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Cassiopeia
01-27-2008, 05:59 AM
My son's Biology teacher loves hand outs. This was one that came home this week. It's meant to be true. This may be old stuff but I found it funny.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15. Skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals he was circus sized.

25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

maxmordon
01-27-2008, 06:30 AM
thanks for this!, Is just hilarious

kristie911
01-27-2008, 09:39 AM
24. Examination of genitalia reveals he was circus sized.


:roll:

ona
01-27-2008, 04:09 PM
Oldies but goodies.

My Mum was a nurse. She told stories about such notes.

An excellent author from Queensland, Australia, wrote a very funny novel based on the warring notes between the shift workers at a hospital.

Her names escapes me right now.

thethinker42
01-27-2008, 07:39 PM
LMAO...that's funny.

Speaking of hospital charts...someone asked middle name the other day. I said "Well, on my birth certificate, it's Ann...but from reading all of my hospital charts over the years, I'm starting to wonder if it isn't 'noncompliant patient'..." LOL

Maryn
01-27-2008, 09:42 PM
First out-loud laugh of the day--thanks!

Maryn, chuckling still

Haggis
01-27-2008, 09:54 PM
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


See, I just knew they went in further than they claimed.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-28-2008, 01:02 AM
Finger print on the underside of your skull, eh, Haggis?

Cassiopeia
01-28-2008, 07:17 AM
First out-loud laugh of the day--thanks!

Maryn, chuckling stillGood :) Cos you know, you deserve to have a good chuckle. :Hug2: