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VGrossack
01-06-2008, 03:12 PM
I stumbled across this today, analogies collected from actual high school English teachers and some of the papers they grade. Link to where I found it given below.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/ (http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/)

mum23
01-06-2008, 04:40 PM
:roll: I guess I'm not so bad then.

megan_d
01-06-2008, 05:24 PM
There metaphors and similes, and this has already been posted. A lot.

It's still funny though.

BarbaraKE
01-07-2008, 03:06 AM
I hadn't seen them before so - thanks. Most of them were hilarious.

"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."

I have to admit - I didn't think this one was so bad (add apostrophe after 'But').

Devil Ledbetter
01-07-2008, 05:26 AM
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.This is my favorite. I've seen it before, but it's still funny.

I'm removing most of the similes from my novel, so this was timely for me. Mine aren't bad; there are simply too many of them.

Shady Lane
01-07-2008, 08:32 AM
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

I'd seen this one before, and it actually inspired a line in one of my mss:


“You fell like a bag of mashed potatoes.” Her sneakers make bubble gum smacks against the pavement on her way to me. “Just...splat.”

Rowdymama
01-08-2008, 12:32 AM
I'm pretty good at titles (for other people's work LOL). I get most of mine by reading the MS and imagining the words lit up on a theater marquee. Somewhere in your MS is the title. In order to find it, you must think "title" while reading, and not let yourself get caught up in the story.


God Squad Member

Triangulos
01-08-2008, 03:04 AM
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.


Or as Douglas Adams put it, "The spaceship hung in the air, the way bricks don't"

(Or something like that...)

T.

Storm Dream
01-08-2008, 04:21 AM
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


I hated those train/bus/when will they meet questions in school...

Also, maggots leap in hot grease? Someone was doing a little extracurricular experimentation in science class, methinks...