Does your toddler dictate your social enjoyment?

I can't really narrow down any one anecdote, but since having kids I have found that if we go out, whether the kids have a good time determines whether I have a good time. If they are bored and whining, I have a bad time. These days when planning a day out I tend to think about what there is for the kids before anything else. My kids are 3 (4 in May) and 10 months.

Toddlers need a lot of attention. My son is also very speedy, and it's harder to accomodate the needs of a little guy when you're not on the home field. So, sure! For family gatherings, we often took two cars, and sometimes still do, and I'd leave earlier (and stressed or just worn out) with my son. Unless a gathering is in our home or my parents' home, I really don't get a chance to participate or enjoy myself.

I find that a big bag full of snacks keeps them quiet a long time.

String cheese, crackers. Any tiny candy doled out one at a time works nicely: red hots, m and m's etc.

I also tend to bring coloring books and things for them to do.

In a pinch, they love to sort things, so your keys or the change in your pocket can be very entertaining.

My mom used leashes

What is this social enjoyment of which you speak?

Wait... I have a vague memory...

My kids have hugely affected my social life.

At first it was hard, because we had kids earlier in life than many other people we know. At first we got babysitters as we needed for non-kid-friendly events.

As time went on we discovered that the stress of wondering how our kids were being treated by near-strangers mitigated any enjoyment we got from these social gatherings. Our family has grown stronger & happier since we decided that these things just weren't worth it. We had our kids because we wanted kids, and now we live a life that accomodates our family -- all four of us.

We also trained our kids very well. My kids go to business events for my husband's work all the time and amaze people. To me it's not so amazing because this is the behavior that was expected of ME when I was that age (I grew up sitting in a family-owned professional business after school every day). Overal expectations for kids have changed drastically since I was a kid. Now kids are expected to act like orangutans - and get left behind a lot. Not so with ours. They behave so well they get specific invitations themselves when we are invited out by salesmen and vendors with my husband's work. I've seen them sit quietly and still through 2-hour long boring dinners in restaurants where all they could do was color, as early as ages 4 and 2. They always get to do something fun later!

We only have 1-2 events for my husband's work per year that are specifically non-kid. For those we no longer get young babysitters (I had really bad things done to me by babysitters as a kid because my parents were naive). We tap older friends for help & treat them to dinner at a later date. The last time they got babysat, it was by a couple in their 50s who don't have grandkids yet - who took them out for burgers, a movie, and pictures on Santa's lap at the mall. Pretty cool, no?

If you don't want kids to change your life, you should take precautions against having them.

wee

Hello folks,

My grandchildren rule the roost at my house. Will, who is almost two, calls us all to order by chanting 'All aboard! Toot, toot! Chuga chuga chuga!' I'd never heard of Thomas the Train before he came to stay with us (we babysit for my son and his wife while they work). His younger sister, who is a year old, just screams bloody murder at the first indication I might just change the channel. My daughter fights me for the computer all the time too. It doesn't get better with age, folks.

Glen T. Brock