Thriller Beta readers - 145,000 words

sheridan3003 · Jan 10, 2008

Tina lives a normal life. Until her mother is killed. This devastates her world. She can no longer live in the apartment they shared.

The police eventually find the killer. The trial is a sham, and the killer walks away.

On her second birthday after her mother is killed she gets a package - from her mother.

The DVD explains that she has been living a lie. Her mother tells her who her father is and that she was conceived while he was on death row.

Now she vows justice for her mothers killer. If it so happens that innocent people need to be sacrificed for her to get to her final goal, so be it. The lawyers will lead her to the man that killed her mother - one way or another.

On this journey of revenge and self discovery both the FBI and the United States Marshals become aware of her activities.

Will they stop her?

I am looking for any and all feedback.

Doug

dantem42 · Jan 14, 2008

sheridan3003 said:
Tina lives a normal life. Until her mother is killed. This devastates her world. She can no longer live in the apartment they shared.

The police eventually find the killer. The trial is a sham, and the killer walks away.

On her second birthday after her mother is killed she gets a package - from her mother.

The DVD explains that she has been living a lie. Her mother tells her who her father is and that she was conceived while he was on death row.

Now she vows justice for her mothers killer. If it so happens that innocent people need to be sacrificed for her to get to her final goal, so be it. The lawyers will lead her to the man that killed her mother - one way or another.

On this journey of revenge and self discovery both the FBI and the United States Marshals become aware of her activities.

Will they stop her?

I am looking for any and all feedback.

Doug

Some immediate feedback: A first novel in the thriller category of 145,000 words is probably too long by at least 25,000. Except for certain specific categories such as historical fiction and certain types of fantasy, agents and publishers want to see something from a first-time author that maxes out at maybe 120,000 words, and probably shorter. While I obviously haven't read your work, you may wish to consider paring down your length before going to betas. Chances are a top beta reader will reach the same conclusion, probably within the first hundred pages. Keep in mind that 145,000 words will tip the scales at something like 600 pages in normal paperback format.

Of course, someone once said that a novel should be as long as it needs to be. The question you need to ask yourself is whether it genuinely needs to be 145,000 words, or whether you've got a candidate for a bit of literary lipo.

Best of luck.

sheridan3003 · Jan 15, 2008

dantem42 said:
Some immediate feedback: A first novel in the thriller category of 145,000 words is probably too long by at least 25,000. Except for certain specific categories such as historical fiction and certain types of fantasy, agents and publishers want to see something from a first-time author that maxes out at maybe 120,000 words, and probably shorter. While I obviously haven't read your work, you may wish to consider paring down your length before going to betas. Chances are a top beta reader will reach the same conclusion, probably within the first hundred pages. Keep in mind that 145,000 words will tip the scales at something like 600 pages in normal paperback format.

Of course, someone once said that a novel should be as long as it needs to be. The question you need to ask yourself is whether it genuinely needs to be 145,000 words, or whether you've got a candidate for a bit of literary lipo.

Best of luck.

Thanks for the feedback.

The ironic thing is that the one beta reader I was working with basically told me the story did not make sense when it was shorter.

From the sounds of what you are saying, I won't be getting any volunteers in this forum to read such a large work.

Thanks again,

Doug

dantem42 · Jan 15, 2008

sheridan3003 said:
Thanks for the feedback.

The ironic thing is that the one beta reader I was working with basically told me the story did not make sense when it was shorter.

From the sounds of what you are saying, I won't be getting any volunteers in this forum to read such a large work.

Thanks again,

Doug

I think the thing you have to do is stand back from your work somewhat and really ask yourself line by line what's necessary and what isn't. You may, for example, write in a florid style where it's not that hard to cull ten or fifteen percent of your verbiage out and still have the same basic novel. I mention this because it was my biggest sin four years ago. The novel I sold started out at about 135,000 long ago; it eventually came out to 118,000 without markedly changing the content. It's a common fault I've noticed in critiques. Even very good writers sometimes write because they like the way they sound to themselves, and not to tell a story.

Or, you may have an excess of subplots or dialog patter that doesn't contribute much to the story. Optimally, every word should add to plot, characterization, or setting. If, say, a given phrase doesn't really do this, it should be struck, even if it's the best phrase you've ever written.

Or, it may simply be that your story should be 145,000 words. I'm not discounting that possibility. But be very self-critical before making that final decision, because unless it's an absolute slam dunk, it will be harder to get attention from agents or publishers at that length.

sheridan3003 · Jan 16, 2008

dantem42 said:
I think the thing you have to do is stand back from your work somewhat and really ask yourself line by line what's necessary and what isn't. You may, for example, write in a florid style where it's not that hard to cull ten or fifteen percent of your verbiage out and still have the same basic novel. I mention this because it was my biggest sin four years ago. The novel I sold started out at about 135,000 long ago; it eventually came out to 118,000 without markedly changing the content. It's a common fault I've noticed in critiques. Even very good writers sometimes write because they like the way they sound to themselves, and not to tell a story.

Or, you may have an excess of subplots or dialog patter that doesn't contribute much to the story. Optimally, every word should add to plot, characterization, or setting. If, say, a given phrase doesn't really do this, it should be struck, even if it's the best phrase you've ever written.

Or, it may simply be that your story should be 145,000 words. I'm not discounting that possibility. But be very self-critical before making that final decision, because unless it's an absolute slam dunk, it will be harder to get attention from agents or publishers at that length.

Thank you for the feedback.

I have a couple beta readers who are not writers that are going through this draft. The feedback that I have received so far is positive, the story works.

I only have one beta reader who is also a writer. She just started reading it and I have not yet received any feedback from her.

One of the things I was hoping for was someone with a critical eye to read this and then provide feedback.

I have posted the opening here in the share your work forum. I received a few comments, including feedback referring me to the uncle Jim thread.

One of the things that is a recurring theme in the Uncle Jim thread is : if it works use it.

As of this point, no one who as read the story has said that the whole story does not work.

I will go back through the work with a critical eye.

Thanks again.

Suprswimmer · Feb 10, 2008

sheridan3003 said:
Thanks for the feedback.

The ironic thing is that the one beta reader I was working with basically told me the story did not make sense when it was shorter.

From the sounds of what you are saying, I won't be getting any volunteers in this forum to read such a large work.

Thanks again,

Doug

I hope Im not to late, I enjoy that sort of genre so I would love to be of some service! If you would like, you can PM me to talk more.

Thriller Beta readers - 145,000 words

sheridan3003

dantem42

sheridan3003

dantem42

sheridan3003

Suprswimmer