She's gone

Aw, that makes me sad. Hug to you.

I have a great relationship with my mom, though, and we bring my kids out to see them every other weekend or so.

I know that feeling. When we moved my daughter to college it was horrible. I left her bedroom just like it was. In fact, I carried her pillow into my bed and slept on it just so I could smell her. I cried my eyes out the whole way home because I forgot to get her AA batteries. I hope you feel better.

Hmm, I meant for that to be more Hopeful Message than All About Me, but it didn't come out that way.

I feel for you.

And here I thought this was going to be BAD news...

WendyNYC said:

I feel for you.

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Yep, me too. Maybe I should adopt a few kids. Or get remarried and have more. Nah.

I keep thinking I'm ready for mine to leave, but I know I'm not. The exodus starts in the fall -- not really looking forward to it.

My daughter was married a couple of years ago and now has an infant daughter. She had a spat with her husband recently, and I said, "Great! Now you can move back home."

She didn't think it was very funny. Deep down, I wish she had never grown up. Her husband's a great guy and they're happy, so that makes me selfish. But I miss my little girl, damn it.

As the days turn into years you will experience the frustration of phone calls when she tells you that the car won't start, money is tighter than tight, work sucks, the sink drips. Things you can help with (and sometimes shouldn't, no matter how much it makes you nuts.) and things that you really CAN'T help with.

You know, just like your life up to now.

But, take comfort. It does get better. As she deals with each "crisis" (and the real ones, too.) She becomes more and more the woman you caught glimpses of when she was just eight, thirteen, sixteen; More and more someone to be proud of. And.. she will become more than a daughter. She can become a friend and loved one on a whole new level.

Now, take a moment to congratulate yourself. You've succeeded where so many have failed. You've brought forth an intelligent, competent, caring adult.

Williebee said:

As the days turn into years you will experience the frustration of phone calls when she tells you that the car won't start, money is tighter than tight, work sucks, the sink drips. Things you can help with (and sometimes shouldn't, no matter how much it makes you nuts.) and things that you really CAN'T help with.

You know, just like your life up to now.

But, take comfort. It does get better. As she deals with each "crisis" (and the real ones, too.) She becomes more and more the woman you caught glimpses of when she was just eight, thirteen, sixteen; More and more someone to be proud of. And.. she will become more than a daughter. She can become a friend and loved one on a whole new level.

Now, take a moment to congratulate yourself. You've succeeded where so many have failed. You've brought forth an intelligent, competent, caring adult.

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What a great post! Much of what happens when she leaves the nest is included in those few sentences.

I miss my girl now more than ever, damn it.

My wife said something to me once that others here might be able to relate to. Our daughter was sixteen and waiting for her date to arrive, a no good son of a gun who lived a few streets over. This kid was bad news, a legend in the neighborhood for getting into trouble. I had serious reservations about his date with my daughter, and I voiced those concerns to my wife.

She said, "You know what you sound like? Her jealous boyfriend."

I would not have been more surprised if she had hit me across the face with a tire iron. But she was right, I was jealous, and I didn't want to lose my girl, at least not to that low life.

As I walked them to the car, I said to him, "You'll have her home by two, right?"

He turned and smiled. "Fuck you, old man."

Then they left.

I know exactly how you feel, ishtar'sgate. My daughter left at the end of August to be a foreign exchange student in France for a year. She turned 18 while she was there this fall. She'll be back for a few weeks at the end of the summer, then go off to college. I was devastated to suddenly realize her childhood was completely over. The first two months I missed her so much it hurt.

Ah Silver King, there in lies the joys of living in a small town. And, having the right job during those early dating years.

Around here everybody knows everybody else's kids and what they are up to.

Add to that, for the first several years of dating I was working night time dispatch at the local Sheriff's office. On the way out the door I'd smile at my kid and say, "I love you. I'm proud of you. And I don't want to hear your name again before I get home from work."

Yikes, Silver King. My daughter is eighteen and hasn't seriously dated. Neither has my son. They're both little homebodies and I like it that way. I'm trying to teach them to do things on their own, like make appointments, arrange for their own transportation, purchases and such. The apron strings are loose but still tied.

I don't know how I'll feel when they move out. The peace and quiet will be nice and I'm sure they'll be calling me and hanging around for years afterward. It'll feel like they never left, except for the lack of extra dirty dishes.

Silver King said:

What a great post! Much of what happens when she leaves the nest is included in those few sentences.

I miss my girl now more than ever, damn it.

My wife said something to me once that others here might be able to relate to. Our daughter was sixteen and waiting for her date to arrive, a no good son of a gun who lived a few streets over. This kid was bad news, a legend in the neighborhood for getting into trouble. I had serious reservations about his date with my daughter, and I voiced those concerns to my wife.

She said, "You know what you sound like? Her jealous boyfriend."

I would not have been more surprised if she had hit me across the face with a tire iron. But she was right, I was jealous, and I didn't want to lose my girl, at least not to that low life.

As I walked them to the car, I said to him, "You'll have her home by two, right?"

He turned and smiled. "Fuck you, old man."

Then they left.

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So, how did you kill him?

He would have left alone had it been my daughter.

It's been four years since that fateful day my daughter first left for college. This August she moved back home to attend a college close to home and my husband was filled with joy! For the past 1.5yrs. she's been dating this really nice guy and last month (just before Thanksgiving) he bought a house and they moved in together. My husband actually shed tears when she left and he's a manly man type. A couple of weeks ago she came home to visit and started talking about marriage and him walking her down the aisle. His response was the only place he's walking her was to her bedroom because no man would ever be good enough for him to give her away. It made me feel so good (though I hid it from him) because I always knew his little girl leaving was harder on him than it was on me. I know he's jealous that some other man holds a place in her heart besides him. She still has the ability to turn my manly man into a pile of fish guts real fast.....quicker than I'll ever be able to.

Shadow_Ferret said:

He would have left alone had it been my daughter.

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That's what I would've thought as well, until it happened. Once she's in the car and ready to go, short of dragging her out of there and punching out her date, you rely on how she's been brought up and pray she'll remember the values you've taught her.

ishtar'sgate said:

My daughter just moved out. We spent the last two days packing up her stuff, she said good-bye a few minutes ago and now I'm scared to go into her empty bedroom. I know I'll cry buckets. She's not going far but she'll be in her own place now, soon to be joined by the young man she's marrying in a few weeks. It only seems like yesterday that she was a little girl and needed her mom. I'll miss her quick wit. I'll miss her infuriating way of using my toiletries and not replacing them. I'll miss her hogging the computer. I'll miss turning on the porch light so she can find her way in at night. All you parents with kids at home. Keep them close. They're gone before you know it.
Linnea

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Now you're gonna make me cry. My daughter once said she might want to go live in Japan (she likes the Japanese culture, etc.) and I said, "No! You can't go!"

Parents are torn. You want them to grow up; you don't want them to grow up.

ishtar'sgate said:

My daughter just moved out. We spent the last two days packing up her stuff, she said good-bye a few minutes ago and now I'm scared to go into her empty bedroom. I know I'll cry buckets. She's not going far but she'll be in her own place now, soon to be joined by the young man she's marrying in a few weeks. It only seems like yesterday that she was a little girl and needed her mom. I'll miss her quick wit. I'll miss her infuriating way of using my toiletries and not replacing them. I'll miss her hogging the computer. I'll miss turning on the porch light so she can find her way in at night. All you parents with kids at home. Keep them close. They're gone before you know it.
Linnea

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joyce said:

I know that feeling. When we moved my daughter to college it was horrible. I left her bedroom just like it was. In fact, I carried her pillow into my bed and slept on it just so I could smell her. I cried my eyes out the whole way home because I forgot to get her AA batteries. I hope you feel better.

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K1P1 said:

I know exactly how you feel, ishtar'sgate. My daughter left at the end of August to be a foreign exchange student in France for a year. She turned 18 while she was there this fall. She'll be back for a few weeks at the end of the summer, then go off to college. I was devastated to suddenly realize her childhood was completely over. The first two months I missed her so much it hurt.

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. I'm so sorry. I think I know a bit how you feel...we just got home tonight from moving our son into college. This is the first one to 'leave' and it's been tough. I actually almost felt like I was in mourning these last few weeks. But it was easier a bit when we moved him in on Monday, and I saw how happy he was there.

A bit from the other side...

I love my mother very much, and I love seeing her and being around her, but I have to go out and do other things. As hard as I know it is, I can't not stretch out because I don't want to be far from home. If I could take home with me, I could...but you can't.

If it's any consolation...we don't show it, but it's not easy for us, either.

Aww, hugs, Linnea. I hope she calls you every day.

Silver King: no way. He really said that?!

If it helps, my #1 Fizzette married and started her new life a few years ago, and I was able to watch, albeit from a distance, her transformation into the most incredible woman. Now, if she'd just give me that first grandbaby...

A fight I used to have with my ex-husband...um...the second one...the step dad who we refer to as hewhoneverwas...was that my kids have this habit of leaving the little drinking glasses on the counter opposite the water dispenser on the fridge.

His complaint was that it was just two feet from the sink. He even got after them and was carrying on like it was a train smash.

I got upset and told him--"listen, one day, I will turn around and cry cos there aren't any pink cups left on the counter half full of water."

well, my daughter lives just fifteen minutes away by car and she comes every sunday for dinner and movies...we talk all the time..but I used to go into her empty room and cry.

My oldest boy is on a mission and I tend to cry every monday when his weekly email comes.

And the baby of the family...well..I am sure I'll miss him...but I don't think he's moving out EVER.

Its so hard and I know what you are going through. *hugs*

ETA: oh and btw..every sunday she leaves a half full pink glass on the counter opposite the fridge and every sunday I pick it up smile and put it in the sink after she's gone back to her flat.

ech. I'm looking forward to the empty nest. My wife and I have empty nest syndrome. The only thing that will cure it is an empty nest.

Silver King said:

That's what I would've thought as well, until it happened. Once she's in the car and ready to go, short of dragging her out of there and punching out her date, you rely on how she's been brought up and pray she'll remember the values you've taught her.

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But see, I enjoy making a scene.

KTC said:

ech. I'm looking forward to the empty nest. My wife and I have empty nest syndrome. The only thing that will cure it is an empty nest.

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Our oldest has 6 years, our youngest 11 until they're 18. I've already got plans for both rooms.