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JennaGlatzer
01-11-2008, 11:17 AM
I bit my daughter by accident. For the harrowing details, I point you to my blog: http://jennaglatzer.blogspot.com. But being that my blog's not all that popular, I figured this might be a better spot to start the topic:

What stupid parent tricks have you done?

Shweta
01-11-2008, 12:25 PM
My mother's favourite stupid-parent story is from when she sent my brother out to buy eggs at the grocery store (he must have been 7 or 8). He fell off his bike on the way back, breaking most of the eggs, and arrived home with mud all over and blood pouring from a gash in his ... forehead, I think.

Now, my brother was accident-prone and my mother was used to him bleeding. And very aware by this point that head injuries look worse than they are. So, annoyed at not having eggs, she told him to take himself off to the clinic (up the street) and get that seen to.

An hour and a half later when he wasn't home yet, she got worried enough to go down to the clinic.

"Oh he's fine, Mrs Narayan," they said. "We're just getting the stitches in now."

KTC
01-11-2008, 03:24 PM
With me, it's usually some kind of idiotic scheme that gets me into trouble.

"When we were kids we went tobogganing in the summer! Yeah. We slid down hills on flattened cardboard. Way faster than sleds on snow!"

Child hits tree.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?!"


OR

"I can so swing higher than you!"

child falls off swing and lands face first in dirt.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?!"

OR

"Let's go for a ride with the top down on the Jeep!"

Child complains she is getting snowed on and says that she will tell her mother that the cold she will get will be all my fault.

OR

"Let's dance. That dress looks like it will make you fly if you spin fast enough!"

Child hits the living room table at an alarmingly fast rate of speed.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?!"

ona
01-11-2008, 04:18 PM
Would you like to clean the bathroom ? You do it *so* well.

reigningcatsndogs
01-11-2008, 05:06 PM
I don't know if this counts as a trick or not. My oldest son was in Grade 2 and was reading the very first Harry Potter Book. The last morning of school before Christmas holidays, he comes down to breakfast in a panic because he can't find his book. Being short of money at the time, and even shorter of fuse, DH breaks one of the golden rules of parenting and says 'if you don't find your book, Christmas in this house will be cancelled. No presents, no nothing'. He goes to work and leaves the cleanup of this mess to me.

The tree is up, the house is decorated, and the closet is full of presents sent from other family members -- so Christmas won't be cancelled, but as a parent you have to ALWAYS follow through. My two distraught boys leave for school, I tear the house apart looking for the book, and when I can't find it, I run downtown to buy another one that I open and close a hundred times to make it look like its been read, and hide it (but not too well) in his room. When the boys come home from school, they both started to look again, and when DH came home that night, he was proudly told that the book had been found, there were no worries.

The kicker -- two days later, I find a handmade card tucked under my pillow. "Thanks, Mom, for fixing Christmas". It turned out that the frigging publishers had made the book with two different covers, and I bought the wrong one.

There is no point in trying to trick them!!

Maryn
01-11-2008, 05:39 PM
Oh, let's see which one I should confess.

Mr. Maryn and I left The Kid lying on our bed. She'd been trying to roll over for a couple days but hadn't yet succeeded. She did--onto the hardwood floor. She cried for a long time and had a big bump, but by the time the taxi arrived to take her to the ER (poor students couldn't afford car repairs), she'd settled down. She's in grad school now, so I guess we didn't damage her brain.

Or the time I pushed her in a big-kid swing--and right out of it, flat on her back onto gravel, in a backless little sundress? That was fun. She still has the scar and thinks that may be the site of her first tattoo. (I'm glad they're expensive.)

Perhaps the time I dropped Kid Two, who was squirming because he didn't want to be picked up in the first place, right onto the little peg that holds down the bottom edge of the blinds mounted on an exterior door that's mostly window? The cut below his lip went all the way through, and his dentist yelled about how we should have called him, not taken him to the hospital, and the ER doctor did a terrible job with the stitches, and Kid Two would have lifelong scarring both inside and outside his mouth. He does--but we never went to that dentist again.

Or--how's this for psychic trauma?--the time I went to meet The Kid's bus, due back from a school field trip at 5:00, and left Kid Two home alone at age seven? Mr. Maryn was out of town. I should have been gone 15 minutes, but the bus was late. Should I go home and get Kid Two? What if the bus arrived and nobody was there to meet The Kid? She'd freak out. So I called home again and again but Kid Two was scared to answer the phone (?) and spent the hour and a half I was gone sobbing. He remembers it vividly, too.

Which Jenna's bitten daughter will not.

Maryn, terrible mommy

scarletpeaches
01-11-2008, 05:50 PM
My mother stabbed me once, but that's probably not what you're looking for.

KTC
01-11-2008, 05:52 PM
My mother stabbed me once, but that's probably not what you're looking for.


hehe. I have stories that probably mirror your childhood. I love car antennas.

scarletpeaches
01-11-2008, 05:53 PM
A pair of scissors in the back? Beat that, Canada-boy!

KTC
01-11-2008, 05:54 PM
A pair of scissors in the back? Beat that, Canada-boy!


A car antenna on the top of the head...many many stitches. Those things are like swords when used accurately.

ona
01-11-2008, 06:00 PM
Oh, for goodness sake ...
My mother was a trained nurse. with a double certificate in surgery and ob/gyn She never spoke to me about menstruation.

She laid a packet of pads and an elastic belt on my bed, just once.

This impractical person could never figure out the belt and had embarassing blood on my school dress a few times

She also never told me where to put those used pads.

I stuffed them in a drawer.

She shouted at me when she found them.

I just stole her tampons after that.

Shweta
01-11-2008, 06:15 PM
Oh yeh, my mother didn't want to talk to me about menstruation. I think she would have if she'd had to, because of her why-is-there-blood-all-over-my-dress trauma, but she was awful relieved when I said "I know, already."

She did forget my birthday once, apparently. She says I followed her around the house like a puppy until she got mad at me for being underfoot and shouted at me, at which point I burst into tears and reminded her. Must have been five or six.

I don't remember this at all, mind you. I think kids can forget quite a lot. Either that or I'm repressing it :tongue

NeuroFizz
01-11-2008, 06:19 PM
Well, there was this wonderful, productive Jalapeno pepper plant I grew when Fizzette #1 was about four or five years old. She wondered what the green candies were, and rather than telling her otherwise, I just laughed--until she had taken a big bite of one...

dolores haze
01-11-2008, 06:41 PM
The day after Christmas this year we went down to New Jersey to visit the in-laws. My two boys, as usual, had a terrific time with all their cousins, and there was much weeping and wailing when we left a few days later.

A few hours into our trip home I pretended that we were lost. The kids were still grumpy and giving me a hard time. I loudly suggested to my husband that we pull in somewhere and ask for directions. He pulled into a hotel parking lot, and we all trooped in to ask for directions.While my husband waited in line, I suggested to the kids that we look around the hotel a bit.

At the back of the hotel was a huge window that looked out over a massive, indoor waterpark. They stared at it in complete awe. The oldest looked at me, and then said quietly that maybe, please, maybe, one day could we come back here? I replied that we were booked in for three days. I will never forget the joy and excitement on those two little faces. Or how they grabbed me, hugged me, and told me I was the best mommy in the whole world. Or forget the two little old ladies who watched the whole thing, and then told me that it was true - I was indeed the best mommy in the world.

We had a blast. It was worth every penny. I love being a mommy. I can't play tricks on them too often, or they'll start expecting them.

Shadow_Ferret
01-11-2008, 06:49 PM
A car antenna on the top of the head...many many stitches. Those things are like swords when used accurately.

My mom used either those paddle ball paddles after the rubber band breaks off (we'd go into the toy store and she'd be like, "Wouldn't you like another paddle ball?" "Hell no!").

Then, one time after we had moved, while cleaning behind the refrigerator, she pulled out this strip of leather belt that had the ends razor bladed into several strips, like a homemade cat-o-nine-tails. And she goes, "I was wondering where you hid that."

Maryn
01-11-2008, 10:31 PM
Uh, I think Jenna had in mind accidental injuries, not punishments. Unless she was biting her baby because she'd been fussing while Jenna was picking up a case of beer, some smokes, and a sack of jerky?

Maryn, trying to return us to the thread

writerterri
01-11-2008, 10:41 PM
I hurled my two year old son into the corner of a chest type coffee table with metal brackets on the corners when the door bell rang and I lifted my legs over his head to get off the couch as he stood up at the same time. He scrap... skinned his hand shielding his face. Yea, I felt bad until it healed a week later.

scarletpeaches
01-11-2008, 10:42 PM
Uh, I think Jenna had in mind accidental injuries, not punishments. Unless she was biting her baby because she'd been fussing while Jenna was picking up a case of beer, some smokes, and a sack of jerky?

Maryn, trying to return us to the thread

I still have this image of Jenna taking a bite out of a nice Sarina sammich...*boggles*

scarletpeaches, behaving now ;)

Siddow
01-11-2008, 10:58 PM
This was just weeks ago...we were at Target (just me, the 4yo and the 3yo) and those two were driving me batty. After a half-hour of "Don't touch that! Hands to yourself! Don't run! Come back here! Get away from those glasses!", we finally made it to the checkout. I'm trying to complete my transaction while still keeping them relatively close and out of harms way when my 3yo steps into the cashier booth right next to us and points to a button.

He looks at me, full of mischief, and says, "What happens if I press this?" (finger poised right over it)

"It'll chop your finger off."

He withdrew his hand so fast, it was hard not to laugh. There was a lot of gasping around me, but I just finished my purchase and left.

Maryn
01-12-2008, 12:15 AM
That'll come round and bite you, Siddow. My kids (young adults now) are still mad about the "poisonberry" tree that I didn't want them eating the berries from, since I had no idea what they were. I just announced it was a poisonberry, thinking that would be the end of it, but no-o-o-o.

Maryn, remembering it seemed like such a good idea at the time

BenPanced
01-12-2008, 12:41 AM
I've got a couple reverse tricks.

1) I threw a firecracker and wasn't paying attention where it was going. It went off about 1/2 inch away from the back of my mother's head.

2) Once, while playing a game with my mother, I accidentally clipped her in the chin with my knee.

Then again, my mother once closed the car door and couldn't figure out why my older sister was screaming so much. Turns out Good Ol' Mom slammed my sister's fingers in the door.

NeuroFizz
01-12-2008, 01:50 AM
All things come around in this arena--whenever I get down on the floor and open the Daddy Playground for the young 'uns, it's not a matter of if, but rather how long before the fun is terminated by a young limb crushing into my crotch.

kikazaru
01-12-2008, 04:43 AM
Then again, my mother once closed the car door and couldn't figure out why my older sister was screaming so much. Turns out Good Ol' Mom slammed my sister's fingers in the door.

I did that. My daughter was probably just 3 and I slammed the van door on her hand. There is no worse feeling than knowing you've hurt your baby. Fortunately at that age they bend more often than they break and her hand was just bruised, but I will never forget that.

I've also opened the door when my son's head was doorknob high and left a good sized bruise right on his forehead.

I've sent both kids to school sick. Yes they said they weren't feeling well, but then they've said it before and they were fine 5 minutes after the bus left so unless they have a raging fever and are coughing/puking/pooping I haven't a clue now. So every so often I get a phone call from the school secretary "Can you come and pick up Michael/Linsey? He/she just threw up all over the hall..." *sigh*

Don't beat yourself up Jenna. Accidents happen to the best of us.:)

The_Grand_Duchess
01-12-2008, 07:11 AM
I've sent both kids to school sick. Yes they said they weren't feeling well, but then they've said it before and they were fine 5 minutes after the bus left so unless they have a raging fever and are coughing/puking/pooping I haven't a clue now. So every so often I get a phone call from the school secretary "Can you come and pick up Michael/Linsey? He/she just threw up all over the hall..." *sigh*

Don't beat yourself up Jenna. Accidents happen to the best of us.:)

My mom sent me to school sick twice. The first time I got there and promptly threw up all over the gym. The second time was in highschool. My math teacher took one look at me and sent me to the nurses. They took my temperature and sent me home. Three days later after a series of chest x-rays and a video biopsy, I had walking pneumonia.

My mom felt horrible.

I've clipped both my children with the nail clippers. It happens. It's no big. Right after Low first left one day the big one was way whiney and I was getting so frustrated (I think I hadn't left the house or seen another human being in like three days at that point. I am so serious) that I yelled at her and she started wailing and cried herself to sleep.

Yeah, half an hour later I realized she was whiny becuase she hadn't eaten since lunch (it was like 1030 PM at this point) and she had a poopy diaper.

I felt like the worse mom ever. I cried for like two hours straight. I still feel horrible about that and it was months ago.

choppersmom
01-14-2008, 09:21 AM
OMG, where to start?

OK, here's my favorite Mom of the Year moment.

When Steven was, oh, maybe seven or eight, there was a story on the news about a guy who had to have the front of his house taken off so he could be forklifted out and taken to the hospital for lipo. Here's the conversation I had with Steven after he heard about it:

S: "Hey Mom, are they gonna suck the fat out of that guy?"
Me: "Yes, I think so, some of it, anyway."
S: "Hey Mom, what do they do with all the fat they suck out of people?"
Me: "Think about that the next time you're eating lunch in a hospital cafeteria."
S: "Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!"
Me: "No, no, come on, that's gross, they would never do that. What they really do is, they get out this big ring, and they put all the fat in the ring, and all the nurses in the hospital strip down to bra and panties and get in there for a fat fight."
S: "Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!" (while choking with laughter)

So, I'M the Worst Mommy, no??

Maryn
01-14-2008, 05:58 PM
Or the best! My kids would have loved that one. Still would.

Mr Flibble
01-14-2008, 06:07 PM
Blimey where do I start?

I convinced my son that if he unscrewed his belly button his bum would fall off

Told both my kids that the big roaring lion in the zoo only eats naughty children

Got my daughter to believe that when she was 16 she'd have an operation to stop her *ahem* breaking wind, and that she had to wear a cork there afterwards ( and have a little silver hammer to bang it back up after she'd been to the loo)

Spent a couple of years telling the kids that me and the hubby were in fact superheroes by night, so if we took a bit long getting to them when they cried it was because we had to beat up the bad guys first

Threatened to feed them to the 'huge spider called Gilbert that lives in the shed and eats children' when they were naughty

Those are the ones I can remember at the moment....

It's getting harder to trick them though - they can tell when they're being wound up now.

choppersmom
01-15-2008, 03:28 AM
Or the best! My kids would have loved that one. Still would.

LOL, Steven still says he thinks I'm the coolest mom ever!

Joycecwilliams
01-15-2008, 04:08 AM
We told our kids to behave or we would take their batteries out. :)

Also told them that millions of tiny polies had to be killed for one polyester garment. That why you never buy polyester. :)

jennifer75
01-15-2008, 04:14 AM
I bit my daughter by accident. For the harrowing details, I point you to my blog: http://jennaglatzer.blogspot.com. But being that my blog's not all that popular, I figured this might be a better spot to start the topic:

What stupid parent tricks have you done?

Oh that is hilarious! And I looooooooooooove the dinner by candlelight post!!! So cute!

Umm..... I'm struggling to remember as it's been 5 years since baby days... but other than bumping the noggin on the roof of the car while plopping him in his carseat....or turning my back for a second only to hear the thud on the floor. Thank god it was only a futon, barely a foot off the floor. That's all I got. I never bit my baby.

Silver King
01-15-2008, 04:47 AM
When my youngest son was about five, he loved to help make omelets. He'd sit on the counter next to me.

"Can I mix the eggs, Daddy?"

"Sure"

"Let me pour it in the pan!"

"Okay."

"Is it ready for the cheese yet?"

"Just a couple more minutes."

"Now is it ready?"

"Almost."

One time, as he held a slice of cheese in each hand, I swung the pan toward him and lost my grip. The hot pan landed on his bare thighs. He didn't say anything for a second or two, but his eyes grew very wide. Then he screamed. I dropped the pan in the sink, and taking a page from my mother's home remedies, poured bleach directly onto the wounds. My wife thought I was out of my mind. Later, she was amazed to see the burn areas never as much as blistered, and within a few days the skin discoloration was completely gone.

reigningcatsndogs
01-15-2008, 04:54 AM
When my youngest son was about five, he loved to help make omelets. He'd sit on the counter next to me.

"Can I mix the eggs, Daddy?"

"Sure"

"Let me pour it in the pan!"

"Okay."

"Is it ready for the cheese yet?"

"Just a couple more minutes."

"Now is it ready?"

"Almost."

One time, as he held a slice of cheese in each hand, I swung the pan toward him and lost my grip. The hot pan landed on his bare thighs. He didn't say anything for a second or two, but his eyes grew very wide. Then he screamed. I dropped the pan in the sink, and taking a page from my mother's home remedies, poured bleach directly onto the wounds. My wife thought I was out of my mind. Later, she was amazed to see the burn areas never as much as blistered, and within a few days the skin discoloration was completely gone.

That was scary SK!! It reminded me of my youngest getting burned -- probably the worst day in my life! He had 2nd & 3rd degree burns to 11% of his body. Nothing makes you feel like the worst parent in the world when that happens.

My oldest son was an emergency C-section. When they made the incision, they sliced his little face open (apparently his face was not supposed to be where they cut). The surgeon apologized about two hundred times, including every time he saw me at the grocery store. Finally after a few weeks of telling him it was okay, and getting sick of him hovering all the time, I thanked him for breaking in my baby -- the pressure was off and I wouldn't be the cause of the first damage he received! You can't even see the scar anymore.

Oh, and then there was the 'lying spot' -- that magical spot that appears on your son's face when he is attempting to not be honest. The first time he lied, because he was really awful at it, I told him I knew because of the spot that appeared on his cheek. The next time he tried to spin a yard, I just gave him the eye and his hand went to cover his cheek -- yup! Caught every time. I got about two years outta that one before he figured it out.

Silver King
01-15-2008, 05:17 AM
...My oldest son was an emergency C-section. When they made the incision, they sliced his little face open (apparently his face was not supposed to be where they cut)...
That's terrible! I never realized until now such a thing could happen. Your poor boy was hurt before he ever made it out of the womb. No wonder the doctor felt guilty.

You know, it's bad enough when we're directly responsible for hurting our children, even when it's accidental and we don't mean them any harm. It's quite another matter when someone else hurts them. It hasn't happened often, but I immediately go into ferocious grizzly bear mode, protecting my cubs at all costs.

Joycecwilliams
01-15-2008, 06:06 AM
When my youngest son was about five, he loved to help make omelets. He'd sit on the counter next to me.

"Can I mix the eggs, Daddy?"

"Sure"

"Let me pour it in the pan!"

"Okay."

"Is it ready for the cheese yet?"

"Just a couple more minutes."

"Now is it ready?"

"Almost."

One time, as he held a slice of cheese in each hand, I swung the pan toward him and lost my grip. The hot pan landed on his bare thighs. He didn't say anything for a second or two, but his eyes grew very wide. Then he screamed. I dropped the pan in the sink, and taking a page from my mother's home remedies, poured bleach directly onto the wounds. My wife thought I was out of my mind. Later, she was amazed to see the burn areas never as much as blistered, and within a few days the skin discoloration was completely gone.

Never heard of bleach for a home remedy. I will need to try it - but on me first. :)

reigningcatsndogs
01-15-2008, 06:22 AM
That's terrible! I never realized until now such a thing could happen. Your poor boy was hurt before he ever made it out of the womb. No wonder the doctor felt guilty.

You know, it's bad enough when we're directly responsible for hurting our children, even when it's accidental and we don't mean them any harm. It's quite another matter when someone else hurts them. It hasn't happened often, but I immediately go into ferocious grizzly bear mode, protecting my cubs at all costs.

That's how I usually am with the guys, especially going through burn-baths with the youngest, but with the first one and the C-section, I was just damned glad to get him the hell out of there :D. Even for mama bears, enough is enough!!!

Silver King
01-15-2008, 06:51 AM
Never heard of bleach for a home remedy. I will need to try it - but on me first. :)
It doesn't work for burns from liquids, only hot surfaces. Also, the bleach needs to be applied immediately. I don't know which properties in the bleach are effective, but it really does work, and has an instant cooling effect. My boy stopped crying the instant bleach was applied to his burns.

When I was close to his age, a hot iron fell on me and left a pointed red impression on my upper right cheek. I've seen a photo, and it looks like someone stepped on my face with a hot shoe. My mom applied bleach at the time, and the story goes the mark went away within a couple of weeks.

It sounds strange, even to me. But when I burned my son, it was the first thing I thought of to do. And it worked to ease the pain and leave him without any scarring.

Joycecwilliams
01-15-2008, 08:51 AM
It doesn't work for burns from liquids, only hot surfaces. Also, the bleach needs to be applied immediately. I don't know which properties in the bleach are effective, but it really does work, and has an instant cooling effect. My boy stopped crying the instant bleach was applied to his burns.

When I was close to his age, a hot iron fell on me and left a pointed red impression on my upper right cheek. I've seen a photo, and it looks like someone stepped on my face with a hot shoe. My mom applied bleach at the time, and the story goes the mark went away within a couple of weeks.

It sounds strange, even to me. But when I burned my son, it was the first thing I thought of to do. And it worked to ease the pain and leave him without any scarring.


Thanks for the clarification. I imagine the burn you had was painful. We have a woodstove and once or twice a year I will get a burn.. I'll try it the next time.