another fantasy fan
I was excited when I saw your post. I just finished writing a young adult fiction that takes place in the Land of Wishes (sounds soppy, but I'm not done yet) Kathy, a 15 y.o, has just moved to a new town when she makes a tearful wish for new friends. ( Don't worry it gets better) When Kad, a young traveler shows up in her room that night to take her to the Mistress of Wishes, Kathy isn't overly impressed. In fact, she thinks he's a nut and gives him to the count of ten to get out of her room before she starts screaming. Kathy's temper doesn't improve much when he grabs her hand and whisks her away to the Unicorn Plains. Kathy's simple wish turns complicated when they become embroiled in finding the Prince and his wounded ambassador to bring an end to the long standing Flef and Elven Wars.
As far as your story hang on to your hat. We'll get the mean stuff out of the way so I can gush over how good you are.
1) You forgot the hook.....the fact that she communicates with the elementals is the hook. What is that like? What are elementals?
2) Who is she? What is she? You need to put some structure around her character
3) Who is Layolk? What is he? (a human, elf, fairy, what?)
4) Break up your sentences. You have way to many and. You also have her trailing off and she's whining so much and not doing anything about it. Not being understood is universal at that age. Constant whining about it is what an adult sees a teen doing; they think they have a pertinent complaint (I think I said that right).
Now for the good stuff. It's an imaginative and original idea. You have my attention wondering about what the elementals are like (I'm imagining like earth, wind, and fire but I can't visualize yet how you are going to take such an abstract concept and make it manageable). It sounds really interesting and you are very talented but like all of us get carried away with the word count. I've read if you go into the editing process planning on slashing approx. 20% of your word count that by the time you've finished, you've ended up with what you need to tell the story effectively without muddying it up with extra dialogue, descriptions, etc. that you don't need, (this especially applies to fiction). Having an outsider critique and edit your work (for free, btw), or putting the manuscript away for a couple of weeks before trying to edit it yourself, is essential for giving yourself some distance to polish your work. Good Luck and if you would ever like a writing partner to exchange ideas, editing, and critiquing, you know where to find me.
Kay