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Hermit
03-13-2005, 05:22 AM
A plan in the works:

When we (the Canadians) take over your country (The U.S.) we plan to train everyone to say "Eh" and eat Maple Syrup with every meal. We are going to teach you how to live in Igloos and convert your archaic Imperial measuring system to Metric. We plan to have maple trees growing in every yard and correct your spelling (color is spelled colour, humor is spelled humour etc.). As part of Canada we will welcome your different languages but everyone will be expected to speak French and Canadian English. There will be no more ZIP codes, only postal codes with lots of letters and numbers. And best of all, The United States Of Canada will control all the snow on the entire planet.

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!

Pthom
03-13-2005, 06:03 AM
You mean ... no more ketchup?

ZaZ
03-13-2005, 06:15 AM
Please, do us all a favor and get the NHL back stat.
First thing on the list should be bringing back the Winnipeg Jets, well, after making everyone say eh, eh.

Birol
03-13-2005, 09:24 AM
Resistance? You're expecting resistance?

Uncarved
03-13-2005, 09:55 AM
Well I already say Eh, write in proper english with the humour and the s instead of z (realise, analyse....drives my editors nuts)

But I can't deal with French, The Metric System, nor can I tolerate the use of mayo on everything on the planet.

Galoot
03-13-2005, 10:20 AM
The last week of March is Listen to a Celine Dion CD Week, a time of celebration for all Canadians (especially those from the most remote towns which lack electricity).

Sorry, Jenna. ;)

CACTUSWENDY
03-13-2005, 10:25 AM
:Wha: .....And just when is this to take place?...eh? (I have plans to make)

Pray tell, what will be the Capital of this ah...United States of Canada? (make sure it's a name i can spell);)

Since I live in a desert, did you have any special plans for us? (what with all that snow):Huh:

Wow...that makes all these Canadian penny's worth something now...cool.
And these itty bitty dimes. I could become rich.:Jump: See...something good always comes out of all things.

katiemac
03-13-2005, 10:59 AM
Assimilating into Canada, eh? Could this be done, say, within the next four years? Because I'd definitely trade that maple syrup thing for losing someone in office...

maestrowork
03-13-2005, 12:00 PM
And who might we lose in office... please let it be... (oops, the Feds are knocking on my door... gotta run).

Optimus
03-13-2005, 12:27 PM
Whatever, dude.

There are more guys on my old highschool football team than there are people in the Royal Canadian Army.

The US is primed and ready to come up there and whoop some Canuck tail.

It's called Operation: Leafblower and you better believe that Bush already has his finger on the button.

But, what would we want with Canada, anyway? All you guys have is a bunch of snow, some weak, funny colored money, and a lot of very overrated beer.


;)

Galoot
03-13-2005, 12:32 PM
Leafblower
I'll see your leaf blower and raise you a Lee blower. Pamela Anderson.

ChunkyC
03-13-2005, 07:06 PM
The new capitol of the United States of Canada should be: Joe Bat's Arm, Newfoundland.

I just want to see foreign leaders coming to a big summit at Camp Buddy Watsisname.

Oh, and Canadian dimes are the same size as American ones, as are all our coins. This should make the transition easier. It's the Canadian Tire money that might mess things up.

three seven
03-13-2005, 07:26 PM
All you guys have is a bunch of snow, some weak, funny colored money, and a lot of very overrated beer.
As opposed to the weak frozen gnat's piss you call beer... http://www.geocities.com/thingumybobwotsit/rolleyes.gif

ChunkyC
03-13-2005, 07:32 PM
Now now, 3-7, they have some very fine ales and lagers in the States. You can find them in the section marked: Imported Beer. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

three seven
03-13-2005, 07:34 PM
:roll:

Cheers! :Cheers:

Cabria
03-13-2005, 07:37 PM
The new capitol of the United States of Canada should be: Joe Bat's Arm, Newfoundland.

I just want to see foreign leaders coming to a big summit at Camp Buddy Watsisname.

Oh, and Canadian dimes are the same size as American ones, as are all our coins. This should make the transition easier. It's the Canadian Tire money that might mess things up.

Dearest ChunkyC:

Correct spelling: Joe Batt's Arm
Buddy Wassisname

If you're going to make fun, you might as well do it right! :rolleyes:


Debbie
(from St. John's, NL)

three seven
03-13-2005, 07:40 PM
Oh dear, the Canadians are turning on each other already! I think this plot may be doomed...

aka eraser
03-13-2005, 08:14 PM
It's ok. When we bicker we just talk endlessly and drink (real) beer until we fahgeddabout it eh.

aspier
03-13-2005, 09:48 PM
A plan in the works:

When we (the Canadians) take over your country (The U.S.) we plan to train everyone to say "Eh" and eat Maple Syrup with every meal.

Hermit, absolutely write! For this brilliant idea you are awarded the HMORFU = 'Honourable Member of Road Fork Unite' title and its effective as from when you make your first post in:

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=121190#post121190

The Maple Syrop did it!

aspier

Rose
03-13-2005, 09:51 PM
Now now, 3-7, they have some very fine ales and lagers in the States. You can find them in the section marked: Imported Beer. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

We've also got some great brews in the Pacific Northwest, much of which is, curiously, close to Canada... Coincidence?

JanaLanier
03-13-2005, 10:47 PM
If that means we can have Smarties, I say, bring it on!!!

biotales
03-13-2005, 11:28 PM
I will go along with this gig... but only if y'all leave us southerners alone....

William Haskins
03-13-2005, 11:39 PM
canada... invading america?

jackie106
03-14-2005, 12:55 AM
Does this mean that I won't get any more spam from people trying to sell me Canadian Viagra?

My inbox will be empty!

aspier
03-14-2005, 12:58 AM
Yeah, talks are already underway in a heavy way ... first they're going to take Manhatten then they'll go for Berlin ... it started with this Cohen chap, Leonard I think his name was. Way back 60 ties forkey!

as

William Haskins
03-14-2005, 01:08 AM
When they poured across the border
I was cautioned to surrender,
this I could not do;
I took my gun and vanished.

I have changed my name so often,
I've lost my wife and children
but I have many friends,
and some of them are with me.

An old woman gave us shelter,
kept us hidden in the garret,
then the soldiers came;
she died without a whisper.

There were three of us this morning
I'm the only one this evening
but I must go on;
the frontiers are my prison.

Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we'll come from the shadows.

Les Allemands étaient chez moi,
ils me disent, "résigne toi,"
mais je n'ai pas peur;
j'ai repris mon arme.
J'ai changé cent fois de nom,
j'ai perdu femme et enfants
mais j'ai tant d'amis;
j'ai la France entière.
Un vieil homme dans un grenier
pour la nuit nous a caché,
les Allemands l'ont pris;
il est mort sans surprise.

Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing,
through the graves the wind is blowing,
freedom soon will come;
then we'll come from the shadows.

aspier
03-14-2005, 01:26 AM
Hermy, on second thoughts, maybe you'll need to incorpurate some contingency plans for the Blitz and all, don't you think? I mean you are HMORFU's already ... and you know, such and et al and so on.


as

jackie106
03-14-2005, 01:26 AM
Here is a little friendly warning courtesy of Humphrey Bogart: "There are certain parts of New York, major, that I wouldn't advise you to try and invade."

Of course you're Canadians, not Nazis, so my advice is a little different: "There are certain parts of Duluth, Hermit, that I wouldn't advise you to try and invade."

You can keep your free health care, low crime rate, clean air and hunky mounted police! We are perfectly happy the way we are. On second thought, send a few mounties...

aspier
03-14-2005, 01:34 AM
On third thoughts, Hermy, and after what 106 posted, take it! And no mounties, Jacky ... ugh uh!

as

ChunkyC
03-14-2005, 08:33 PM
Correct spelling: Joe Batt's Arm
Buddy Wassisname
My dearest countryperson Debbie:

Let me apologize for the misspellings. I typed up that response in the heat of the moment without checking with Statistics Canada first. Blame it on being at home with dial-up access and not wanting to miss out on watching my grandchildren grow up.

While I'm at it, let me take this opportunity to apologize for Ralph Klein, just on principle.

The best way to enjoy a great Canadian beer is to go back in time to Newfoundland, circa 1975, and have yourself an O'Keefe Extra Old Stock Malt Liquor, alcohol content 12%. In that year, I sat on Signal Hill in St. John's observing an enormous iceberg that had blocked the mouth of the harbour for weeks, quaffing more than a few of these brews. The world has not looked the same since. I could have sworn that some guy named IRVING had painted his name on every building on the far side of the harbour. ;)

Nivvie
03-14-2005, 08:49 PM
Oohh, I like this idea (or threat, whatever it is.)

My qualifications don't translate into equivents in Canada (They rejected me! Not enough points!), but they do in the US. So, I could move there, wait for the invasion and just wander across where the border used to be.

Yay!

Cabria
03-14-2005, 10:02 PM
My dearest countryperson Debbie:

Let me apologize for the misspellings. I typed up that response in the heat of the moment without checking with Statistics Canada first. Blame it on being at home with dial-up access and not wanting to miss out on watching my grandchildren grow up.

While I'm at it, let me take this opportunity to apologize for Ralph Klein, just on principle.

The best way to enjoy a great Canadian beer is to go back in time to Newfoundland, circa 1975, and have yourself an O'Keefe Extra Old Stock Malt Liquor, alcohol content 12%. In that year, I sat on Signal Hill in St. John's observing an enormous iceberg that had blocked the mouth of the harbour for weeks, quaffing more than a few of these brews. The world has not looked the same since. I could have sworn that some guy named IRVING had painted his name on every building on the far side of the harbour. ;)

My dearest countryperson ChunkyC:

No problem. I'm not usually a stickler on spelling (esp. where we don't have spellcheck here)....it's just that I get a little sensitive (and very weary) of the image that Newfoundland seems to convey to the rest of Canada. From the "Newfie joke" (which I might add, I detest the word "newfie" or "newf") to the stereotypical portrayals and misrepresentations. Anway, no hard feelings as I know that my reaction was in the heat of the moment too. Truce? ........ Debbie
:flag::)

aspier
03-14-2005, 10:32 PM
'Hot Debbie!' or 'Debbie is hot' - 2 sentences, 2 tries in case I misspell something. Don' worry about Canada. Its just a fork in the road.

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8963

The link is just in case you haven't followed the 'Battle of the Forkers' and such.

as

Optimus
03-14-2005, 10:39 PM
As opposed to the weak frozen gnat's piss you call beer...
Well, I don't drink American beer, if that's what your erroneous assumption refers to, because it's worse than Canadian beer, which is basically as bad as Fosters. I drink mostly Stouts (Guinness, Murphy's, Sierra Nevada Stout is good, Beamish is great, and I hear Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout is good, but I haven't had it. Sam Adams makes a good cream stout, too).

However, there are some American beers I find quite good. Michelob makes a good Amber bock. Coors' Killians Red is decent. Newcastle is decent. And Sam Adams' Cream Stout is one of my favorites.

aspier
03-14-2005, 10:54 PM
"Tact is just not saying true stuff." - Cordelia Chase (BTVS)

aspier

CACTUSWENDY
03-14-2005, 11:20 PM
:Jump: ...PERK....mounties?......:Jump:

ChunkyC
03-15-2005, 08:37 PM
My dearest countryperson ChunkyC:

No problem. I'm not usually a stickler on spelling (esp. where we don't have spellcheck here)....it's just that I get a little sensitive (and very weary) of the image that Newfoundland seems to convey to the rest of Canada. From the "Newfie joke" (which I might add, I detest the word "newfie" or "newf") to the stereotypical portrayals and misrepresentations. Anway, no hard feelings as I know that my reaction was in the heat of the moment too. Truce? ........ Debbie
:flag::)
Of course! There was never a battle, just some good natured digging of elbows in each other's ribs. Truth be told, I have been to Newfoundland three times; once for a four week stint in 1975, four weeks again around 1980, and for six weeks in 1985, and am absolutely in love with the place. I can't wait to show my wife what Cornerbrook and the fjiord beyond looks like from above the town, or the approach to Argentia from the bow of the 24 hour ferry from Cape Breton. It's a magical place indeed, populated with some of the finest people you'll find anywhere on earth.

As far as image goes, Newfoundlanders have shown themselves to be smarter than most of the rest of the country by making a bundle selling Newfie joke books and "Tree Dollar Bill" tea towels to tourists from Toronto and points west. If any of our American friends are looking for somewhere to visit that's not too far from home, you could do a lot worse than visiting "The Rock."

Canada would be terribly diminished were Newfoundland and Labrador not a part of our wonderful country.

Cabria
03-15-2005, 09:10 PM
Of course! There was never a battle, just some good natured digging of elbows in each other's ribs. Truth be told, I have been to Newfoundland three times; once for a four week stint in 1975, four weeks again around 1980, and for six weeks in 1985, and am absolutely in love with the place. I can't wait to show my wife what Cornerbrook and the fjiord beyond looks like from above the town, or the approach to Argentia from the bow of the 24 hour ferry from Cape Breton. It's a magical place indeed, populated with some of the finest people you'll find anywhere on earth.

As far as image goes, Newfoundlanders have shown themselves to be smarter than most of the rest of the country by making a bundle selling Newfie joke books and "Tree Dollar Bill" tea towels to tourists from Toronto and points west. If any of our American friends are looking for somewhere to visit that's not too far from home, you could do a lot worse than visiting "The Rock."

Canada would be terribly diminished were Newfoundland and Labrador not a part of our wonderful country.

Thanks ChunkyC.....

You're sweet.... I think I'll give you a big Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie hug and kiss....... :Hug2: :kiss:


Debbie

Thekherham
03-16-2005, 07:00 AM
I am Canadian, and yet I ask these questions: Why is it pronounced leftenant when it is spelled lieutenant? Show me an 'f' in lieutenant and I'll say leftenant.

What use is the 'u' in words like humour, labour, honour, etc.? Totally useless. I spell it humor, labor, honor etc.

Why do you see school, scheme, schism etc. (with a 'k' sound), but you say shedule? Anybody who says shedule should go back to shool.

three seven
03-16-2005, 07:02 AM
I am Canadian, and yet I ask these questions: Why is it pronounced leftenant when it is spelled lieutenant? Show me an 'f' in lieutenant and I'll say leftenant.

In that case, show me a double-o and I'll pronounce it lootenant.

three seven
03-16-2005, 07:03 AM
Or, the more obvious answer...


Show me an 'f' in lieutenant

http://www.af.mil/media/photodb/web/web_040131-F-9999G-002.jpg

Betty W01
03-16-2005, 09:32 AM
Good one, 37! And you Canadians need to just calm down! Really, you don't want to invade over here. Think about it. Our country seems to think Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie are entertaining! Stay where you are. Celene Dion is way more talented and your money is prettier and "O Canada" is way easier to sing and... well, really, just stay where you are. The only thing we really have going for us that y'all don't have is our beaches and you don't want them, they just attract tackily-dressed tourists.

And as for that whole beer controversy - if it looks like black coffee from a distance, it ain't beer. I'm not sure what it is, but yuck, I'll pass.

Chacounne
03-16-2005, 12:17 PM
"While I'm at it, let me take this opportunity to apologize for Ralph Klein, just on principle."


I'll forgive you for Ralph Klein, if you'll forgive me for Gordon Campbell.
(Eewww! I can't believe I said Campbell's name; now I have to wash my mouth out with Bailey's to get rid of the aftertaste.)

Sigh!
Chacounne

Torin
03-17-2005, 08:20 PM
When empires fall, don't the barbarians sweep out of the north to take over? Isn't that what happened with Rome?

Chris, waiting to sweep out of the north

Galoot
03-18-2005, 12:37 AM
When empires fall, don't the barbarians sweep out of the north to take over?
I believe so. But curling brooms aren't nearly as intimidating as they were back in the days of Caesar.

ChunkyC
03-18-2005, 03:13 AM
(Eewww! I can't believe I said Campbell's name; now I have to wash my mouth out with Bailey's to get rid of the aftertaste.)
I know what you mean. Every time I say King Ralph's name, I just want to ... well, ralph.

Kida Adelyne
03-18-2005, 03:26 AM
:roll::roll::roll::roll:
This sounds way to much like the conversations I have at school.

Hermit
03-19-2005, 02:19 AM
Several posts ago ChunkyC said:

"It's the Canadian Tire money that might mess things up."

I had a meeting today at the bank with family members, lawyers and bank reps. It all has to do with a bunch of money that the family holds together and how we invest it each year. Anyway, things got very tense and several arguments broke out, feeling got hurt and a stalemate developed. I remembered your comment above and told the story of this thread. Before we knew it, we were all laughing and giggling and having a good time. Can you imagine what the Americans must think? "You need special money to buy tires?" What a hoot! There are bars in my area that actually accept Canadian Tire Money to pay for beer! I guess the use it to buy things for their establishments. Anyway, just wanted to share how such humor can be really healthy and how this comment brought a family back together during a stressfull time.

aspier
03-19-2005, 12:03 PM
Yeah, life's a thread! And we are hanging on to it ... in it? Tnx for sharing Hermit. It's like with that 'fork' thing. Finding a fork in the road and taking it! Oeee, I don't know if what I write here makes sense. Anyway, another six sentences added here to the 'thread' that'll eventually undermine all American culture to the bone!

as

aspier
03-19-2005, 12:04 PM
What American culture?