'll have exciting adventures to tell you about when you return after your long absence!

JJ Cooper
02-22-2008, 02:57 PM
Must be kids all over Brisbane camping in their living room - it's exactly what I do with my boys.

My wife is having a girls weekend in Canberra soon, so it'll be just me and the boys. It's so hard for the wife being away from the boys, but also so relaxing. I encourage it. Mums deserve time off as well. I get my time off when I go to work. My wife doesn't. She sensationally balances running a personal training businees, dropping and picking the older one up from school, amusing the little one all day, cleaning, cooking, finances, shopping, everything. I'm blessed. Mums need time away to relax. Just enjoy Mandy-Jane and trust that they will be fine.

JJ

Mandy-Jane
02-22-2008, 03:22 PM
Oh you guys! You know just what to say! Seriously, thank you so much. I know they'll be fine. But it just gets hard when the tears come and they tell me they'll miss me.

JJ Cooper
02-22-2008, 03:41 PM
I feel that way every day I go to work, but I know my boys are in great hands.

JJ

heyjude
02-22-2008, 05:24 PM
Mandy-Jane, we all need refreshing! You'll be happier for it in the end, won't you? Go, and have fun.

A friend recently left her two for a weekend after much debating (months on end). She was SO nervous and worried, but she and hubby had no time at all together at home. They went and the kids barely mentioned them while they were gone. She was so happy they are going to do it again soon. Everyone survived and she appreciated her kids so much more when she came home.

Now, if only I could find a way to get away from MY rugrats for a day or so! (I'm jealous!)

sheadakota
02-22-2008, 05:47 PM
Ok- i have decided I must be the WORST mother ever! I mean I love my kids - I adore them! But Mandy-Jane, I would kill to have the chance to get away once a year!

I did have a life before my kids- my husband is in his last year of school, we haven't been alone without the kids since our honeymoon (15 yrs ago!) We are planning a cruise when he graduates and the kids are SO not invited and Ihave no guilt about that whatsoever! Bad Mommy

Devil Ledbetter
02-22-2008, 06:08 PM
When I leave my children for the night, I get teary thinking about the mess I'll be coming home to. Unless I'm taking DH with me and the kids are staying with my mom.

Then I'm giddy.

Loving my kids doesn't mean I never need a break.

CaroGirl
02-22-2008, 06:12 PM
I adore my kids. But an night away from them, if I know they'll be properly cared for and won't miss me too much (they're too old for the crying thing now) provides a much-needed break.

Enjoy yourself and know they'll be fine without you. Maybe they'll appreciate you all the more when they see you again (and you'll appreciate them, too).

quickWit
02-22-2008, 06:15 PM
I think I just need someone to tell me not to worry about them, and go!

Don't worry about them, and go!

(Honestly, am I the only one who read through the entire post?) :)

jannawrites
02-22-2008, 06:42 PM
As most moms, I've been in your exact predicament, Mandy-Jane. You'll feel gut-wrenched as you're leaving your girls, but soon into your time away you'll begin to feel better (it doesn't take long for me). And you'll be so rejuvenated upon your return you'll know it was the right thing to have done.

I'm with the others who mentioned planning an exciting adventure with Daddy. Talk it up to your girls; get them pumped about whatever cool thing they'll be doing with him. If their attention is focused on whatever their activities will be while you're away, it'll be easier - even the eensiest - when you leave.

Good luck! And have fun! :D

Jersey Chick
02-22-2008, 06:57 PM
I only get away from the kids one weekend out of the year, and that's the weekend I go to a writer's conference (though, now that they're older, they will start spending more time with their grandparents down the shore soon) and I look so forward to it. (I try not to think about the fact that daddy's probably letting them run wild, and feeding them junk food and telling them "Dads rule and moms drool" :D)

But, by the end of that weekend, I usually can't wait to get home. It's just enough to recharge my batteries...

auntybug
02-22-2008, 07:37 PM
The first time I left my son to go to a movie when he was 4 months old, I broke into tears in line & went home to him. I know where you're coming from *hug* Go have a great time - they will be there when you get back :D

Mandy-Jane
02-23-2008, 01:40 AM
Thanks everyone for your replies! You have confirmed what I guess I already knew deep down, but it does make me rest a bit easier knowing that (a) I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way; (b) they'll definitely be okay without me, and (c) I WILL have great time!

You're the sweetest! :e2grouphu

sassandgroove
02-23-2008, 02:09 AM
have fun.

CurtisCandy
02-23-2008, 02:57 AM
In our house, it's actually the other way around. My wife is much healthier in her ability to leave our son at home for a little R & R time than I am.

My boy and I are pretty much attached at the hip. While I love going out and spending time with my wife, it's not long before I get antsy about wanting my son along for the ride.

My wife goes out with the girls way more often than I go out with the guys. I have NO problem with that; it's my choice. It's good for her to get out, and I simply prefer hanging out with my son over hanging out with "the guys." Besides, when mom is out, we get to do some of the stuff that is considered just too gross by mom when she's home. (Watching "Ed, Edd and Eddy" for example.)

It's also one more reason I really miss the wrestling days. My son was welcomed into the locker room from day one. When he was around, the guys were cool about watching their language and everything, and they all really liked him. It was a great bonding time for us, and a real "guys" thing for him.

As a matter of fact, my son was 4 and would root against me when I was wrestling my arch-nemesis (but real life very close friend). The fans knew him as "Danger," but to my son, he was "Uncle Dave."

One night, after a particularly grueling match, my son said to me, "You were too mean tonight."

I said, "What are you talking about?"

He replied, "You threw Uncle Dave through a table. That was mean."

I said, "Are you kidding?! He suplexed me backwards off the top rope, slammed a chair across my back and completely crushed a garbage can over my head!"

My son replied, "Yea, but you started it."

I couldn't argue. - I had started it.

:)

Skyraven
02-23-2008, 08:57 AM
MJ - woman just go! ;)p I miss my cocohead when he's not with me, but then if he's with me 24/7, he drives me crazy! That's why I love going to work, i get the chance to miss him. :( It's just the way it is, know what I mean?

Heiddi

Kerr
02-23-2008, 08:52 PM
Recently, my daughter called to ask if I'd babysit while she went out to dinner for Valentine's Day. My granddaughter will be one next month and that was only the third time I've had her like that all to myself. Of course, I jumped.

Most of this year, my daughter worked long hours and hated to lose another moment that she might spend with her child. I can't blame her. The baby has grown overly attached to her babysitter. Now, she's working online from home. I'm thinking this year I'll have more time, as well.

Don't worry, Mandy. Kids get so attached because of all the time Moms spend with them. But they need the time they spend with other people to learn social skills. And other people need the time, as well. I'm looking forward to my next opportunity.

Mandy-Jane
02-25-2008, 02:46 AM
Thanks everyone. Of course you're all right. I did go away, came back late yesterday and the girls were were fine (also very excited to see me!). The house was a mess, but, well, never mind.

Thanks for everyone's comments.

Soccer Mom
02-25-2008, 02:57 AM
A little time away is good for everyone! But yeah...the mess. I'm glad you had a good time, M-J.

writerterri
02-25-2008, 04:09 AM
I wanna go! You better go! He's with his dad, silly. Who cares if they have pancakes piled high with powdered sugar, real butter and lots of dripping syrup for dinner and ice cream for desert.

Don't worry! Have a good time!

Dork.

writerterri
02-25-2008, 04:10 AM
OH, glad you had a good time!

Chumplet
02-25-2008, 05:14 AM
I really, really needed BNO (Bitches Night Out) because I was tired of wearing the referee sweater and blowing the whistle every time my two kids and their father stood toe-to-toe with various arguments. This was my one weekend of sanity (can we call it sanity?) so I could face motherhood and wifehood for another few months. If I didn't have BNO, I'd go completely insane. My family knows it.

I expressed my concerns to my 80-year-old neighbour, Lilian. "How can I leave them overnight? Will they kill each other? They don't cook; what will they eat?"

She responded in her lovely Welsh Mrs. Doubtfire voice, "When I went away for a night or two, I told my family, 'If you can't fend for yourselves for one night, you deserve to starve.'

WildScribe
02-25-2008, 06:42 AM
I left my baby with my parents for the first time when he was a month or two old, and with my husband before that (so I could go out and be blessedly alone for a while, hehe)

No problem. Nada. In fact, on the way home from the movies my husband had to remind me to pick him up from my mom's. *blush* My mind was, admittedly, elsewhere...

I love being a mom, but I also trust that my son will not die from an hour of rusty care.

Soccer Mom
02-25-2008, 06:46 AM
Oh yeah, and the older they get, the more I need a little time away. By the end of Christmas break, I'm the first car in the school parking lot, skidding into the entrance sideways, hood sliding like the Dukes of Hazzard.

slcboston
02-25-2008, 07:03 AM
In our house, it's actually the other way around. My wife is much healthier in her ability to leave our son at home for a little R & R time than I am.

My boy and I are pretty much attached at the hip. While I love going out and spending time with my wife, it's not long before I get antsy about wanting my son along for the ride.:)

Same here with my little girl. I know it still seems odd in American Culture (leaving me to ask: what is WRONG with us, people? :) ) but there are plenty of fathers who have as much issues with this as the moms.

writerterri
02-25-2008, 10:58 PM
Oh yeah, and the older they get, the more I need a little time away. By the end of Christmas break, I'm the first car in the school parking lot, skidding into the entrance sideways, hood sliding like the Dukes of Hazzard.

With me right behind you! he he he!

I once got a letter from the school stating that I was't allowed to drop my kids off at school before 9:15 am. Dorks! School starts at 9:30! I thought it started at 6:am. :D

And now I make them take the bus because it gives me an extra hour.