View Full Version : Tourists

JJ Cooper
02-10-2008, 04:08 PM
So I was reading nerds thread and realised that I have no idea about the locations everyone was mentioning and it reminded of an email that I was sent. I doubt if it's true but thought I'd post it for giggles.


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night clubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)

A: Only at Christmas.


Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

02-10-2008, 04:15 PM
LOL, I remember an Australian friend of mine sent me this link a while back.

02-10-2008, 05:08 PM
:ROFL: This reminded me so much of working at the Banff Tourism Bureau!!! Thanks for the chuckle, JJ.

02-10-2008, 07:18 PM

But this one gives me pause:

All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.I mean, I can kinda see why someone might worry about snakes. If I remember correctly, Australia has the most poisonous of any continent. Granted, they're not hanging from hotel rafters and street signs and snake bites aren't all that frequent in Australia, but it's what everyone learns. So they assume there must be some increased danger, even though there really isn't.

02-10-2008, 07:21 PM
That is funny and sad.

Devil Ledbetter
02-10-2008, 08:36 PM
Those were hilarious, and prove once again that there are no stupid questions, only idiotic inquisitors.

02-10-2008, 09:28 PM
What's sad is people that ignorant being able to afford travel. Damn it, if you're that stupid, you should be poor!

Maryn, waiting for her chance to run the world

02-10-2008, 10:36 PM
Kind of reminds me of a section in a book I read but can't remember the title. In one part it has that an American called the UK tourism board and asked if on a clear day you can see England from the East coast of the USA. On being told no it's too far away he replied "oh gee, they look so close on the map!"


02-10-2008, 10:47 PM
These are wonderful. So sad that the wit was likely wasted on the witless inquisitives.

Hee hee! Love it.