PDA

View Full Version : Another wording for "sparks flew"?



JennaGlatzer
02-07-2008, 04:00 AM
I'm trying to write a sentence about how two people met and-- y'know-- "sparks flew." Only not so cliched. Everything I come up with is equally cliched: "love was in the air," etc. Any ideas for a different, brief way of saying this?

TheIT
02-07-2008, 04:03 AM
Like walking across the carpet wearing socks in wintertime and touching a door handle.

:D

(sorry, got nothing)

JennaGlatzer
02-07-2008, 04:05 AM
WISEBUTT! :D

Rolling Thunder
02-07-2008, 04:05 AM
Nostrils flared.

Yeah...I suck at this kind of stuff.

JoNightshade
02-07-2008, 04:10 AM
In a single moment, they saw forever?

Wow, that was dumb.

JJ Cooper
02-07-2008, 04:12 AM
Cupid shot both of them in the ass.

JJ

Rolling Thunder
02-07-2008, 04:12 AM
"Sweaty things were exposed and sporadic touching ensued."

Um...this is erotica, isn't it? :D

You opened a can of worms here. Jenna. :ROFL:

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:13 AM
hearts aligned

souls collided

instant fire



I'm pathetic at this...

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:14 AM
pssst...guys. This isn't OP.

Vincent
02-07-2008, 04:14 AM
Something about the air being charged like before a thunderstorm? Static electricity?

*shrug* No idea.

TheIT
02-07-2008, 04:15 AM
A little more context might help. Whose POV: his, hers, or outside observer? Genre, time period, and location?

SpookyWriter
02-07-2008, 04:18 AM
I'm trying to write a sentence about how two people met and-- y'know-- "sparks flew." Only not so cliched. Everything I come up with is equally cliched: "love was in the air," etc. Any ideas for a different, brief way of saying this?They were confused momentarily? I'm not sure if pov is important or not, but if it his then "He couldn't swallow." or "His heart wanted to skip the introduction."

Hard to know how, when, or under what circumstances "sparks flew". I like two characters who stumble over each other during that first meeting where something happened. Neither one can quite explain the feelings, so their actions speak volumes.

Take care and good luck with the scene.

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:18 AM
fate screamed

SpookyWriter
02-07-2008, 04:19 AM
A little more context might help. Whose POV: his, hers, or outside observer? Genre, time period, and location?LOL! I was busy writing my response when you posted.

Rolling Thunder
02-07-2008, 04:19 AM
pssst...guys. This isn't OP.

Yeah, you're right.

Um...how about:

Their hearts kindled; like white hot flares guiding two forlorn travelers through a fog of desperate loneliness.

SpookyWriter
02-07-2008, 04:19 AM
fate screamedDon't date a girl named Fate. Good advice Kevin.

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:20 AM
Without ever seeing her, he already knew everything about her...

He swallowed his heart

SpookyWriter
02-07-2008, 04:20 AM
He swallowed his heartHorror?

otterman
02-07-2008, 04:21 AM
"He swallowed his heart"
...and it tasted g-o-o-d.

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:23 AM
In seeing her, his unnamed longing finally ended.

IceCreamEmpress
02-07-2008, 04:28 AM
Well, you can't have "the floor dropped from beneath her feet like a cheap carnival ride" because I already took that one.

I like "sizzle" as a substitute for "spark" but I'm not sure where to go with that.

Rolling Thunder
02-07-2008, 04:30 AM
Their hearts sizzled like steaks on a hot grill....

Yeah. I think I best go visit other threads now.

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:31 AM
her whole being sizzled with the realization that she had found the one.

drachin8
02-07-2008, 04:50 AM
With a sharp gasp, her glance turned into an entrapped stare. If she never breathed again, she would die happy because the breath she held now was held for him.


Man, it is hard to do these and not be cheesy!


:)

-Michelle

KTC
02-07-2008, 04:52 AM
She wept.

SpookyWriter
02-07-2008, 04:53 AM
She's not married yet.

brokenfingers
02-07-2008, 04:58 AM
The world slightly shifted, and it was as if they each heard a faint ‘click’ in their heads. Suddenly every color, every sound and every smell took on a new significance, as if the world had been made anew for them, right then, right there. And they knew, without a word passing their lips, that they were gonna get their groove on that night…


:D

Hillary
02-07-2008, 05:12 AM
...they were gonna get their groove on that night…

I think, at one point, I called you eloquent. I officially take it back.


Cupid shot both of them in the ass.

I like this one, JJ. Only I'd follow it up with "...and homeboy seems to have acquired a compound bow." One... Because nothing says sexy like the addition of the word "homeboy" and two... Bam!

TrainofThought
02-07-2008, 07:14 AM
I'm trying to write a sentence about how two people met and-- y'know-- "sparks flew." Only not so cliched. Everything I come up with is equally cliched: "love was in the air," etc. Any ideas for a different, brief way of saying this?They’re chance meet mutes sound and ceases all motion. They reduce the space between them to appease their hunger and achieve their unspoken thoughts.

My-Immortal
02-07-2008, 07:24 AM
When he saw her, he realized she'd be the last person he'd ever make love to, and for the first time in his life, he knew that was okay.

He was captivating, intelligent, witty, romantic, and she never wanted him to go away, but when he did, she noticed he had a nice butt too.

That's all I've got off the top of my head...

Good luck.

JennaGlatzer
02-07-2008, 10:16 AM
Yes... I think these responses will fly very well in my Marilyn Monroe biography (the first meeting between Marilyn and Arthur Miller).

:e2smack:

Anyone ever tell you you people are not quite normal?

My-Immortal
02-07-2008, 10:19 AM
Anyone ever tell you you people are not quite normal?

I prefer the term 'unique'...

:)

Cassiopeia
02-07-2008, 10:23 AM
Her heart beat a little faster, his in unison as they lingered.


Okay, I usually kill them off in my stories but I gave it a shot.

My-Immortal
02-07-2008, 10:46 AM
She had the soul of an ancient and the exuberance of a child and he fell in love with the conflicting forces that ruled her world until the mystery that was her no longer remained a riddle.

KTC
02-07-2008, 03:31 PM
I prefer the term 'unique'...

:)


Shhhhhh. Don't wake her.

JJ Cooper
02-07-2008, 03:51 PM
Maybe look at the body language angle. When two people 'click' they normally ignore the background noise (other conversations, music etc) and just pay attention to each other. It may sound a bit weird, but, they'll fall into a pattern of body langauge that they won't realise they're doing it; like breathing to the same beat and mirroring each others movements. So maybe instead of using a 'cliche' (and 'telling'), perhaps you can descibe their body language and let the reader interpret what it all means.

Anyway - my thoughts.

JJ

honeycomb
02-07-2008, 04:13 PM
Powerful currents of steady, high-voltaged energy spread through their bodies. The heat melting their hearts. Not sure if this cliched, but...

Straka
02-07-2008, 06:50 PM
As wayne from wayne's world said, "Sssssaaaawing!"

Judg
02-08-2008, 04:26 AM
They could both feel the tension in the air. And it felt good.

Electricity in the air?

Hey, clichés got to be clichés by saying something really well. Might as well riff on it.

Judg
02-08-2008, 04:32 AM
OK, I just read that this was for a biography. We might want something just a touch more sedate, even if it is MM.

The attraction was immediate and powerful. Or even, The sexual tension between them was immediate and powerful.

Well, I hope this can at least inspire you to something better. I tried.

honeycomb
02-08-2008, 06:18 AM
When he saw her, he realized she'd be the last person he'd ever make love to, and for the first time in his life, he knew that was okay.:roll:

I think I've heard this line before or maybe I read it. Would the guy kill himself afterwards or would the lady die?

Judg
02-08-2008, 06:20 AM
Those the only options you can think of?

brokenfingers
02-08-2008, 06:55 AM
I'm trying to write a sentence about how two people met and-- y'know-- "sparks flew." Only not so cliched. Everything I come up with is equally cliched: "love was in the air," etc. Any ideas for a different, brief way of saying this?
The attraction between them was immediate and undeniable.

An immediate attraction was felt between them.

Once their eyes locked, they remained on each other the rest of the night.

The rest of the room faded into the distance when their eyes met.

The urge was irresistible - and shared.

The attraction was mutual - and unshakable.

All sane thoughts fled the moment they met.

They both smiled simultaneously, and they knew.

As soon as they met, they both heard "Chicka-licka-bow-wow!"

SpookyWriter
02-08-2008, 06:57 AM
The attraction between them was immediate and undeniable.

An immediate attraction was felt between them.

Once their eyes locked, they remained on each other the rest of the night.

The rest of the room faded into the distance when their eyes met.

The urge was irresistible - and shared.

The attraction was mutual - and unshakable.

All sane thoughts fled the moment they met.

They both smiled simultaneously, and they knew.

As soon as they met, they both heard "Chicka-licka-bow-wow!"Groan. Don't quite the day job. :roll:

brokenfingers
02-08-2008, 07:03 AM
Groan. Don't quite the day job. :roll:
Hahahaha! Don't worry - I won't quite it quite yet. :roll:

SpookyWriter
02-08-2008, 07:16 AM
Hahahaha! Don't worry - I won't quite it quite yet. :roll:If I do ever quit my day job it is because I've become wealthy selling my political knowledge of world events to the Republicans. :D I'm not waiting for the call anytime soon.

Cassiopeia
02-08-2008, 07:35 AM
:cry: But you said we'd run off together as soon as your book sold!
If I do ever quit my day job it is because I've become wealthy selling my political knowledge of world events to the Republicans. :D I'm not waiting for the call anytime soon.

SpookyWriter
02-08-2008, 07:50 AM
:cry: But you said we'd run off together as soon as your book sold!Just one? :roll: We can live on the cheap in Ukraine.

maestrowork
02-08-2008, 08:26 AM
Jolt of electricity shot through them.

Touched by love.

Shaken with lust/affection/desire...

And here's a cheesy one from my own book:

"The angel has claimed my soul" :D

SpookyWriter
02-08-2008, 08:30 AM
Jolt of electricity shot through them.

Touched by love.

Shaken with lust/affection/desire...

And here's a cheesy one from my own book:

"The angel has claimed by soul" :DI hope that's not in the novel I'm reading. Ehm, you're bookie. Love it so far! Nice writing, Mr. Ray.

WerenCole
02-08-2008, 08:51 AM
You know when you see somebody and you are just completely comfortable?



"Marilyn saw Arthur and felt like she was home."


I like the whole "another person feels like home" motif. I like it better when I actually meet somebody who is like that for me.

That is probably the best I can do with it though.

Or you could just say "Hey baby, wanna wrestle?"

John Paton
02-08-2008, 09:17 AM
Arthur felt his manhood stir as Marilyn wet her lips with the tip of her tongue. Her legs were further apart than he'd imagined only moments before and at that moment he knew he had to have her.

Hmmmm - Why is everything a joke to me ?? ;)

chevbrock
02-08-2008, 10:23 AM
"The sun rose, set, and rose again in a minute"

I think I should just go now. I'm writing even stinkier crap than I normally do, today.

JJ Cooper
02-08-2008, 10:48 AM
I still think a lot of the suggestions here are 'telling'. What's wrong with 'showing' their reactions to one another?

JJ

JennaGlatzer
02-08-2008, 11:29 PM
Mostly because I wasn't there and can't actually comment on the "showing." ;) I really can't pretend I knew what they were thinking, or doing, or what the body language looked like, so I need to stick to the facts of what I know: that they were attracted to each other, period.

However, do not let that get in the way of this highly amusing thread. :D Some of these belong in the... oh, man, what's the name of that bad writing contest?

Cassiopeia
02-08-2008, 11:45 PM
However, do not let that get in the way of this highly amusing thread. :D Some of these belong in the... oh, man, what's the name of that bad writing contest?

Does this mean I shouldn't quit my day job? Oh wait, I don't have one, yet. ;)

JennaGlatzer
02-08-2008, 11:57 PM
Bulwer-Lytton! That's what it is.

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

maestrowork
02-09-2008, 12:01 AM
You've shaken my mojo. Now drink my milkshake.

Judg
02-09-2008, 01:08 AM
Mostly because I wasn't there and can't actually comment on the "showing." ;) I really can't pretend I knew what they were thinking, or doing, or what the body language looked like, so I need to stick to the facts of what I know: that they were attracted to each other, period.

However, do not let that get in the way of this highly amusing thread. :D Some of these belong in the... oh, man, what's the name of that bad writing contest?
Wait! Does that mean you're actually going to write a historically accurate biography that STICKS TO THE FACTS? Do you realize how out of step with our times you really are???

My-Immortal
02-10-2008, 01:09 AM
However, do not let that get in the way of this highly amusing thread. :D Some of these belong in the... oh, man, what's the name of that bad writing contest?

Wait...did Jenna just call us bad writers????

:(

I think I'll go check the mailbox and see if I got ANOTHER rejection today...

SpookyWriter
02-10-2008, 01:30 AM
Wait...did Jenna just call us bad writers????

:(

I think I'll go check the mailbox and see if I got ANOTHER rejection today...Jenna starts most of her conversations with me as "Dear Jon". :tongue

My-Immortal
02-10-2008, 01:33 AM
Jenna starts most of her conversations with me as "Dear Jon". :tongue

Maybe she does most of her writing in the smallest room in her house...

:)

SpookyWriter
02-10-2008, 01:56 AM
Maybe she does most of her writing in the smallest room in her house...

:)Oh, you've seen the kitchen? :D

WerenCole
02-10-2008, 05:37 AM
I've always liked the line "her hands were like hot muffins.. . "


Can take that one anywhere, huh?

DWSTXS
02-10-2008, 05:39 AM
well....in 2 words......how about? 'Instant butterflies'

SpookyWriter
02-10-2008, 05:40 AM
Milktoast.

WerenCole
02-10-2008, 09:09 AM
Milktoast.



???

Birol
02-10-2008, 09:20 AM
Wait...did Jenna just call us bad writers????

I do believe that she did. :D

kdnxdr
02-10-2008, 09:42 AM
She, rather glib, passed his gaze; something was different, a different that wouldn't let her go. Words became perfunctory, while their every thought became lost in torrid abandon.

Zonk
02-11-2008, 01:09 AM
It was immediate, irresistible, involuntary: each became the moth to the other's flame...


:D:D:D

kdnxdr
02-11-2008, 01:11 AM
overtaken by unbridled passion

Serena Casey
02-12-2008, 07:35 AM
fireworks danced
the air was charged
the attraction was instantaneous and undeniable
drawn to each other by a mutual force

I'll decide if these are serious or not depending on the responses... :)

Judg
02-12-2008, 07:48 AM
Jenna, you're going to have to tell us what you finally decided on, or this thread will never die. :scared:

Dragon-lady
02-13-2008, 02:22 AM
I wouldn't but I don't like authorial intrusion and omni voice. I'd describe the individual reaction instead. She couldn't stop staring into his dark brown eyes? He could hardly breathe when she put her hand on his arm?

davids
02-13-2008, 02:36 AM
Silence lit the fuse! Sudden silent two as one. Silence lit the fuse!

I feel so much betterer now trying to help Jenna. Being part of the insufficient funds to cover this check family-thanks for making me feel so needed-love Dave

Mr Flibble
02-13-2008, 03:27 AM
Two things to avoid.

One, a sex scene like this, by Tom Wolfe:

Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns.

Please use words that actually mean what you want. Otowhassit means ear nose and throat. Throat yes, but the others? Is he trying nasal sex???

Two,

Do not use the words yoghurt pumper in any context whatsoever.

Other than that, how about giving us a clue to his physical response as a clue to the emotional? He couldn't breathe, his heart trried to rip its way out of his chest, his whole brain seemed to stammer till all he could say was 'ufffgh?'.

Higgins
02-15-2008, 06:23 PM
Silence lit the fuse! Sudden silent two as one. Silence lit the fuse!

I feel so much betterer now trying to help Jenna. Being part of the insufficient funds to cover this check family-thanks for making me feel so needed-love Dave

Hmmm..Good question:

How about (and I've used this in 2 stories):

Misster XY wondered why he had not really noticed Miss XX's ears the first time they met...and when was that?

maestrowork
02-15-2008, 07:16 PM
Two things to avoid.

One, a sex scene like this, by Tom Wolfe:

Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns.

Please use words that actually mean what you want. Otowhassit means ear nose and throat. Throat yes, but the others? Is he trying nasal sex???

Two,

Do not use the words yoghurt pumper in any context whatsoever.

Other than that, how about giving us a clue to his physical response as a clue to the emotional? He couldn't breathe, his heart trried to rip its way out of his chest, his whole brain seemed to stammer till all he could say was 'ufffgh?'.


Tom Wolfe's were voted the worst sex scenes ever.