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Woof
12-30-2007, 07:03 PM
The object of this game is to write a sentence beginning with the last word of the previous sentence. Example:

Post # 1: It was a dark and stormy night.

Post # 2: Night and darkness frequently turned Igor into a beast.

Post # 3: "Beast! Take your filthy hands off me," she snarled.
...and so on.


Continuity of subject is not necessarily required, but could make replies interesting.

I'll start with the first line:


This New Year's Eve she vowed not to get roaring drunk.

CatSlave
12-30-2007, 07:43 PM
Drunk and discouraged, she felt like she had been rode hard and put away wet.

Lizbeth0925FL
12-30-2007, 07:52 PM
Wet clothes, wet hair, obviously she had passed out under the sprinklers.

Woof
12-30-2007, 08:03 PM
Sprinklers at that horribly decadent party spouted champagne into the open mouths of drunken escorts and their sugar daddies.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 12:10 AM
Daddies and mommies came to kindergarten today to watch their kiddies playing.

:Clap:

Woof
12-31-2007, 12:57 AM
Playing the harp with their toes is a challenge for all musicians.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 01:23 AM
Musicians take chances when they play before hostile crowds.

:scared:

Woof
12-31-2007, 01:27 AM
Crowds are only for those desperate for human contact.

P.H.Delarran
12-31-2007, 01:30 AM
Contact paper provides a fresh, clean surface for old cabinets.

Woof
12-31-2007, 01:41 AM
Cabinets don't ordinarily pose a problem when opened, except when a claustrophobic rat jumps out and bites your face.

TrainofThought
12-31-2007, 01:43 AM
Face your fears and the rest of life will fall into place.

Woof
12-31-2007, 01:46 AM
"Place of entry appears to have been through the back door," said the detective.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 01:49 AM
Detective DuBois considered several suspects, then surprised everyone by naming the least obvious.

P.H.Delarran
12-31-2007, 01:49 AM
Obvious as an exploding volcano, the zit on her face protruded unashamed.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 02:01 AM
Unashamed, Roxy turned to the jury and said, "Yes, I killed him, and I'd kill him again, the bastard!"

:cool:

Pthom
12-31-2007, 02:23 AM
“Bastard? You're calling me a bastard?” Eric's face was red and spittle flew out of his mouth as he shouted at the hooded figure waving the Smith & Wesson “You son-of-a-bitch! Go take a flying leap into—”

Okay, I guess this isn't just one sentence...but it was fun.

Zoombie
12-31-2007, 02:30 AM
Into a fire, you say? Madness!

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 02:35 AM
Madness overtook Hermione as she plunged the dagger into Rolf's chest again and again.

:eek:

HeronW
12-31-2007, 03:00 AM
"Again!" The music teacher demanded, fingers a-twitch to slam the keyboard cover onto Daphne's unskiled fingers.

Joycecwilliams
12-31-2007, 08:47 AM
Fingers point at the defendent, he is guilty in the court of public opinion.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 09:06 AM
Opinion plays an important role in human activities, but often it has only a tangential relationship to the truth.

:e2shrug:

P.H.Delarran
12-31-2007, 11:57 AM
Truth or dare, and games like it, can put one in a compromising situation.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 01:46 PM
"Situation critical," said Captain Kirk, moving his hand toward the switch that, depending on what happened over the next ten seconds, would either destroy the asteroid or send the Enterprise hurtling into the unknown.

:eek:

truelyana
12-31-2007, 02:50 PM
"Unknown darkness, unknown light," said Josh, engaging himself with he's new toy.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 03:31 PM
Toy soldiers came to life in the night and marched around the children's bedrooms.

:e2salute:

Woof
12-31-2007, 05:45 PM
"Bedrooms are for sleeping, washrooms are for love," said the buxom flight attendant.

HeronW
12-31-2007, 06:58 PM
Also, turkish towels envelope nubile dance attendants nervously tiptoeing.

Woof
12-31-2007, 08:03 PM
Also, turkish towels envelope nubile dance attendants nervously tiptoeing.

Umm..."attendant" should have been the first word in that sentence, btw.


Tiptoeing through the tulips, Tiny Tim arose from the dead, looking remarkably unchanged from the way he looked in life.

Nymtoc
12-31-2007, 09:14 PM
"Life is a riot," said the rioter after being led away in handcuffs after the riot last night.

:box:

CatSlave
01-01-2008, 12:32 AM
Night falls quickly in the mountains, and if you are lost the creatures of darkness will sense your despair.

HeronW
01-01-2008, 01:07 AM
Despair is only a state of mind, but why do I have to live in the capital, wondered the morose zombie.

choppersmom
01-01-2008, 03:13 AM
Zombie repellent, as a rule, has limited capabilities.

CatSlave
01-01-2008, 06:03 AM
"Capabilities be damned," Miranda snarled, "I don't care if their stories are any good; we're paying you to get those authors signed on and if you can't manage that, you're out of here."

Nymtoc
01-01-2008, 12:09 PM
"Here goes nothing," Marvin said. "But if this thing works right, we'll all be millionaires."

:e2bike2:

Lizbeth0925FL
01-01-2008, 12:43 PM
"Millionaires are so yesterday" Sharon retorted. "If your not a billionaire, how do expect to show your face in public."

Nymtoc
01-01-2008, 01:20 PM
"Public shmublic," Marvin said, "I don't give a damn what people think as long as I've got a couple of mil to keep me warm."

:hat:

andrewhollinger
01-01-2008, 06:22 PM
Warm, fuzzy socks feel good on crisp, chilly Christmas mornings.

Woof
01-01-2008, 06:42 PM
"Mornings like this make me lose my will to live," he groaned, inspecting the woolen stocking on his tongue.

Komnena
01-01-2008, 07:14 PM
Tongue River is pretty country.

Woof
01-01-2008, 07:35 PM
Country life would be perfect if there were a Starbucks in every barn.

CatSlave
01-01-2008, 11:33 PM
Barn & Trailer, Britney's favorite lifestyle magazine, lay tossed on the table next to the empty bottle of Cuervo and the crumpled half-pack of cigarettes.

HeronW
01-02-2008, 12:12 AM
'Cigarettes, nope don't miss 'em', said the lab rat, 'but I wish they'd stop shaving my posterior.'

Nymtoc
01-02-2008, 01:31 AM
posterior anatomy varies among primates, the human structure being perhaps the most peculiar of all.

:D

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 01:50 AM
All you gals is putting on high-falutin' airs, but trash will always be trash no matter how fine you think to pretty yourselves up.

shakeysix
01-02-2008, 02:10 AM
up yours, dean smoots, and you can tell the board to kiss my golden samovar!

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 03:14 AM
Samovar and the tea service gleaming by the firelight pleased Nicholas, who took his tea calmly as Imperial Russia faced certain destruction.

Nymtoc
01-02-2008, 03:34 AM
Destruction had become all but inevitable by October, 1917, by which time Lenin had led a successful revolt against the Provisional Government and Nicholas and his family had but nine months of life remaining.

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 03:52 AM
Remaining by his side, Alexandra poured more tea but Nicholas did not seem to see her, lost as he was in his thoughts about the bygone splendor of Russia.

shakeysix
01-02-2008, 03:55 AM
remaining complete nincompoops to the end, the czar and czarina decided to sew their jewels into their undies, never realizing that the jewelry would deflect the bullets fired by the bolsheviks and prolong their death throes.

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 06:48 AM
Throes of the revolution did not disturb the Czar, protected and secure in his gilded apartments in the Winter Palace.

shakeysix
01-02-2008, 06:52 AM
"Palace? Call this dump a palace?" Rasputin sneered.

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 07:09 AM
Sneered and laughed at for her blind faith, Alexandra refused to condemn the one holy man in Russia who could save her hemophilic son.

shakeysix
01-02-2008, 07:12 AM
"Son, I hate to be rude, but these tea cakes taste like rat poison," Rasputin choked.

CatSlave
01-02-2008, 07:19 AM
Choked and trembling, Alexandra fell to her knees and prayed for the soul of her blessed Rasputin, so brutally slaughtered.

shakeysix
01-02-2008, 07:34 AM
"Slaughtered all but one of the girls," the whitelipped bolshevik reported.

Woof
01-02-2008, 11:57 PM
Reported by a loyal servant of the Russian royal family, was the rumor that her Imperial Highness, Anastasia Nicolaevna, youngest daughter of the Tsar, had survived the Bolshevik massacre.

CatSlave
01-03-2008, 12:13 AM
Massacre accomplished, one assassin was secretly horrified to see the blood of the Imperial family staining the snow.

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 12:27 AM
Snow White, Grumpy and Doc also noticed the blood on their way home from a mining seminar in Sevastopol.

CatSlave
01-03-2008, 12:37 AM
Sevastapol was under seige for eleven months during the Crimean War.

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 12:40 AM
"war the hell is sevastopol?" growled yosemite sam.

Woof
01-03-2008, 01:15 AM
Sam was never satisfied unless he was hunting after varmints.

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 01:17 AM
"varmints? daffy asked rasputin.

Woof
01-03-2008, 01:23 AM
Rasputin, disguised as a rabbit, pulled out his shotgun.

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 01:25 AM
"shotgun!" cried woof, as daffy backed the car out of the drive.

Woof
01-03-2008, 01:37 AM
"Drive over that cliff yonder, or I'll fill your backside full of lead."

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 01:55 AM
"Lead the way, Sam," Daffy smiled, knowing that they were being followed by Taz.

choppersmom
01-03-2008, 04:49 AM
Taz snarled maniacally and took a chunk out of Inky's right thigh.

CatSlave
01-03-2008, 06:24 AM
"Thigh Master is definitely in your future," intoned the psychic, "if you don't stop eating so much gravy and biscuits."

Nymtoc
01-03-2008, 06:49 AM
Biscuits that will tempt your tastebuds can be made with flour, sugar, baking powder, grated lemon peel, salt, soda, shortening, eggs, buttermilk, cinnamon, nutmeg, and--the most tantalizing ingredient of all--blueberries.

:e2coffee:

choppersmom
01-03-2008, 07:16 AM
Blueberries in biscuits - That is a recipe I will simply HAVE to try, if Nymtoc would be kind enough to PM me with all the proper measures of ingredients!

shakeysix
01-03-2008, 07:55 AM
ingredients may be at hand and measured in the correct proportions, but southern biscuits also require a light hand in the beating.

choppersmom
01-03-2008, 08:27 AM
Beating biscuit dough is hard, since dough really needs kneading.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 01:42 PM
Kneading the dough thoughtfully, Choppersmom could happily while away the hours, thus evading the writing commitments that were mounting up regardless on her desk.

Woof
01-03-2008, 05:23 PM
Desk littered with an obstacle course of empty coffee cups and wasted cheese rinds, oneblindmouse held firmly onto her white cane as she skittered across the mouse pad.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 05:35 PM
"Pad your bra, my dear," said Floribunda, "if you want to get noticed by the guys you gotta be up front and in their eyes!"

Woof
01-03-2008, 05:43 PM
Eyes unseen, hungry and possessed of evil intent, watched as she lowered her blouse and revealed a porcelain-white neck, unblemished, virginal, not yet tasted.

Nymtoc
01-03-2008, 05:47 PM
"Tasted charms are often less effective than untasted ones, so remember to prolong your tempting," Floribunda continued.

Woof
01-03-2008, 05:54 PM
"Continued hair and nail growth is not that uncommon after death," lectured Professor Graves, the Mortuary science instructor.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 06:00 PM
Instructor by profession, stalker by hobby, Gilbert followed his prey at a distance, all thoughts on the delicious outcome he knew would be his later that evening.

Woof
01-03-2008, 06:03 PM
Evening fell, as twilight descended and dusk dropped flat on its face.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 06:08 PM
Face yoga is now engulfing California as the latest body fad amongst the rich and fashionable.

Woof
01-03-2008, 06:23 PM
Fashionable and obscenely priced, Prada shoelaces will set you back $1,600 a pair.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 06:58 PM
Pair of sandals, bikini, sunglasses, towel and a good book were all Alison needed for an afternoon of unadulterated hedonism.

HeronW
01-03-2008, 07:07 PM
'Hedonism is overrated', the Caliph proclaimed, adding yet another hundred wives to his harem.

oneblindmouse
01-03-2008, 08:25 PM
Harem studies, good overall; psychotrophic activities, excellent; seduction, fair; writing, fail.

choppersmom
01-03-2008, 11:42 PM
"Fail me and you die," came the edict from the Leader, that faceless, nameless terror that drove the Followers to unspeakable acts with nothing more than the words that cut through the gloom from above, rending the darkness with their malice as they reached the Followers' eager ears.

oneblindmouse
01-04-2008, 12:18 AM
Ears back, the mangey dog cringed in fear as we approached, its ribs showing clearly through its skin.

Woof
01-04-2008, 01:26 AM
"Skin one goat, slit his belly with a sharp paring knife, then empty contents into large mixing bowl," the witch mumbled to herself as she thumbed through her old recipe book.

shakeysix
01-04-2008, 02:02 AM
"Book? The damn goat ate the book," she reeled, slopping the contents of the bowl all over her farthingale"

oneblindmouse
01-04-2008, 02:12 AM
Farthingale or not, she couldn't even find a suitable mixing bowl, so settled for her trusty old cauldron instead, a graduation gift from Old Griselda herself.

shakeysix
01-04-2008, 02:44 AM
"Herself is not at home to the likes of you!" retorted Old Griselda's housemaid.

choppersmom
01-04-2008, 02:53 AM
"Housemaid, shmousemaid, I know she's in there!" thought Thraxton as he slipped his booted foot between the door and the jamb.

shakeysix
01-04-2008, 07:15 AM
"Jamb.......A layah, crawdad pie and i'll feel up your Gumby," sang Old Hank, who was tighter than a hoot owl.

Joycecwilliams
01-04-2008, 08:30 AM
Owl sat on his perch, observing the light on the snow. She was hoping for a field mouse to scurry across the forest so she could get him in one swoop.

Nymtoc
01-04-2008, 11:10 AM
"Swoop all you want, Batman, you're not even close," said the Joker, laughing maniacally.

:e2point:

P.H.Delarran
01-04-2008, 11:47 AM
Maniacally swinging his hatchet, the lumberjack felled an entire oak in an afternoon.

shakeysix
01-04-2008, 12:06 PM
" Afternoon delight? Yes, please," Eleanor murmured to Franklin.

oneblindmouse
01-04-2008, 02:14 PM
Franklin chuckled beneath his breath and reached out to touch her, wiping his other hand on the grass to remove the bloodstains.

HeronW
01-04-2008, 04:26 PM
'Bloodstains wouldn't happen if Googem's wasn't such a messy eater,' Mama Ogre smiled, looking at the messy bib under her baby's four chins.

Woof
01-04-2008, 05:20 PM
Chins, several of them, cascaded onto Marvin's chest in an avalanche of flaccid flesh, as he lowered his head and proceeded to devour his lobster.

choppersmom
01-04-2008, 05:49 PM
Lobster is a treat best enjoyed with drawn butter and plenty of napkins.

Woof
01-04-2008, 05:54 PM
Napkins of the sanitary female variety were never discarded at Dracula's castle, but later used as tea bags.

HeronW
01-04-2008, 06:35 PM
Bags like dilapidated fungal growths under his eyes, Woof vowed never to do a NaNoWrMo sans sleep or caffiene.

oneblindmouse
01-04-2008, 08:39 PM
Caffeine and minnows were Heron's staple diet, without which she could not write a word.

shakeysix
01-04-2008, 09:33 PM
word has it that heron is actually a heron and mouse is the stevie wonder of the rodent world--s6

oneblindmouse
01-04-2008, 09:43 PM
World acclaim has Oneblindmouse, alias Stevie, banging away at her keyboard in lieu of a piano, but where Oh where are those platinum records?

Woof
01-05-2008, 01:15 AM
Records and videos of oneblindmouse singing I Just Called To Say I Love You in the nude are available on the internet.

Sunkissed27f
01-05-2008, 01:20 AM
Internet is a lesser known evil!

Woof
01-05-2008, 01:28 AM
Evil lurks in the hearts of men, and has also been known to dwell further south.

Sunkissed27f
01-05-2008, 01:31 AM
South of the Mason Dixon Line you may run into what the yanks like to call "hillbillies".

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 02:36 AM
hillbillies are called rednecks in the plains states.

Sunkissed27f
01-05-2008, 02:37 AM
States make up the United States. (Heehee)

CatSlave
01-05-2008, 02:49 AM
States of fear and dread are caused by your imagination, which tells you that although you know there's really nothing hiding in your closet, you can still feel it looking at you.

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 02:57 AM
You lousy, rotten, good-for-nothing goddamned bastard!

Sunkissed27f
01-05-2008, 03:11 AM
Bastards are the ill gotten gain of many a mans tomfoolery!

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 03:16 AM
Tomfoolery is only allowed in the Silly Friday thread.

Nymtoc
01-05-2008, 06:43 AM
"Thread holds together the fibers of reality, and spider webs hold together each slender thread," said Waldo, trying to sound poetic.

:e2woo:

CatSlave
01-05-2008, 06:59 AM
Poetic impact can be created through simplicity: study the haiku.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 06:59 AM
'poetic is as poetic does," Forrest's momma always used tosay.

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 07:01 AM
Poetic haiku (HA!) is extremely enjoyable to read, and to write, when properly executed.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 07:09 AM
Executed For Beginning Mindless Game Threads That Have Destroyed More Than One Serious Writer's New Year's Resolution To Actually Write Something Tangible: reads Woof's tombstone.

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 07:10 AM
Tombstone Pizza kicks butt!

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 07:12 AM
Butt to chair in front of this screen is not getting me published.

CatSlave
01-05-2008, 07:14 AM
Butt Rhettler and Harlot O'Scara are the main characters in my romantic parody.

(Dang, S6, you're quick on the draw.)

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 07:15 AM
"Published" by a company in Maryland, the young writer soon began to fear that her work would never actually get the chance it deserved.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 07:21 AM
parody and plagiarism often go hand in hand the young man explained, still "Broke With The Wind" will get you a publishing contract in maryland.

CatSlave
01-05-2008, 07:32 AM
Maryland, specifically downtown Frederick, contains a nest of vipers.

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 08:02 AM
Vipers, as anyone can tell you, will kill you with their poison once they get their teeth into your manuscript.

Nymtoc
01-05-2008, 08:11 AM
"Manuscript editing is in good hands when you send your material to me," said the plagiarist.

:D

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 09:08 AM
"Plagiarist? My client is not a plagiarist," cried the stunned literary agent.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 09:12 AM
Agents and ghostwriters should not be indistinguishable. (gawd is indistinguishable even a word? pity the fool who has to start with that one. good night all--s6)

oneblindmouse
01-05-2008, 02:37 PM
Indistinguishable in the fog, Shakeysix's shack was pokey and filled with acrid smoke from the burnt vanilla cookies.

choppersmom
01-05-2008, 04:59 PM
Cookies are quite the favored treat, but I personally prefer my biscuits.

oneblindmouse
01-05-2008, 05:04 PM
Biscuits are a misnomer for scones, but still utterly delicious!

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 05:34 PM
delicious in spanish is delicioso--s6

Woof
01-05-2008, 06:19 PM
"Delicioso," said the Latin cannibal, smacking his lips and adding a little salsa to his lady fingers.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 06:21 PM
"Lady fingers?" replied shakey, "I only have the middle one for you, Woofy- woof."

Woof
01-05-2008, 06:24 PM
"Woof," he barked, gnawing her middle finger to the bone.

shakeysix
01-05-2008, 07:32 PM
Bone? Bone! Now there is a word you never use in a high school classroom!

HeronW
01-05-2008, 09:58 PM
Classroom, what a misnomer. The teacher sighed, eyeing the chains that kept her undead students at their desks, all well-behaved zombies.

Nymtoc
01-05-2008, 10:53 PM
Zombies are very nice once you get to know them, since they don't require food or drink and rarely speak.

:e2chain:

Joycecwilliams
01-06-2008, 12:38 AM
Speak, your mind and someone will find a way to twist or surpress the meaning.

choppersmom
01-06-2008, 01:30 AM
Meaning well does not excuse abusive behavior.

Nymtoc
01-06-2008, 03:03 AM
Behavior like that is going to land you behind bars someday, you young scalawag!

:crazy:

choppersmom
01-06-2008, 05:13 AM
"Scalawag" is a very old word that almost nobody uses anymore, sort of like when I say "tunafish."

Nymtoc
01-06-2008, 05:36 AM
"Tunafish" is a redundant locution, and people who use the word have a very poor grasp of the English language.

:D

CatSlave
01-06-2008, 05:57 AM
Language, to some, is an art form to be cultivated and polished.

choppersmom
01-06-2008, 07:27 AM
Polished with care, the silver service sat glittering on the tea tray.

Nymtoc
01-06-2008, 11:25 AM
Tray or no tray, I expect you to serve me breakfast in bed every morning, and it had better include kippers!

:e2fish::e2fish::e2fish:

HeronW
01-06-2008, 03:11 PM
'Kippers are best served,' quoth Nymtoc, 'when I'm in me knickers!'

choppersmom
01-06-2008, 06:36 PM
Knickers already around his ankles, Nymtoc realized there was no paper in the stall.

Woof
01-06-2008, 06:40 PM
Knickers in a twist with hands firmly cuffed above her head, the kinky young woman breathlessly implored her slave master to tighten the knot.

choppersmom
01-06-2008, 07:04 PM
*OK, yours was better, Woof!*

"Knot tying class was boring today," said the sailor.

Woof
01-06-2008, 07:14 PM
Sailor suits never looked cuter than when worn by Donald Duck.

HeronW
01-06-2008, 07:48 PM
Duck! Nymtoc's knickers are flying this way!

Woof
01-06-2008, 07:56 PM
"Way too flashy, Nymtoc!" she said as they sailed past, "green knickers definitely clash with your eyes." ;)

Nymtoc
01-06-2008, 10:38 PM
Eyes are the mirror of the soul, aren't they, and my knickers go very well with my eyes, don't they, I mean everybody says so, even though their color is indeterminate.

:cool:

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 02:34 AM
Indeterminate attributes caused Nymtoc's knickers to be mislabeled as pantaloons.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 02:42 AM
pantaloons and knotted knickers caused the viet nam era draft board to back off and bristle at nymtoc's mien.

Nymtoc
01-07-2008, 03:28 AM
Mien, shmien, as long as you're not calling me mean, and anyway, why this strange preoccupation with what I'm wearing on my legs?

:e2sling:

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 03:28 AM
Mien set in a mask of fury, Marcie wung the Swingline Cub stapler at Jonathan's head with all the strength she could muster.

ETA: Damn! OK: Legs planted firmly, shoulder-width apart, and mien set in a mask of fury, Marcie wung the Swingline Cub stapler at Jonathan's head with all the strength she could muster.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 04:21 AM
" Muster? Not Muster, Munster," Herman corrected, the tranformers in his neck pulsing.

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 04:47 AM
Pulsing with impotent rage, Shakey6 tried desperately to come up with a word that Choppersmom could not use at the start of a sentence.

otterman
01-07-2008, 04:54 AM
Sentence writing is easy especially when you start with the last word of the previous poster.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 05:33 AM
poster shakeysix is particular, one might say sumpsimus.

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 05:45 AM
Sumpsimus-minded people are constantly alienating people by correcting their usage.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 05:49 AM
usage of smokeless tobacco has dethroned more than one rodeo queen.

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 06:24 AM
Queen Victoria was a prude.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 06:52 AM
prude though she was, she was panting putty in albert's capable hands.

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 07:13 AM
Hands can offer a tender caress or a crushing blow; think which you intend to impart before you raise your appendage.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 07:34 AM
appendage at half mast, albert read a girly magazine while waiting for victoria to don her high necked flannel nightie.

choppersmom
01-07-2008, 07:48 AM
Nightie askew, Victoria wrenched the girly magazine from Albert's hands and screamed, "I need it now, you heathen!"

Komnena
01-07-2008, 07:55 AM
Heathen rituals really appealed to Albert, especially when he could sit in his favorite can.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 08:36 AM
can anyone really know what passed as royal foreplay?

dolores haze
01-07-2008, 08:46 AM
foreplay for Albert consisted of saying, "are you awake, Vicky, my darling queen?"

Nymtoc
01-07-2008, 09:24 AM
Queen Vicky assumed her most haughty manner and said, "Bertie, we are not amused."

:)

oneblindmouse
01-07-2008, 02:26 PM
Amused only by her gamekeeper, Victoria missed his tender ministrations and gave orders to set off hotfoot for the purple heather of bonny Scotland.

HeronW
01-07-2008, 02:53 PM
Scotland wouldn't be the same without Nessie, gleefully snapping pictures of the tourists at Urquahart.

oneblindmouse
01-07-2008, 03:02 PM
Urquahart in his heart and not a farthing in his pocket, wee Jamie set off into the wild blue yonder, humming softly "Afore ye go."

HeronW
01-07-2008, 03:07 PM
Go forth and multiply! But Jamie could sing, not do math so he just kept warbling.

oneblindmouse
01-07-2008, 03:16 PM
Warbling gracefully, Spiky the sparrow fluttered from branch to branch on this breezy September morning.

Woof
01-07-2008, 05:52 PM
Morning dawns anew against a pastel sky of blue while Spiky vomits up a worm well past its expiry date.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 06:16 PM
"Date?" the sultan asked, proffering a jeweled plate of honeyed dates and figs.

auntybug
01-07-2008, 06:19 PM
Figs? On my cereal? No thank you.

oneblindmouse
01-07-2008, 10:17 PM
"You can't beat an honest fig for breakfast if you want your bowels in working order", said Nurse Flanagan, spooning eight large figs on top of Kim's bowl of muesli.

shakeysix
01-07-2008, 10:23 PM
"muesli be so comtrolling?" asked kim, who suffered from a speech impediment as well as locked bowels

Komnena
01-07-2008, 11:38 PM
Bowels stirring, the dragon galloped to her lavatory.

Nymtoc
01-07-2008, 11:49 PM
Lavatory etiquette demands that you use each receptacle for its obviously designed purpose.

:e2shrug:

Komnena
01-08-2008, 12:18 AM
Purpose or no purpose, I'm not throwing rocks at a dragon.

HeronW
01-08-2008, 12:31 AM
'Dragon, my ass', said the elderly gent, 'he'd better hurry, I have to vent!'

otterman
01-08-2008, 12:40 AM
"Vent out for a valk," replied Olga, explaining the whereabouts of her dachshund.

shakeysix
01-08-2008, 01:25 AM
dachshund means badger hound in german.

Woof
01-08-2008, 01:31 AM
German measles is different from regular measles, because the patient's mucus resembles sauerkraut.

Nymtoc
01-08-2008, 01:34 AM
sauerkraut mit bratwurst ist mein all-time favorite.

:e2coffee:

Woof
01-08-2008, 01:41 AM
favorite dish ist das schnitzel served bei die buxom maidschen.

shakeysix
01-08-2008, 01:44 AM
maidschen ludmilla macht sauerkraut und nice-nice.

Woof
01-08-2008, 01:48 AM
Nice, the French Riviera, a bottle of Chateau Cochon '76 and a young hellcat named Louise with roving fingers.

shakeysix
01-08-2008, 02:14 AM
Roving fingers? Heaving bosom? Apply here.

choppersmom
01-08-2008, 03:01 AM
Here ya go: One heaving bosom. Sign on the bottom.

Nymtoc
01-08-2008, 03:15 AM
bottom

Beauteous Olive talked temptingly on Monday.

:e2brows:

choppersmom
01-08-2008, 06:57 AM
LOL, Nymtoc, you fell into the "What Game Is This?" trap!

Monday is a day I wish would never appear on a calendar.

Nymtoc
01-08-2008, 07:28 AM
(My last post reveals my DQ [dumbness quotient]. For the next 24 hours I have been sentenced to wear a dunce cap.)

Calendar girls know that wherever they go men will react to their charms, though some men may confuse May with December.

:)

choppersmom
01-08-2008, 07:55 AM
December is my favorite month, the one where I get to decorate my house within an inch of its life and celebrate the birth of my Saviour.

Joycecwilliams
01-08-2008, 08:06 AM
Saviour, and redeemer deliver me from sin.

debergerac
01-08-2008, 01:46 PM
Just finished writing the scene where all the main players are introduced...here's the last bit of it.

GINA
A pack of girls started stalking him

ANNA
One of them mailed her panties...to the house

GINA
Another showed up at his parking spot

ANNA
Wearing a coat

GINA AND ANNA
Together: And nothing else.

GINA
Wait, she wore boots. Flashed him, stood there with her
coat open. Except–

MICHAEL
Except, I had taken the train to work that morning, Anna
had the car.

HARRY
You mean that girl showed Anna her–

MICHAEL
Yes!

ANNA
And that is why Mikey never sings in class anymore.

GINA
The magic of his voice

ANNA
The power of his touch

GINA
Just mean so---

MICHAEL
So Harry, how are you finding the States

HARRY
I don't know, but it sounds like I should have become a
music professor.

Komnena
01-08-2008, 04:21 PM
Professor Challenger took his first look at the Neanderthal.

Woof
01-08-2008, 05:20 PM
"Neanderthal! It's highly inappropriate for you to come to a dinner party wearing nothing but a jockstrap!"

HeronW
01-09-2008, 12:03 AM
Jockstrap hanging off his hip, little Billie dropped in a banana, pulled it out and yelled, 'Reach for the sky, varmint!'

choppersmom
01-09-2008, 05:57 AM
Varmint stew again?

Komnena
01-09-2008, 06:40 AM
Again Ming the Merciless was foiled.

choppersmom
01-09-2008, 07:04 AM
Foiled by Dudley Dooright - how embarrassing!

Nymtoc
01-09-2008, 08:17 AM
Embarrassing moments include attending a dinner party and: accidentally ripping your hostess's dress, vomiting in the punchbowl, mistakenly calling Senator Duckworth by a similar name starting with "F," ranting about how you can't stand calamari just before the calamari is served, and realizing that you're the only one who thought you were supposed to come in the nude.

:e2bummed:

shakeysix
01-09-2008, 08:24 AM
"Nude, me?" Nymtoc asked, blushing down as far as possible and up as far as possible. (Possible was blushing too.)

Nymtoc
01-09-2008, 08:51 AM
Too late, Nymtoc realized his mistake, but by this time everyone was roaring with laughter, and a police car had pulled up in front of the house.

:e2tomato:

oneblindmouse
01-09-2008, 12:21 PM
House may be a sarcastic son of a bitch, but he's one hell of a good doctor (and actor, being a Brit), so the ratings are astronomical.

truelyana
01-09-2008, 04:09 PM
Astronomical signs are in the air tonight, as Ben jots down he's first shooting star.

Woof
01-09-2008, 05:51 PM
Starlight star bright, I wanna' score with a star tonight.

shakeysix
01-09-2008, 06:10 PM
tonight is the one night lassie has off.

Woof
01-09-2008, 06:15 PM
"Off!," she said in a nervous whisper, "I think I hear my husband coming!"

Komnena
01-09-2008, 06:24 PM
Coming up the stairs was a gigantic hound.

Woof
01-09-2008, 06:36 PM
Hound of the Baskervilles was evidently the last novel he ever read, since that's the way the butler found him, slumped over in his armchair, unfinished book in his lap, and on the floor, the presumed murder weapon, an oversized rawhide bone, stained in a vile mixture of blood and saliva.

truelyana
01-09-2008, 06:58 PM
Saliva fresh from Judy's mouth, is tactile yet serene to Peters lips.

HeronW
01-09-2008, 07:21 PM
Lips locked, the pair of lustful aardvarks had trouble ingesting their usual meals and opted to fast rather than interrupt their lasciviousness.

shakeysix
01-09-2008, 07:47 PM
Lasciviousness is a dubious virtue.

oneblindmouse
01-09-2008, 08:00 PM
Virtue to some is stupidity to others.

HeronW
01-09-2008, 08:26 PM
Others don't matter when aardvarks are amorous!

truelyana
01-09-2008, 08:41 PM
Amorous dinousars encounter the third kind, at all costs.

Komnena
01-09-2008, 08:48 PM
Costs matter when you're dealing with sharp Varellian traders.

truelyana
01-09-2008, 08:49 PM
Traders come to London and form transactions with dealers.

Woof
01-10-2008, 12:55 AM
Dealers exchanged one suitcase full of plastic bags filled with white powder for another suitcase stuffed with counterfeit $100 bills, little realizing that their customers were undercover cops.

HeronW
01-10-2008, 01:09 AM
Cops show up to take Woof into custody for non-payment of Woofette and Wooflings support.

Nymtoc
01-10-2008, 01:27 AM
Support your local lexicographers.

:Trophy:

shakeysix
01-10-2008, 01:49 AM
lexicographers are archival.

CatSlave
01-10-2008, 01:54 AM
Archival records are an untapped source for story ideas.

HeronW
01-10-2008, 01:57 AM
Ideas can come from anywhere.

Nymtoc
01-10-2008, 02:11 AM
Anywhere you wander, there I will be waiting.

:D

oneblindmouse
01-10-2008, 02:15 AM
Waiting for Nymtoc to post a thread is always well worth it.

shakeysix
01-10-2008, 02:19 AM
it was a dark and stormy night.

HeronW
01-10-2008, 02:22 AM
'Night is always happening somewhere in the world', the vampire crooned over his meal.

oneblindmouse
01-10-2008, 02:30 AM
"Meals on wheels", chuckled the vampire, gazing lovingly at the nubile blonde on her Harley Davidson.

Komnena
01-10-2008, 02:43 AM
Davidson P. Morgan watched the gypsy princess dance around the fire.

oneblindmouse
01-10-2008, 02:59 AM
"Fire me? He wouldn't dare!" said Sancho Panza, plodding along in silence.

choppersmom
01-10-2008, 03:07 AM
Silence is not necessarily golden, but is usually appreciated by someone with a migraine.

Nymtoc
01-10-2008, 03:41 AM
Migraine headaches worsen as rejection slips accumulate.

:(

Komnena
01-10-2008, 03:43 AM
Accumulate is what often happens with snow in winter.

choppersmom
01-10-2008, 04:10 AM
Winter in northern climes is an ordeal.

Komnena
01-10-2008, 04:33 AM
Winter found the captives still trying to solve the riddle and regain their freedom.

choppersmom
01-10-2008, 05:55 AM
Freedom tastes of reality.

truelyana
01-10-2008, 05:55 AM
Reality is double checking your pulse when your on the brink of insanity.

Komnena
01-10-2008, 06:08 AM
Insanity swept through the spaceship crew.