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Perks
01-26-2008, 05:30 AM
Dinner conversation tonight steered me years back, to the pinnacle of my life: a moment so cool I should have been dressed in black leather and stiletto boots. And an eyepatch. But I wasn't. I was wearing nothing special and wielding a dishtowel.

I was on the telephone with my traveling husband, and being menaced in my kitchen by the MacDaddy of all horseflies.

Now, I have never been able to snap a towel. My reflexes are okay, but my conscious thrust and recoil are simply too slow. I am a loser. But on this golden occasion, I was at once Babe Ruth, Mr. Miyagi and Indiana Jones and it went down, I swear on my children's retinas, just like this:

"Wwwaaaaahhhh! It keeps coming after me!"

"I don't know what to tell you."

I stopped my flailing between the butcher's block and the refrigerator. A calm welled up through me from some primal sense of the Universe synchronizing a moment of perfection, with me in Its crosshairs.

"Watch me knock this sucker's head off." (Silly man, my husband thought I was speaking to him. I was, of course, addressing the Id that communed with Divinty and all things kick-ass.)

Snap! went the towel and may I be struck dead where I sit, the horsefly went in two directions at once. It's hairy legs twitched at the margins of its great lumpen body on the linoleum at my right foot. And to the left, to my ever-blushing pride, the fiend's triangular head leaned on its vermin stalk of, well, whatever holds a fly's head on.

It was the most awesome thing I've ever done and no one saw it.

Have you any of these moments to share? But they have to be true. I was candid with you, so you must return the trust. Tell me how magnificent you've been when no one was looking.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 05:39 AM
I gave my first Heimlich Maneuver to myself while gourging on a half-slab of ribs.

akiwiguy
01-26-2008, 06:03 AM
I was once standing on a footpath at a little shopping centre and saw a car heading down the hill past me with two kids in the back and no driver. So I sprinted after it, jumped in and slammed on the brakes just as it reahed a stop sign at a really busy intersection. I was shakimg, and after I parked it I went into a couple of shops... "Anyone own a... blah blah blah.." and a woman suddenly freaked and sprinted out of the shop... and that was that. The only noble fuckin feat ever in my pathetic little life and no one knew! Sigh.

Perks
01-26-2008, 06:06 AM
You save lives and I take them. But we're both still awesome.

akiwiguy
01-26-2008, 06:07 AM
I gave my first Heimlich Maneuver to myself while gourging on a half-slab of ribs.

Cool. How far did the ribs fly Spooks? And did you eat them again later?

robeiae
01-26-2008, 06:16 AM
I've never done a good thing.

Oh, wait....one time I...no, wait...that was in a movie I saw... ... ... nevermind.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 06:34 AM
Cool. How far did the ribs fly Spooks? And did you eat them again later?I never had a chance. I was butt naked and forgot to close my curtains. So naturally a fine neighbor phoned for an ambulance.

I was rushed to the hospital with one hand covering my good parts and the other griping a pork rib. The ten minute trips between gorged with swine and the whine about kept me lucid for a bit. I still had a chew of pork between my cheek when they wheeled me into the emergency room.

The doctors were waiting for me with two orbital disks just in-case I went into cardiac arrest. They didn't wait long and mistook my naked cold for dead. I watched them with bloated pig eyes as they pressed the paddles on my chest.

Talk about shock. I spit out my chewed pork and tried to jump off the gurney. But they weren't satisfied with my condition and jabbed me with a needle.

About this time I had enough and fought my way through the hoard onto the street where I was quickly picked up by a passing trucker.

To this day, I promised myself that if I ever choaked again on pork that I would just try to swallow harder.

Perks
01-26-2008, 06:42 AM
To this day, I promised myself that if I ever choaked again on pork that I would just try to swallow harder.Actually, I've heard choking's not a bad way to go.

rugcat
01-26-2008, 06:43 AM
I gave my first Heimlich Maneuver to myself while gourging on a half-slab of ribs.This is a true story, not even embellished.

I did a Heimllch once. I was working undercover (another story) and looked like hell. I was having coffee at a Dee's restaurant, where a waitress I really liked worked, trying to convince her to go out with me despite my less than reassuring appearance. Of course, i couldn't tell her what my real job was; she assumed I was a dope dealer or something of that sort.

She went into the kitchen, and I was idly scanning the patrons at a nearby table. An older woman at the table with her family suddenly grew quiet, got up, and stood there semi bent over. Huh, I thought. That lady is choking.

Having been trained in the Heimlich Maneuver but never having had to use it, my first thought naturally was to look around the restaurant hoping someone else would jump to the rescue. Nothing. We were the only ones in the place.

The man at the table, realizing something was amiss, jumped up and started pounding on her back. "Mother, are you all right?" Clearly she wasn't.

Oh shit, I thought, and ran over to the table. The man, very straight, saw me coming and thought I was attacking his family. (Remember, my appearance at the time inspired confidence in bikers and meth dealers, but few others.) I shoved him out of the way, got behind the woman (who knew exactly what I was doing) calmly located the xyphoid, moved three fingers down, made a fist, and gave a sharp, upward squeeze.

Absolutely nothing happened. At the time I was unaware that it often takes more than one attempt, and it was surely one of the worst feelings in my life. In near panic, I squeezed again, perhaps a bit too cautiously since she was elderly and frail. Still nothing.

Now in full panic mode, I stopped worrying about cracking her ribs and really bore down. Half a cheeseburger went flying out of her mouth and halfway across the table. She thanked me, her son mumbled something and turned away, wanting nothing further to do with me. She picked up the remaining part of her cheeseburger and resumed eating as if nothing had happened.

I went back to my table and sat down. As I did, the waitress I was trying to impress came out of the kitchen, strolled over to my table, and said, "So, anything interesting happened lately?"

I looked over at the family now quietly finishng their meal.

"Not really," I said. What else could I say?

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 06:49 AM
Actually, I've heard choking's not a bad way to go.Good thing that it's not considered suicide. My future girlfriend can collect the insurance and finally have the life she's always wanted.

akiwiguy
01-26-2008, 06:56 AM
I never had a chance. I was butt naked and forgot to close my curtains. So naturally a fine neighbor phoned for an ambulance.


So what you're really saying here Spooks, is that the sight of you naked inspires people to dial 911?

DWSTXS
01-26-2008, 07:01 AM
I have bad hearing. Every monday morning, in our company, we have a Monday Morning Meeting. Twenty five people in our company. I was fairly new on board when this happened.
Monday Morning Meeting. The president always sits at the head of the conference table. Meeting always starts at 8 a m sharp. He always starts off by asking someone to be the moderator. The moderator starts off by telling us what he will be working on all week...then he names another person around the room to tell what they are going to be working on...and so on. Everyone HAS to talk.

My hearing is so bad...that with some people who talk low....I can never hear what they are saying. All I see is a mouth moving. No matter. We all know that meetings are a waste of time.

A week or so earlier, I was in one of the secretaries office, we were chatting, and she mentioned that her dog, 20 years old,.....was sick and may need to be put down one of these days......I commiserated....I am a pet lover....I have 2 cats...they are my 'children'...I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to one of them. I'm just a softy I guess.....anyway.....

This one particluar Monday Morning Meeting starts.....and I notice....that, in the few minutes before the meeting starts.....there isn't a lot of joking around and talking from some of the more jocular types. I paid no attention to this. After all, it was a Monday Morning. (I'm not particularly amiable in the mornings anyway....give me till about eleven....then I'm okay)

So...the meeting starts, and I notice that this woman......this older woman...the secretary with the ailing doggie....I notice that she seems to be crying.

Well, it's hard to tell....I mean, she's clear on the other side of the room from me.

The meeting starts...and the president makes an announcement. Very somber. He's looking at her as he talks.......and he even reaches over and pats her hand in a sympathetic gesture.

I start glancing around the room.....trying to figure out what the hell is going on.....everyone seems intent on studying their shoes.........I'm getting a puzzled look on my face. Then I see this woman talking.......and this time, she is definitely crying.......I lean forward and cup my hand behind my ear...and suddenly...I hear a couple snatches of what she's saying....

"...he had been ill for so long...and...." and she starts sobbing, heaving, crying and trying to talk through it.....meanwhile, I look around....hoping a buddy sitting next to me will tell me what the hell's going on. I look at him, shrug my shoulders, and he shakes his head and puts his finger to his lips........gives me a knowing nod....and I realize he's telling me to be quiet, he'll fill me in later.

I look back towards the woman...and cup my hand behind my ear again, and hear, "....so, ....fou nd the bottle of pills next to him..........en them all.......he was gone...." and then she stops talking...and keeps crying...and waves for us to continue the meeting.....

Then, I get it. The dog! The dog she'd told me about a few days earlier....he passed away! She had to keep giving him pain pills, or he ate them all...or whatever....and she was grief-stricken from the passing of her pet!
Well........I congratulated myself on having sussed out what the hell was going on. Meanwhile.....everyone is taking their turn at talking about their upcoming week's activities and schedules, and it's almost my turn.

So.......I mentally rehearse what I'm going to say when it's my turn....and I decide upon the following.
"sorry to hear about the death of the dog.....I know how it feels to lose a faithful pet.....' blah blah blah

So, the guy next to me stops talking....it's MY turn....I'm about to start my little hastily prepared speech...and I open my mouth to speak....and I stop....and a thought runs through my little brain.......that says ...these people don't really care about your thoughts on a pet's death....just say your regular monday morning thing about what you're doing this week and then shut up.

Which is exactly what I do........another couple of people talk...and then the president of the company....HE starts crying...and he and the secretary BOTH excuse themselves from the meeting and go out of the room.

Well.....my modus operandi...is that after every Monday Morning meeting, as we're walking back down the hallway towards our offices, I usually ask a co-worker what was said of importance during the meeting....because of my hearing of course...and all the mumblers who don't speak up...and I always get filled in on the meeting that way.

So....we're walking down the hallway...and I ask my buddy Jeff...... "So Jeff, what the hell was everybody crying for? I mean...over a dog? I understand her crying...but why would the president cry over HER dog?"

Well.....he looks at me like I'm insane....completely and utterly insane.

"Dude, he says....her damn dog didn't die! It was Mr. Johnson (one of the co-founders of the company.......the man was like a father to the president of the company! Seems that he had an inoperable cancer....and about an hour before the meeting started that morning....they'd found him...he'd purposely taken an overdose of pills.......)

So............I was stunned. Obviously. Then I realized what I'd almost said. Out loud. In front of the president and 20 other people. That I knew what it was like to lose a faithful PET.............I shuddered, just thinking about the reaction I would have gotten if I hadn't shut my mouth when I did.

The moral of the story....I realized...is....if you're not sure what you're saying.....stop. Think. How will this sound?

Since that time.....my monday morning utterances are brief and to the point. I do not improvise.

So......my finest moment that no one saw.......instant self-editing.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 07:02 AM
Or for a pizza.

DWSTXS
01-26-2008, 07:04 AM
BTW rugcat.....

That was genius! LOL

Silver King
01-26-2008, 07:07 AM
Rug's story reminded me of a similar experience that happened in a bar. A woman walked by, gulping down a hand full of nuts. She suddenly began choking and fell to the floor, her face turning blue.

No one did a thing to help her. She lay there, twitching.

My friend said, "Watch this."

He leaned over the woman, lifted her skirt and licked her butt. As the crowd moved in to kill him, he said, "Haven't any of you ever heard of the Hind Lick Maneuver before?"

maestrowork
01-26-2008, 07:20 AM
People did see this, but:

I had a totally awesome NBA moment. I mean, I play basketball and I don't totally suck, but... the timing, the way I moved, and how I caught the ball and then immediately twisted around and scored a 3-point shot. It was so spontaneous and I was like so smooth it was as if Michael Jordan just possessed me for a few seconds. It was awesome.

nerds
01-26-2008, 07:22 AM
I saved a toddler from being struck by a car. It was out in the boonies, no one saw the saving but the driver, and he/she sped on away. The child had been, uh, forgotten by his family, who were partying at a home on the country road, and he'd wandered.

I put him on my hip and walked up the road, guessing/hoping he might belong to the nearest house, where I was set upon by family members wondering what the hell I was doing with their child. Eh, returning him to you?

It's a longer story than that but it stands as my best unseen moment.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 07:22 AM
I just saved a bundle on my car insurance.

Pat~
01-26-2008, 07:24 AM
I was about 10 or so, and my mom sent me to the store to get some dogfood. To get there I had to walk through the back yard, cross a creek and cut through the swampy woods till I reached the fence and parking lot of the grocery store. I bought the dog food and started home with my paper bag, and as I neared the creek, suddenly my left leg sank down in mud up to my knee. I started to lose my balance, the grocery bag went flying, and the cans of dogfood rolled into the creek. At the same time, I instinctively put my right foot down to try to regain my balance, and it, too, sunk in mud down to the knee. I tried to lift my feet to no avail; the boots I was wearing had filled up with mud, and I couldn't wriggle my feet free of them. I was now stuck like a fly on flypaper.

It was starting to get dark and as I looked toward my house, I could see my mom in the kitchen window. I hollered and waved, and hollered and waved some more. No luck. It got darker. I hollered some more. I started feeling sorry for myself; why did I have to be the one to go get the dogfood? Why was no one missing me? I began to have visions of myself being mugged by the swamp boogeyman, and them not finding me until someone remembered to feed the dog again. 'Oh yes, we're out of dogfood; oh yes, didn't we send someone out for that? Let's see, which daughter was that again...?'

Now it really was dark. I was not only supremely frustrated, but starting to feel a bit creepy. It was then I thought of my favorite mystery heroine...what would Nancy Drew do in a situation like this? Well, she'd be resourceful, and probably look for a way to dig herself out. So I took stock. Not too far from me I saw a large stick, grabbed it, and set to work. I also was able to lean over far enough to take hold of a small sapling, though I don't remember it anchoring me very effectively as I dug.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour (though it was probably only about 20 minutes), I got one leg loose, then the second. I picked the dogfood cans out of the creek and slogged home. I put on a pained expression and wailed at my mother for not hearing me, but inwardly I felt pretty heroic. Nancy would have been proud.

Magdalen
01-26-2008, 07:24 AM
I spent several summers on my uncle's farm. My cousins and I would practice doing stunts with the (almost horse-size) pony. One cousin would ride, extend a hand, and one of us would grab the hand and (hopefully) land behind the first rider. The trick was complete when the pony stopped and bent his knees so we could exit gracefully to the resultant applause. Well, I wanted to do an even better trick, so I practiced standing (barefoot on bareback) on the pony. Every time I was ready to present my stunt to my cousins, I failed. They laughed and called me a city girl. But on the last morning of one of my visits I went out to the field with a bucket of corn (the ponies grazed free and you had to entice with treats), grabbed his mane and put the bridle in his mouth. Yessiree folks, I got up on that pony and rode around standing on his back, Without Falling Off!! I rode (sitting, but I rode hell for leather) back to the house, ready to display my skills, but mom said, "Don't you dare! You'll break your neck! Now, get the hose and wash that horse hair off your legs, we're ready to go and you smell like a barn."

And yet, I never once considered running away to join the circus!

eldragon
01-26-2008, 07:26 AM
I've done a lot of charitable acts, and still do them at least weekly. I like to be secretive about it.

No, I'm no mystery Santa. (I'm poor.)


But something here, something there...I do what I can.

I've done some semi-heroic things to save my oldest daughter, who had numerous medical issues as a baby and young child, but mostly I got her to the real heroes - the nurses and doctors who sometimes had to do CPR to save her life.

I've saved hundreds of turtles crossing the road, over the years. And once I chased a chow dog through several lanes of speeding Las Vegas traffic, trying to save his ungrateful ass. Believe me, those cars are going faster than they seem!

Once I tried to rescue a baby raccoon who was stuck in a tree in an intersection, but his growls and hissing finally convinced me to abort the rescue. (Of course, raccoons aren't ever really stuck in trees, are they?)

God, I've done nothing.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 07:32 AM
You save lives and I take them. But we're both still awesome.Remind me to never invite you over for a nightcap.

DWSTXS
01-26-2008, 07:35 AM
A few weeks ago....I went out for lunch....and on the way, I drove across a railroad tracks.....and as I look to my right.......down the tracks about a hundred yards or so.......I saw a guy....laying himself down on the tracks. Well, I live near these tracks...and I know that the train comes through around 2:15 or so every afternoon....and it's about 2:05 now......so....I try to think, what to do? I start to pull my cell phone out to call the police.....but I'd heard in the past that calling 911 on a cell phone is not good....because it's harder for them to locate you.
What was weird........this guy wasn't laying his head on the tracks....he was laying his entire body, lengthwise on a rail. So, instead of cutting his head off, it would split him lengthwise................weird, no?

Well, the police station was only 1 block away, so, I took a right turn, drove through a Home Depot parking lot, and into the police station parking lot, and immediately see 2 detectives coming out of the building..........I honk, and wave them over....and tell them.....hey guys....there's a dude laying himself across the railroad tracks right over there........they say no shit? and I say, shit yeah...right back there.

One of them keys his radio and tells a patrol car to go take a look........I drive on to the whataburger...eat lunch...and then drive back by, and they are cuffing him and taking him away............and I'm left wondering..........did I save his life? or just add to his misery? (not to mention, costing us taxpayers lots of money for the arrest etc etc)

KTC
01-26-2008, 07:38 AM
Perks...wonderful writing in that original post. I enjoyed reading it.

akiwiguy
01-26-2008, 08:01 AM
Perks...wonderful writing in that original post. I enjoyed reading it.

Perksy goes all shy at compliments, but I've really enjoyed some of her blog posts. A really natural style when writing about everyday things, one that I enjoy.

Joe270
01-26-2008, 08:07 AM
I liked Perks story, too.

Of course I don't believe a word of it.

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:07 AM
Perksy goes all shy at compliments, but I've really enjoyed some of her blog posts. A really natural style when writing about everyday things, one that I enjoy.


Well, there's nothin' wrong with being good. Nothing to be shy about. (-;



I'm still trying to think of my moment. I wish one popped up, but I got nada at the moment.

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:08 AM
I liked Perks story, too.

Of course I don't believe a word of it.

A well told story doesn't have to be true...it just has to leave you wondering. Myself...I can almost hear the flick of that towel...

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 08:23 AM
Perksy goes all shy at compliments, but I've really enjoyed some of her blog posts. A really natural style when writing about everyday things, one that I enjoy.Me too.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 08:24 AM
I can almost hear the flick of that towel...It's the bullet you never hear that kills you.

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:24 AM
It's the bullet you never hear that kills you.


I bit that one long ago. You can stop the irrelevant.

SpookyWriter
01-26-2008, 08:28 AM
I bit that one long ago. You can stop the irrelevant.Marriage. Sorry. I forgot.

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:36 AM
pffft. hehehe. 20 years and still tic'ing.

Stew21
01-26-2008, 09:04 AM
This in no way compares to the towel flick. I can't do that either.
But occasionally my typically-slow reflexes kickstart. Keep in mind how clumsy I am. This past summer I had to get a cut on my head glued up in the ER because I tripped on my front step and gashed my head open. It doesn't end there I also required 3 antibiotics because I had a reaction to the glue and when it came unsealed it got infected with God only knows what creepy crawly no-seeums. My husband told I had to go through all that trouble just to teach me to pick up my damn feet. yes. I am that clumsy.
But anyway...one day...we were moving and I was putting things on top of the bookshelf. I knocked a hurricane shade (for a candle) over.. It tipped to the edge and began to fall. I had to twist around sideways to do it, but I caught it mid-plummet.
Reflexes I don't have got called to bat on that one.

And then a more "on purpose" moment - when I was pregnant with my youngest I belonged to a pregnancy/baby board on the internet. It's a very high traffic site, and they divide us up by birth month. It was nearly christmas, some women were having an abundance of baby showers and complaining about having too much stuff. Some women were broke, with little family support and had nothing for their babies on the way.
So I quietly and discreetly gathered names of women who had things they were willing to give away - made the lists of things they had, then got a list of the women who needed things and had them list what they needed. I passed the addresses to the women with stuff and they mailed their unneeded things to the women who needed them. I didn't have anything to offer but my time. It felt good, and felt even better that I did it quietly - the board at large didn't really know it was happening. It just sort of "happened". Made me feel good.


Trish, has had way more "I'm so glad no one saw that moments" than "where's my audience" moments.

JennaGlatzer
01-26-2008, 09:13 AM
I sang very, very well in the car one night.

Stew21
01-26-2008, 09:19 AM
I ONLY sing in the car. that way I don't torture anyone else with it. :)


Oh, occasionally I torture my kids with it - they yell for me to stop.

Joe270
01-26-2008, 09:42 AM
A well told story doesn't have to be true...it just has to leave you wondering. Myself...I can almost hear the flick of that towel...

That was said in jest.

Humor is hard. So is concrete.

I'm just counting my blessings that I didn't have to listen to Jenna sing.

JennaGlatzer
01-26-2008, 09:45 AM
IT WAS REALLY GOOD! I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT MY RECORD!

Stormhawk
01-26-2008, 11:05 AM
I once found $280 outside the enrolment office at college, handed it in, then continued to class.

I got caught in a riptide and managed to save myself.

Nothing too impressive, kind of sad really. I should douse myself in radiation and become a superhero so I can achieve something...

Finni
01-26-2008, 01:32 PM
I was the youngest child until my little brother came along when I was twelve. For some reason I am still treated like the baby, and my brothers and I treat Johnny like he is our baby…he has tons of parents. I am still considered the youngest. I was never taken seriously and like I always needed protection. I was always trying to show my older brothers my worth and accomplishments.

So here I was, 24, a nurse, I had moved back to Boston after living on my own in KY, and still no one took me seriously. At this age I was still trying to prove myself. One day my oldest brother came to my house out of the blue. He’s a shady character and he was acting like he’s slick. I knew something was up. He went into the bathroom and I sat there with my little brother instead of going out. We started watching Blazin Saddles and I forgot all about my oldest brother.

When I finally remembered he was in my house 30 minutes had past. I went to the bathroom door and knocked. Nothing. I banged harder. Nothing. I turned the knob. Opened the door. My brother is on the floor, and I can tell he is in distress. He wasn’t breathing. He had drug paraphernalia all around him.

I went into two modes. Protect Johnny from having to see this and save my brother’s life.

“Johnny, go over to aunties house and tell her to come over here right away,” I added, “and don’t come back in this house.”

He tried to argue, I used words I won’t repeat here, and he left to go across the street.

My stupid brother took a very shallow breath that was more of a death rattle. I knew it wasn’t a real breath. I got down, checked airway, did mouth to mouth. Stopped. Checked heart. Nothing. 5 compressions. 2 breaths.

“How could you do this? You just had a baby?”

5 compressions. 2 breaths.

“Come on asshole, breathe dammit.”

I feel a faint pulse. Maybe it was there before but I couldn’t feel it. But still, no breath.

5 breaths. Check pulse. Still no breath. Check airway. 5 breaths

Then, vomit in my mouth. He is ‘coughing’. Shallow breaths, but now its ten per minute instead of just two. He is alive. Aunt comes in. 911 is called. He’s sent to hospital and life goes on like nothing happened. (Everyone but me was used to his addiction and what it caused.)

Then 5 months later auntie TT (that’s me!) brings her favorite infant nephew a giant cookie bigger than his head. My sister in law and girlfriend start talking and I am enjoying my time with little Jake. He’s in the highchair eating his cookie. Well, he starts choking. He can’t breathe. Without thinking I yanked him from the highchair, giving him a nice scrape from the straps holding him in. I held him in one arm, back to the ceiling, head angled down, and pounded on his back until the big chunk of cookie came out.

That was the last time little Jake got a cookie bigger than his head from auntie TT!

I would like to say I was taken seriously and like I knew useful stuff after these events, but I wasn’t. I was still treated like I was the baby. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to impress my brothers that they became impressed with me. I was outside my mother’s house by the kitchen window and overheard my brother say, “yeah, she’s wicked smart and has more **** than any man I know.” I figured he was talking about one of his friends. Then he said, “She got everything from this family’s genes, brains and ****, and all we got was the **** .”

The other brother said, “at least one member of the family is gonna be someone.”

Silence.

Then I walked into the house and he started picking on me like we were kids. My other brothers joined in.

My finest moment no one ever saw was realizing my brothers have more respect for me than I could ever imagine.

Priene
01-26-2008, 02:40 PM
I scored 1087 at Keepy-Uppy (http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/keepy-uppy.html) in my back garden. My life was over after that.

Perks
01-26-2008, 06:55 PM
BTW rugcat.....

That was genius! LOLYours was pretty damned good too, sir. I'm loving these.

Perks
01-26-2008, 07:02 PM
I liked Perks story, too.

Of course I don't believe a word of it.Lol! Would I swear on my children's retinas?! Would I?!

That's the saddest part of the story. It's 100% true and no one will ever really believe me.

And thank you all very much for the kind compliments. I'm getting such a kick out of reading everyone's unsung moments. Keep them coming!

Perks
01-26-2008, 07:09 PM
I sang very, very well in the car one night.gasp! I had one of those too, but I had a witness! I worked with a guy who would break into song every night when he threw the bolt on the door of the deli where we worked.

One night it fell to me the lock up and, I don't know what came over me, but I turned the thumbcatch and bellowed out Del Shannon's Runaway. It was awesome.

John thought I'd been hiding my light light under a bushel. Turns out, it was just a brief case of possession. No exorcist needed. The singing demon left on its own. And how.

Perks
01-26-2008, 07:12 PM
My finest moment no one ever saw was realizing my brothers have more respect for me than I could ever imagine.Gotta love that. Great story!

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:25 PM
That was said in jest.

Humor is hard. So is concrete.

I'm just counting my blessings that I didn't have to listen to Jenna sing.


Hey! I said that in all seriousness.

rhymegirl
01-26-2008, 08:41 PM
I karate-chopped a fly in half.

Well, you'll never really know, right, because no one was around to say otherwise.

Perks
01-26-2008, 08:43 PM
I karate-chopped a fly in half.

Well, you'll never really know, right, because no one was around to say otherwise.You and I could be the fly-hunting ninja sisters.

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:44 PM
I karate-chopped a fly in half.

Well, you'll never really know, right, because no one was around to say otherwise.

Why must you always lie?

NeuroFizz
01-26-2008, 08:44 PM
The conception of my first child.

rhymegirl
01-26-2008, 08:47 PM
Why must you always lie?

Be quiet, Colonel Sanders, or you're next!!!!

KTC
01-26-2008, 08:48 PM
Be quiet, Colonel Sanders, or you're next!!!!


Momma had a baby and its head fell off.

Perks
01-26-2008, 08:49 PM
The conception of my first child.You had an audience for the spawn of the second?

DWSTXS
01-26-2008, 11:41 PM
well.........everyone surely enjoyed Perks story of assassinating the fly.........I didn't realize there were so many bloddthirsty characters hanging around here.

As for myself........I will not 'kill'.......I think it's wrong......nope....not even a fly......which is why I have perfected the art of popping flies with a towel (a la perks technique)....however......I snap the towel 'just so'...and it only momentarily stuns them....at which point I pick them up and take them outside and set them free! (run, Forrest run!)

LOL

rugcat
01-27-2008, 12:05 AM
...and it only momentarily stuns them....at which point I pick them up and take them outside and set them free! (run, Forrest run!)So that's where all the ones in my house come from.

SpookyWriter
01-27-2008, 01:19 AM
well.........everyone surely enjoyed Perks story of assassinating the fly.........I didn't realize there were so many bloddthirsty characters hanging around here.

As for myself........I will not 'kill'.......I think it's wrong......nope....not even a fly......which is why I have perfected the art of popping flies with a towel (a la perks technique)....however......I snap the towel 'just so'...and it only momentarily stuns them....at which point I pick them up and take them outside and set them free! (run, Forrest run!)

LOLAre you sure they weren't raisins?

DWSTXS
01-27-2008, 02:23 AM
no.....I tasted one. to be sure.

rhymegirl
01-27-2008, 03:48 AM
You and I could be the fly-hunting ninja sisters.

Okay.


BTW, my husband has killed a bat or two. When we lived in a different city, we seemed to have bat visitors at night. We lived on the third floor of a tenement building. I don't know how they got in.

He clubbed one to death with a plastic golf club. I think maybe he captured the other one in a blanket and let it go out the window.

Bravo
01-27-2008, 04:10 AM
calming down my one year old nephew and changing his diaper all by myself.

it was about as hard as it sounds.

truelyana
01-27-2008, 04:10 AM
.

Eskimo1990
01-28-2008, 06:35 AM
My finest moment that no ever saw was that I saved the planet from a black hole.....

Oh wait....that was a movie I watched.

I'm naturally clumsy. I am always falling, and breaking things. One time I was standing, doing something I can't remember when something started falling. I twisted slightly and managed to catch it without falling. When I told people about it no one believed me. :Shrug: Oh well.

sunna
01-28-2008, 07:22 AM
Track & field practice (emphasis on field), my freshman year of college. We were supposed to be learning a new technique for the pole vault, and I'd spent weeks on it, and - well, let's just say my enthusiasm didn't manage to make up for my complete lack of coordination. It took almost a foot of my jump height. I kept face-planting into the mats. The coach was frustrated, the other girls on the team were annoyed, and I was doing my best to look like I didn't care and waiting for them to leave for the day so I could spend another hour alone planting the pole wrong and smacking my face on the bar.

Of course, the moment they left I got it right, through sheer accident. I slipped right before I lowered the pole, somehow adding considerable oomph to the last few feet, and the end of the pole hit the box far left. The pole bent beautifully: I went flying through the air with the greatest of ease, yodeling like Tarzan on crack, executed a flawless extension and turn, threw it, and landed on the mats feeling like queen of the farking universe.

9 feet, my personal best (no, I wasn't very good, but still).

Noooooooooooooone there to see it. Never repeated it. Grargh.