I want a vacation from my vacation, and it hasn't even started yet

sunna

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So I'm flying out tomorrow morning at some ungodly hour, heading for California. Woohoo! Sunshine, a 40 or so degree rise in temperature, green things, beaches, bars that don't play country music at 1 am, and best of all, NO SNOW. Yay!

....Except I'm spending the first four days at my mother in law's. I'm told she's planned out a menu, assigned me my part in it, scheduled "window-shopping trips" (WTF are those?), and wants to have long talks about politics (none of which we agree on) and our one thing in common, my husband - 'cause, hey, they went so well when she came to visit us this summer and I discovered she thought men should be in charge of everything and we helpless females should be the sneaky power behind the throne...and she discovered that Ican say some very obscene things in Russian and look very sweet and innocent while doing so.

She's bought me clothes. Already: I mean, we're not even there yet. And they are, I have been warned by my very worried husband, in the styles she thinks I should wear, meaning lace, frills and skirts; and in the colors that "flatter" me. Read pastels and beige, colors I haven't worn since I was too young to know what I was wearing. I will be forced to try them on, and probably to parade around SanFran in them with a big fake smile pasted on my face and murder in my heart. I am sure they will be too big and too small in all the wrong places, because we went through this last time too, and she hasn't gotten it through her head that I have a waist and curves above and below it.

And, AND...she wants to "talk" to me about my book, which is done, and she thinks would be greatly improved by adding in a central theme having to do with renewable energy. She hasn't (and will not be invited to) read it, and seems unconcerned by the fact that it's a high fantasy set in a medieval world, where solar power just doesn't have much of a foothold yet.

The sad thing is I think she means well, in her clingy passive-aggressive way, and thus I cannot kill her. Nor yell. And the swearing in Russian thing is probably out too, as I apparently shocked her halfway into a coma last time.



Pray for me, gentle folk: I shall come back home with my shield or on it.
 

III

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Sounds like you've got a built-in MC and plot for your next autobiographical fictional novel. Can you fake an illness while you're there and lock yourself in a room with your laptop? :D
 

sunna

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That's my evil plan, I must admit. I'm packing as much paper as I am clothes, and trying to think of something sudden and inconvenient but not life threatening or messy. I have to be well enough for a 5 hour drive to LA to see my baby brother and his new daughter at the end of day 4.

Suggestions welcome. :)