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- Thread starter Rodlen
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Zamorano cheese has the best flavor. When combined with fresh crusty bread, ripe olives and a semi-dry chardonney, nothing is better.
davids
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Unless you have ring worm or a tape worm then the combination of Zamorano cheese with fresh crusty bread, ripe olives and a semi-dry chardonney will really piss them off. Amos Hardy Amos decided that it just might be the most excellent way of dealing with the two assholes sitting across the table from him. Of course a nine milliimeter would just be the icing on the cake wouldn't it?
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His favorite was carrot cake. Carrot cake with raisins inside, smothered in cream cheese icing. He remembered seeing the last slice of it in the fridge. After the day he'd had today, dealing with assholes every time he turned around, the cake would hit the spot. "Hope the damned kids didn't already eat it," he grumbled as he shuffled across the tiled kitchen floor.
"Damn kids! What the heck is wrong with them?" Smith fired out of his mouth faster then his brain could think.
"What did they do now?" Jane a young mother said holding back the tears.
"They threw carrot cake all over my car! If that wasn't bad enough..Oh never mind. You always think they are angels!" Smith turned and walked back to his house.
He's a crazy old coot.
"What did they do now?" Jane a young mother said holding back the tears.
"They threw carrot cake all over my car! If that wasn't bad enough..Oh never mind. You always think they are angels!" Smith turned and walked back to his house.
He's a crazy old coot.
A crazy old coot. Sure, easy to label that walleyed bird with the bum leg and the grey feathers awry, but the young coots kept teasing him. All except Jimmy. He thought here was something other than standing in the shallows, waiting for bugs.
The cats chased the alien bugs up the stairs and into the bedroom. Mary Sue ran into the bathroom, grabbed up the soap bottle and began pulling its trigger as fast as she could. The bugs ran through the cracks and back downstairs. About half actually made it back to their spaceship.
The bugged spaceship transmitted every detail of their invasion scheme to Murray. Problem was, Murray was a mixed cocker spanial/doberman aka a cockadoodoo. The NSA had no choice but to hope and pray for several things: that the aliens were bluffing, that they'd get sucked into a black hole before the invasion, or that speech sould be given to Murray the cockadoodoo who would tell all.
The aliens began their invasion of Sol Three but a solar storm arose. It blew them back to their universe. It also wrecked many of the alien starships. Others the natives of Sol Three sent bomb ships among and blew them up. The aliens were never again able to return. The President had a commemorative coin issued about the miraculous deliverance.
Deliverance assured, the inhabitants partied before the knowing the final outcome. The doomsday weapon, a huge asteroid headed on a collosion course for the third rock from the sun. 'Deliverance' the battered alien leader muttered under his breath, 'Squeal like a pig, earthlings.'
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"Could you aliens please think of something slightly original!?! I mean, calling us earthlings is a tired cliche!" yelled Joseph Armodo. He was the only one who could stop the aliens...with a cool weapon. Most people, though, hated him. Including the local police. Being a mass murderer is not good for your reputation, you know.
Armodo dripped with puce-colored alien blood. The dismembered bodies of a score of the invaders lay in messy stinking heaps.
Clumping over, the alien leader put two digits to the back of his head and whistled. The ground shook, trees collapsed. "How about Third Planet Sushi?"
Clumping over, the alien leader put two digits to the back of his head and whistled. The ground shook, trees collapsed. "How about Third Planet Sushi?"
In despair Armodo threw a sushi roll at the alien leader. It splattered against his polka dot with purple stripes uniform. The alien screamed and began to shrink.
"I'm melting! I'm melting! Goodbye, cruel universe!" Instantly all the humans began throwing sushi rolls at the aliens. Sushi missiles sped toward the alien ship.
"I'm melting! I'm melting! Goodbye, cruel universe!" Instantly all the humans began throwing sushi rolls at the aliens. Sushi missiles sped toward the alien ship.
The alien ship didn't much resemble anything so alien as an enormous puce-colored twinkie with tar ozing out where the cream should have been. Watching the mess, Armodo realized he'd missed lunch. Racking another round into his rifle he went off to find a fast food joint that served breakfast after 11:30 am.
With his trusty rifle, it was easy to persuade restaurant staff to serve him breakfast. He ate hastily and was gone before the police showed up. The aliens came in search of him and encountered the police. The resulting gun battle made headlines across the country.
Fortified by the sucess of 'one man, one gun, one breakfast before noon', droves of like-minded individuals mobbed McDs and KinkyBurger's all across the nation. In defense, the staffs of fastfood joints retaliated with their own brand of justice: a loaded magnum and the line, 'You want fries with that? Punk?'
The outbreak of violence at restaurants forced governors in all fifty states to call out the National Guard. The state of emergency lasted until another popular star went psychotic and ran naked down the street. Her breakdown started a new fad which did not require the National Guard.
Sitting at the local Wendy's, the Blue-Haired Widows' Club kept a running tally of streakers and National Guard chasers. Points were given to speed, grace, and lenght of stride. Winning came only if a member spotted a person sans clothes, so endowed as to either: slap herself in the face and get knocked down, or to be tangled in his own legs, trip and fall over.
The new fad ended when a freak winter storm came through the whole country. Neither the Guard nor the streakers could run on the icy streets. A few streakers tried with sled dogs but it was not long before frostbite forced them to give up.
It was cold. Far too cold for the streakers to do their thing, but it didn't stop Wendy from chipping off bits of the frozen streakers and selling them as "humansicles". Everyone agreed they had the most unique flavour, if a little disturbing.
Ever third after BK and McD, Wendy's responded to the rise in their new product by offering coupons in the local papers. McD and BK found their spread losing in the Nasdaq and S&P 500. People were tired of madcow and birdflu entrees. Something had to be done!
Short Jack Gold found its fish in high demand. It expanded into Canada and down into Mexico. Soon after that it got into the European and Asian markets. Only Australia remained closed to the fish fryers.
Australia's theme 'Throw another shrimp on the barbie' hit a new snag. Mattel issued a massive lawsuit worldwide objecting to the interspecies sexual allusions between the decapod crustaceans and it's flagship doll. Marine animal abuse watchdogs turned away in disgust, and back in fascination at the uses of horseradish.