Learning Patience

Coping strategies? What are those?

Even though I'm not even following my own advice at the moment (third month of lethargic slump), I found that when I had multiple queries and submissions out, I did not fret about any particular response and didn't count the minutes.

I kind of forget things once they go out the door. I've never really cared. Whatever happens, happens. It's beyond my control. If anything...I wait for a rejection. But I have also been known to pull stuff...send an email/letter saying I withdraw the piece from consideration.

Coping strategy...Don't Care. That will work.

Is apathy a coping strategy?

I've just stopped caring what other people--even editors--think. If someone wants to buy something of mine, that's fantastic. If they don't, oh well. And if someone says they'll buy something if I make a few changes, I'm more than willing to humor that.

I dive into working on something else ASAP. I mean, I still spend the first 48 hours or so in a tizzy of impatience, but once I start thinking about another project, I tend to get absorbed quickly enough. Once you have another "baby" to tend to, you tend to think your "firstborn" can take care of itself for a while.

I can help when it comes to patience. In fact, I've taught many people how to develop patience. I'm an expert. I can wait three hours for you to tie your shoes only to find out that you haven't put them on yet!

First, there's a difference between "waiting" and "patience." We all have to wait. We have to wait in line at the bank, wait for phone calls, wait in line at the grocery store, wait in traffic, etc., That's waiting.

Patience, however, is how you're waiting. Are you calm and relaxed or are you anxious, or even getting angry?

We all have to wait but patience is learned. I learned patience this way: If I was impatient while waiting in line at the grocery store, I let the person behind me go in front of me, no matter how many groceries they had. If someone cut me off in traffic, I let two more people go in front of me. If I was impatient in finding a good parking spot, I parked at the very back of the parking lot and walked. It worked. It's worked for friends, too. I don't lose my peace anymore.

Now, when it comes to writing, you can learn how to have patience by developing patience in the rest of your life. It will carry over. Another way is to keep the motto: Write. Submit. Repeat. After you've submitted your work, start on something else and submit that. Fill your pipeline with submissions so that, before you know it, you're getting responses back regularly. You're also being productive by keeping the work flowing and not sitting around idly, impatiently, waiting for responses.

Hope this helps.

Same here. I just start writing the next thing. Or take a break, splurge on some books I've been meaning to buy, and read myself into a blissful stupor for a few days...then start writing the next thing. Other than that I'd spend my days chain smoking and obsessively going over every word in my MS and the correspondence I sent...

- Oh wait.


Ok, so I can apparently do both at once. Perhaps I thrive on panic.

Patience, grasshopper.

I'm good when I can occupy my mind, stay focused on something else and thoughts of my queries and subs vanish. Reach a point when there's nothing occupying my mind and I fret. Reach a stalling point in the WIP, and I fret. Get moody because of a rejection or the fear that the WIP isn't up to snuff, and I fret.

I'm a fretter. I'm trying to achieve Sebby's state of Zen, but it's taking some effort.

I don't ask for critique and I don't actually want to get published, so patience isn't much of an issue for me, lol. The only time I get worried is when an agent is taking a really long time with a query. I'm afraid they're thinking about requesting more (which might lead to me actually getting published). Even that is a fleeting worry, though, and for the most part I just work on my WIPs and don't think about any submissions I have out.

(In case you're wondering why I submit at all, my family gave me the choice between submitting and getting a real job. It wasn't much of a choice, lol)

I always have a massive panic after I send stuff / submit stuff / post stuff, so once it's gone, I have this 'I don't wanna know!' moment. So taking a long time is fine by me.

I also tell myself that if it's taking a long time then at least it's not so bad that people have instantly gone ewwww and burned the MS. I mean, it doesn't mean that and can mean they just haven't had time to look at it yet, but thinking that keeps me happy.

I'm kinda with Sebby on this. (Ugh. Makes me feel dirty). When I've got partials out with agents, publishers, friends, whoever...I tend to put it out of my mind. Of course, when it's a 'real person' I know, a friend or fellow writer, I'm conscious of my personal deadline for a response but in a way I dread receiving one because I always think, "They won't like it. It's crap. I'm crap."

It's worse with people I know because I have to face them. With agents and the like, who cares? I wouldn't know them from Adam so why stress about their opinion of me or my writing?

You know that thing we do when we see spiders. Pretty much the same thing

quidscribis said:

Coping strategies? What are those?

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It's not easy, but I've done it enough that I tend to just go off and do other things and keep myself busy so I don't even remember I've sent these out to these people. I usually have at least one or two projects I'm working on so I am well occupied.

I also have developed this mindset that I have time. I set a long-term goal and everything falls into that time span. I'd say: I'll give myself five years. And within this five years I could be writing, revising, submitting, etc. So there's really no "deadline" for each phase. And if I spent 2 years writing the darn thing, I don't really think it should be published NOW. I can wait. Another 3 years... I have time. That eases the impatience tremendously, to know that time is your friend, and meanwhile, you're being productive and you're constantly working on something.

It also helps to realize that people are busy. There are times when I can't respond to something for weeks, so I understand that I'm not any agent or publisher's first priority. Knowing their workload and size of their slushpile also helps me get a perspective. Once you lower your expectations, it becomes much more tolerable.

Simple Living said:

We all have to wait but patience is learned. I learned patience this way: If I was impatient while waiting in line at the grocery store, I let the person behind me go in front of me, no matter how many groceries they had. If someone cut me off in traffic, I let two more people go in front of me. If I was impatient in finding a good parking spot, I parked at the very back of the parking lot and walked. It worked. It's worked for friends, too. I don't lose my peace anymore.

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Simple Living,

This is awesome. I've tried it before and it works.

Apathy works. Just not caring. Or at least, pretending not to care. <G>

Patience is a must in this business.

I've had a partial out at a NYC house now for (wait, I gotta stop to count) about seventeen months now. Yep, I'd like an answer on that one.

I've also just come out of a three year and nine month slump between novel contracts and finally sold another book.

Patience isn't optional if you're a writer. So I love Simple Living's method of learning it.

Take a deep breath. Let it go. Try to be sort of Zen about the whole thing. You can rush all you want to -- the people on the other side of submission may or may not rush at all. All we can do is wait and occupy ourselves with other things while we do. (Other things preferably including more writing of new stuff! )

Susan G.

The Spiritual Side of Patience

When I was a little girl, my granny told me to never ask God for two things: Patience and Humility.

She said that when you ask Him for patience, that's what he'll give you. He'll allow people to get on your nerves. He'll allow you to wait and wait and wait and wait. Why? For character building. Like Simple Living wrote, it's your attitude towards patience that describes your character in the area.

So what I do in almost everything, whether applying for a job or sending out queries, mss, etc., is say, "Lord, it's in Your hands." Then I move on to the next adventure in my life, worry. No just kidding, but I actually start writing something else.

Susan Gable said:

Apathy works. Just not caring. Or at least, pretending not to care. <G>

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Perspective, too. Like you said: Zen. If someone cuts me off in traffic, or if I can't find a parking space, or I'm waiting for a reply... I have to remind myself: Hey, I'm not in a hurry. There is time. Someone else might need to get somewhere in the next 3 minutes but not me... Now, if I really have to get somewhere (like, I'm late getting to the airport), I will lose all my patience. LOL.

I'm just human.

(But you know what? I've missed flights before. It was a hassle, but I survived. It's not the end of the world. I didn't die.)

I think the best way to have patience is just to keep yourself busy. I find when I turn something in or whatever and I just move onto the next thing, pretty much I forget that I turned so and so in and I just get right away to doing my best on my next project.

And I think just in general when I learned to drive helped me with my patience, since I am, by nature, a very cautious person. I won't put my neck on the line, just to turn a minute or two sooner. That's taught me a lot of patience. And parking in the back, since I don't like parking around other cars (too worried about scratching them, denting them, etc). It's given me patience and more time to think and more time to stretch my legs!

I start the next project immediately. I also let myself forget where I sent what. My memory is crap and I'm easily distracted, so it's pretty easy to simply forget. I also figure I will be receiving rejections, and so plan the next step in the process (who else I'll be sending it to and why). So I just never have the chance to dwell.

honeycomb said:

Simple Living,

This is awesome. I've tried it before and it works.

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Thanks. It works. It's just not popular.

I am an oddly patient person I think. I know I'm not going to get a quick response in most cases, and I do just get on with other work.

What gets to me though is when other people are getting responses from the same person I'm waiting on and I hear nothing. That annoys me more than anything! I always wonder if they got my e-mail or not. Then I wonder if I should send another. And when.