Housewarming parties

Sassee · Jan 2, 2008

Okay, so, we've just bought our first house. This isn't story research, this is real life research, but I stuck it here in case anyone needs to write a house warming thing into their WIP.

My sister-in-law suggests we have a housewarming party. One, to let people see the new house, and two, to let them buy stuff for our new house. She suggests we do a gift registry with a furniture company and have people donate to it so we can buy a table, couches, whatever.

Now, I have a personal problem with this. I'm all for people coming over to see the house, and I'd gladly welcome any free-will donations, but I personally thing it's rude to *ask* them for something. (I consider gift registering as asking... otherwise, why would I have registered in the first place??) If I were the person coming to the party I would feel pressured to donate or bring something, and I definitely don't want to pressure anyone to spend money on us. That's the part I think is rude. (But then, I felt bad about sending out the registry things with our wedding invites, too.)

What's the general consensus here? Have you all had housewarming parties for yourselves? Did you do anything like what I described above? Have any of you been to a housewarming party and felt compelled to buy for/donate to the new owners? Am I being overly concerned or is it actually considered rude to do the registry thing? Generally, I would feel more comfortable doing something like a potluck or a game day, but I wanted to get some opinions first.

Thoughts?

Pat~ · Jan 2, 2008

Hi Sass, and congratulations on your first house!! That's so exciting.

I think I'm okay with registries; I think, though, it'd be better to have the housewarming party given for you by someone else (sister, mother, friend?). I look at it somewhat like a bridal or baby shower, I guess. Let someone else suggest that people buy you presents.

ETA: Just noticed the gift registry idea was to a furniture company...uh, no, I don't care for that idea. If you need pots and pans or linens, that kind of stuff, register at a department store, maybe.

PattiTheWicked · Jan 2, 2008

I'd feel rude asking people to come over and shower me with gifts for my new home. That's what weddings are for. That having been said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having people over for a small get-together -- and a potluck or game day party is perfect for that.

I just think it's weird to send out an announcement saying "I've bought my house, now buy me some stuff."

Jersey Chick · Jan 2, 2008

We also just bought our first house and plan on having a housewarming in early summer (when the pool's open) - but since we've been married forever and lived in a townhouse, we don't need anything. If someone wants to bring a plant, fine - but I will kill it in a matter of weeks. Not intentionally - but it always happens. Wine is always appreciated. But other than that - I'd rather no one brought anything and I don't expect them to.

Registries are okay for showers, but I think beyond that they are tacky. My daughter got invited to a birthday party for a kid and there was a registry card in there for Toys R Us. I think registering for a housewarming is kind of along those same lines. A big don't.

We've always brought the cliched plant to housewarmings. Sometimes we do the wine thing. It depends. People will bring something no matter what, but registering is just tacky.

Sassee · Jan 2, 2008

Pat~ said:
ETA: Just noticed the gift registry idea was to a furniture company...uh, no, I don't care for that idea. If you need pots and pans or linens, that kind of stuff, register at a department store, maybe.

See, that's the problem... we already got that sort of loot from our wedding in '06 (and haven't opened half of it, heh). Aside for some extra towels needed for the extra bathrooms, we don't need anything except big pieces of furniture. And cliche plants, which I will also kill within a week of receiving. Unless it's a banzai (bonzai? how do you spell that?) plant. Then it might take a few weeks.

melaniehoo · Jan 2, 2008

I agree - I'd NEVER ask people to bring us a gift. The few apartment-warming parties I've had/been to, I've received/given a nice bottle of wine or a plant, and would frankly be embarrassed if someone (other than my folks) spent more on me.

ETA: I DO like the potluck idea!

Pat~ · Jan 2, 2008

Sassee said:
See, that's the problem... we already got that sort of loot from our wedding in '06 (and haven't opened half of it, heh). Aside for some extra towels needed for the extra bathrooms, we don't need anything except big pieces of furniture. And cliche plants, which I will also kill within a week of receiving. Unless it's a banzai (bonzai? how do you spell that?) plant. Then it might take a few weeks.

I'd sit on the floor sooner than ask people to chip in on buying me furniture. Save your money, prioritize, and buy those pieces over time.

Shop IKEA, or back rooms of furniture stores (markdowns); shop estate or garage sales (the opening hour); shop consignment stores. Just don't do the furniture party thing...

johnnysannie · Jan 2, 2008

We never had a formal housewarming when we bought our present home last spring but more people than I would have ever imagined gave us housewarming gifts of one sort or another, usually when they came over for the first time. Some were plants, one was a beautiful light green glass bowl and the most recent was hand crocheted doiles, something my sis-in-law just gave me over the holidays on her first visit to our new home (she lives out of state).

This is after thirteen years of marriage and after previously owning a different (and albeit it much smaller and less nice) home.

I didn't ask - I wouldn't ask - but many gave.

And that was okay with me. None of the "gifts" were valuable but the sentiment expressed was priceless.

Fern · Jan 2, 2008

If you are throwing your own housewarming party, then invite folks and make a notation on the card "no gifts, please". If they want to they'll bring something anyway.

My parents had a housewarming party for their new home way back when. I remember the women in the neighborhood getting the party together and although they told my Dad, it was a surprise to Mother. They got oodles of gifts.

It's like sisters throwing sister a shower or aunts giving bridal showers for their niece. It just isn't done (in my neck of the woods anyway!).

Saint Fool · Jan 2, 2008

I always thought that small gifts - bottle of wine, plants, funky & inexpensive kitchen gadgets - were considered appropriate but not necessary for a housewarming. After all, you're asking people there to a) have a good time and b) show off the new house.

Any kind of gift registry - tacky, tacky, tacky.

Siddow · Jan 2, 2008

We just had a "Come to our first party in our new house!" party. Lots of people brought little things, like candles and wine. Does your SIL like you? Or is she trying to get people to despise you and think you're a greedy little wench?

But for the first couple of years of our new homeownership, all gifts from family came via Home Depot/Lowe's gift cards. Priceless, I tell you. I was using a meat mallet for a hammer.

melaniehoo · Jan 2, 2008

Siddow said:
We just had a "Come to our first party in our new house!" party. Lots of people brought little things, like candles and wine. Does your SIL like you? Or is she trying to get people to despise you and think you're a greedy little wench?

But for the first couple of years of our new homeownership, all gifts from family came via Home Depot/Lowe's gift cards. Priceless, I tell you. I was using a meat mallet for a hammer.

I was going to mention home supply gift cards, but as YOU'RE having the party, I didn't think to suggest it. Very very good idea. We gave one as a thank you to my cousin after my husband and I stayed at her house for a long weekend. (we also broke her outdoor light during a game of basketball). She never would have accepted money, but who turns down gift cards?!

Jersey Chick · Jan 2, 2008

I don't think you're even supposed to write "no gifts" on the invite, because that's like saying you were expecting something in the first place. **Sigh** talk about a no-win situation.

Potluck is a great idea - I meant to write that in my earlier post as well... ugh... scatterbrain, thy name is Jersey Chick...

chevbrock · Jan 2, 2008

Congrats on your new house and I wish you much love an laughter in it!

We had a housewarming for our first house in Sydney. What I did was made a list of what we needed/wanted and divided it into price ranges, so that when people rang to RSVP and they asked, "what do you need/want for the house?" you can then say, "well, nothing, really, we just want you to come and have a good time"

Then they say, "no, really, we really want to get you something"

Then you say, "well, if you really want to, and don't want to spend a lot of money, you can get us this, and if you want to spend a bit more, you can get us this, and if you really love us, you can get us this"

I think it makes it clear that a gift is not necessary, but some people just really like buying gifts for others, and if that's the case, then you don't get something you don't want or need.

melaniehoo · Jan 2, 2008

chevbrock said:
Congrats on your new house and I wish you much love an laughter in it!

Oh yeah, that too.

I think I caught Jersey's scattered brain.

Melisande · Jan 2, 2008

Where I come from we have this wonderful tradition of housewarming parties. It's ancient and makes it easy for people.

The guests bring eithet braed, salt or wine. Each gift representing in order; bread= you shall never starve, salt = luck, because you will be able to preserve food if you're lucky enough to have enough (when this tradition was established salt was considered a dear and precious gift - hard to come by), wine so that you shall always have happiness and joy in your home.

That said, I would put on my "Housewarming invitation card"; "Bring wishes of satiety, luck, happiness". Let the guests be the inturpreters of what that means.

Melisande · Jan 2, 2008

Oh, I forgot about coins;

We throw coins on the floor in the new home so that poverty should never enter.

sassandgroove · Jan 2, 2008

Sassee, glad you have a new house. I hope you find much joy in it.

I would have a house warming or a 'first party in our house' like someone up thread suggested, and not mention gifts. Some people like to give them, so let them.

As to registries being rude...I think registering for a house warming is a bit much. However, for weddings the practice started to offer a guide to guests, and isn't rude or asking. After all, people don't have to go with the registry, though I would say only stray from the registry if you know the couple really well. As a guest I appreciated the registry because I could decide something in my price range and know it was something the couple wanted/needed.

ETA: I really like Chevbrook's suggestion for any situation.

Sassee · Jan 2, 2008

chevbrock said:
Congrats on your new house and I wish you much love an laughter in it!

We had a housewarming for our first house in Sydney. What I did was made a list of what we needed/wanted and divided it into price ranges, so that when people rang to RSVP and they asked, "what do you need/want for the house?" you can then say, "well, nothing, really, we just want you to come and have a good time"

Then they say, "no, really, we really want to get you something"

Then you say, "well, if you really want to, and don't want to spend a lot of money, you can get us this, and if you want to spend a bit more, you can get us this, and if you really love us, you can get us this"

I think it makes it clear that a gift is not necessary, but some people just really like buying gifts for others, and if that's the case, then you don't get something you don't want or need.

Ha! Good idea. Not sure that will work on my Dad's side of the family as they've gotten good at scheming to throw things at you no matter how much you protest.

Thanks for the responses guys and gals. I figured my sis in law was a little off in her suggestion and you've just confirmed it for me.

The more I read over this thread, the more I think we'll just have a potluck. Everyone can come see the house, eat some food, have fun for a few hours, and leave us with leftovers.

LIVIN · Jan 2, 2008

Sassee said:
I personally thing it's rude to *ask* them for something.

I agree 100%.

And, while I'm on the topic. (Or, this might be an aside). You know when you work in an office and someone's friend goes around the office collecting donations for presents for the friend's birthday - I think this is rude. Especially when you're not friends with the person having the birthday and you work in a big office.

Back to the topic at hand. You bought a house. YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE. I've never bought a house. So, yeah, I think I need the money a little more than the person who JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE. But, that's just me. That being said, I'd probably bring some food or drink - but this doesn't constitute a present.

Jersey Chick · Jan 2, 2008

LIVIN said:
Back to the topic at hand. You bought a house. YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE. I've never bought a house. So, yeah, I think I need the money a little more than the person who JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE. But, that's just me. That being said, I'd probably bring some food or drink - but this doesn't constitute a present.

Think about this - someone just went into debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars (I'm basing this on NJ housing prices, which are beyond high). Probably for the next 30 years. Most of us don't buy a house cash. We carry mortgages. And with that mortgage comes the mortgage payment. Miss one and you can kiss the house goodbye...

There's nothing wrong with bringing food or drink - at least, I don't think so.

And Sassee, if I forgot (I've already almost deleted this same post three times) Congratulations and enjoy - it's a great feeling, isn't it???

chevbrock · Jan 2, 2008

I like the potluck too, Sass - maybe if a guest wants to give you a present they can wash their container up for you???

LIVIN · Jan 2, 2008

I've thought about this...

Jersey Chick said:
Think about this - someone just went into debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars (I'm basing this on NJ housing prices, which are beyond high). Probably for the next 30 years. Most of us don't buy a house cash. We carry mortgages. And with that mortgage comes the mortgage payment. Miss one and you can kiss the house goodbye...

Let's see...
Homeowner pays mortgage, gets house.
Renter pays rent, get squat.

Did I do the math right?

Oh, and by the way, if a renter misses payment there's something called eviction.

escritora · Jan 3, 2008

What's the general consensus here? Have you all had housewarming parties for yourselves?

I just bought a house and refused to host a housewarming party because I felt that is solicitating gifts. I will add that my friends didn't feel that way and thought I was foolish not to host a party.

Have any of you been to a housewarming party and felt compelled to buy for/donate to the new owners?

Yes.

Am I being overly concerned or is it actually considered rude to do the registry thing?

I think people will find it rude.

Generally, I would feel more comfortable doing something like a potluck or a game day, but I wanted to get some opinions first.

The challenge with potluck is that your friends and family will most likely bring a gift as well. So they will feed themselves and also pay for a gift.

I like the idea of game day and you supply the food. It doesn't smell of a housewarming party. Just a day of fun.

sassandgroove · Jan 3, 2008

LIVIN said:
I agree 100%.

And, while I'm on the topic. (Or, this might be an aside). You know when you work in an office and someone's friend goes around the office collecting donations for presents for the friend's birthday - I think this is rude. Especially when you're not friends with the person having the birthday and you work in a big office.

Well, when a coworker comes to you asking for a donation for a gift for a person you don't know that well,simply say, "I don't know that person very well and don't feel I should participate." That is being polite and if the person collecting presses you they are being rude. I think people get caught up in the idea and maybe sweep a little far in the office pool. It is ok to decline. The asker probably has good intentions and/or doesn't know you don't know the person that well. Keep in mind that giving is always a choice.

Back to the topic at hand. You bought a house. YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE. I've never bought a house. So, yeah, I think I need the money a little more than the person who JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE. But, that's just me. That being said, I'd probably bring some food or drink - but this doesn't constitute a present.

Again,then don't bring a gift, but frankly now you are sounding a bit grinchy. A housewarming is a very old tradition. If you don't have a lot of money, bring a home made gift or some cookies. It really is the thought that counts, and if it doesn't, then those aren't very good friends.

LIVIN said:
Let's see...
Homeowner pays mortgage, gets house.
Renter pays rent, get squat.

Did I do the math right?

Oh, and by the way, if a renter misses payment there's something called eviction.

Then stop renting. Basically, we all struggle, so get over yourself. When you rent, and something breaks, you can just call the landlord. If our AC stops working/our plumbing backs up or the basement floods, it's all on us, and we are already paying $$$$ a month for the house.

Housewarming parties

Momma Wolf

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