View Full Version : Condensed Novels (Just Add Water)!

01-26-2008, 02:10 AM
Just think of them as Cliffs Notes for the Cliffs Notes!

Moby Dick - Guy meets insane whaling ship captain. Ship destroyed by a white whale. Everybody except guy cacks it.

Jersey Chick
01-26-2008, 02:13 AM
Gone With the Wind - Spoiled brat loves one man she can't have. Marries every other man in Georgia. Atlanta burns.

ETA - I just realized I had the %@@^&!@ title wrong. Gone With the Wine???? Grrr....

01-26-2008, 02:14 AM
Here's a great site that made the rounds a few months ago. :) (Maybe we could add to it?)


01-26-2008, 02:14 AM
Gone With the Wine

I'd like to read it -- but I think that title belongs in a different game. ;)

01-26-2008, 02:16 AM
Slaughterhouse-Five: Guy in WWII gets unstuck in time. Aliens are involved. Various things happen out of sequence. Guy gets to be with Montana Wildhack forever, so he doesn't mind.

01-26-2008, 02:17 AM
the entire 7 books of harry potter: bad guy tries to kill kid and fails. Kid kills bad guy.

01-26-2008, 02:19 AM
the entire 7 books of harry potter: bad guy tries to kill kid and fails. Kid kills bad guy.


I never would have guessed!!!

01-26-2008, 02:23 AM
On The Road: Beatnik travels from New York City to New York City by way of Mexico City. Along the way, he meets several colorful characters, showers infrequently, and digs most of what he sees.

01-26-2008, 02:24 AM
i haven't read the 7th book yet. It was a lucky guess.

01-26-2008, 02:30 AM
The Wind in the Willows Mole says "Hang spring cleaning!" The Water Rat takes him boating. Toad steals a car and a horse and highjacks a train. Badger leads an attack to take back Toad Hall.

Stuart Little Woman gives birth to mouse. Mouse falls in love with bird. Mouse leaves home to find bird.

Mr Flibble
01-26-2008, 02:34 AM
Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas: Bat country. After that it gets weirder.

01-26-2008, 02:39 AM
Of Mice and Men - You get these shmucks whose amorous advances are so pathetic they're a big turn-off to the woman involved. If you've got a buddy like that, the kindest thing you can do for him is a bullet to the head.

01-26-2008, 02:44 AM
Star Wars: plucky farm boy flirts with princess sister, flies future fighter jet better than anyone and blows up Evil Empire's giant space cannon. Warning, sequels.

I read the spin-off novel. I was young and naive.


01-26-2008, 02:46 AM
The Devil Wears Prada

Very logically, chick uses position in high-fashion world as stepping-stone toward writing career. Sucked into its vapid insidious vortex, she and her painful shoes are spat out 400 pages later.

01-26-2008, 04:06 AM
The Alphabet Vs The Goddess

Writing (longhand - not typing, which is different) is a left-brained activity that perpetuates militaristic, male-driven societies. Or not.

01-26-2008, 04:09 AM
Fahrenheit 451 - Fireman burns books. Fireman reads books. Fireman runs away, becomes a book.

I suppose these qualify as non-Reader's Digest's...

01-26-2008, 05:04 AM
Cujo: Dog bites men.

01-26-2008, 05:08 AM
Great Expectations: Miserable boy stumbles upon prisoner, then meets crazy manipulative jilted bride bitch and her preening snobbish charge. Boy comes into wealth and assumes the bitch turned colors and did something nice. Boy discovers prisoner is actually his savior and realizes the bitch was just a bitch after all.

01-26-2008, 05:17 AM
The Little Red Hen, children's storybook.
Hen wants to make some bread. Asks for help. Lazyass duck, cat and dog won't get off their butts to help her. She does it all herself. Since lazy roommates wouldn't help, she eats the whole loaf of bread herself. Proving once again if a woman wants anything done around the house, she has to do it herself.

01-26-2008, 06:38 AM
No One Writes To The Colonel: Old Colonel waits pension money, buys a cock and starves while waiting the cock fights

01-27-2008, 03:56 AM
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - You meet five people in Heaven and they tell you things aren't so bad down on Earth.

The Bridges of Madison County - Dreary housewife meets worldly photographer. He teaches her about life and living. She decides not to run away with him and remains a dreary housewife.

Valley of the Dolls - The demands of show business destroy two women and almost wreck the life of a third.

01-27-2008, 05:15 AM
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Male chauvinist fools shrinks, befriends Indian, battles nurse, liberates patients, gets lobotomy, dies.