Well, color me flabbergasted.
So, I'm taking a writing class. And we were doing a lesson on micro structure in a scene. We had to break down a scene we'd written into stimulus and response sentences.
Okay. Never done it before, I'm up for new stuff. I mean, it's why I took the class-to learn new stuff.
So, I had a sentence where basically it would be written... as the MC opened the door and stepped into the bakery she smelled gingerbread.
The instructor said no. She must open the door and step in. Then she smells. Two sentences.
Okay, but I'd kind of envisioned her smelling it as she opened the door and stepped in. Not after. And I kinda like 1 sentence.
It's not possible, she said. She would enter then smell.
(which okay, I'm thinking I should take a field trip to a bakery and try it. besides, I probably deserve to buy myself something from the bakery now to. I'm upset. yeah. I deserve a eclair. I know I do.)
So she said "as" construction is unsophisticated and the mark of an amateur and if I wanted my writing to be more sophisticated I should read a book about self-editing (which I already own.)
Well, I feel dumb. Using "as" is unprofessional?
and um, basically she, um, called me amateur and unsophisticated. (And no. She hasn't really seen my writing. This was the first lesson where we actually submitted something we'd written. Maybe 15 sentences, tops?)
*sigh*
So, how come no one told me this...
Is there anything else I should know, because this one shocked me.
So, I'm taking a writing class. And we were doing a lesson on micro structure in a scene. We had to break down a scene we'd written into stimulus and response sentences.
Okay. Never done it before, I'm up for new stuff. I mean, it's why I took the class-to learn new stuff.
So, I had a sentence where basically it would be written... as the MC opened the door and stepped into the bakery she smelled gingerbread.
The instructor said no. She must open the door and step in. Then she smells. Two sentences.
Okay, but I'd kind of envisioned her smelling it as she opened the door and stepped in. Not after. And I kinda like 1 sentence.
It's not possible, she said. She would enter then smell.
(which okay, I'm thinking I should take a field trip to a bakery and try it. besides, I probably deserve to buy myself something from the bakery now to. I'm upset. yeah. I deserve a eclair. I know I do.)
So she said "as" construction is unsophisticated and the mark of an amateur and if I wanted my writing to be more sophisticated I should read a book about self-editing (which I already own.)
Well, I feel dumb. Using "as" is unprofessional?
and um, basically she, um, called me amateur and unsophisticated. (And no. She hasn't really seen my writing. This was the first lesson where we actually submitted something we'd written. Maybe 15 sentences, tops?)
*sigh*
So, how come no one told me this...
Is there anything else I should know, because this one shocked me.
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