Which opening are you more apt to pick up?

Which option is better?

  • A woman and her husband, with their niece, pleading to int'l media that they just want to go home.

    Votes: 18 90.0%
  • An older woman who is pitching the main setting of the novel...A government operation.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Neither! And why are your poll options so freakin' long?

    Votes: 2 10.0%

  • Total voters
    20
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IReidandWrite

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Heh...Trying to decide which opening scene is more appealing....

Please help me decide.

kthx.

Edit: It just now occurred to me that there should probably be more background info.

Option 1: Female MC's sister has just given birth in Poland, and needs (for one reason or another) to give custody to Female MC and Male MC.

Option 2: The program is the prominent program featured in the novel.....
 
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Storyteller5

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I voted for the first option because I want to be into the story right away. The second option sounds like I have to wade through some info dump first.
 

IReidandWrite

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Started with option 1. Here's what I have:

“It’s a story anyone can feel for, James, especially near Christmastime. At only four days old, Sydney Rachael Lipsky has found herself at the head of a controversy that began five years ago.” The cameraman focused his lens at the baby while the reporter spoke. “The effects of the ban on international travel to prevent even further cases of avian flu and terrorism have meant that Sydney and her aunt and uncle may not return to America, where they wish to raise her.”
“We just want to go home,” the blonde woman holding Sydney Lipsky half-smiled and chuckled. “We’ve contacted the embassy.”
“The Sandbers have taken refuge in a small apartment in the airport terminal, formerly used for travelers that encountered hotel rental problems. This is Lily Jankowski, reporting for Warsaw TV News at the Anne Frank Memorial Airport.”
 

mbroadway

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I like it. It's fast-paced and tells everything that's going on. It gets you right into the conflict.

Now here's a stupid question. And I've often wondered how to handle it myself. Would a reporter for Warsaw TV be speaking English?

Michael
 

IReidandWrite

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I like it. It's fast-paced and tells everything that's going on. It gets you right into the conflict.

Now here's a stupid question. And I've often wondered how to handle it myself. Would a reporter for Warsaw TV be speaking English?

Michael

Well for the sake of me not knowing Polish, I'd say yes. :D

For now. :p

I wonder if I should use a real airport (or if AFM is a real one)....

I think the rule is 'it's all English or all foreign language'...Heheh.

'Lipsky' and 'Jankowski' are actual Polish names, btw. :)
 

kuwisdelu

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My Polish girlfriend points out that Anne Frank wasn't Polish and the Polish would never name an airport after a German... She also says no Pole would name a child Sydney.
 

kuwisdelu

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For the sake of being helpful, I'll also go with Option 1, and suggest--if you don't want the child to have a Polish name--go with a Catholic name.
 

geologism

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Uhh...

My Polish girlfriend points out that Anne Frank wasn't Polish and the Polish would never name an airport after a German... She also says no Pole would name a child Sydney.

Well, NO Pole is probably an exaggeration (there are always those freaks who name their kids ANYTHING), but most readers would be a bit confused. I'm a native Polish speaker, and sorry if I'm way out of the loop, but I didn't even know that Sydney was a name at all. Polish people are usually named after Saints of Bilbical figures, as the country is EXTREMELY Catholic.

And no, Anne Frank Memorial Airport isn't real. Please use a real one. There most likely will never be an Anne Frank airport in Poland, as a) Anne Frank wasn't Polish b) Anne Frank was only in Poland for less than two months (at Auschwitz) until she was moved to Bergen-Belsen (in Germany), where she died. If the Polish people were going to name an airport after any particular Holocaust victims, it would be named after the resitance fighters in the many uprisings against the Nazi army.

I'm also studying to be an epidemiologist, and logically speaking, with the way international trade is (and the way Poland doesn't matter to it) Avian Flu (if it became a pandemic) would hit America LONG before it hit Poland, without a doubt

(And btw, Polish people can't get Avian Flu. We didn't even get the Bubonic Plague. We're invincible! XD)

I just wouldn't want you to alienate readers based on faulty information.
 

geologism

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Oh, and for future reference, NOT ALL POLISH PEOPLE'S NAMES END IN -SKI (or any variation thereof)!!!! That suffix indicates that one's ancestors were of noble lineage, and most Polish people's names...don't end in it. Sorry if you already knew that, but I get a bit irritated by that stereotype.
 

seun

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Number one for me, too. Sounds like an interesting start whereas number two could potentially open a lot of novels.
 

Moon Daughter

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I voted for number one. Who's POV is this going to be in? I think you could find a better way to start it off rather than a reporter talking, but that's just how I feel.
 

IReidandWrite

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Actually, Syd's father (dead by about 5 mos) is Polish, the mommy is American, but she did give Syd her daddy's last name.
 

IReidandWrite

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Yeah, I'ma gonna go with the Frederic Chopin Airport. Guess why. :p

edit: And who's the wiseguy that voted for option 3?! :D

edit2: And actually, Sydney is a Catholic/Christian name. Granted, it's French, but it's a dilution of Saint Denis. :D
 
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slcboston

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Now here's a stupid question. And I've often wondered how to handle it myself. Would a reporter for Warsaw TV be speaking English?

Likely not, but it goes without saying that you'd have to translate anyway what was said in broadcast. So either your characters watching the broadcast must be polish themselves to understand it, or someone else will have to translate for them.

Or they can do what I do overseas and just watch the graphics. :D

As for whether they'd speak English at all, the answer to that might be "yes." English is a pretty prominent language in international journalism, though by no means universal. Also depends on the level of English in the population in general. Never been to Poland, but pretty much EVERYONE I met in the Nordic nations (except Finland, never been there) spoke fluent English - even the senior citizen riding the bus next to me. :)
 

slcboston

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Oh, and for future reference, NOT ALL POLISH PEOPLE'S NAMES END IN -SKI (or any variation thereof)!!!! That suffix indicates that one's ancestors were of noble lineage, and most Polish people's names...don't end in it. Sorry if you already knew that, but I get a bit irritated by that stereotype.

What about the stereotype where most polish words have a severe shortage of vowels? :)
 
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kuwisdelu

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What about the stereotype where most polish words have a severe shortage of vowels? :)

That one is true. :D The amazing part is, once you learn how each consonant cluster is pronounced, it's a lot easier to figure out how to pronounce a Polish word from its spelling than an English one. I'm a native English speaker, and only just beginning to learn any Polish, but I still find this true. Not that my Polish pronunciation is anything to be proud of... but better than most Americans, I'm sure!

And a reporter on Warsaw TV would be speaking Polish, but as others have said, considering the novel is in English, I don't think you should be worrying about that.
 
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IReidandWrite

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And actually, Lipsky is a name from a TV show...So...that's where I got it from.
 

Moon Daughter

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I think not being able to was the point. My girlfriend says those are ones for which even Poles say "uhh..."

Oh, I know. I just thought I'd point out that some of us non-Poles would probably go mad trying to read it. :)
 

truelyana

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I'm more with number 1 on this poll too. There seems to be more description and story involved in this opening sentence than the latter two. Good luck, in whichever you decide to incorporate. :)
 

IReidandWrite

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Here's what I have of Option 1:

“It’s a story anyone can feel for, James, especially near Christmastime. At only four days old, Sydney Rachael Lipsky has found herself at the head of a controversy that began five years ago.” The cameraman focused his lens at the baby while the reporter spoke. “The effects of the ban on international travel to prevent even further cases of avian flu and terrorism have meant that Sydney and her aunt and uncle may not return to America, where they wish to raise her.”
“We just want to go home,” the blonde woman holding Sydney Lipsky half-smiled and chuckled. “We’ve contacted the embassy.”
“The Sandbers have taken refuge in a small apartment in the airport terminal, formerly used for travelers that encountered hotel rental problems. This is Lily Jankowski, reporting for Warsaw TV News at the Warsaw Frederic Chopin Airport.”
“Please,” Jessie Sandber smiled and held Syd. “help us. Anything you can do, please. We don’t have anywhere to stay, our rent back in America needs paid, so if you can figure something out, just, please…”
Lily frowned slightly and looked at Jessie Sandber’s husband. Steve had introduced himself moments before with an almost bored tone of voice. “Jessie,” he said. Jessie, who looked three or so years younger than Steve, looked at him. Syd was still in her lap.
The cameraman turned off his camera.
“We don’t need any handouts,” Steve continued in a whisper that Lily could barely hear. “Stop begging.”
 
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