Condensed Novels (Just Add Water)!

BenPanced · Jan 25, 2008

Just think of them as Cliffs Notes for the Cliffs Notes!

Moby Dick - Guy meets insane whaling ship captain. Ship destroyed by a white whale. Everybody except guy cacks it.

Jersey Chick · Jan 25, 2008

Gone With the Wind - Spoiled brat loves one man she can't have. Marries every other man in Georgia. Atlanta burns.

ETA - I just realized I had the %@@^&!@ title wrong. Gone With the Wine???? Grrr....

JoNightshade · Jan 25, 2008

Here's a great site that made the rounds a few months ago.

(Maybe we could add to it?)

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml

AnnieColleen · Jan 25, 2008

Jersey Chick said:
Gone With the Wine

I'd like to read it -- but I think that title belongs in a different game.

Gravity · Jan 25, 2008

Slaughterhouse-Five: Guy in WWII gets unstuck in time. Aliens are involved. Various things happen out of sequence. Guy gets to be with Montana Wildhack forever, so he doesn't mind.

Stew21 · Jan 25, 2008

the entire 7 books of harry potter: bad guy tries to kill kid and fails. Kid kills bad guy.

JoNightshade · Jan 25, 2008

Stew21 said:
the entire 7 books of harry potter: bad guy tries to kill kid and fails. Kid kills bad guy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH, YOU SPOILED THE ENDING FOR ME!!!

I never would have guessed!!!

talps · Jan 25, 2008

On The Road: Beatnik travels from New York City to New York City by way of Mexico City. Along the way, he meets several colorful characters, showers infrequently, and digs most of what he sees.

Stew21 · Jan 25, 2008

i haven't read the 7th book yet. It was a lucky guess.

JoeEkaitis · Jan 25, 2008

The Wind in the Willows Mole says "Hang spring cleaning!" The Water Rat takes him boating. Toad steals a car and a horse and highjacks a train. Badger leads an attack to take back Toad Hall.

Stuart Little Woman gives birth to mouse. Mouse falls in love with bird. Mouse leaves home to find bird.

Mr Flibble · Jan 25, 2008

Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas: Bat country. After that it gets weirder.

akiwiguy · Jan 25, 2008

Of Mice and Men - You get these shmucks whose amorous advances are so pathetic they're a big turn-off to the woman involved. If you've got a buddy like that, the kindest thing you can do for him is a bullet to the head.

dpaterso · Jan 25, 2008

Star Wars: plucky farm boy flirts with princess sister, flies future fighter jet better than anyone and blows up Evil Empire's giant space cannon. Warning, sequels.

I read the spin-off novel. I was young and naive.

-Derek

nerds · Jan 25, 2008

The Devil Wears Prada

Very logically, chick uses position in high-fashion world as stepping-stone toward writing career. Sucked into its ~~vapid~~ insidious vortex, she and her painful shoes are spat out 400 pages later.

Monkey · Jan 25, 2008

The Alphabet Vs The Goddess

Writing (longhand - not typing, which is different) is a left-brained activity that perpetuates militaristic, male-driven societies. Or not.

DaddyCat · Jan 25, 2008

Fahrenheit 451 - Fireman burns books. Fireman reads books. Fireman runs away, becomes a book.

I suppose these qualify as non-Reader's Digest's...

talps · Jan 25, 2008

Cujo: Dog bites men.

KTC · Jan 25, 2008

Great Expectations: Miserable boy stumbles upon prisoner, then meets crazy manipulative jilted bride bitch and her preening snobbish charge. Boy comes into wealth and assumes the bitch turned colors and did something nice. Boy discovers prisoner is actually his savior and realizes the bitch was just a bitch after all.

rhymegirl · Jan 25, 2008

The Little Red Hen, children's storybook.
Hen wants to make some bread. Asks for help. Lazyass duck, cat and dog won't get off their butts to help her. She does it all herself. Since lazy roommates wouldn't help, she eats the whole loaf of bread herself. Proving once again if a woman wants anything done around the house, she has to do it herself.

maxmordon · Jan 25, 2008

No One Writes To The Colonel: Old Colonel waits pension money, buys a cock and starves while waiting the cock fights

BenPanced · Jan 26, 2008

The Five People You Meet In Heaven - You meet five people in Heaven and they tell you things aren't so bad down on Earth.

The Bridges of Madison County - Dreary housewife meets worldly photographer. He teaches her about life and living. She decides not to run away with him and remains a dreary housewife.

Valley of the Dolls - The demands of show business destroy two women and almost wreck the life of a third.

otterman · Jan 26, 2008

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Male chauvinist fools shrinks, befriends Indian, battles nurse, liberates patients, gets lobotomy, dies.

Condensed Novels (Just Add Water)!

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

Up all night to get Loki

has finally arrived

Invisible Writer

Seen 'em come, seen 'em go

has finally arrived

It's all happening...

Certified Gray Haired Geek

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

AW Inmate #90976

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

of all the gin joints

Is me.

It's all happening...

Stand in the Place Where You Live

It's a New Year!

Penúltimo

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

Word Voyeur